


Ultraviolet

by greyspaces



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Rekindled Romance, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 175,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22027492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyspaces/pseuds/greyspaces
Summary: [Sequel] [Finale Part B] As Nate Archibald plans out his candidacy for Mayor of New York, Mackenzie Humphrey is back in Brooklyn - just in time to speak at her brother's wedding. Sorting out their future means facing what happened in the past. Sequel to The Chase. [Crossposted to FFN]
Relationships: Nate Archibald/Original Character(s), Nate Archibald/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

_hey folks! welcome to Ultraviolet, the sequel to **The Chase**. If you're new here, you can likely read this as a stand-alone but I would recommend reading The Chase first. This is about Nate and Mackenzie Humphrey (an original character). This starts at the finale finale of Gossip Girl, aka just around Dan and Serena's wedding in September of 2017. It is about two years and a bit after where we left off in the previous story. There will be some flashbacks throughout to fill in the gap. I want you to know I hear you - to jump into a sequel with impending heartache and drama and angst is a lot. But in the middle of writing the last one, I just had this story jump out at me and I didn't want this world to end yet. So, I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

_September 2017_

Returning to Brooklyn with boxes and luggage again was a strange deja vu for Mackenzie Humphrey. It was just three years ago that she first came home and changed her life - and now she was back _again_.

The September air was warm - it was fitting to be welcomed back to the city with sunshine, even though Mackenzie felt a deep sadness inside. She never dealt well with change, sudden or planned, but at least she knew she would be seeing her family soon enough.

Someone had sent a car to get her at the airport that Thursday afternoon and she politely thanked the driver for helping her get her things upstairs. She searched her hand around the door frame for the key but when she reached for the door, it was already unlocked. She sighed, a smile appearing on her face.

She pushed the door open and found exactly what she hoped for: family.

"Kenzie!" Jenny rushed towards her first and wrapped her into a hug. Soon after Dan and Rufus joined in.

Mackenzie had seen Jenny the most recently - she and Joseph had only left London for New York about a month ago. She was starting a new partnership as one of the lead designers at Waldorf, specifically expanding on her own line _J for Waldorf._ The Humphrey sisters spent nearly two years living together in London - which had been mostly smooth sailing. They both were grateful to have the other especially when tragedy hit their family.

Mackenzie hadn't seen her brother and dad in over a year.

"Missed you, Mack," Dan rubbed his hand playfully on her head, messing up her hair as they all pulled apart from their group hug.

"How was the flight?" Rufus asked as he moved her bags inside. The loft was almost exactly the same as before and Mackenzie was relieved for the familiarity.

Rufus was still splitting his time between LA, Seattle and New York with Lisa so he primarily lived at her place when he was in town. Dan and Serena had moved into a place in the village and Jenny was being hosted in an apartment uptown near Waldorf headquarters.

"It felt long, even though I slept for most of it. I'm happy I won't have to make that trip again for a while."

"Really? So is Nick visiting first then?" Mackenzie just nodded at her brother's question. She glanced over at Jenny who gave her a strange look.

_Right. Nick. My boyfriend who broke up with me two weeks ago. Thank god Jenny has learned how to keep a secret._

The last thing Mackenzie wanted to do days before Dan and Serena's wedding was lament her family with her romance issues. She was having a hard enough time dealing with the fact that she had to face Nate in the next few days, too.

Nate Archibald - the love of her life. Well, at one point she believed that to be true. Sometimes, in reflection, the time she spent with Nate felt like a romantic drama. Like it never actually happened to her - that the tears and laughter and love were all memories she made up.

She was the one who hit self destruct at the end of her summer. She was the one who decided to stay in London. But Nate was the one who didn't want to do long distance. Even though her job offer after her program had only been for one year - he said he couldn't do it. He had begged her to just come home and live with him.

He was the one who stopped talking to her when she said she was staying.

' _It's easier for me to just not talk to you. I hope you understand Mack. I just can't.'_

Of course she understood. But she hated it. She had made the choice and regretted it almost entirely. Even though her job was incredible and fulfilling, she spent all her time for months dreaming of Nate; following the Spectator just for a glimpse of his name or a new photo.

It faded, with time. The thoughts and dreams and regrets.

Then Allison Humphrey died. Very suddenly and painlessly. Jenny and Mackenzie rushed home and spent the last few hours at her bedside with Dan, Alex and Rufus. But that was it. An unexplained brain tumour took her life in the span of a few days.

Mackenzie found her way to Nate on that trip home and all her healed wounds tore open again. It was too easy.

Waking up in his bed one last time, in her emotionally compromised state, was probably a bad idea. But it was like a drug. The relief was immediate but the pain that followed was almost not worth it.

Especially when she got incredible life changing news. Then lost it a week later. She couldn't even tell Nate. She tried to, but it was too hard. He was going through a hard enough time with his family - she couldn't have him worry about her on the other side of the world.

Then it was her turn to cut him off. Their communication stilled when she stopped returning his messages and stopped listening to his voicemails.

And now, over a year later, she would have to see him again. She hoped desperately they could be amicable and just forget about their past. If she didn't bring anything up, maybe he wouldn't either.

"Uh, yes. Nick might be coming up in October or maybe for Thanksgiving. He's undecided." She just shook her head and smiled, looking around at her family. "But enough about that - please tell me you're all available and taking me to dinner."

"Oh, we've already reserved a table - if you're craving pad thai."

She threw an arm around Dan's shoulders, "I've been dreaming about it for weeks."

* * *

Between the flourishing success of his online journalism network and his bi-weekly print edition in New York, Nate Archibald and The Spectator were thriving. He spent most of his time in New York but frequently travelled up to D.C. to manage his team there.

He couldn't believe how The Spectator had grown. He owed it to his incredibly hardworking staff and trusting investors. But he knew he also owed it to himself. The past two years of his life had been a whirlwind - every free moment of his time was spent investing himself into The Spectator. And it was paying off.

Just over a year ago, Nate had invested in a large printing warehouse in Queens. The company that owned it was going out of business and a dozen staff members were about to lose their jobs. To Nate, it was an opportunity for The Spectator to commit and extend its reach to the dying print market and the risk had paid off. His biweekly printed paper saw huge success in New York and his warehouse also took on print contracts around the state.

It was strategic moves like that which really pushed Nate's All American image: thinking about the future of the citizens, job growth, sustainability, opportunity - leading him to a team of political advisors helping him plan his future. Rumours started flying early that he could be the democratic candidate for Mayor of New York City.

Even a year before the election, he was polling positively. He could be the youngest Mayor in the city's history, on course to be a senator, then possibly even President of the United States.

Those were big dreams and big goals. But Nate was determined and focused.

In the back of his mind, he wished so desperately he wasn't going it alone. He knew behind most great leaders they had a supportive partner and Nate had been flying solo since Mackenzie. He tried to date again, but he always let work get in his way of a successful relationship.

He wished he could go back in time and handle their breakup better. He would encourage her to stay in London instead of criticizing her for it. He would support her through the job opportunity and fly her home for the holidays and long weekends. Instead, he cut her off. He knew it hurt them both but at the time, he thought it was for the best.

Then she came home for her mom's funeral and everything sparked again. And there was a glimmer of hope for their future that one night.

But she still went back to London. And though that time they tried to be friends - Nate would always be grateful she took his call the night his dad had a heart attack - it didn't work. She iced him out slowly and their communication disappeared.

He did listen when she came up in conversations and maybe he checked his email lists to see if she was subscribed to his weekly newsletter. He knew she had a boyfriend in London. He knew she was moving back to the city and he would see her again. Their lives would always overlap.

He just hoped it would be easy. Maybe they were meant to just be friends.

His parents were proud of him but he knew they wanted him to find a loving wife and produce grandchildren. Sure, having a son as Mayor of New York would be wonderful, but producing another Archibald would be even better. The Captain has survived a terrible heart attack and turned over a new leaf - life was meant to be lived, lived well, with the people you love.

Nate had been in love with Mackenzie Humphrey. But he had moved on.

His current biggest worry was lying to himself.

"Nate! I'm serious. We are on a tight schedule so if your plane doesn't leave on time, we won't wait for you." Blair Waldorf was hissing into her phone as she kicked up warm soapy water at the nail technician doing her pedicure. Blair, Serena, Jenny and Mackenzie were all spending Friday morning at the salon getting their nails done. The one request from Serena was to have a relaxing morning before her and Dan exchanged vows.

"Blair, of course we would wait for him -

"Serena, don't pander to Nate. He will be on time. Right?" Blair paused and listened to his response on the end of her phone.

"Yes, Blair. I'm scheduled to leave at noon so I should have plenty of time."

"And no date! I have no room for additional plus ones at my table." Blair hit the end call button on her phone and turned her head to her best friend. "Serena, you tasked me to curate this perfect, intimate wedding for you and Humphrey. Just relax while I continue to whip our friends and family into shape."

Serena just sighed and smiled at her friend.

"Oh, and Mackenzie, I did have to sit Nate at the same end of the table as you."

Mackenzie and Jenny were sitting on the other side of Serena, and had been doing their best to ignore Blair's tirade about people being on time.

When Blair said Nate's name, Mackenzie felt her chest sink in. She still wasn't ready to see him. But she knew she would just have to deal with it.

"Thanks for the heads up, Blair. It's really not a big deal though. It's not like we're going to scream at each other." Mackenzie leaned back in her chair and shut her eyes for a moment. She felt Jenny grab her hand.

"Oh I know. Because if either of you even roll your eyes at each other, you're banished from dinner." Blair replied simply.

* * *

Mackenzie wasn't mad at Nate. She was mad at how their relationship fell apart.

After all the romance and promises and love, Nate still broke up with her. Then after attempting to be friends, Mackenzie couldn't be honest with him.

But she missed him. She missed his smile and laugh and puppy dog confusion. She missed his strong arms and supportive sentences and gentle laughter. She missed dreaming of their future. She missed his body and how they fit together so perfectly.

He had repeatedly told her she was the one who chose to stay in London. That she was the one hiding from Manhattan. That she was scared of continuing on. Whether or not those were true statements, they had cut deeply. She knew she hurt him. And he hurt her, too.

It was late Friday afternoon - just before Dan and Serena were going to be married in front of their family and friends. After saying hello to all of the other guests, Mackenzie was hiding out in the powder room on the main floor of Blair and Chuck's townhouse.

"You okay?" Dan poked his head in before walking into the small space to see his sister.

"Dan, it's your wedding day. You should not be worried about me."

"I can be worried whenever I want, Mack." He watched as she stared at herself in the mirror. Dan put his hand out and squeezed her shoulder.

"I think I just need to see him, then I'll be fine."

"It's just gonna be like ripping off a band aid."

Mackenzie reached up and smoothed out her hair, looking over every detail of herself in the mirror. Her long brown hair was pulled into a tight, perfect ponytail. She was wearing a sheer black halter blouse, paired with a subtle, sparkling gold skirt and a pair of heels. She let out a breath and smiled, turning to her brother.

"You know, mom would have loved to see you all dressed up like this," she said quietly, reaching up to straighten his tie. Dan smiled back at her, pausing to grab her hands.

"I know, but I appreciate you saying it out loud." Dan squeezed her hand and leaned in to kiss her forehead. "Walk me out there?" He extended his arm for her to link with his.

Equally as nervous as her brother, Mackenzie just nodded and took a deep breath. They walked out into the lounge area where everyone was getting seated.

Her eyes swept around the room and they finally met Nate's. For Mackenzie, in that moment, time seemed to stop.

Nate Archibald looked as handsome as ever - a million dollar smile, perfectly styled hair combed to the side, a blue-gray suit paired with a white button up. Mackenzie almost gasped when she saw his tie - it was _the_ tie. The one she bought him years ago on her Christmas trip to London: silk, cobalt blue with a light grey pindot design. She remembered meticulously scanning all the ties as Jenny helped her pick one out. She was sure that was the tie. He was wearing _the_ tie.

_He must have done that on purpose, right? Like he made a strategic choice to wear that tie. Did this mean something? Maybe just just picked a tie, Mackenzie. Don't overthink this._

She swallowed the lump in her throat and gave Nate a polite smile before pulling Dan into a hug, then took a seat on the couch with Jenny and Eric.

Jenny leaned over to her, "You alright?"

Mackenzie just nodded and whispered back, "Everything is okay."

* * *

"It's funny that Dan asked me to speak today, considering I'm the well-medicated, anxiety ridden member of the family but here goes nothing. Not that I can easily follow up Blair's love letter to Serena."

Mackenzie paused as she stood at the front of the long table, to the right of her brother and his bride. Blair, Serena, Eleanor and Lily were wiping away tears still.

"I'm not the writer of the family but Dan can't speak at his own wedding. And Jen helped with dress design, so her job is over. And we all know that if dad was up here, he'd somehow think it appropriate to play the guitar. So, here I am." Mackenzie looked down at the few notes she had written.

"If our mom, Allison, was here with us today, I know she'd be two glasses of Merlot in and she'd have already cried three times." Mackenzie paused to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Serena, she would have told you how you looked like a work of art standing up in front of us. And Dan, she would have told you not to let her go this time." Dan reached out to grab Mackenzie's hand as she paused to wipe away a few tears.

"As we all know, it's been a long road for Dan and Serena. I won't go into the details but I think we can all agree they pushed through a lot of hardship and heartbreak to finally end up here today. And to me, that's a shining, beautiful example of true love."

"Dan and Serena have found a perfect balance and to some, it's hard to understand. And maybe that's okay - because it's not up to us to know the intricacies and details of their relationship. But from the outside, Serena is the dreamer who lifts up Dan to possibility. And Dan has his boots on the ground, reminding her of their foundation and commitment. Isn't that the most wonderful thing?"

She paused again to look at the beaming couple, wrapped up in each other's eyes. Then towards the whole table, smiling and nodding along.

"Dan told me in no uncertain terms am I allowed to mention his sixth grade haircut and first date, or his soft spot for Shania Twain. So if anyone wants to discuss those things later, let me know."

"Now, let us all raise our glasses to Serena and Dan - who have proved time and time again that true love is worth it." Mackenzie raised her glass of champagne and looked around the room. A chorus of cheers rang out for the couple and Mackenzie felt relieved she was done speaking. She looked down the room and Nate locked his eyes with hers from the other end of the table. He tipped back his glass as everyone cheered and finished his beverage, his face turned to a frown as he continued to look at Mackenzie.

She slid into her seat, conveniently across from him and gave him a confused look. She opened her mouth to say something but Eric jumped in to speak.

"I would love to hear every detail about Dan's first ever date and awful haircut."

Mackenzie broke her eye contact with Nate and turned her attention to Eric. She pulled out her phone and smiled, "I think I kept a copy of the photo, it's incredible. Her name was Stephanie Black - all the girls in his grade made fun of him for weeks after."

The six course dinner ended with a dessert of Dan and Serena's favourite cheesecakes and more champagne. As people began to disperse around the house and leave, Mackenzie had the attention of Chuck Bass himself as he slid into Eric's vacant seat beside her. Nate was still sitting across from them, chatting with William.

"Miss Humphrey," Chuck started, giving her a warm smile, "It's been a while."

"I know, hasn't the time apart been wonderful?" Mackenzie replied to him, sipping her champagne. She wasn't sure how many glasses she had consumed.

Chuck just smirked at her, taking a large drink of his scotch, "I see the jet lag hasn't affected your wit."

Mackenzie just sighed. She had decided to forgive Chuck for his actions a long time ago but she still had reservations about him. Considering the messy time in her life when she worked for him, it was difficult not to have her guard up. "The house looks wonderful, Chuck. And Henry has really grown into such a gentlemen. He greeted me in French when I got here today."

"He does have a sharp brain. I'll admit he gets that from his mother." Chuck smiled to himself. "So, a little birdie told me you still don't have a new job lined up in the city."

Mackenzie bit her lip for a moment to think. "Was that little birdie Dan Humphrey?" She scanned around the room to locate her brother. "I have a few interviews lined up." That wasn't entirely true but she wasn't going to admit that to Chuck Bass.

"Well, I have a proposition for you."

Mackenzie shifted in her seat and positioned herself to face him. "Oh yeah?"

"The Bass Foundation needs a new CFO. Well, really it's more than just finance - I need a Chief Operating Officer, really."

"Is this a joke?" Mackenzie looked at Chuck with wide eyes. She closed them for a moment. She felt an urge to look across the table at Nate but she fought herself over it. She knew he was still there, pretending not to listen to her and Chuck chat.

"I think you would be a good fit."

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh as she reached for her glass of champagne. It was nearly empty. "Do you remember what happened last time I worked for the Bass Foundation?" She finished her drink then reached her hand up to touch the faint scar above her left eyebrow. "I'm sure Nate remembers." She looked over at Nate now, her eyes darting from his face to his left arm. She couldn't believe she had even said his name, acknowledged him.

"Mackenzie, I have a lot of remorse over what happened that night. I assure you I've taken every step since then to ensure proper security measures are in place at all my office spaces and social events, plus each employee is thoroughly vetted before employment."

"Well, I'm glad I was part of your guinea pig process for vetting your former criminal staff members." She stood up slowly, sighing. "Thanks but no thanks, Chuck."

"If you change your mind, my calendar is open Monday afternoon if you want to chat."

Mackenzie just shook her head as she walked away from the table. She needed some fresh air. She found her way outside to the small patio area and looked up to the foggy stars in the sky.

* * *

Nate Archibald showed up on time for his friends' wedding. He wasn't worried about it although to appease Blair he gave her a play by play update as he travelled in.

His two night stay in D.C. had proved successful - splitting his time between The Spectator office and a few meetings with political campaign experts. His future of running for Mayor was becoming a very true reality and he couldn't be more excited.

He rushed to Blair and Chuck's townhouse when he touched down in New York, quickly dismissing the waiting reporters and leaving them with a polite comment about his love for his city.

The minute he climbed into his awaiting car, his smile faded and the nerves took over. He couldn't admit it out loud but he was nervous about seeing Mackenzie. He was still mad at her for cutting him off last year - as much as he could blame her grief or the stress of his life, it had hurt all over again.

Hurt is inevitable.

But he wanted to feel something good again, instead.

When he arrived at their townhouse, she wasn't waiting with everyone else. If she was there, she was off in another room. He made his rounds, saying hello and hugging everyone in the room.

"Nice tie," Jenny said to him quietly as they split from their hug. He gave her a small smile as she nodded, before heading up stairs with a shopping bag.

Nate took a seat in the plush armchair beside Eleanor, Cyrus and Henry. He reached out and gave his godson a smile and a high five, complimenting his bow tie.

When Dan walked into the room with Mackenzie, Nate felt his chest tighten.

There she was, standing ten feet in front of him after being across the ocean for the last two years. He met her eyes as she stood across from her brother, and Nate couldn't stop himself from offering her a smile. He had to. Just the sight of her lifted him up, even for a brief moment.

To him, she still looked just as beautiful. Maybe more so now. Her long brown hair, fluttering eyelashes, warm smile. The faint gold skirt hugged the curves of her hips. He wanted to drink her in.

She smiled back at him before hugging Dan, and taking a seat with her sister and Eric. Nate watched as Jenny whispered in her ear.

Nate was just happy to see her smile again.

As Mackenzie read out her speech during dinner, Nate was feeling incredibly confused and conflicted. He had a hard time listening to her spout about true love. Isn't that what they had before? She spoke about love so easily but didn't she and him throw their own love away?

Was he just romanticising their time together?

He found himself wrapped up in a conversation with William as Mackenzie and Chuck spoke across the table from him.

He felt an unusual sense of protection wash across him as Chuck baited her with a job offer. Nate sensed she wasn't interested and had a wall up. He could still read her well enough. As William excused himself, Nate's attention turned to Chuck and Mackenzie.

"Do you remember what happened last time I worked for the Bass Foundation?" Nate watched her touch the scar above her eye. He felt a heat rise in him as Chuck reminded her of those memories. "I'm sure Nate remembers." Mackenzie met his eyes for a moment, then looked over to his left bicep.

Nate stopped listening after she said his name. He remembered every frightening detail about the night of the gala two and a half years ago. He had never felt his heart beat so quickly before that night.

"Nathaniel."

Nate shook his head and looked up, breaking away from his thoughts. "Sorry, just got kind of distracted there."

"Are you going to talk to her?"

Nate just sighed, grabbing his drink and leaning back in his chair. "I don't know, man. I don't think I want to."

Chuck let out a short laugh, "Of course you do. You've been watching her and fighting over it all night."

"That's not true."

"It is. And you've designed this life where you drown yourself in your work and political causes. So if you don't take the time to talk to her right now, you never will. Just pause the anger and start the conversation. So, go." Chuck motioned his eyes towards the back patio where Mackenzie was now standing. "Sorry I wound her up with the job question first."

Nate laughed then finished off his drink before standing up.

"Good luck." Chuck raised his glass towards his friend as he exited the room.

Most of the wedding guests remained in the dining room or had moved back towards the living room, or had left. Nate spotted Mackenzie in the back of the outdoor space, walking slowly around a few flower beds. He slid the patio door open and walked outside, the cool air washing over him.

He slowly walked over to where she was. She paused in front of the flowers, crossing her arms and letting out a sigh. She looked up towards the sky.

"Hey," Nate said quietly as he stopped beside her.

She didn't look over at him. She kept peering up at the dim stars. "Hey."

"I liked your speech earlier. Although I thought you might make fun of Dan more."

Mackenzie let out a quiet laugh, "Yeah, well, I figured I should go easy on him. Especially if I want him to speak at my wedding some day."

_Hey, remember when you used to dream about your wedding with Nate?_

Mackenzie finally pulled her gaze down from the sky and looked at Nate. Everything felt very quiet when she met his eyes. She shivered in the cool night - although she knew a part of the tingling sensation rushing through her was caused by Nate just existing in front of her.

"Here," he slid off his suit jacket and swung it over her shoulders. She tried to protest, but the minute she felt the soft texture on her arms, she felt relieved. She took in a deep breath to steady herself and to try and take in the scent of his cologne.

"Thanks." She paused. "Hey, how's The Captain doing?"

Nate let out a small laugh, rolling his eyes, "He's doing well. Better than this time last year. He really dove into a new lifestyle but I worry he's dipping back into his bad habits. His heart recovered but he has to take care of it." He paused, putting his hands into his pockets. "You could have called anytime and asked that question."

Mackenzie let out a breath. _There it is. Here we go._ "I'm glad he's doing okay. But Nate, I'm sorry, you know. For cutting you off. I never wanted to but -

Nate looked at her, "Yeah. But you did."

"Nate, my life was a mess."

"I know that, Mackenzie. My life wasn't going smoothly either. But we had agreed to be friends. I wanted to be friends." He paused, running a hand through his hair and looking away from her. "I needed you to be my friend. And you just decided for us both that clearly it wasn't possible."

Mackenzie scrunched her face in frustration.

"It wasn't that black and white for me, okay? And I don't know if I can just be friends with you, Nate. It's hard. It's too hard." She shook her head and took a few steps away from him. "I didn't want to do this tonight."

"Then we won't. I'm sorry I started all this." Nate started to walk back towards the house, but something told him to turn back to her. "Just tell me one thing - would you have stayed? Last year when you were home, you woke up in my bed again and everything felt right. At least to me it did. If I had asked you to stay, would you have moved back?"

"That's not a fair question! My life was in ruins. My mom had just died and…

"Just answer the question, Mack." His voice was tired, soft. He clearly didn't intend for this to turn into a big argument. "That morning, you told me not to ask. But what if I did."

Everytime Nate called her _Mack_ , instead of Mackenzie, she died a little bit more inside.

She didn't want to answer. "What difference does it make? Even if I had, there's no guarantee we would be together still."

"Bullshit."

"Nate. It's not that easy."

"It is. I just need to know."

Mackenzie squeezed her eyes shut, and rubbed them with her hand. Why was this happening now? Why did he have to pry? Her plan to just gloss over everything and be friends was clearly never going to work.

"It doesn't have to be all or nothing. We can just leave the past in the past and move on."

Nate let out a frustrated groan and brushed his hand through his hair. Clearly he had a different idea of how this might go.

"Fine. If this is what you want to know - yes, I would have stayed. _Of course_ I would have stayed. But I didn't. And life has moved on, I've moved on, and we can't go back." Her voice cracked. "Nate. It's too hard."

"Mack…" He took a step towards her. He wanted to touch her. She reached towards him and ran her hands over his tie. As she changed her mind and pulled her hands away, Nate noticed she still wore the shimmering amethyst ring on her hand.

She pushed past him, suit jacket still on her shoulders, "I have to go. I'm sorry."

* * *

W _ell, we're off to the races. Sometimes true love has to fight. Let's hope they're up for round two._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Thank you to everyone who read chapter 1! We're back at it, people. Boy oh boy, are we just getting started here. While this story is a new plot and new drama, there is some ties to The Chase. So keep your eyes peeled. That's all - let's do this!

' _Eric and I are going out tonight! Please tell me you'll join us.'_

Mackenzie stared at her sister's message and didn't reply. Another one came in right after.

' _Joseph comes back from Toronto tomorrow so it's my last night of freedom lol please Mack. Do not play the jet lag card.'_

Mackenzie finally replied: ' _Okay, I'm in. But no mentions of N.'_

' _I hope you mean Nick because Eric invited Nate out too.'_

' _What? No. I'm not coming then.'_

' _Yes you are. You already agreed. My place at 8.'_

All Mackenzie wanted to do was stay holed up in the loft all day.

She had left the townhouse quickly last night, not before saying goodbye to her brother and his new wife before they left for their honeymoon. They were off to Hawaii for a week - which was going to be a nice vacation for Dan before all the publicity for his Netflix show ramped up in October.

Dan had messaged her late in the night to make sure she was okay, considering he and most of the remaining guests had seen her rush in after talking to Nate.

_Yes, I'm fine. Right? I'm fine. I'm okay. It's just Nate admitted to something - did he still have feelings for you? Did he have regrets? Well, you have regrets, Mackenzie. So it makes sense he has regrets, too._

Mackenzie spent the day napping and unpacking. She had hung up Nate's suit jacket behind her door, she didn't realize she had worn it all the way home until she was halfway through her cab ride.

She wondered if it would be in poor taste to send it back to him in the mail.

It was hard to imagine that just a few days ago Mackenzie was packing up the last pieces of her life in London. And now, she was back in Brooklyn trying to put her life back together.

It had been awhile since she had really gone out. Once Jenny and Joseph left for New York in the summer, Mackenzie's social life had really slowed down. Following her break up with Nick, it really halted entirely. Her last two weeks in London she spent mainly by herself, soaking in the last of her favourite spots and saying goodbye to a few friends.

She searched through her luggage for her best clubbing outfit, since she assumed that's what Eric and Jenny wanted to do.

She decided on a leopard print tank top, tucked into high waisted black jeans with heeled boots and a leather jacket. She put on a plain face of makeup, with a standout red lip and let her long hair down in its naturally wavy state.

When she finally made it to Jenny's new place in Midtown, she paced outside the hallway for a few minutes. Was the possibility of seeing Nate always going to make her feel this way? Clearly they hadn't left things very amicably the night before and she wasn't sure how he would react to her now.

"Oh my god," Jenny's door flew open and Eric's voice echoed down the hall, "He's not even here. Just come inside."

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh as she headed into the apartment.

Waldorf designs was putting Jenny up in the apartment as she transitioned back into New York. It was a one bed studio style place with the loft above. For Jenny and Joseph, it was plenty of space. And it's Midtown location was easy for getting around the city.

Mackenzie joined Eric and Jenny in her small kitchen, an open bottle of wine on the table and a bottle of tequila sitting next to it.

"So, are we looking for Nate 3.0 tonight, Mack?" Eric poured her a glass of wine then leaned back against the counter, smirking at her.

"What?" Mackenzie turned to her sister. "Did you tell him?"

Jenny took a big gulp of her drink then smiled sheepishly, "In my defense, you have to realize I tell Eric almost everything."

Mackenzie just sighed, taking a sip of wine. "Your theory about Nick being a carbon copy of Nate isn't fair."

"Oh, come on. He works in journalism, comes from some rich old family AND has the same initials as Nate. You subconsciously found a British Nate replacement." Jenny replied to her sister, laughing.

"And he dumped me. So, it doesn't matter."

"And I'm sorry about that but come on, Kenzie, Nick was not the guy for you. You were using him as some weird placeholder. He was so boring."

Mackenzie didn't have the will to argue with Jenny about Nick _again._ Even if she was right.

"I'm not looking to date anyone. I've been back in New York for all of three days. I need a job, not a man."

"Well, more men for me, then." Eric raised his glass up to her. "But as a heads up, Nate is going to meet us out later. He said he had some event he had to go to first."

Jenny continued, "If he shows up at all, this time. That guy's social schedule is busier than Serena's. He's bailed on us three times in the past few weeks."

"Well, the future Mayor of New York has to make his appearances all over the place, you know."

Mackenzie just shrugged. She would prefer not to see him at all. "Less Nate chatter, more alcohol."

The three were comfortably inebriated when they ventured out of Jenny's apartment and onwards to _Marquee._

Contrary to what Mackenzie anticipated, the night was a ton of fun. It had been a long time since she let loose and enjoyed herself - and despite the large crowds, she kept her anxiety at bay. The alcohol probably wasn't the best to aid her medication and she knew the hangover probably wouldn't be worth it.

Jenny and Joseph had a very comfortable relationship. If he had been in town, he would have joined them out. His role in PR for a global liquor brand lead him to travel a lot but Jenny kept herself occupied. On this particular night, both Humphrey sisters were dancing with a few well dressed gentlemen on the dance floor. As long as they kept their hands to themselves, Mackenzie didn't have much of a problem dancing with guys - it was the ones who overstepped their boundaries that irritated her. On more than one occasion, she had elbowed or kicked at over aggressive men at a club. On this particular night, one guy had his hands on her hips from behind but she didn't mind.

Just as he leaned in to whisper, or shout, into her ear, Jenny grabbed her sister's hand and pulled her away from the crowd. They weaved through the sea of people and stopped at a tall table in a slightly quieter area where Nate and Eric were talking.

Mackenzie took a deep breath as Nate turned to look at them, a classic charming smile on his face. She hated how easy it was for him - he was effortlessly handsome and even though every fibre of her being tried to fight off her attraction to him, he could still make her knees weak. She wished she could turn off how she felt but it was proving to be difficult. He was dressed in a black suit jacket, navy blue tie and white shirt. Effortlessly handsome.

Before Nate could even get a word out, Eric announced he was going to grab drinks and took Jenny's hand to drag her away, too.

Mackenzie sighed. She had a feeling those two were scheming and she wanted to scream about it. She opened her mouth to say something to Nate as he avoided her eyes looking at his phone when a young woman ran up to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Nate!"

"Gracie, hi," Nate replied to the younger girl, pulling her into a hug. Mackenzie just watched a he chatted with her. She felt a familiar feeling in her chest as she stood there - jealousy. She knew Nate didn't have a girlfriend but both Eric and Jenny had implied he still dated every now and then, though his busy schedule was hard to work with. But seeing this young girl - petite, dark blonde hair, big smile, fit body - clutch onto Nate and smile at him, made her stomach turn.

_You have no say in who talks to him, Mackenzie. Stop. Stop doing this to yourself._

"Gracie, this is Mackenzie," Nate interrupted her thoughts as he started to introduce them. "Mackenzie, this is my cousin Gracie."

_Cousin. Cousin Gracie._

"Hi!" The young girl reached her hand out to shake Mackenzie's and smiled big at. She let out a small screech and waved across the room. "Sorry, I've gotta go!"

"Be careful, please," Nate said to her as she hugged him again and hurried away. Mackenzie watched him watch her disappear through the crowd.

"You're not allowed to do that, you know," Nate took a step towards Mackenzie and leaned in to talk to her.

"What?"

"Be jealous when someone talks to me."

Mackenzie scoffed. "I'm not jealous. Who you talk to has no bearing on my life."

Nate raised his eyebrows at her and laughed, "You we're shooting daggers across the table at her!"

Mackenzie rolled her eyes, "I have a boyfriend."

"Right. Boyfriend." Nate paused to sip his drink. "And how would he feel about you dancing with all those guys tonight?" He motioned his head towards the dance floor.

Mackenzie knew her boyfriend lie was going to unravel soon. But she didn't owe Nate an explanation anytime soon.

"Why do you care?" She fiddled with the ring on her finger, avoiding his gaze.

He shook his head, "I don't, really. Who you dance with has no bearing on my life, Mackenzie." The words were sharp.

She let out a frustrated groan, pursing her lips together. She didn't want to argue with him. Is that all their life was going to be like now? She dreamed of being civil and coexisting but maybe it wasn't that easy.

"Nate," she looked over at him, shifting to lean on the table. "It doesn't have to be like this."

He opened his mouth to reply but Jenny and Eric returned to the table, interrupting them. Eric was carrying a tray of drinks, including what appeared to be shots of tequila.

Mackenzie glanced down as her sister handed them out. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"I brought you extra lime," Jenny said to his sister, smirking. "You can handle it."

Nate grabbed one of the shots and held it in his hand, "C'mon Humphrey, live a little."

Mackenzie turned to look at him. His smile was playful but his eyes were saying something else. They seemed hurt or angry or something. She just pouted her lips for a quick second then grabbed a shot glass.

"Fine. Let's do this."

* * *

Mackenzie still felt hungover by Monday morning. But she pulled herself out of bed and left the loft, adventuring to sign up for a new gym then contemplate stopping into Bass Industries to meet with Chuck.

Saturday night had been fun until it wasn't anymore. Suddenly, it felt like everything she did was to prove a point to Nate. She would try to drop Nick's name in conversations, even though she wasn't even dating him anymore. She danced with more random guys. She let them buy her drinks. She made every effort not to engage the conversation if Nate was near her. He was often buried in his phone anyway.

He eventually left, taking his car home just before midnight but the night had carried on for Jenny, Eric and Mackenzie.

" _Jen, don't let me be alone with him anymore, okay? I feel like I can't think straight when I see him. It just stirs so much shit up in my brain." Mackenzie fell onto her sister's bed on the top of her loft apartment. Eric was passed out on the couch below._

" _You're both adults," Jenny responded, tearing into a bag of French fries they had picked up on the walk home._

" _That's it? Jen, I need your support."_

" _I think you guys need to just -_

" _I feel so angry around him now. I hate it."_

" _You guys just need to have sex and move on for good. Or commit to each other forever. Either way, you need to get some."_

" _Jennifer."_

" _Mackenzie." Jenny laid down beside her sister. "Think about who you're really angry with. Is it Nate or is it Mackenzie? You just need to tell him the whole truth. It'll be cathartic."_

Mackenzie hated when her sister pulled stupid wisdom out of her pocket just when she needed it.

They both struggled through a Sunday brunch with Rufus and Lisa. Mackenzie then spent the rest of her Sunday in bed, watching Netflix or searching job sites for worthy opportunities.

When Mackenzie finished her summer program at The London School Of Business, her professor offered her a position at her company. It was a one year contract as an accounting clerk for an up and coming non-profit specializing in supporting female entrepreneurs. To Mackenzie, it was exactly what she needed and gave her a reason to stay in London. For some reason, she couldn't let herself go back to New York. And the position was challenging and forgiving. She gained an incredible amount of experience and it lead her to more contract work with growing agencies in the area. When Jenny was offered her new design position with Waldorf, Mackenzie decided it was time to go home too.

But now, sure, she was back in the city but she didn't have a job yet. She knew Chuck's offer was lucrative but she worried he had her in mind for the wrong reasons.

After her kickboxing class Monday, it was clear to Mackenzie she owed it to Chuck to hear him out. She knew he cared deeply about the Bass Foundation and despite her hiccups there before, she knew he always had big plans. In fact, the Foundation was nearing the end of their build of a new youth outreach centre.

She sent Chuck a text letting him know she would be dropping by and headed to the office.

Mackenzie would be the first one to admit a job at Bass Industries or the Bass Foundation would be a good gig. But she was going to keep her guard up for the time being. Her last job with Chuck was messy. She wasn't sure if she could trust him again.

Once she arrived at Bass Industries, Mackenzie made her way to Chuck's office. His secretary motioned for her to head in.

"Miss Humphrey," Chuck looked up from his laptop as she walked into his office.

"Hey," Mackenzie took a seat across from him, dropping her bag on the floor. A few moments later, his secretary brought in coffee for them.

"So," Chuck started, closing his laptop and leaning back in his chair, "You've thought about the job offer?"

"I have a lot of questions," Mackenzie replied to him, pulling a notebook out of her bag. "The first one is: why me?"

Chuck paused to sip his coffee. "Mackenzie, your aptitude for detail and financial analytics is astounding. I reached out to your old boss in London -

"What? Really?"

"I did, yes. She spoke quite highly of you - noting incredible growth and increased organization for her non-profit. She said you were hard to replace and we would be lucky to have you leading our cause. Being that the Bass Foundation is a private equity charity, but still a sister of Bass Industries, I need someone who cares to take care of the books and the day to day."

"Well, those are all great things. But things went south a few years ago when I left - I guess I just need reassurance that you are not offering me this position as retribution or to help cover up illicit things that may be going on behind the scenes."

"I have the best interests of not only my company at stake here, Mackenzie, but for you, too. The actions that transpired with Mitch Watson caused a severe break in trust for my employees but in my personal life as well. You're not the only person who hurt Nathaniel that year, you know." Chuck gave her a stoic look.

Mackenzie knew how hurt Nate was after the entire mess. He kept Chuck at bay for a long time. Clearly they had resolved those issues, but the past still remained.

"Okay. I'm interested in this position, because I know the Foundation has a great vision and you want to do good. But I have some conditions."

Chuck smiled at her, and leaned forward on his desk, "Go ahead."

She glanced down at her notebook, "I want a flexible schedule, and autonomy over the staff. I know it's a small operation but I want to lead them how I think would be the best fit."

"Fair. You would only report to me, so how you run the staffing is up to you."

"I want to audit the books and make changes to spending if needed."

"That would be your first priority, yes." Chuck paused. "Honestly Mackenzie, I trust you to take the Foundation and make it your own. You're still a Bass employee so you will receive a generous salary, benefit package and all the added bonuses of working for our company."

She let out a breath and sat back in her chair. "I want to trust you, Chuck."

"And I want your trust. Listen, just jump in. If you want out in a month, you can walk away and I won't hold it against you. I just think you would be the ideal fit for the role."

"Okay, I'll do it. But I'll hold you to that if I want out." She extended her hand across the desk to him. He took it and shook with vigour.

"You can start tomorrow, if you wish. Or next Monday. Ease into it, I don't care. We'll plan for a weekly check in for updates moving forward." Chuck glanced down at his phone, and let out a breath. He took a sip of his coffee and smiled at her. "Now, what are you doing for dinner?"

"I have a ton of unpacking to do so I'll likely order in. Why?"

"My lovely Blair wants you to come over for dinner. I have to be completely honest in telling you that this is under the pretense that you get along well enough with Henry to join the family babysitting list. What do you think?"

* * *

"So, Nate, I know you've been avoiding this conversation. And I agree with your statement that it's old fashioned - but it's still important to a large percentage of voters."

Nate let out a breath and rubbed his jaw for a moment, then leaned back in his chair. "Alright, let's just do it."

Nate had gone ahead and trusted Kenneth Yang with all his other personal business - why not dive right into his romantic history too? Running for political office was like laying your entire soul on the table, and up until this Thursday night meeting, Nate had avoided the topic of his past relationships. Ken was an expert in his job - he was responsible for leading the past two Mayors of Chicago into office, plus three West Coast senators. He knew what he was doing, and his guidance was an asset to Nate.

The rest of his nomination subcommittee had dispersed after their usual Thursday Night meeting, aside from Chuck Bass. Nate was happy to have his best friend on his team, especially because Chuck didn't hold back his brute honesty.

"Do you want me to leave the room?" Chuck chided his friend. Nate just rolled his eyes.

"None of this is news to you."

Chuck smirked, "I'll act as a fact checker, then."

"The real reason we need to cover this is to make sure we aren't surprised if any of these past partners come out of the woodworks when your name comes out as officially running for office." Ken pulled up a new document on the screen above them in The Spectator board room. "This is all the information I know about your dating history, just from a team member doing preliminary research online."

Nate's eyes went wide as he scrolled through the document, outlining details from most of his romantic relationships of his past, big and small.

"Admittedly, the information starts to disappear after 2012. But we got pretty good timelines off of an old blog called Gossip Girl."

Both Nate and Chuck couldn't help but laugh. As Nate continued to read, he felt something odd wash across him. Was his laundry list of past lovers going to hinder him?

"Does it matter that I dated around for so long?"

"Not inherently," Ken answered, "But statistics show most demographics are looking for a real candidate - who has a partner and family driving behind them. Now, you're young. That's a niche. I'm not saying you need to go out and find a wife and pop out a baby, but it would be worthwhile to consider a public relationship."

"Well, good thing your ex girlfriend just moved back to the city," Chuck turned to Nate.

"Which ex girlfriend?" Ken jumped in next, scrolling through the list.

Chuck continued, "Mackenzie Humphrey. Now, I don't think-

"Mackenzie and I are not going to get back together. I have no intention of crossing that bridge. We're hardly speaking as it is."

Chuck continued on, "Maybe you should, considering she's from Brooklyn. Maybe the voters want to see you're not just some uptight white heir. You interact with the middle class, too."

"Chuck, stop. Mackenzie and I are exes, and that is all." Nate turned to Ken who was furiously typing additional notes into Mackenzie's part of his dating timeline.

"We don't have a lot of info about that relationship actually," Ken looked up at the screen. "I know she was a school shooting victim years ago and that her story pushed your views about gun control forward. It would be a good angle."

"No." Nate said, his voice stern.

"Okay. Well, she was your last long term relationship. Is there anything else we need to know about her or why you broke up?"

"There's no drama there. She just moved across the ocean. Break ups happen."

"No other relationship secrets?" Ken continued on. "Sorry to press Nate, but it's important we have all the information available."

Nate leaned forward onto the table, then looked from Chuck to Ken. "Okay. There is one thing. Maybe it doesn't matter, but I may as well explain it to you."

* * *

Mackenzie did just what Chuck asked: she dove right in to the work at the Bass Foundation.

Chuck met her there Wednesday and gave her a quick tour of the new BF office. It was just down the block from the Bass Industries tower - a few floors up from street level with large windows and a small outdoor patio space.

The Bass Foundation team was small - Kathy was the office administrator, Miguel worked as the events coordinator, Brittany was the finance clerk and James was their media manager. Mackenzie would round out the team as the Chief Operating Officer. And she was grateful the young team welcomed her with open arms. She worked half the day Friday and took the afternoon off to do clerical errands for herself - change over her address, do some unpacking and getting things out of storage, and lastly go to the gym. She knew one of the best ways to handle her new transitions in life and keep her anxiety still was taking time for herself.

The night before, she had spent the evening at Chuck and Blair's townhouse, acting as babysitter to Henry. Blair was visiting fabric vendors in Asia for a few days, and their nanny and Dorota weren't available. Chuck had a longstanding Thursday evening meeting and was grateful for Mackenzie's assistance with Henry.

_It didn't take long for Mackenzie to realize that Chuck's Thursday night meeting was with Nate and his political planning team._

_It was actually Henry who let that slip out._

" _Daddy spends Thursdays with Uncle Nate," the young boy rambled to Mackenzie. They were sitting in his playroom after dinner, colouring before Henry's bedtime routine started._

" _Oh yeah?" Mackenzie had been avoiding Nate - as a topic of conversation and in day to day life. Not that their lives had crossed over very much since Saturday. But she had made it clear when he left the club that night that she was not going to make an effort to talk to him anymore. She couldn't be his friend. They were not going to get back together ever. So, civil acquaintances it is._

" _Yep. Sometimes they bring home cookies so me an' Uncle Nate can have hot cocoa." Henry was a charming, bright boy - he spoke with purpose for a four year old. Mackenzie knew that came from his parents - pushing him to be the best version of himself, even at a young age. But he was also gentle, kind and welcoming to her even though she was still new to his life. "Kenzie, can we have hot cocoa?"_

" _Sure, Hen," she replied to him, giving him a gentle nudge on the arm, "But you have to finish this picture for your dad first." Henry nodded at her and continued to colour with determination._

_After finishing their treat of hot cocoa and brushing his teeth, Mackenzie sat beside Henry's bed and read him a book before he drifted to sleep. She smiled as she left his room, leaving his nightlight on and making sure to bring his coloured photo downstairs to show Chuck when he got home._

_Chuck sent her a message apologizing for his delay, their meeting had run later than expected. And this time it was his turn to bring up Nate, letting her know he was coming back to the house with Chuck for a drink._

_Mackenzie just planted herself in the front lounge, working away at some financial plans for the next fiscal year at the Foundation. Soon enough, Chuck was walking through the front door, followed by Nate._

" _How did it go?" Chuck asked her as he took off his coat. Nate did the same, but avoided looking over at her, reading something on his phone._

" _Oh, he was a delight. He wanted to make sure you got this when you got home." She grabbed the piece of paper off the coffee table and extended it to Chuck. He took it from her and smiled. She never saw Chuck smile like that._

" _My little Picasso," he nodded his head, turning to show the drawing to Nate. Nate looked up from his phone and smiled._

" _Dominic is waiting outside if you want a ride home," Chuck said to Mackenzie. "Or you're welcome to stay to have a drink with us."_

_She glanced quickly from Chuck to Nate, who was still standing awkwardly near the door. "I'll take the ride home. Thanks though."_

" _Thank you, Mackenzie. Truly. We appreciate your time." Chuck nodded at her, then turned towards the stairs. "I'm going to change. Nathaniel, you know where to find the scotch. Pour me a glass."_

_Nate just nodded and took a step further into the lounge, as Mackenzie packed up her things and swept past him._

" _Mackenzie," Nate grabbed her arm to stop her as she walked by, then let go. "Can we talk for a second?"_

" _I'm not in the mood to argue tonight." She replied simply, pulling on her coat. "Raincheck."_

" _Please, it won't take long." She couldn't even meet his eyes._

" _Goodnight, Nate."_

And now, Friday evening. She walked back into the loft and had a quick hot shower, then laid down on her bed. Jenny had invited her out _again_ but she declined this time, deciding it was in her best interest to avoid another messy night. In all honesty, she was looking forward to a quiet night in. It had started to rain earlier and to Mackenzie a night curled up on the couch with a movie as the rain fell seemed perfect.

She scrolled through her phone and contemplated what to order in for dinner.

Suddenly, a strange email notification popped up on her screen. Mackenzie sat up on the bed as she read over the message preview again, her chest starting to tighten.

She did her best to take deep breaths as she opened the email, her eyes growing wide as she read over the text.

It was a meeting invitation from someone named Kenneth Yang.

_Time: Monday September 16th, 10 AM  
Location: The Spectator NEW YORK Board Room 002_

_Topic: Review and signing of Nondisclosure Agreement re: Nate Archibald  
Notes: NDA has been drafted in regards to previous romantic relationship with Nathaniel Archibald. Before further discussion, this meeting will outline the document with Mr. Archibald's legal team._

Mackenzie couldn't believe what she was reading. A nondisclosure agreement? About their relationship? Did he want to their past away before something slandered his political agenda?

"What the fuck?" Mackenzie stood up off her bed and started to read over the invitation again and again.

_He won't even talk to me without his legal team? This is insane. This is insane, right? Is he getting all his exes to sign these? Is this even legal? Just delete the invite, Mackenzie. You don't owe him anything. But maybe he owes you some sort of explanation._

Without thinking, Mackenzie scrolled to Nate's contact information in her phone and dialed it. The line was dead. It didn't even occur to me that he likely had a new number after all this time.

She hurried around her room and threw on a pair of jeans, a plain black t-shirt and a burgundy cardigan. She raced to the door and pulled on some boots, grabbed her purse and jacket then hurried out of the apartment.

By the time she stepped outside, it was pouring rain.

_Shit._

She contemplated going back to grab her umbrella, then she saw a cab nearby. She dashed over and got in, giving the address for Nate's building.

_He might not even be home, Mackenzie. You're not thinking straight._

The cab driver dropped her off a street away from Nate's due to a road block, and she hurried through the rain to his building. She wasn't sure what she was doing - but she was angry, or something. Something was pulsing through her after reading that email and she wanted to hear an explanation from him.

She stopped at the front doorman.

"Mackenzie Humphrey for Nate Archibald," she said quickly, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"One moment, ma'am," the doorman responded to her, grabbing his phone to call up to Nate's unit. She turned to see a few people walking towards the elevator. She didn't wait for the doorman and ran over to get into the elevator with them.

She was soaking wet from running through the rain and her heart was racing. _This was a dumb idea. What happens now? What if he has company over? What if he has a date over?_

She got off on the 14th floor and followed the familiar hallway down to Nate's apartment. She paused outside his door. She took a deep breath, then knocked.

A few seconds later, the door swung open. And there stood Nate, in a pair of dark grey sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt.

"Hi."

"Hi."

* * *

_The ex-lovers meet again. If the spark is still there, is anything fanning the flames? Maybe this transition into life in Manhattan again seems too easy - tread carefully._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello chapter 3! I have to admit, writing this has been more challenging than finishing off The Chase. Mainly because I want to write sickly love scenes but there's some rough stuff we need to get through first before that may happen. That being said, it's been a fun process so far. Thank you to everyone who read chapters 1 and 2 so far - every view, visit and favourite means to much to me. Mack is this like extension of me now so I appreciate having so many people invested in her story.

Nate Archibald was not anticipating the overwhelming feelings he had gone through since his last meeting with Ken and Chuck. Seeing his past relationships detailed and whittled down to point-form notes hit him like a bus. He felt everything all at once.

Then, outlining all the details of what happened with Mackenzie. He was wiped. He tried to talk to her as she left Chuck and Blair's the night before, but she wouldn't even give him any attention. He was worried about how they would be when she came back to the city and their lives intertwined again, but he didn't think it would be so hard to coexist.

Ever since Saturday night at the club, Mackenzie had made it very clear she didn't want to be around him. She avoided his eyes, stiffened at his presence, became defensive when they talked.

Now, it was a Friday evening and Nate had cancelled an event appearance. Well, he had sent Leo in his place instead. He just wanted to stay in and play video games. It had been so long since he had such a luxury.

He stripped off his suit immediately when he came home and put his phone on silent. After changing into more comfortable clothes, he ordered a pizza and poured himself a glass of whisky.

He also put down some fresh food for his cat, Maxwell. Nate didn't think he was a cat person, but when his neighbours down the hall were moving, their young son had asked him personally to give his cat a new home. Nate was kind enough to take him in, but had no plan to keep him. He figured a shelter would take the cat in, but soon enough, Max the gray tabby had grown on him. Truth be told, Nate's housekeeper did most of the work that came with owning a cat. But he liked the companionship.

Just as he powered on his Xbox, he heard his door phone ringing. He walked over to the phone and picked it up. "What's up, Tom?"

"Hi Mr. Archibald, there is a Mackenzie Humphrey here to see you." Nate felt a lump form in his throat. Before he could respond, he heard Tom yelling on the other end. "Ma'am! You can't just go up there!"

"Tom, it's fine. She can come up."

"Sorry, sir."

Nate let out a breath and ran his hand through his hair. What would be bringing Mackenzie to his building?

He heard a rapid knock at the door. He pulled it open and there stood Mackenzie Humphrey. Her hair was slicked wet from the rain, and she had a frown on her face. Nate wished he hadn't been so excited to see her, even with the unhappy look.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Mackenzie rushed past Nate and headed into his apartment.

"I got this meeting invitation from someone named Kenneth Yang about a nondisclosure agreement regarding my romantic relationship with Nate Archibald? Can you explain that to me?" She started off on a tangent as her eyes swept around Nate's apartment. "I realize this is a Friday night and you have better things to do than listen to your ex-girlfriend rant but don't you think you could have approached me about this before some stranger from your team sent me an email about it? Talking about legal teams and our relationship and I can hardly think straight about you as it is but this is not the way to handle this. I tried to call you and … is that a cat?"

Mackenzie's eyes landed on a grey tabby cat that was perched on the arm of Nate's couch. She turned around to see Nate standing near the door still, typing something onto his phone.

Nate had no idea what she was talking about. Okay, that wasn't true. He had a bit of an idea, but he didn't realize Ken would have sent the invite out so soon. Especially without confirming with Nate. He grabbed his phone and started typing out a message to Ken.

"Can you at least look at me instead of staring at your phone?"

Nate glanced over at Mackenzie. Her frown had escalated into an annoyed grimace. He just nodded and put his phone down on the table.

"Okay. Slow down and start again. Also, you're soaking wet. Can I get you a towel?" He took a few steps towards the hallway closet.

She crossed her arms. "I'm not staying!"

"I didn't ask if you were staying. You still need to dry off." When he returned to the living room, she had taken a few steps towards his couch and was scratching behind the ears of his cat. She pulled her attention away and turned towards Nate again, who offered her a towel.

"Thank you."

"Here," Nate put his hands on her shoulders to help her slip off her coat. She just sighed and obliged as she shook it off. Nate hung it up on a hook near the door.

As he walked back towards the living room, seeing Mackenzie standing there, toweling off her hair, Nate felt an unusual sense of normalcy. Like this was their usual date night and Mackenzie had just got caught in the rain outside. Next, he would pour her a glass of wine then peel off all her wet clothes then -

"When did you get a cat?" Nate shook his head and returned to his reality. This was not his girlfriend Mackenzie Humphrey coming over for a date night and sex. This was his ex-girlfriend, rushing over to yell at him about something, probably.

"I sort of adopted Max when my neighbours moved out a few months ago. It's a long story." Nate walked over and pet Max on the head. "Honestly, part of me is keeping him because Henry really likes him. Blair has a no pet rule."

"I'm not surprised," Mackenzie replied to him, laughing. Nate felt his body relax when he heard her laughing. There was something so comforting about that familiar sound. "Do you see Henry a lot?"

"Not as much as I want to, honestly. That's on me. I'm just busy. But he's had a few playdates here this past summer."

Mackenzie looked over at Nate. For a brief moment, she forgot why she was even there. In that one moment, they were just… with each other, sharing a smile, a laugh. Building a memory.

_Nondisclosure agreement._

Mackenzie shook her head, then took a step away from Nate. She grabbed her phone and showed him the screen. "Can you explain this?"

Nate squinted at her phone for a second then sighed. "Do you want a drink?"

Mackenzie hesitated. She didn't want this discussion to be comfortable. But she had ventured from Brooklyn and she was feeling anxious. "Sure."

A few minutes later, Mackenzie was sitting on Nate's couch with a glass of wine in her hand. Nate sat on the chair across from her.

"This might be a lot to explain. I wanted to talk to you about it Thursday but you left the townhouse so quickly." Nate started, pausing to take a sip of his drink. "Ken is my campaign manager. In case you didn't know, I'm on track to run for Mayor next year." Mackenzie just nodded at him. "So, the thing about running for political office in this day and age is the access to information online. At our meeting Thursday I had to go through all my personal relationship history in case any old drama came up during the campaign."

"I have to admit I'm disappointed to be lumped in with old drama."

Nate shook his head, "That's the thing - you're not." He paused, trying to find the right words. "Truthfully, Ken and the team didn't know much about you or our relationship."

"So this NDA is to what? Sweep it all under the rug entirely?"

"No, of course not." Nate stood up, frustrated. "The last thing I want to do is wipe our relationship away." He took a few steps away from the living room. Mackenzie watched as he thought of what to say next.

"Nate," she quietly said his name, watching him turn to look at her. She met his eyes.

His eyes felt like coming home.

She had to look away, glancing down at her wine glass.

"Just tell me. Whatever this is about. We used to talk about all the uncomfortable stuff. That shouldn't be any different now. So, just say it."

Nate dropped down onto the other end of the couch and faced her. "Do you remember when you were being harassed by that news reporter? Suzanne Dunn from the _New York Post_?"

Mackenzie nodded.

"Okay. So. I never told you this. But I ended up paying her off. To stop her from trying to contact you."

Mackenzie's eyes went wide. "What?!" She didn't know how to respond.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you at the time."

"But why this NDA now? I didn't even know."

"Well, the last thing I would want is for you to find out when Suzanne tries to write some slander about me while I'm in the middle of the campaign. The team is worried something might derail the entire thing before I even get the nomination in the spring. Ken is trying to get ahead of it."

"And if I didn't come over here tonight I would have found this out at some meeting with your legal team on Monday?" She put her wine glass down.

Nate saw her body language change as he spoke to him. Her smile from earlier was gone. He saw her chest moving up and down, her breaths becoming quicker.

"Mackenzie," he reached his hand out to try and grab hers.

"No, stop," she crossed her arms over her chest and took a deep breath. _Nate's touch alone used to quiet every fear._

"Of course I wanted to tell you myself. In fact, I didn't authorize that Monday meeting. But you'll hardly even talk to me."

"Well, I tried to call you but you changed your number. So rushing over here seemed like the only option but it was a bad idea. I think I should just go." She stood up from the couch and took a few steps away. "Wait. How much did you pay her?"

Nate looked up at her then tore his eyes away.

"Nate. Tell me." Mackenzie was starting to conclude this wasn't some small payoff. Otherwise they wouldn't be insisting she sign some document saying she wouldn't comment on it.

"I paid her $2000, a personal cheque."

Mackenzie's eyes grew wide again. "What? Two grand? Are you serious?" She started to pace around the living room. Nate stood up to try and intercept her.

"Mackenzie, she was harassing you. In hindsight, we should have taken legal action but it was an easy solution."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because, at the time, I would do anything for you. You went through so much trauma already and at the time I wanted to do anything I could to make your life a bit easier. I never thought of the repercussions."

"This isn't fair. Nate, this is so confusing. I think I should be mad but..."

"I should have just told you then. I'm sorry I didn't. If this story comes out, although it very well might never come up in the news, the last thing I want is for your name to be dragged into it."

"You shouldn't have done this."

He let out a breath then grabbed her hands. "Mackenzie, it doesn't matter. I can't undo it." He stopped to swallow.

Mackenzie just looked down at their hands, then back up to Nate's eyes. "We can't do this. I can't do this."

Nate leaned in, moving his hands to her waist and pulling her in closely. It felt like fireworks as they touched. Mackenzie brought her hands up to Nate's neck and ran them through his hair. They stayed like that for a few moments, foreheads touching, breathing into each other, their lips almost-

_Mackenzie, what are you doing?!_

She pulled herself away from him, eyes wide with shock. "I can't do this." She couldn't even look at him. "I shouldn't have come here. This was not my intention. I just can't, Nate. I have a boyfriend."

He followed her to the door where she scrambled to pull on her coat.

"Mackenzie, please. I want you in my life."

"And I want you in my life, Nate. But if you knew..I just. We can't."

"If I knew what? C'mon, Mack. We went through so much shit before. But we made it. We can make it through whatever."

She dropped her shoulders and turned around, pointing at him.

"That's bullshit, Nate!" She shook her head. "When I told you I wanted to stay in London, you gave up. You said no. So we can't make it through _whatever_."

Mackenzie could tell that struck a chord in him. Nate stiffened and crossed his arms.

"I gave up because you did, Mack. You must not remember it very clearly but I do - you _told_ me you were staying. That's it. End of discussion. I had no say. I had every right to be mad."

"Five seconds ago you were saying we could forget about everything else. Clearly you don't believe that or you would stop telling me how selfish I was! Are you mad at me or not? I needed a break from this life and I'm sorry you don't understand that still."

"I don't know if I'm mad! But I think we both have things we've left unsaid so why can't we just fucking talk about it."

Mackenzie had her hand on the door knob. She turned and looked over at him. His eyes were sad. She felt her tears start to fall. "I can't fight about this every time we cross paths, Nate."

Nate just looked at her. He shrugged slightly, running a hand through his hair. He swallowed hard. "Just tell me there isn't a part of you that came back with me in mind. Just tell me and I'll let this go."

_I can't say that, Nate. Of course you're on my mind. You're always on my mind. But maybe that doesn't matter anymore._

Mackenzie just squeezed her eyes shut and turned the door handle, walking away without saying anything else.

* * *

_August 2015_

_At the beginning of August, Mackenzie had a weeklong break from her summer program. She hopped on a plane and met Nate in the Athens airport._

_Every time they reunited, it felt like months had passed. Even though Nate had visited in June and took her to Paris. Then again in July with a long weekend to Amsterdam._

_But a week in Santorini with the love of her life was everything Mackenzie dreamed of._

_Late one night, they were sitting outside their rental, looking down at the rest of the neighbourhood. The air was warm. The moon was bright._

_Down the hill, there was some sort of party happening. A few small children continuously ran up and down the steps nearby._

_Mackenzie leaned into Nate's chest as his arm draped over her._

" _Do you want to have kids?" Nate asked suddenly, as a few children raced by their stairs again._

" _Right this very second? No. I want to have more wine."_

_Nate just smiled and rolled his eyes. "I mean, eventually. In the future. Sometime. With me."_

_Mackenzie squeezed his torso and nuzzled into his chest. "I do. Admittedly I think childbirth and pregnancy is scary but I want to be a mom. A cool mom, though."_

" _Good. I can already see little William and Michaela."_

" _Oh, if we're talking names, Michaela is off the table. Elementary school bully. How about Gloria?"_

" _Gloria? Are we having a grandmother?"_

_Mackenzie laughed and pulled away from him, smiling. "Can we shelve this discussion for later? I'm way too hot."_

" _How do you feel about sneaking down to the dock for a late night swim?"_

_She gave him a playful smile. "I'm in. But only if we skinny dip."_

" _Mack, there are people everywhere."_

" _Oh come on, Archibald. Live a little."_

_By the end of August, Mackenzie had settled into a routine with Jenny in London. Sunday nights they would get groceries together and plan their weeks._

_Mackenzie got a job offer on her last Friday of class and by that Sunday night, she and Nate were breaking up. It was sudden and painful for both of them. She didn't want it to be that way - she wanted to do long distance for the year. But Nate wasn't on board with her plan._

" _Mackenzie, didn't you think of talking to me before you took the job?"_

" _It's an incredible opportunity! I'll admit I acted impulsively but this is for my future."_

" _But what about our future?"_

" _It's only a year. And I'll come home at Christmas then maybe you can come visit-_

" _I can't do long distance for a year." There was a heavy pause in their conversation._

" _So, that's it? I should just not take the job and come back to New York for you?"_

" _Why does that sound like such a bad thing? Two weeks ago we were talking about your plan to move in with me, Mack. And now you're not even coming home."_

" _Nate, please. We can make this work."_

" _Mackenzie, just because you want to stay in London and hide away from this city doesn't mean I have to play along. What happens in a year when your job contract is over then you get another one? Or you meet someone or -_

" _Is that what this is about? Nate. I love you. You're the only one I want. But I don't want to turn down this job."_

_Mackenzie was sobbing over the phone. This is not what she wanted. This is not how it was supposed to go._

" _Well, it sounds like you made up your mind before this phone call. What hurts the most is that of course I'm excited for you, Mack. The job sounds like a perfect fit for you. But I wish you had talked to me about this first. A relationship only works when two people communicate and work through things together. You deciding to take a job in London is not for us. You didn't even consider us. It's for you."_

" _So maybe there isn't an us anymore."_

" _Mack, please. Where is this coming from?" Mackenzie could feel her heart breaking as he spoke. She could hear his voice cracking._

" _Nate. The last year of my life has been a roller coaster. I have no idea what my future looks like-_

" _What does that mean? We've been planning our future together!"_

" _My whole life everyone has treated me like this delicate piece of china. Like they need to protect me. But I want to do this for me! I want you to understand that."_

_There was a deafening silence that followed. Mackenzie was almost certain she heard Nate sniffling._

" _It's just one year Nate, please. Then I'll come home and I'll move in and we can start-_

" _I'm sorry Mackenzie. But I can't do it. I'm not going to wait for you." Pause. "Is there any way I can convince you to come home? Please. For me. Mack, you are all I want and need. It's only you. I don't want any of this life without you."_

" _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_

* * *

Mackenzie hid away in the loft all day Saturday. Luckily the rain continued and it suited her mood perfectly.

Nate texted her Saturday to apologize: ' _Mackenzie, I'm sorry for what happened and about the NDA. I shouldn't have put you in that position. I understand if you want to keep your distance from me - it's easier for both of us.'_

She didn't reply to him. The NDA meeting was canceled.

On Sunday she went for brunch with Jenny. Mackenzie couldn't help but unload everything to her sister.

"Wait, you went to his place soaking wet, fought with him, then found yourself in some sexy embrace and managed to walk away!?" Jenny exclaimed across the booth.

"You make it sound so romantic but-

"It is romantic, Kenzie. God. How did you resist kissing him?"

"Jen, stop. You know my feelings are complicated."

"You still love him so why not just get to it?"

"I do not."

"Oh stop. You do. We all know you guys are still into each other. Even Nick knew."

Mackenzie sighed. She wasn't wrong. The final straw with Nick was Mackenzie continuously saying Nate's name as she slept. Apparently that in itself was reason enough to break up - he didn't want to be her second choice forever.

"You know I never told Nate about _everything_."

"I know Kenzie. It's not easy but he deserves to know."

Mackenzie sighed. "I just don't want to hurt him again. I know he's still mad about how we broke up. What if he hates me after he finds out?"

"Okay. Real talk. He might be upset. He might be hurt. But he could never hate you. You know that. What's the worst case scenario here?"

"I tell him the truth. He gets upset and never forgives me for not telling him. I die alone in the loft with only an iguana to keep me company. Dan gives a eulogy at my funeral. Nate shows up with his beautiful wife and sheds a single tear."

"Okay. You need to get out of the loft more."

* * *

Even though Blair was back in the city and their nanny was available, Henry has requested _Miss Kenzie_ come over and babysit again Thursday. And then the following Thursday as well.

Truthfully, Mackenzie didn't mind. Henry brought her a lot of joy and after her long days at the Foundation, it was a fun break on Thursdays. That particular night Blair was working in her at home atelier whole Henry and Mackenzie played with his LEGO collection in his playroom.

"Henry," Blair popped her head into the room, "Uncle Nate is home with daddy. He brought cookies. And since you played so well tonight with Kenzie, we'll have a hot cocoa before bed."

"Yes!" Henry jumped up, narrowly missing knocking over his tower of plastic bricks. "Can you stay?" He looked at Mackenzie who glanced over to Blair.

"Of course you can stay, Mackenzie. But if you have other things to do, I'm sure we'll all understand." Mackenzie knew Blair was being diplomatic for her sake. It was a veiled attempt at saying 'if you want to leave and avoid Nate, it's okay'.

"Kenzie has nothing else to do. She doesn't even have a boyfriend or a husband, mum."

Blair stifled a laugh then gave Mackenzie a quizzical glance, "Don't you have a British suitor?"

Mackenzie shook her head. "That ended a while ago. I was trying to keep that a secret but I suppose the truth had to come out sometime." Blair gave her a small smile which grew into something more playful, then turned on her heel and hurried away.

"Wow, Hen. That's the last time I tell you anything. C'mon."

She extended her hand to the young boy but he stayed put. "My legs won't work. Will you carry me?"

"This sounds like a trick. But I will grant you one piggyback."

The Nate Archibald 2018 committee dispersed early Thursday evening. Nate and Chuck headed to the townhouse with a small box of pastries in tow.

After saying hello, Blair returned upstairs to collect Henry for his special late night snack, not before warning Nate that Mackenzie was there babysitting again.

As annoyed as the warnings were about Mackenzie, he appreciated them. She hadn't talked to him in a few weeks now, after her rainy visit to his apartment and their almost kiss. Nate was starting to accept that would be their last embrace.

Blair rejoined them in the kitchen shortly after, playing with their fancy coffee machine to steam milk for hot cocoa. She turned to Chuck and whispered in his ear.

"Huh. Interesting." Chuck smirked at his wife, then at Nate.

"I don't want to know what that look is for." Nate dropped onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. A few moments later, Henry's giggle was echoing through the main floor. Mackenzie walked into the kitchen with him on her back, matching his laughter. For some reason, seeing her giggling with the young boy made Nate's heart beat just a bit faster. He hated those emotional reactions. But for a brief moment, he remembered his dreams of having a life and future and family with her.

Mackenzie squatted down a bit for him to hop off and he ran over to Nate. "Uncle Nate!"

"Oh, so _now_ your legs work."

"What's up, little man?" Nate pulled Henry up onto his lap, pulling a cookie out of the box for him.

"Kenzie and I built a big tower," he stretched his arms up, explaining the height. Blair poured a few mugs of hot cocoa, pouring a splash of something extra into the mugs for the grownups.

"I'm not sure it's structurally sound but we did get it pretty tall," Mackenzie added in, sliding into a stool a few away from Nate and Henry.

"Is it big enough for us all to live in?"

"Yes, mumma. Me an' you an' daddy in the penthouse!" Henry shot his hand up again as he talked.

"As if your four year old knows the term penthouse," Mackenzie laughed, throwing a surprised look to Chuck. He just smirked at her.

"Then Uncle Dan and Auntie Rena! Then uncle Nate and Kenzie can live there too!"

"Not together though, right Hen?"

The small boy leaned into Nate's chest, "Uncle Nate - you don't have a wife and Kenzie doesn't have a boyfriend so you can live together with Max the cat." Henry leaned back into Nate's chest. "So no one is alone!"

Mackenzie was embarrassed to have Henry going on and on about her lack of boyfriend. But his sentiment was cute. She looked down at her cup of cocoa. She could feel Nate's gaze.

"Well, let's hope you build that tower for us one day, kid," Nate finally said, tousling his hair. "Now, you better eat that cookie before I do."

* * *

Mackenzie had to admit she liked living alone again but she did miss the company at times.

Transitioning back to life in New York had been challenging but she felt like she was finally getting into the swing of things. She was three weeks into working at the Bass Foundation and she was enjoying it. She saw her siblings often enough, even though they all had busy schedules and found a real sense of family in the group again.

She did often feel a pang of sadness when she saw Nate. Although she was choosing to keep her distance, and he was respectful of it, she knew something was still there. She knew she could just say _fuck it_ and run to him.

But she couldn't.

And in time, she would lose her opportunity, she was sure of it. Nate was one of the most eligible bachelors in the city. His campaign team was crafting his image and soon enough, someone else would be at his side.

Sunday night was quiet for Mackenzie. She prepped some food for her lunches. She called her dad. She made plans with her old coworker Vivienne for afterwork drinks later in the week.

She fell asleep before midnight. Everything was quiet.

Until it wasn't anymore.

Mackenzie was woken up in the middle of the night by a noise in the kitchen. She had taken to sleeping with her door closed when she lived with Jenny and the habit carried over even though she lived alone. But she had no idea what the noise was when she woke up this time.

It was dark. She sat up in her bed and stayed as quiet as possible. Her breath started to pick up when she realized it was the sound of _footsteps._ Someone was in the apartment.

She checked her phone for any hope of a strange answer. Maybe Dan needed something and had to come over urgently to get it?

She quietly climbed out of her bed, pulling on a sweater and searching around for something to act as a weapon. She dialed 9-1-1 on her phone but didn't hit the call yet.

What was she supposed to do now? Wait until they leave? Hide out in her closet? Hope they don't open the door to her room? It seemed bold for someone to break in when someone was occupying the place?

She waited in her room, clutching an old textbook in one hand and her phone in the other.

She texted Dan: ' _someone is breaking into the loft right now what do I do'_

It was 3AM. He was probably asleep.

She listened to the intruder pull open drawers and throw things on the ground. Their footsteps grew closer to her end of the loft. They went into the spare room and rifled around.

Mackenzie felt frozen when they approached her door. She heard them grab the doorknob and open the door opposite her.

She screeched loudly and swung the textbook at the person as they stepped into the room. She hit them square in the face. They screamed in pain. She hurried to the far side of the room.

"Ah what the fuck? This place was supposed to be empty!"

"Get out!" Mackenzie screamed at them, dialing her phone finally. It was dark and she could hardly see the person on the other side of the room. She muttered into the operator on the phone, trying to spew out her address and what was going on.

_Tall, male, deep voice. Hooded sweatshirt._

"Hang up, girlie," the voice growled from the other side of the room. She heard a click.

Mackenzie gulped and dropped her phone to the ground. She hoped she had given them enough info.

The intruder user the light on his phone to look around for a moment, grabbing Mackenzie's purse from the near the bedroom door. In the sparse light, Mackenzie couldn't see a gun in his hand but she was certain that's what she heard. Her heartbeat started to increase. She took deep breaths and closed her eyes, sinking onto the floor.

"Please just go. Take whatever you want."

She heard him laugh, then she heard her purse dropped on the floor. A moment later, something else hit the floor too. Maybe her wallet.

"Have a nice night, Mackenzie."

The intruder ran away as quickly as possible. Mackenzie scurried to grab her phone. The operator was still on the line.

As she waited for the police to show up, Mackenzie Humphrey had her first panic attack in a long time.

* * *

_Well, there's only so many ways to have the same conversation. Is it worth the fight or will our Golden Hero throw in the towel? But, have we considered Miss Kenzie might need him now more than ever?_


	4. Chapter 4

Nate Archibald had a date. It was the first time in a long time that he had a date. A first date, even.

He was nervous, even if it was still a few days away. His brain was racing all day Monday about if it was the right thing to do.

Truthfully, he thought with Mackenzie returning to the city, they would get back together. But she made it clear her guard was up. Her boyfriend story unravelled quickly and even though she was available, it was clear to Nate she wasn't emotionally prepared to date anyone, especially him. So, at the advice of Kenneth Yang, why not date around?

Cassandra Kennedy had been in Nate's family circle his whole life. To the point where their mothers encouraged them to date for years. So, even though Cassandra was recently divorced, Nate decided to finally test the waters. She was successful, charming and beautiful. What more could he ask for?

He was nervous about the whole thing though.

He had arranged to meet up wit Dan for a beer Monday night for some first date advice and to catch up. But mid afternoon, he got a call from Dan asking to reschedule.

"Sorry to bail, man. I've just gotta help my sister with some stuff. Something happened, and, yeah. Long story. But maybe tomorrow? Pencil me in for lunch?"

"No worries. Is everything okay?" Nate wanted to ask which sister Dan was talking about.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I'll explain more tomorrow."

"Alright. Noon. Burgers on me."

Dan sighed then tucked his phone away. His Monday did not go how he thought it would. Waking up to an erratic phone call from his sister at three in the morning was not how he wanted to start his day.

By the time Dan rushed to the loft, there was a team of police officers on the scene, relaying information to his sister.

He could tell Mackenzie was quite shaken up from the whole ordeal. After she gave her statement, the police officers let her and Dan leave. They were going to stay and take photos and more notes.

Mackenzie tried to nap back at Dan and Serena's but didn't have much luck. She contacted Chuck and her team at the foundation and let them know she would work from home. Dan and Serena spent the morning helping her cancel her cards and ordering new ones.

The intruder had taken all the cards including her ID from her wallet. All that remained was an old miniature photo of her and Nate that she had tucked into a pocket. Mackenzie figured it was time to get a new wallet, anyway.

One of the hardest parts of the whole situation was it left Mackenzie feeling more alone and isolated. What would have happened if that intruder had attacked her? What would she have done differently? Was it wreckless to live alone after something like that happened?

By the afternoon, Dan and Mackenzie returned to the loft together. Seeing the damage done as daylight streamed through the window made Mackenzie sick.

This thief had rifled through all the drawers and cupboards, thrown things off the shelving unit including stacks and stacks of records, stolen makeup from the bathroom, then finally her wallet contents.

The police told them they were likely looking for small things. Easy to carry out. Easy to resell. There had been a few more break ins recorded in the same block that week.

Mackenzie felt like an idiot.

She sat on the floor restacking the record collection as Dan talked to Rufus on the phone about insurance and a security system.

"Yeah dad, she's fine. Just a little freaked out."

Mackenzie couldn't help but roll her eyes. _Classic Rufus. Can't even ask me how I am himself._

"And yes, I told her I would stay over if she needs it. Or she can crash at our place."

Mackenzie did not want to intrude on the life of her brother and his new wife. Even spending the morning at their place she felt like a burden. Serena was getting over a cold and not feeling well at all.

Truthfully, she didn't want to think about being alone at the loft anymore. Even though the police said they would be patrolling overnight for a few days.

She still felt uneasy.

She just hated that someone else had been in her space. It made her feel violated.

"Hey, can we agree to keep this situation to ourselves? I don't want people to worry."

"Well, considering Serena and Jenny already know, which means one of them likely told Blair and she'll tell Chuck...everyone is going to find out. I know when you say you don't want _people_ to worry, you mean Nate."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes again.

"I think you're being stupid about this whole thing, Mack."

"I don't remember asking for your opinion, Dan." She did not want to have this conversation with her brother, especially at that moment.

"While I may have been originally adverse to you and Nate, I'm not sure I can picture either of you with another person. You two make the most sense."

"Yeah, well, that's a depressing description. Thanks. Even so, that doesn't mean we get to be together."

"Well, if you would stop pushing him away -

_It's not that easy, Daniel!_

"We're not having this discussion." Mackenzie stood up from her spot on the floor and walked away from her brother, heading into the washroom and slamming the door.

Dan stuck around the loft for a while. Mackenzie hid out in a hot shower then finally re-emerged to apologize to her brother. She knew Dan meant well but they both knew his intentions didn't always come across clearly.

They ordered a pizza and put a record on and relaxed for a bit once the loft was mainly put back together.

Later that evening, Chuck appeared at the door.

"Chuck Bass in Brooklyn," Dan said, a confused face on as Chuck walked in.

"Daniel, I'll have you know this borough is growing on me. Considering the Foundation's new youth centre is opening up over here soon. Isn't that right Mackenzie?"

"Chuck's heart has grown three sizes these past few years, Dan, didn't you know?" Mackenzie smirked at her brother from her spot on the couch.

"Well, I can only imagine this visit isn't personal."

"As a matter of fact, it is." Chuck took a few further steps into the loft, shaking off his jacket. "I wanted to see how you're doing, Mackenzie."

Both Dan and Mackenzie looked at each other for a moment.

"I'm okay. Just a bit shaken up. Thanks Chuck."

"I have my head of security coming over in a few minutes with an old business partner. They're going to change your locks, install window sensors, and a security camera."

"Chuck, you don't have to do that. My dad is contacting the insurance company and-

"Listen, Daniel. My team can do more right now than whatever that insurance company decides in the next few weeks. I told Mackenzie her well being was important to me so I'm going to prove it."

Mackenzie swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn't know what to say. Chuck really was trying to show her he had grown. She wasn't going to question his generosity and she wished Dan would let his pride go, too.

"Well, thanks Chuck." Dan stood up from his stool and extended a hand to him.

"It's the least I can do. Now, what else did the police say?"

"Not a lot. They did spot some blood on the staircase that may belong to the guy so a forensics team did a swab."

"What? Really?"

"I hit him with an old Economics textbook. So I may have broken his nose."

Mackenzie had to admit she was impressed with how she handled that situation. Although, approaching the person breaking into the loft was not a good idea, even the police had advised her to avoid additional violence if it happened again.

Chuck tilted his head as he looked over at her, half a smile growing on his face, "Impressive, Miss Humphrey."

* * *

Just as she predicted, Mackenzie could hardly sleep the night after the break in. Or the night after. Or the night after.

By Thursday night she was exhausted and delirious. She had thrown herself into long hours at work to avoid the loft as much as possible. Every time she went back through the doors, her body felt heavy and stiff. Even with the new security features, including an updated digital entry system.

That night, she came home after ten. She had no long-standing play date with Henry so she had spent extra hours at the office reviewing the new marketing plan for the youth centre.

Now, it was late and she finally had a glass of wine in her hand. She finished her glass and quickly moved onto the next, scrolling through Netflix for something to watch. Nothing. She headed to the record shelf again. In her quick apartment clean up with Dan, she had shoved all the records into the shelves in no particular order.

And now, with no plan to sleep, she figured it was as good a time as ever to reorganize the collection.

Nate's planning team took that particular Thursday off. It was the big date night for Nate and Cassandra Kennedy.

And it was _fine._

Cassandra was beautiful. But Nate found her lacking something.

On paper, Cassandra was an ideal match for him. She would be the perfect candidate for political girlfriend or wife.

But something was missing.

He kissed her cheek goodbye. He headed home alone. He promised to call her the next day.

But he wasn't sure if he wanted to.

He tore into some work emails when he got home. He was laying in bed, watching sports highlights when his phone buzzed.

It was a message. A picture message. From Mackenzie Humphrey. She hadn't even looked at him in weeks, let alone responded to any messages he sent.

He opened it quickly. It was a picture of her legs, in colourful leggings, sitting on the floor, with piles of records all around her. The message said: ' _Archibald, you better still have my favourite Billy Joel record or I'm going to cry. I can't find it anywhere.'_

Nate was confused by the late night message but couldn't help but smile. ' _Why are you sorting through the Humphrey family record collection at midnight?'_

' _Can't sleep. You're avoiding answering.'_

' _I still have the record, of course.'_

' _I need photo proof. I need a pic of it! Preferably with Max in it too.'_

Nate smiled again. ' _You expect me to get out of bed just to take a picture of this record for you? And disturb Maxwell's slumber?'_

' _Yes. Please.'_ She sent along a selfie of her smiling, holding up a wine glass.

Nate's heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he saw her face. He wasn't sure what sparked this conversation, maybe it was the wine, but he didn't want it to stop. He climbed out of his bed and headed to his record shelf in the living room. He pulled out her coveted Billy Joel vinyl and propped it up on the couch behind a sleeping Maxwell and took a picture.

He sent it to her and waited.

She didn't respond.

He sighed but texted her back. ' _Wow. To think I got out of bed for you, Humphrey.'_

His phone rang. Mackenzie.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sorry," Her voice sounded far away. "I wanted to say thanks for the picture."

"You're welcome. I didn't expect a follow up phone call."

"Funny story!" Nate figured out he must be on speakerphone. "I dropped my wine glass. And sliced one of my texting thumbs open. So, a phone call was easier."

"Oh my god." He tried not to laugh. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm applying pressure and all that. You can stop laughing. It's just a cherry on top of this terrible week. Luckily the wine bottle is still very cold so it feels nice on the cut."

"You're not going to bleed out and pass out on me, are you?"

"Like I would waste this open bottle of wine. It's like you don't even know me, Archibald." Her voice was clearer now. He was off speaker. Everything was suddenly a bit more intimate. It almost felt like they were in the same room.

"I'm sorry to keep you awake or to have woken you up or to have woken up Maxwell," Mackenzie continued.

"It's fine, really. I was still up."

"Tell me about your night!" The wine was talking. Nate wasn't sure if they should continue this conversation. But he couldn't help but indulge.

"It wasn't anything exciting. I was home early." That wasn't entirely untrue, but he couldn't decide if revealing he had a date was the right move.

"I spent all night at the Foundation going over some plans for the new youth centre. Did you know Chuck wants to call it _Charles Haven_? Isn't that the dumbest thing you've ever heard?"

Nate couldn't help but laugh as she continued to ramble. He loved to listen to her ramble.

Their phone call continued on and on. Through yawns and laughs and eventually, Nate could tell she was falling asleep. Just hearing her sleepy words over the phone was enough to warm his heart.

* * *

"So, how was the date?"

Dan plunked himself down in a chair across from Nate's desk, grabbing his coffee to take a sip.

Nate leaned back in his chair, stifling a yawn.

"That good, huh? Late night?" Dan smirked at him, raising an eyebrow.

"Late night, yes. Unrelated to the date. Cassandra was fine."

"Fine? No one should be described as _fine_. Who kept you up late then?"

Nate hesitated. He wasn't sure if the phone call was a fluke last night or if it meant something. He considered keeping it to himself but it was hard to contain.

"Mackenzie. It's not what you think. Just a late night phone call. Friendly. It was... nice."

Dan gave him a half smile. "Interesting."

"We talked for a few hours, she eventually fell asleep. That might have been the wine though."

Dan's face fell for a moment, "Did she tell you what happened on Sunday?"

Nate shook his head.

"I would have told you but you canceled our lunch plans earlier this week." Dan paused. "Someone broke into the loft. While she was there in the middle of the night."

"What? Are you serious? No, she didn't tell me anything. What happened?"

"Broke in. Tore up the place. She bludgeoned him with a text book and he eventually left but she thinks he had a gun. All week she told me she was okay and falling asleep fine at night but there's no way. I got a ton of late night messages and she's looked exhausted since Sunday. So, it sounds like maybe you helped her fall asleep."

"Or she was just exhausted, I guess." Nate leaned forward on his desk, rubbing his eyes. "Is she okay?"

"She insists she's okay but, well, you know how she is." Dan took another sip of his coffee. "She didn't want you to know about what happened."

Nate swallowed the lump in his throat. "Why?"

"Her overall excuse is that she doesn't want you to worry about her. But if you ask me, that's exactly what she wants and needs."

Nate sighed. "I'm getting a lot of mixed signals from her, man. She shuts me out for weeks then talks to me on the phone for hours. All we've been doing up until last night was fighting. I don't know if it's worth it."

Dan leaned back in the chair. "You know, Jen told me Mack built a very big wall up after mom died."

Nate nodded, thinking back to his severed friendship with Mackenzie the year before. "Yeah, I know. We tried to be friends last year. It didn't work."

"Well, you scaled that wall before. Maybe you need to do it again. I know it's a two way street, of course - it's not up to you to fix whatever your relationship is. But I think she's feeling overwhelmed."

"Yeah. Well. She's making it pretty hard."

"Is she? Because you talked on the phone for hours last night. So, maybe just start small. Try that again. See what happens."

After Dan left, Nate was distracted. Hearing about the break in at the loft was really weighing on him.

He was still pulled to Mackenzie. He even considered the cost of hiring security to patrol her building but stopped himself from exploring such a thing. Dan reassured him Chuck had installed plenty of new security precautions for the loft. But that didn't stop Nate from worrying.

At that point, he wasn't even sure if he could consider Mackenzie his _friend._ She was the one who said she couldn't be friends with him. If they weren't friends or lovers, what were they? And why was it so hard for them to figure it out?

He knew that if they were to get back together it wouldn't be as magical as he remembered their relationship. They were both older and wiser, but Nate was running a huge news publication, online and in print, and paving the foundation for the mayoral race. He hardly had time for himself - who knows what a relationship would look like?

But every doubt he presented to himself, he argued back. It was Mackenzie. Mackenzie. The girl he had intended to start his _life_ with. She was back in the city, they were in the same time zone again, working on their careers. Wasn't it worth it to try again? He knew he was still harbouring some resentment but only if she would really talk to him, they could figure it out.

Now, knowing she was dealing with the aftermath of this break in, he was worried she would push him out for good. Maybe another phone call was the best way to ease his mind.

* * *

Mackenzie felt surprisingly well rested when she woke up Friday morning. She was spending the day working from home, mainly because she had an appointment with her therapist that afternoon and it was easier to stay in the neighbourhood.

She was grateful to finally get some sleep - four hours in a row before she woke up scared this time.

After the shooting at Northeastern, Mackenzie had visited a therapist infrequently in Boston. She started going again right before she left New York. But it wasn't until after her mom died, and the events that followed, that she found someone new in London.

Now, back in the city, her one priority was making sure her mental health was in check.

Her therapist, Simone, was so kind. Mackenzie was grateful she took her on as a client again so quickly. They had only just developed a rapport before Mackenzie left the city years ago but they had kept in touch. Simone had recommended her doctor in London, even.

Simone was patient but stern in her discussions with Mackenzie, and she appreciated that.

Mackenzie sat down on the plush maroon arm chair in Simone's office, sipping her mug of coffee. Simone was sitting at her desk, leaning back in her chair. She spoke softly with Mackenzie. She looked across the table, pulling down her glasses and tapping in her notebook.

"So, Mackenzie, how are you sleeping?"

Mackenzie had seen Simone earlier in the week, a last minute Tuesday morning appointment, after what happened on Sunday.

"I fell asleep late but I fell asleep, at least. For about four hours this time."

"And what was different about last night?"

"Three quarters of a bottle of wine, probably." Mackenzie hesitated. "And talking to my ex on the phone."

"Nate?"

Mackenzie sighed. "Yes."

"Well, there must have been some comfort there. How did that feel? You said you've been having trouble even thinking about talking to him, especially after your first few arguments."

"Our conversation last night was great. Just like we fell back into our old selves. But it was glossy - we didn't talk about our breakup or my mom or what happened last year. If it was always that easy, I would talk to him every day."

"Well, we know it can't always be that easy. But what's the biggest hurdle from stopping you from at least having a friendship with him again?"

"I guess if I'm being honest, I don't want his friendship. I want to be with him. But I'm not sure I can admit that to him. And I still haven't told him about, well, you know."

There was a silence in the room for a brief moment. Mackenzie let out a slow breath.

"The miscarriage. You should say it. Saying it out loud may help."

In the short time Mackenzie had been seeing Simone, she had really helped her find some perspective. But sometimes it was hard. Especially, facing the dark time she went through last year was not an easy thing to welcome back into her life.

Mackenzie lost her mom last spring. And less than two months later, following her moms funeral, she realized she was pregnant. Before she even compiled her thoughts and feelings about the whole experience, before she could even bring herself to tell Nate, she lost the baby.

She didn't do anything wrong. It was just bad circumstances. And not uncommon, as her doctor told her. But it devastated her all over again. It broke her heart in a way she didn't anticipate. And she still hadn't been able to tell anyone, especially Nate. Jenny was the only one who knew, because she had been at her sister's side the whole time.

"I'm worried about telling him."

"Because you don't want to upset him."

"No. Well, yes. But I also don't want him to resent me. For keeping it from him. For losing the baby."

"Mackenzie, the guilt you feel over losing a pregnancy is common. But you need to start allowing yourself to heal. To forgive yourself, even though you were not at fault. To mourn and accept that what you experienced is very real."

Mackenzie just sipped her coffee and nodded. She knew Simone was right.

_If only it was that easy._

"This is also something I would love to talk to my mom about. And that's been hard, too."

"I can understand that. But you know you have a network of family to help you. And that talking to them about it, and about your mom, can be cathartic."

"I just feel so guilty for holding onto this for so long. I was barely eight weeks along. So many people suffer losses much greater than mine…"

"Mackenzie. I will remind you what I said last time: grief is not a competition. You still carried life and suffered a loss. Your grief is valid."

Mackenzie nodded, swallowing hard. _My grief is valid._

"Here's what I want you to do before I see you next: tell someone. Maybe your brother or a close friend. But someone. Tell them as much as you want. Then maybe, it'll get easier to think about telling Nate, too."

Mackenzie nodded, "Okay. I can do that. I can tell one person."

Simone smiled, then pulled off her glasses. She laid them on the desk and leaned forward in her desk. "One more thing. I just want to restate that I don't recommend drinking on your current dose of medication. Just keep that in mind. And I know you said that panic attack you had Sunday was the first you've had in a while - remember to write down anything you can if you start to feel that way again."

Mackenzie nodded again, and thanked Simone as she left the office.

Mackenzie was wandering around the loft that night. Her brain was racing and she was trying hard to calm down. She kept trying to think of a reason to call Nate and talk to him again. Their conversation the night before was so comforting and familiar. But for the life of her, she couldn't think of a single reason to call him.

She scrolled through some recent posts on The Spectator to see if something could spark a conversation but it was no use. Maybe she could text him something at random, then apologize for sending it to the wrong person.

_You're insane. What is this, high school? Are you that desperate to just hear the sound of his voice? Just call him. You did it before. Just ask him a question or -_

Mackenzie's racing thoughts were cut off by her phone vibrating in her hand. A phone call. From Nate.

She nearly dropped her phone.

"Hello?" She answered, pacing around the apartment as she held the phone to her ear.

"Hey, it's Nate."

_Like I didn't immediately recognize your voice, Nathaniel._

"Hey. What's up?" Mackenzie paced around her apartment, doing her best to slow her heart rate down. It was strange to feel nervous about Nate again - it was a refreshing change from the confusing anger she had been feeling.

"Last night you were mentioning the opening media event for the new youth centre. What day was that again? I want to put it in my calendar."

Mackenzie smiled. She couldn't help but think that was something he easily could have texted her about. She relayed the dates and information to him, and their conversation continued on.

Before they knew it, they had been on the phone for over an hour talking about everything and anything.

"No, what I'm saying is Glinda was not a good witch."

"Nate, her name is literally Glinda the _Good Witch_."

"Yeah, but who decided that? Glinda herself? You've gotta admit my theory has some merit. She bascially tricked Dorothy into murder, just so she could have Oz to herself."

Mackenzie couldn't stop laughing. "I honestly do not understand how your brain works but okay. I see your point. I still don't think The Wizard of Oz was the right choice for a movie night with your four year old godson." She was certain she could hear him smiling.

"Blair started it. She called some other mom a Wicked Witch then Henry asked a few questions and then we _had_ to watch the movie."

"And I bet you _had_ to sing along, too."

* * *

Nate and Mackenzie fell into a nightly phone call routine. Neither of them mentioned it out loud but the phone call ended their nights for the next week. Sometimes it was brief, but mostly it was hours of genuine conversation.

They still glossed over their past and avoided certain topics but Mackenzie had to admit it's what she looked forward to most in her days.

And Nate felt the same way. He kept his head down and worked just as hard as usual in his day to day, but every night when he got home all he could think about was his nightly phone call with Mackenzie.

It was Friday morning and Serena was visiting Nate at The Spectator office with her next column draft. She continued to write her lifestyle reviews but they were moved to the biweekly print edition instead.

"I never got to hear about the honeymoon," Nate said to Serena, taking the documents from her.

She waved her hand at him, smiling, "I'm sure Dan filled you in."

"He gave me specific feedback about some turtle tour you guys went on but not much else."

"Well, it was beautiful and an incredible break. But it really wore me down. I came back with such a bad cold/flu thing. I'm still not really 100% back to myself." Serena let out a breath then gave Nate a small smile. "So. How are things with Cassandra?"

Nate gave her a confused glance. "What do you know?"

"I know my mother ran into Lisbeth Kennedy a few days ago and was raving about you two finally dating."

He leaned back in his chair and rolled his eyes, "We went on one date."

Serena raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay. We have another date tonight."

She clapped her hands together excited, then her face fell.

"What?" Nate asked.

"Sorry. I like Cassandra, I really do. We took ballet together when we were kids." She paused. "I guess I'm conflicted. I thought you and Mack would get back together."

Nate sighed. _So did I._

"Yeah, well, that's all really confusing. So dating Cassandra isn't the worst idea." He looked over at his friend, who opened her mouth to talk then pursed her lips. "Oh, spit it out already."

Serena hesitated. "I just want you to be happy. And last year, before The Captain had his heart attack, your plan was to fly across the ocean to Mack with the family ring."

"Yeah, I forgot about that drunken confession to you." Nate sighed again, rubbing his jaw as he thought. "I don't know what to do about anything, Serena. But my advisor thinks I need a public relationship."

"Well, you know it's not fair to date someone when you're still hung up on someone else."

Nate groaned dramatically, laying down on his arms on the desk. He remained there for a moment then looked up. Serena was laughing at him, standing up to leave. "Hey, good luck tonight. Let me know if you need a fake emergency call to get out of it early."

* * *

_Well, well, well. Maybe Mackenzie and Nate are on the path to something good. Although, let's hope a night out with old coworkers doesn't change anything for Miss Humphrey. Will a conversation with Blair Waldorf make any difference?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter five is here! Folks, I have to be honest. I was very nervous! to write this chapter. All I can say is we are ramping up to some goooood, juicy stuff. This chapter has a bit of everything including some old characters, old old characters, flashbacks, and some good ol'fashioned drama. Writing these last few chapters has been really refreshing to me and I'm happy to be feeling motivated to write these lil munchkins again.

_The morning light was shining through the windows as Mackenzie opened her eyes. It was warm._

_She just laid still for a moment, feeling someone shuffle in the bed beside her._

_Suddenly, that someone beside her was wrapping an arm over her torso, pulling her close. She could feel their breath along her neck and their bare chest pressing against her naked back._

" _Good morning beautiful," she heard Nate's voice flow into her ears. She shuffled back when she realized it was him. It had been so long since she had felt his touch._

_She whimpered quietly as he started to kiss her neck. His arm draped over her started to move slowly, tracing circles across the bare skin of her chest. Across her collarbone, down towards her breasts._

_As he continued to kiss her, she couldn't help but squirm at his touch. She could feel him ready to go behind her._

" _Nate," she breathlessly called out his name._

" _Tell me what you want…"_

" _Please, Nate."_

" _You know I love when you say please…"_

Mackenzie sat up quickly in her bed, breathing hard as she looked around her room. The sun was shining but she was alone. It was just a dream.

"Fuck," she said quietly to herself as she laid back down in her bed, squeezing her eyes shut, desperate to return to the dreamworld. She cursed again when it didn't work. She was certainly awake now.

Admittedly, the late night phone calls with Nate had started to awaken something in her. It was a constant reminder of how much she missed him and also how much she missed physical intimacy with him.

Nick had been fine in bed. A bit vanilla for her tastes but he was still effective. But it had been so long since she really felt connected with someone. She knew her compatibility in the bedroom with Nate would be hard to replicate with someone else. She missed it, immensely.

A buzzing noise broke her train of thought.

She glanced over at her phone and saw a message from Blair: ' _Your presence is requested for a family dinner at our townhouse tomorrow. Yes, that is all Humphrey siblings, one Archibald, and the VDWs included. Business casual dress appreciated but not required. Dinner will be served at 6:30 pm sharp.'_

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh at Blair requesting a dress code for dinner at her own house.

It was fitting as she wanted to talk to Blair about something anyway.

She spent the last week reflecting on what Simone had said. She needed to try and tell someone else before she could bridge discussing it with Nate. She contemplated telling Dan, but she couldn't fathom saying the words out loud to her brother.

She knew Blair had been pregnant and lost a baby before. It was a delicate topic to bring up, of course, but she figured she may as well ask and see if she had any advice.

Mackenzie replied to the text: ' _thanks Blair, I'll be there. Is there any chance I could come by early and talk to you about something? It's complicated and kind of personal but I wouldn't mind your advice.'_

She received a response from Blair quickly: ' _Sure. Henry will be out with Chuck all afternoon. Actually, this is perfect as I need a model for something I'm working on.'_

Mackenzie sighed at the word model. Aside from the custom dress Blair had made for her a few years ago, Mackenzie was not the core audience for most of Waldorf's previous lines. They were expanding their line to cater to more women but Mackenzie wasn't confident it was her style.

By any means, Mackenzie still fit and shopped for a lot of designer clothes. Having connections in the industry helped - including a sister who made her own clothes and now worked for Waldorf. But most companies designed up to a size 8 and Mackenzie was not that.

Now, she just had to build up the courage to have a real conversation with Blair. Then maybe she would talk to Nate and sort out their feelings, too.

* * *

Although Mackenzie's first role at Bass Industries was short lived, she had kept in touch with her old office-mate Vivienne Kane. Sometimes keeping in touch was just commenting on each other's social media pages or checking in via the occasional email, but it was nice nonetheless.

Vivienne still worked for BI - in fact, she was now in management in the Finance department under Lydia Scott.

The two were sitting at Cedar House in the financial district a few hours after their busy work days ended.

"Honestly, the transition was strange! Three years ago I was the lowly new employee and now I have five people who report to me."

Mackenzie raised her glass of wine to her friend, "Impressive!"

"Thanks," Vivienne smiled wide at her old friend. "Oh, I told Drew we were going out. He might stop by tonight."

"What's he doing now? I know he was dating Jasmine Strone but I thought maybe that was just to squeeze his way into that family."

Viv laughed then shrugged, "I think they're still together, actually. But he's working at some venture capitalist firm now."

"It's nice that you two kept in touch."

"That's a way to describe it," Viv raised an eyebrow towards Mackenzie.

"What does that look mean?" Mackenzie narrowed her eyes and gave her friend a playful smile. She always like Viv - she was self-assured, had a spitfire attitude and knew what she wanted in life. Paired with long legs and a sharp blonde bob, she was commanding. For Mackenzie, it was nice to have a friend who knew her purpose. It was inspiring in some ways.

"Drew and I made the bad decision of crossing the line. You know, sleeping with someone in the office. It was great for a long time until it wasn't."

Mackenzie couldn't help but let her jaw drop open. "Damn. Well, is it easier now that he doesn't work there?"

"Yes, aside from the booty calls." Viv pursed her lips and looked down.

"I thought he was dating someone?"

Viv just took a sip of her drink and shrugged. "Sorry if that makes me a shitty person but if there's one thing I've learned in this day and age is that loyalty doesn't always matter."

Mackenzie let out a breath and smiled at her friend. "Hey, honestly, no judgement Viv. Life can be complicated." _Not that I condone any form of infidelity. Not the time for a preachy lecture, Mackenzie._

"But enough about me - how's the English man?"

"Fuck if I know." It was Mackenzie's turn to shrug. She filled in her old friend about her relationship with Nick and how it had dissolved before she moved home.

"I knew you and Nate would end up together in the end," Viv concluded after Mackenzie stopped talking.

"Yeah, I don't know if we're getting back together." Mackenzie paused. "Although, full disclosure, I definitely woke up from a serious inappropriate dream about him this morning. It's been so long since I've actually had satisfying sex with someone. I think I just need…a release."

Mackenzie wasn't even sure what she was saying was how she really felt - deep down, the only release she wanted could only be provided by Nate Archibald himself. Was she really considering the option of a one night stand?

Viv smiled mischievously at her friend, "Well, if that's the case, you look smoking hot tonight and you should be getting your flirt on with someone."

As the two women looked around the room, their conversation was interrupted.

"There you are!" Mackenzie and Viv both turned to see their old coworker Drew standing at their table, drink in hand. Beside him stood someone Mackenzie didn't recognize - slate grey suit, tousled brown hair, cheeky smirk on his face.

"Come! Sit." Viv motioned as she slid down the booth. Drew sat in the now vacant spot beside her as his friend slid in beside Mackenzie.

Drew motioned between the girls, "Viv, Mackenzie - this is my friend Carter."

"Ah yes, Drew's former officemates. Pity I'm stuck sharing an office with him now."

Drew rolled his eyes at his friend. "Mackenzie, welcome back to city life. How are things at big bad Bass Industries?"

They talked for a few moments, catching up on their lives briefly.

"You're awful quiet, Baizen," Drew joked with his friend.

"Yeah, well, you know how I feel about Chuck Bass."

"Careful, he's Mackenzie's extended family or something now," Viv jumped in, laughing.

Mackenzie rolled her eyes and shifted to face Carter, "How do you know Chuck?"

"I guess we went to the same high school but our families used to run in the same crowd. Are you actually related to him?"

"No, not really. He's my sister-in-law's ex stepbrother."

Carter took a second to listen to what she was saying, then he raised his eyebrows. His lips turned up into a playful smile. "And your sister in law is?"

"Serena Van der Woodsen."

"So you're a Humphrey?"

"Or a future Archibald!" Drew added in, laughing. Mackenzie rolled her eyes and gave him an incredulous look.

Carter's gaze tightened as he looked at her, "Wait, you're dating Nate Archibald?"

"We used to date, yes. What's with the interrogation?"

Carter just smiled at her again, motioning as a waitress walked by. He ordered them all another round. Mackenzie wasn't sure of the reading she was getting from this Carter Baizen character but she was determined to have a good night with her friends.

A few drinks later, she was caught up in a conversation with him.

"I'm just saying technically I was at your dad's wedding!" Carter said to her, a smile on his face. She hated to admit it but she was having a good time getting to know him. He wasn't bad on the eyes and they had enough of a past in common that there was plenty of innocent stories to swap. He had glossed over most of his connections to the people Mackenzie knew but he did mention his previous relationship with Serena and how he helped her find her father.

"What's funny is that I wasn't even invited to that wedding. Well, I was originally but they pulled it together so quickly I hardly had time to even think about making the trip from Hudson." She took a long drink from her glass.

"Well, maybe they'll invite you when they renew their vows."

Mackenzie laughed and waved her hand, "Oh, that marriage didn't last. Lily is back with William and my dad has a new girlfriend."

"Huh."

"The complicated web of this family," Mackenzie finished off her drink. She turned her head to the other side of the booth only to realize Drew and Viv had disappeared.

She glanced down at her phone. It was past midnight. She and Carter must have been talking for a while.

She had a message from Viv: ' _I was not going to let Drew nail me in the bathroom again so we headed back to my place. Good luck with Carter lol'_

Mackenzie sighed. "Well, I guess that's it. I think I'll head home."

She motioned her head towards the door. Carter slid out of the booth to let her out.

"Where's home?" He asked her as they walked towards the bar to pay their tab. Carter insisted he'd cover her drinks.

"Brooklyn. But I'm heading home alone, Carter."

He gave her a half smile as they headed to the door, "Hey, you can't blame me for trying. Are you actually heading to bed or would you be down for a late night burger? No strings attached, Miss Humphrey." He held his hands up innocently.

Mackenzie hesitated. She wanted to go home and call Nate, but she was actually pretty hungry. Nate hasn't called her yet either so maybe their phone call routine was over. She glanced down at her phone then back to Carter. "Sure. But I'm paying for my own meal. And we're going to _Donna's Place._ "

Carter just laughed at her and flagged down a cab. A few minutes into the drive, her phone was buzzing. Nate.

"Hey," she answered, turning her head towards the window. "I'm actually just on my way home. Should I call you back or we can shelve this for tonight?"

"It's okay. Uhm. You can call me back."

Carter leaned forward in the cab and started to talk to the driver, interrupting Mackenzie's quiet conversation on the phone, "If you take 32nd, there's a shortcut down an alley I can show you."

Nate continued, "Are you with someone?"

"Just an old coworker. I'll call you later!"

By the time Mackenzie made it home _alone_ after her late night burger with Carter Baizen, she was exhausted. She fell asleep with her phone in her hand before she could call Nate back.

* * *

Mackenzie showed up at the townhouse late afternoon with a bouquet of fresh flowers for Blair and a sticker book she picked up for Henry.

Dorota met her at the door and took the flowers, a wide smile on her face. She motioned upstairs and told Mackenzie she could find Blair in her atelier.

Mackenzie climbed to the third floor and knocked as she entered the space. Blair was sitting at her desk, rolling through a small box of fabric swatches.

"Mackenzie, hi," Blair looked up as she walked in, a tight smile on her face. Mackenzie took a seat across from her desk. "Thank you for adhering to the suggested dress code."

Mackenzie glanced down at her outfit. She had on a forest green dress and black leggings. "I didn't really read it as a suggestion."

"Once this past summer your barbarian brother showed up to dinner here in cargo shorts. Cargo! I told Serena to burn them."

"His fashion sense has gotten better over the years at least."

"Cargo shorts, Mackenzie. Anyway, what did you want to discuss?"

"I just want to preface this conversation by saying I know this isn't my place to ask and you likely aren't the type to volunteer the information. But I know...hmm. Let me start at the beginning."

_Mackenzie knew she was spiralling._

_She climbed up the stairs from the subway station and took deep breaths as she walked through Manhattan. The weight in her chest, mostly stemming from anxiety and leftover grief paired with the aftereffects of sobbing for the last week, made every breath feel sharp._

_On some level, she had no idea where her feet were taking her._

_She finally pulled her phone out and did the bravest thing she could think of._

_She hit the call symbol beside the small picture of Nate in her contacts. She wasn't entirely sure this was even his number anymore but it was worth a try. It was a cool Saturday night. Spring had arrived in the city days ago, but the chilled air of winter seemed to be lingering._

_She tugged her coat closer to her chest as she heard the call ring in her ear._

_Hang up. This was a mistake. Hang up._

_Just as she was about to pull her phone away, she heard his voice on the other end._

" _Hello?"_

_She breathed in deeply._

" _Mackenzie?" Hearing him say her name out loud was almost enough to cause her to collapse on the sidewalk._

" _Hi."_

" _Hi."_

" _Listen, I'm sorry, I just wanted to apologize for how I acted the other day. At my mom's…" She trailed off. Funeral. You were just at your mom's funeral, Mackenzie._

" _It's okay. I can't even imagine what's going on in your head right now so really, it's okay."_

" _And I'm sorry for calling you out of nowhere on a Saturday night. I'm sure you're in the middle of something and-_

" _I mean, I'm working on a publication schedule at home, in my pajamas, so that's something, I guess." She couldn't help but smile, picturing Nate sitting at his kitchen table, a short glass of scotch beside him, plaid pajama pants on his legs._

" _Nate, I'm a mess. Everything is a mess. I leave tomorrow morning but my brain is just racing and…" She swallowed hard. She just had to say it. "I just don't want to be alone tonight."_

_The pause that followed her statement was two seconds long, but to Mackenzie it felt like a lifetime._

" _Are you still at The Empire? John can be there in-_

" _I just got off the Subway on 96th."_

" _I'll meet you in the lobby."_

_Mackenzie sat quietly on Nate's couch as he answered his door. Once he heard she hadn't eaten all day, he insisted on ordering pizza. She took a few sips of her wine._

_He brought the hot pizza into the living room with some plates. He handed her a slice._

" _So, I know you're not okay but do you wanna talk about it?"_

_Mackenzie shook her head at him._

" _Nate, I'm sorry. For staying in London."_

" _Mack, we don't have to -."_

" _I should have come home. Then maybe I could have had more time with my mom and you and this could all be easier."_

" _Hey, the time between your mom's diagnosis and…." Nate paused. "No one could have known. You can't beat yourself up about it."_

" _It's easier to blame someone."_

" _Mack," Nate put down his plate and slid over towards her. He put his hand on her thigh. "That's not fair."_

_She took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold back her tears. Moments later Nate was moving her plate and wrapping his arms around her._

" _Thank you," she whispered into him as he held her. "For even taking my call tonight."_

" _I can't tell you how many times I thought about calling you."_

" _Nate, I'm sorry I hurt you." She pulled away from him, locking his eyes with hers. He ran his hands down her arms until he was holding her hands. He grazed his thumbs against her soft skin. "And I'm sorry I have to leave again tomorrow."_

" _Well, we have tonight. All night." He leaned in close, his lips just inches away from hers. "I'm here for you, Mack. Especially if you want to." He knew she did. He could feel it. He could see it in her body language._

_Mackenzie knew in her heart, she was seeking Nate out for a reason. Because she needed the comfort, the familiarity, the touch of his skin. She needed to feel something good. She needed a distraction. She needed Nate._

_She pressed her lips onto his. "Yes. Please."_

_Six weeks later, back in London, Mackenzie was walking laps around her and Jenny's apartment. Slow laps, to combat her upset stomach._

" _Jen, I'm freaking out. I can't do this."_

" _Kenzie," Jenny put her hands on her sister's shoulders to steady her. "I'm right here with you. Let's just look."_

_Mackenzie and her sister were standing just outside the bathroom door of their flat, patiently awaiting the results of a home pregnancy test._

" _But what if it's positive? How do I tell him?"_

" _You'll cross that bridge when you come to it. C'mon."_

_Jenny turned the knob and went back into the bathroom. She entertained her sister's logic of closing the bathroom door while they waited ten minutes for the test to be ready. Like hiding the test on the other side of the door was going to make a difference._

_Mackenzie was well past being late on her period and had spent weeks battling what she thought was the flu. They both knew what was happening but had to be sure. It was Jenny who bought the pregnancy test and forced her sister to take it._

_Mackenzie took a step into the bathroom and looked down at the test on the counter showing two solid lines. She took a deep breath and sunk down to sit on the toilet._

" _I can't believe I'm going to be an Aunt!" Jenny exclaimed. She turned to look at her sister._

_Her face fell. "Hey, Kenzie. It's going to be okay."_

_Mackenzie couldn't stop shaking as she sat there. How could she be pregnant? She and Nate had only twelve hours of overlap. Mind you, a lot of that time had been spent naked in his bed. But they had so many encounters before and never hit the mark like this. Although Mackenzie knew she had screwed up her birth control schedule during that week. There had been other things on her mind._

" _Jen, how can I do this without mom?"_

_Jenny rushed over to her sister and squatted in front of her. "Hey. You have me. And you'll have Nate. All mom would want is for you to not have to go this alone." She reached into her pocket. "Call him."_

_Mackenzie shook her head. "I can't right now. I need to wrap my head around this and make a doctor's appointment so I know for sure."_

_Mackenzie put off telling Nate for weeks, until she could get into a doctor's office for an ultrasound._

_She still continued her friendship with him, that's what they had decided on when she left, but it was getting harder and harder to keep her secret._

_It was a few days after the initial pregnancy test that Nate called her in the middle of the night, near tears. The Captain had suffered a heart attack and he was freaking out._

_She talked him down and stayed on the line with him while he was in the waiting room. They messaged the next day and he kept her updated on his dad's condition._

_Over the next week, her symptoms lessened. She was feeling better in the mornings and finally had time to process what was going on. She was going to be a mom and Nate was going to be a dad. It wasn't in Mackenzie's current life plan but she had to assume things happened for a reason. She could go back to Manhattan. Move in with Nate. They could figure it out together. She started to brainstorm names and write out nursery plans._

_On her way to the doctor's office the day of her appointment, Mackenzie stopped at a small boutique. She walked by it all the time when she got off the tube, but that day something told her to go in and look around. That's when she spotted a tiny pair of navy blue Converse shoes. She had been dreaming of a way to tell Nate and wanted to make it special, especially since it would be over Skype._

_But Mackenzie left the doctor's office in tears._

" _I'm sorry, Mackenzie. It's not uncommon to lose a fetus this early on, especially when it's your first pregnancy. The ultrasound indicated no heartbeat and your sudden loss of symptoms…"_

_She didn't listen to anything else._

_In her bag she carried an ultrasound picture, medication to take when she got home, those tiny shoes, and some mental health pamphlets._

_Jenny came home that day and found her sister laying on her bed in tears. Her laptop was open beside her with Skype open, ignoring a call from Nate._

Mackenzie was in tears by the time she finished explaining things to Blair. She squeezed her eyes shut and wiped her cheeks before looking back across the desk.

"Mackenzie, I'm so sorry." Blair stood up and walked over to the other side of her desk. She motioned for Mackenzie to stand up. Unexpectedly, Blair pulled her into a hug.

They sat down on a couch across the room.

"What I'm about to say may be confusing and people may not understand. Although don't be mistaken, losing my child was an unfathomable heartbreak. A heartbreak I wouldn't wish on anyone. But I will be the first to admit I felt some relief and that is guilt I still wrestle with. My first pregnancy was not a product of love - it was the guise of love, sure, but I was relieved to know that I was not going to raise a baby in an unhappy marriage."

Mackenzie just nodded. She continued to sniffle.

"Now, what you and Nate had- have? - had is special. And I am so sorry you had to go through that loss and all those feelings without Nate at your side. But you and I both know he deserves to know. Not only that, he deserves the opportunity to grieve as well."

"I don't want him to resent me for keeping this from him."

Blair rolled her eyes. "When you two broke up, you were worlds away from each other. Mackenzie, you didn't have to see Nate killing himself with long hours at work or avoiding family functions in case you came up in conversation. You didn't have to hear him cry and lament after one too many glasses of Glenfidditch. He could never resent you. I don't think he's capable of feeling anything but love for you." Blair paused. "I have known Nate a long time and I've never seen him like that after a breakup."

Mackenzie just sat there quietly, doing her best to control her breathing. She knew this conversation would be emotional but she didn't think it would take so much out of her.

"If I may quickly analyze," Blair continued, grabbing Mackenzie's hand. "Your issue isn't telling _someone_ about this, it's telling _Nate_. I'm sure waiting all this time just made it feel like a more difficult task than it initially seemed. But I can tell you're not going to feel better about this until you do. You're already upset and angry for how things dissolved for the two of you, if you don't work on this guilt, you're going to self-destruct."

Mackenzie just nodded. Blair could give Simone a run for her money.

"Thank you, Blair, for listening." Mackenzie looked over at her unlikely confidant, and their eyes met. She didn't need to say anything else. It would stay between the two of them.

Blair placed a hand on her shoulder, "Of course. Now, Dorota is going to make us some tea then I have a dress for you to try on." Blair stood up and walked to the door, shouting for Dorota's attention.

Mackenzie wiped away the rest of her tears and stood up. She was feeling better about the whole thing, although the idea of having the same conversation with Nate was still overwhelming.

"Oh, Blair. One other question. Unrelated. But do you know anything about Carter Baizen?"

* * *

"Isn't it strange to think you kissed all four of those women before, Nathaniel?" Chuck was standing just inside the dining room, motioning across the room to where Jenny, Mackenzie, Blair and Serena were sitting in the lounge. Henry was on his knees leaning onto the coffee table between them, scribbling in his new sticker book.

"Dude." Nate swatted Chuck in the chest.

"Okay, one of those women is your wife," Dan commented to Chuck. "And one is my wife. And two are my sisters. So maybe we don't talk about Nate's history with them."

"Oh, calm down gentlemen. It's just an observation. It's not like I asked you to rank them by preference." Chuck smirked to them both, as if to bait a response from Nate. "At least tell me how your second date with Cassandra was. Page 6 reported they saw you leaving _Romans_ holding her hand."

"I was just leading her to the car," Nate rolled his eyes, pausing to sip his drink. Dan had left their side to squeeze in beside Serena on the couch.

"So, something strange happened last night. I called Mackenzie after midnight-

"Still can't move past the phone calls, huh."

Nate regretted revealing facts about their phone call routine to his friend. "I heard a guys voice in the background. And maybe I'm just losing it but I think it was Carter Baizen."

"Well, you have good ears, my friend. Apparently he's a friend of her old coworkers."

Nate did his best to control his emotions. He did not like Carter Baizen and life was a lot easier when everyone could pretend he didn't exist.

"How do you know that?"

"Word travels fast in this group. Mackenzie was here early to discuss something with Blair and she asked about him. Apparently they shared a cab to Brooklyn and went to a diner before calling it a night. Harmless, really."

"She told me she was with a coworker."

"Well, maybe she didn't want you to get the wrong idea."

Nate sighed. "I think she's hiding something from me. I just hope it's not about some romantic tryst with Baizen."

"I'd like to think our Mackenzie has better taste than that. Although, she did date you. So." Nate swatted his chest again.

"Did you know he was back in town?"

"I heard a rumbling that he was working for Thrive Capital."

Nate just sighed. He could easily forget about Carter Baizen. That wasn't his issue with the situation.

"Chuck, honestly. What am I supposed to do? Keep trying to talk to her? What if this is all just a waste of both of our time?"

"Nathaniel." Chuck put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "You need to be with the person who makes you happy, complete, challenged. But right now, you also need to consider your public image as a candidate for Mayor of New York. The closer we get to the nomination, the more attention will be on you. Do you want someone at your side?"

"I do," Nate sipped his drink. "I used to think it would be Mackenzie. But now that I've had a few dates with Cassandra, I guess it's okay to picture someone else by my side instead."

"Listen, they are both viable options. I would admit it's easier for all of us if you just date Mackenzie then we don't have to welcome someone else into this mess. Plus, I've become quite fond of her. But Cassandra is beautiful. And a Kennedy…"

Nate sighed, "Thanks for your advice. It cleared up nothing for me."

The entire group sat around a large table in the dining room. Mackenzie sat between her brother and sister. Nate was directly across from her, avoiding her eyes.

After dinner, Blair stood up to speak. "I just want to thank you all for coming. Since everyone is back in the city now, I think it's important for us all to make time for each other. Considering the tumultuous families we came from, I want our group to be free of dramatics and supportive of one another."

"Since everyone's here, Dan and I have something to share," Serena followed up Blair's announcement, glancing over at Dan and squeezing his hand.

"Well, go ahead," Dan smiled at his wife.

"Blair, by this time next year we're going to need another seat at the table. Or at least a high chair." She glanced around the table. "I'm pregnant! Baby Van der Woodsen-Humphrey is due in May." Suddenly the whole table started to cheer and talk at the same time.

Mackenzie fell back into her chair, her brain racing. She was so excited for her brother and Serena, of course. But after digging into everything with Blair earlier, she was feeling anxious. She suddenly felt a hand on her knee. She looked over to see Jenny looking at her, an _Are you okay?_ look on her face.

Mackenzie just nodded then smiled. She mouthed ' _I'm fine_ ' to her sister then joined in the celebratory conversations.

As they dispersed from the table following dinner, Mackenzie pulled Serena into a hug. "Serena, I'm so excited for you two."

"Thanks Mack," Serena gave her sister-in-law a squeeze. "I can't believe I'm going to be a mom."

"You're going to do great. It's Dan the Dad I'm more worried about. Although he managed that time with Milo."

"And this little babe will have fun Auntie Mack, too," Serena responded, "You know Henry really likes you."

"Well, he's a cute kid. What's not to like?" Mackenzie plastered a smile on her face.

"Oh, and Mack." Serena grabbed her sister-in-law's hand. "If I were you I would keep my distance from Carter Baizen."

"What? How do you already know about that?"

Mackenzie refilled her glass of wine and found herself in the backyard of the townhouse again. Jenny was sitting out there on a phone call with Joseph. She hung up as her sister was approaching.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jenny started. Mackenzie waved her hand to brush off the question.

"I'm not. But I don't want to discuss it." She sat down on the bench beside her sister. "I've decided I'm ready to tell him. Well, maybe not. But I want to just get it over with."

"Proud of you, Kenzie." Jenny stood up and extended her hand out to Mackenzie. "It's now or never." She motioned her head to the patio door as Nate slid it open and walked out. "Good luck!"

Mackenzie watched as her sister started into the house, leaving her standing with Nate.

"Hey."

"Sorry I didn't call you back last night. I got home late and -

"It's okay. The phone calls aren't going to last forever." He put his hands in his pockets and gazed around the yard.

"Nate-

"Mack-

They both smiled as their words overlapped.

"You go ahead." She motioned to him.

"Before you find out from someone else or from page six, I just want you to know, I uh...just sort of started to see someone." If he could consider two dates seeing someone.

Mackenzie could feel her heart start to collapse as she listened to him. This was not the conversation she thought she would be having. She could not bring up the baby thing now. No no no.

_What did you expect? He's Nate Archibald, for god sakes. The most eligible bachelor in Manhattan. Future Mayor of New York. Of course he's going to date people. Just because you are barring yourself from him, doesn't mean he has to wait for you to get your shit together. And do not even think about bringing up this baby thing now. You're nuts if you think that wouldn't seem like a weird competitive argument and..._

"Oh," Mackenzie stammered out. "That's great. I'm happy for you."

 _I'm happy for you._ That was easily one of the most painful things Mackenzie had ever said out loud.

He deserved to be happy. And Mackenzie had lost her opportunity.

"I just don't want things to be weird with us. I mean, I dated a bit while you were in London but this might be different. Since our lives overlap."

Mackenzie shook her head and held up her hand to stop him. "Nate, it's fine. I'm not going to scream or be mean to whoever you're dating. You know I'm not that kind of person."

"I know, I just…" Nate trailed off. He looked over at her. He thought he saw tears welling in her eyes. He didn't say anything else.

_Say something, Mackenzie!_

"I can't wait to meet her." Mackenzie stood up and squeezed Nate's arm as she passed by him. "And I understand if our late night phone calls have to end. I appreciated them while they lasted."

"Mack," Nate grabbed her hand as she walked away.

She hated how his voice sounded when he called her Mack. It took her back three years ago.

"Don't date Carter Baizen."

She pulled her hand away. "How do you even…" She crossed her arms and stood in front of him. "I met him through a friend and we had one late night, half-drunk meal together and you jump to dictating who I should or shouldn't date?"

"I'm just looking out for you, Mackenzie."

"Well, don't. You don't have to look out for me anymore. We broke up over two years ago, Nate. We both need to just move on."

Nate let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine. Good luck with Baizen. Here's a tip though: if everyone in your life is warning you against someone, maybe listen to them."

She just rolled her eyes and walked back in the house, "Goodnight, Nate."

* * *

_Well, let's see if two dates can make a right. The new youth centre is opening soon - if Nate and Mackenzie find themselves backed into a corner emotionally, will their truths come spilling out?_


	6. Chapter 6

Mackenzie had started a serious gym routine in the last few months, originally at the recommendation of her therapist. It was a good release mentally. She had also taken a few self-defense classes after she left New York, mainly for her own well being.

It turns out working with sexual predators and almost being taken hostage really does a number on your mental health. But she also wanted to be able to defend herself. So, regular kickboxing classes were the perfect fit for her.

She had joined a nice studio gym in Brooklyn when she moved back to the city and was getting back into a routine. Monday morning she really needed the endorphins and felt satisfied after her class was over. As she was leaving the locker room, freshly showered and ready to head to work, she ran into someone in the hall.

She had been looking at her phone so really, she ran right into them.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," she said, pulling away quickly after they collided.

"Mackenzie?" She looked up and saw Howard Archibald smiling at her, a duffle bag pulled over his shoulder.

"Howard, hi," she said quickly. She never knew how to address him. Did he still go by The Captain?

"How are you?" He suddenly pulled her into a hug.

It was a small gesture but Mackenzie was grateful for his kindness. She had some time to spare and he insisted on buying her a smoothie and catching up.

"I didn't even know you were back in the city! How are things?"

Mackenzie took a sip of her smoothie and smiled at him. Clearly Nate wasn't talking about her to his parents. She felt unusually offended by that.

"I moved back just before Dan and Serena's wedding. I'm running the foundation for Chuck, actually."

They were soon swept up in a conversation about Mackenzie's time in London and Howard's new job as a consultant at a non-profit. There was a strange comfort in Howard's tone as he asked about her. He seemed genuinely interested in her wellbeing.

Mackenzie let out a long breath and shook her head quickly. "Enough about me. How are you? How's the heart?"

He smiled and tapped on his chest, "It's been a tough year but I'm doing okay."

"I'm happy to hear that!"

"It's Nate I'm more worried about, if I'm being honest." Mackenzie didn't respond to him, she just continued to sip her smoothie.

Howard continued. "I see a lot of myself in him. He's driven. But he works long hours and late nights, travelling back and forth to DC, and it's a hard habit to break. It took me a long time to realize what was most important in my life and I don't want that to happen to him."

Mackenzie wasn't sure why Howard was suddenly unloading all of that information onto her. Well, she could understand why. Maybe it had been a long time since Nate had been on a path towards a normal life. Where he would settle down and come home for dinner after work. And she knew the last time Nate had been planning for that was when they were together.

"I'm not sure being Mayor of New York will slow him down." Mackenzie finally added in.

"I'm proud of him, you know," Howard replied. "I just want him to be happy."

Me too, Mackenzie thought to herself.

* * *

Wednesday morning Nate was having breakfast with his dad. They still tried to get together for a morning run every now and then, although following up the exercise with a diner breakfast seemed counter productive.

"So, you'll never guess who I ran into at the gym earlier this week," Howard smiled at his son as he cut off a piece of his pancakes.

Nate raised his eyebrows at his dad curiously. "Was it Richard Bronson again? Because I really don't want the story this time."

Howard just laughed at his son, "No, no. But I won that squash game fair and square." He put his fork down. "It was Mackenzie."

Nate looked up at his dad and nodded. "Oh. I guess that makes sense if she's going to your gym in Brooklyn."

"Why didn't you mention she was back in town?"

"I didn't think I had to give you updates on my ex-girlfriends?" Nate stopped himself. He knew his tone was sharp. "Sorry. My heads been a mess since she's come home. I don't even know how to talk about it."

Howard looked over at his son with pensive eyes. "Listen, Nate. Love isn't always easy. I don't need to explain to you the ups and downs I went through with your mother. But I just want to see you happy with someone again. Be it Mackenzie or someone else. I just thought it was nice to see her. She's doing well, it seems."

Nate picked at the rest of his breakfast and sighed again. "I had another date with Cassandra last night." It was his attempt to change the subject.

"Oh? Your mother will be happy to hear that."

"Yeah or maybe not. I'm sure it was our last one. It didn't go very well."

Howard frowned. "What happened?"

_Nate was still nervous about dating someone. Especially someone like Cassandra Kennedy._

_It was a delicate balance to date someone in the same societal circle - people talked, a lot. And Nate knew Cassandra was still reeling from her divorce and dipping into the dating pool was slow. But maybe slow was what he needed. He still wasn't sure what he was doing._

_How he managed to leave work and get home by six was a surprise to him. But he had invited Cassandra over for dinner and he was happy to finally get some time alone with her. No restaurant patrons looking at them, no cameras taking photos. And he was even more happy to do it in his own space._

_As he continued to work on their dinner, he heard a knock at the door. He quickly placed the pan of seared pork chops in the oven and threw a dishcloth over his shoulder. He opened the door to see Cassandra standing there, smiling uncomfortably._

" _Hey," he opened the door and greeted her with a hug. "Sorry. I would have met you in the lobby but I didn't want to burn dinner."_

_He helped Cassandra out of her coat and hung it up._

" _Oh, you're actually cooking?" She took a few steps into his apartment and glanced towards his kitchen. "That's cute."_

" _Well, I did invite you over for dinner," Nate replied to her, trying to keep a smile on his face._

" _I just assumed you didn't know how to cook. Or you would have someone here cooking for us, instead." Cassandra headed further into the apartment, peering around his living room._

_Nate sighed and tried to contain his irritation with her comment. He knew she grew up like he did - with plenty of staff taking care of their household. Nate wasn't sure he had ever seen his mother make anything more than tea for herself._

_While most nights Nate came home and ordered in dinner, he took pride in cooking when he had the opportunity. It was cathartic, in a way. Meticulously planning a meal, taking each step to ensure things tasted correctly - there was a satisfaction in the end. But he preferred cooking for other people, and it had been a while since he felt motivated to cook._

" _Would you like a glass of wine?" He called to her from the kitchen._

" _Malbec, or anything red," she replied simply._

_Nate just nodded and grabbed a bottle from his small wine rack. He poured her a glass and brought it over to her as she sat on his couch. She thanked him as she took the glass. Nate took a second to really look at her - she was stiff as she sat there, dressed in much more than a casual date night in outfit. The dress she was wearing was skin tight, dropping to a deep plunging neckline._

_Nate had to admit she looked good. Cassandra was absolutely stunning - straight, dark brown hair with a sweeping set of bangs framed her heart shaped face. Every touch of her makeup was perfect. Her long legs were crossed over, revealing skin that looked soft as silk. Nate almost felt underdressed in her presence, wearing only a pair of dark jeans and a dark grey v-neck._

_She placed her wine glass down on the coffee table and turned to Nate with a confused face. "Do you have a cat?"_

Nate sighed and threw his head back as he told his dad about his date. "She ended up giving me a strange lecture on how she wouldn't return to my apartment if I still had Max."

"She's allergic?" Howard asked.

"No, she just detests animal hair. She spent most of the night picking at her dress and complaining about how she would have preferred to order in from Hatsuhana."

Nate wasn't sure what had changed last night. But his enjoyable few dates with Cassandra had really turned sour as she spent the previous evening complaining. It wasn't often Nate made the time to get home from work before nine and it had annoyed him immensely that he had given up a night for _that._

* * *

Out of the blue on Monday afternoon, Mackenzie got a call from Drew asking if he could give her number to Carter.

Mackenzie muddled out a confusing series of words ending with 'uhm, sure.'

She wasn't sure what Carter's intentions were, but she decided that talking was harmless. And having someone to talk to and maybe flirt with, even if just through text message, wasn't the worst thing in the world. It would be a welcome distraction from thinking about Nate.

And Viv had really tried to convince her that a one night stand was not the end of the world. It may even make her feel better.

And then suddenly, Wednesday night, she was meeting Carter Baizen for dinner. She didn't know why or how it happened so quickly, but she met him downtown at some restaurant he recommended. Despite all the forewarnings, no one really told Mackenzie why she should avoid Carter. Everything was kind of vague with no conclusive answer.

To her, Carter Baizen was still mainly a stranger. And getting to know him didn't have to mean anything. And he looked damn good in a dress shirt.

His smile was playful all night as they talked. He filled in some gaps about his life over the past few years and Mackenzie told him about her time in the city and when she left for London.

"So, you broke Nate Archibald's heart." Mackenzie watched Carter carefully, as he leaned back in his chair. He ran his thumb over the condensed glass of whiskey in his hand.

Mackenzie pursed her lips for a moment. "There is usually damage on both sides during a war."

"Rumour has it he could be a shoe in for Mayor," Carter continued.

Mackenzie rolled her eyes and grabbed her short cocktail glass, pouring the rest into her mouth. "I liked this dinner date better before we talked politics."

Carter shook his head and held up his hands defensively, "Sorry. I didn't mean to push on any wounds but -

"No open wounds." She stared across the table at him - her eyes were bright and she bit her lip.

"Mackenzie, your family and friends don't like me. But there's something about you that's left an impact on my mind all week. I just want you to know whatever version of me they described to you, I'm not him anymore."

"Honestly, they didn't say much." She narrowed her eyes and gave him a playful smile. "But I'm a big girl, Carter. I can make my own decisions and informed choices about the people I spend time with."

"Well," he smiled at her, matching her narrowed eyes, "Can we continue spending time together, sweetheart?"

Mackenzie wasn't sure what was leading her feet that night - the appeal of this sexy, smooth, well dressed man or the cocktails. But she held his hand as they got into a cab. Then her let mouth explore his on the drive back to his apartment. She hadn't kissed anyone in months, since before Nick had dumped her. And in that moment, she just let go.

Mackenzie was truly not the type to just hook up with someone she just met. But there was something to be said about someone as handsome and sexy as Carter desperately wanting her. After all this time, Mackenzie still had so many doubts about her appearance. She knew she was conventionally attractive, sure. She didn't have the confidence a lot of other women seemed to embrace.

But there was _something_ about Carter Baizen.

"Listen, I don't really do this," Mackenzie managed to break away from Carter as they tore down the hallway of his apartment. He had his hands all over her and he pulled her in close.

"Sex? Somehow I find that hard to believe," he leaned in and bit at her lips. He was animalistic. Mackenzie was grateful for his lack of care - it was easier to remove herself from what was happening. She wanted it, she wanted to feel something.

"No," she laughed as she pulled away again. "I mean, we just met and I'm not the kind of girl who just beds random men and-

"Okay," Carter paused to think. "We've now known each other since Saturday. That's practically a lifetime. And I'll tell you whatever you need to know about me in the ten steps it takes to get to my bed. Then I won't be a random stranger."

She smirked at his carefree attitude.

He left his hands at her waist and started to walk backwards down the hallway, slowly. He leaned in to kiss her in between breaths.

"My birthday is in July." Another kiss. "I depleted my trust fund and ran away from home, like an idiot." He squeezed her waist. They were nearly at his bedroom door. "I prefer acoustic rock music." Kiss. "I like women who tell me what to do." He raised an eyebrow. "I prefer blondes to brunettes." She swatted his chest, laughing. "And I only kiss pretty girls."

He pushed his door open and grabbed her waist, spinning her around and laying her on the bed. He started to pull down the zipper of her pants as she pulled off her shirt.

Carter went all in once she was laying in just her underwear, exposed skin just ready to be touched, kissed, licked, bitten.

He worked his way down from her lips, kissing along her neck and reaching behind to unhook her bra. He grabbed one breast in his hand, his mouth finding the other. He bit her nipple and she yelped, the pain radiating down to her toes. She felt a rush of something awaken between her legs. He continued what he was doing, alternating between her breasts. He was good, she had to admit.

He stopped and traced his fingers between her breasts, drawing along a sunflower that was permanently inked there.

"What's the flower for?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Doesn't matter."

"I feel like there's a story here." He moved his hands along her skin delicately.

"Carter," she said breathlessly. ' _I like women who tell me what to do.'_ "I want your lips on me."

He happily obliged, forgetting the tattoo and returning to explore her mouth with his again. His lips moved towards her neck and collarbone, softly and delicately leaving an impact on her skin. She could hardly contain herself. She squeezed her eyes shut as every nerve in her body felt his touch.

"Fuck," she said in a low whisper, "Nate…"

Carter stopped what he was doing and pulled away from her neck.

"Did you just say Nate?"

Mackenzie looked up at him in horror. "I..uh, no.. uhm.."

"Because _my_ name is Carter."

"I'm so sorry. Fuck. I'll just go," she started to prop herself up, her face turning red with embarrassment.

_This whole thing was idiotic. What was I expecting to get out of this? A release? Wow, Mackenzie -_

"Listen, sweetheart." Carter leaned back down towards her, shrugging. "We've come this far and I'm more than good to go here if you want to do this." He put the weight of his torso down on her. She could feel all of him through his pants. "I truly don't care who you're thinking about right now. Just keep that name in your mouth."

She hesitated. She needed the release. She did. And maybe it was the cocktails or it was Carter's talented mouth. But she just reached up and pulled him back down to kiss her again.

"Let's do this."

Waking up in a bed that was not her own was confusing at first. She glanced around the room, full of rich wooden furniture and deep gray fabrics. She turned her head on the pillow and suddenly everything came back to her. She was in Carter Baizen's bed. She took a few slow breaths to try and collect her thoughts.

_Mackenzie, what's the big deal? So you had protected sex with a guy after a dinner date. This is a pretty normal thing that happens when you are dating around. Is that what you're doing? Dating around? At least the sex was pretty good. Okay, it was great. Plus, Carter is -_

Her train of thought was derailed when she felt Carter stirring in the bed beside her, reaching out to wrap his arms over her. He was warm. The embrace was comforting.

"Good morning," he said quietly, inching his head closer and closer to her pillow.

She smiled at him politely, then shut her eyes, grasping the blanket under her hands.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, sorry. Just not used to waking up in a stranger's bed."

"I don't think we're strangers anymore, Mackenzie."

"Carter, here's the thing," Mackenzie paused and shuffled to be laying on her side, staring at him. "This was nice. Good. Great! But I don't think I'm in a place where I can date anyone or -

"Who said anything about dating?"

"Well, you took me out for dinner so I guessed maybe.."

"Mackenzie, dinner was great. This was a lot of fun. And your body is just…" He pulled her closer to him, letting out a groan. She could feel his skin brushing up against hers. "But I know this is where it ends. You're still hung up on Archibald, anyway."

"What makes you say that?"

"You talk in your sleep."

"Shit." Mackenzie squeezed her eyes shut. She started to breathe heavier as what just happened started to sink in. "Do you mind if this whole thing stays between us?"

"My lips are sealed, sweetheart." He leaned in towards her and kissed her. "I meant it when I said this was a lot of fun. I needed the release. Maybe you did, too. Keep my number if you ever want to have a sleepover in the future."

Mackenzie just rolled her eyes and smiled. "Sure thing, Baizen." She pulled away from him and landed on her back again.

Carter propped himself up on his elbow, smirking at her. "I mean, unless you want to go for round two right now?"

"I think you mean round three, cowboy." She sat up in bed and patted him on the shoulder. it had been a productive night. "Thanks, but I've gotta go."

"Hey, Mackenzie. If I can offer you some advice." She pulled the sheet off the bed with her as she searched around for a trail of her clothes.

"Hmm?" She turned around to look at him.

"Those feelings are just going to stay there, even if you keep ignoring him. You should just tell the guy how you feel."

"I'll see you around, Carter."

* * *

It was Saturday morning and Mackenzie was finalizing the last few details for the media event for the new youth centre in Brooklyn.

The Bass Foundation had invested millions of dollars of capital and real estate for the new Boys and Girls Club Brooklyn Youth Centre. It was designed with the goal of helping combat youth homelessness in the neighbourhood. The Centre, named _The Haven_ , was a multi faceted community building featuring a full gym, a theatre room, various classrooms and event spaces. It was Chuck's secret project for the last few years, converting his plans for a boutique hotel into a community investment instead.

Mackenzie was just coming in at the tail end of the project but she was impressed with the capacity Chuck had built.

That afternoon various media sponsors and community members were invited to The Haven for a welcome reception and facility tours, as well as activities for children and youth.

Not only was she dreading seeing Nate again, but she knew his whole family would probably be there, considering Anne Archibald was still on the Boys and Girls Club Board Of Directors.

Her previous conversation with Howard weighed on her all week. She wished she had asked him about Nate's dating life but she couldn't bear thinking about it anymore. Ever since their talk at the townhouse, she felt worse and worse. They shouldn't have left things that way yet it was easier to walk away angry then figure out what was really going on.

Mackenzie was feeling more and more anxious about Nate. She knew she owed it to herself to be honest with him. But after all this time, after all her push back, would it make any difference? Would it be easy enough to say 'Hey Nate, I still love you'.

She had to try.

She was also feeling residual guilt after her date and sleepover with Carter. Even if that's all it was - a one time thing. She kept tight lipped about it - only telling Viv about the date. She didn't even tell Jenny. Fighting over her feelings for Nate but still giving into what she wanted with Carter had been a lot to wrap her head around. She considered booking some extra time with Simone just to psychoanalyze why she whispered out Nate's name as Carter kissed her neck...

Nate Archibald and his whole family would be at this event for The Haven. And she had to slap a smile on her face and deal with it until she could get a second of his time alone.

* * *

"I would like to thank each and every one of you for coming to check out this incredible new facility today. I decided a few years ago that it was more important for me to leave a legacy on this city with the Bass Foundation and this investment into the well being of our city's youth is exactly where I wanted to start."

"None of this would have been possible without our generous annual donations and the internal giving campaign from Bass Industries staff. We are proud to partner with the Boys and Girls Club and look forward to seeing this facility grow and shape the lives of the children in Brooklyn and beyond."

"I would also like to say thank you to our team at the Bass Foundation and of course our media partners: The Spectator, New York Magazine and Astoria Broadcasting."

"There will be facility tours running all afternoon. Activities will be occurring in our gymnasium plus crafts and a reception upstairs. Thank you all again for joining us here today."

Chuck's speech wrapped up with uproarious applause. His pride was outpouring from him as people explored the new centre.

As Blair and Henry ran off to explore the gymnasium with Serena and Dan, Chuck found Nate.

Nate was standing at the far side of the atrium, sipping from his coffee cup. He was staring at Mackenzie across the room, but trying to hide it.

After his poorly executed attempt at dating Cassandra Kennedy, Mackenzie has been racing through his mind. His father's words at breakfast earlier in the week were weighing on him.

"Nathaniel, you need to tell her how you feel."

"I did that. She didn't seem to care."

Chuck put his hand on Nate's shoulder. "Then you didn't speak clearly enough. Stop beating around the bush. Put it all on the table once and for all."

Nate sighed as he watched her across the room. She was speaking with his own mother and some other directors from the Boys and Girls Club. She was smiling proudly as she spoke, motioning around the room.

Even though their last interaction at the townhouse had gone south, he was sick of waiting. He was sick of pretending he could wash away his feelings for her. He just needed one more opportunity to tell her how he felt and he hoped to God she felt the same way.

Watching her now, confidently showing people around the building, a proud smile on her face, he was in awe. Then she was, in a pair of black heels, dark jeans, a plain T-shirt and a leather blazer and it was taking everything in him to stop himself from thinking about the curves of her body and what else she was wearing underneath. Her business casual look was doing something for him he didn't anticipate. He wanted to sweep his arm around her and show her off. He wanted to just be at her side.

"I don't want to ambush her or anything. I want the conversation to just sort of happen organically but I think she's accepted that we will just avoid each other from now on."

"Listen. I have an idea. It may irritate her but it could work. Do you remember that big fight Blair and Serena had?"

"I think you need to be a bit more specific."

"Let's just say if later this afternoon you can get yourself into an elevator with Mackenzie, I can get it stuck."

Nate narrowed his eyes at Chuck. It wasn't a good idea. But it also wasn't a bad idea. It would at the very least give them privacy and discretion.

Chuck put his hand on Nate's shoulder, "Just let me know."

* * *

Mackenzie was on the third floor of The Haven, tidying up some leftover crafts and checking in with the catering company as they cleaned up the rest of the food. The event had gone swimmingly. Mackenzie even had a quiet, rational conversation with Anne Archibald. If there was anything to take away from the event that day, it was Anne smiling at Mackenzie and thanking her for her commitment to not only Bass Industries but the Boys and Girls Club.

"Mackenzie, I can't thank you enough for coming in and taking the reins on this project and for the foundation." Before Mackenzie could comprehend what was happening, Chuck Bass was pulling her into a hug.

"Thanks, Chuck." She pulled away and smiled at him. "But the whole team deserves that gratitude. They did most of the work leading up to today."

"Well, arrange a team dinner this week. On me."

She smiled at him again as he headed out of the room, messaging frantically on his phone.

She continued to pack up a few things and pull down a display banner that had been propped up and other Bass Foundation advertising.

She was surprised to see Nate wander into the room a few minutes later. They hadn't talked all day - truthfully, she had been avoiding him.

"I think I'm lost," he said slowly as he walked towards her.

"Well, I'll let the architects know that their directional signage isn't clear enough for adults," Mackenzie replied shortly, continuing on packing things into boxes.

He just just sighed, "Well, thanks for that." He paused, looking down at his phone, then took a few steps towards her. "Can I help with anything?"

"It's okay, I can manage."

"Mackenzie, just let me carry something. C'mon." He dismissed her stubborn tone and grabbed one of the boxes from the table.

"This place is pretty impressive," Nate continued his commentary as they headed towards the elevator.

Mackenzie nodded, glancing around the hallways but avoiding looking at Nate, "One of the wisest things Chuck has invested in. This will be so helpful to the neighbourhood. I'm just picturing this incredible garden they can put outside in the spring and teach kids how to cook and host community dinners here and let the kids run around and expel energy even in the winter and help them with homework and get them home safe every night and.. sorry, I'm just rambling."

Nate looked over at her as they stopped and waited for the elevator. He loved when she rambled.

They stepped onto the empty elevator and Nate hit the button for the main floor.

Just as soon as the elevator started to move, it came to a sudden halt. They glanced at each other, confused.

"This brand new building should not be having operational issues like this," Mackenzie started. Nate pressed the button again but nothing happened. Frustrated, Mackenzie put down her box of things and pressed the help button.

A voice came through the intercom box. "Hey folks, sorry about all this. Some security sensor was activated incorrectly and we've got to reset the system. You may be stuck for about.." The maintenance man paused. "Uh, a half hour."

Mackenzie sighed and leaned against the side of the elevator. "Well, that's great."

They both stood there in silence for a few moments. Nate put down the things he was carrying and matched her pose on the opposite side of the elevator.

"Mackenzie, I don't like how we left things last week."

"Oh, you mean when you thought you should tell me who I should and shouldn't date?" She crossed her arms and stared at him.

He looked straight back at her.

There was something in the air.

"Yeah, I guess that's what I mean." Nate finally spoke again. He placed his hands in his pockets and tried to search for what to say. Just when he opened his mouth, Mackenzie cut him off.

"We don't have to do this."

Nate took a hand out of his pocket and ran it through his hair. "We do. We have to stop avoiding this conversation, Mackenzie."

"I don't want to scream at you in an elevator, Nate."

"I don't care. I'll take screaming over silence."

Mackenzie met his eyes again. She sighed. "Fine."

_God, what do I have to lose?_

"Nate, I know when I stayed in London, I hurt you. But the way you treated me after, it hurt me, too. You can treat me like the bad guy and like I'm the one who tore this up, because it's true. But you cut me off. You stopped taking my calls, responding to my messages. That hurt, too."

"I did that for both of our sakes, you know."

"I never wanted to lose this with you. Yes, I was selfish. But I thought we could make it. I wanted us to make it. I never should have decided that for us but I did and I've paid for it."

"Mack," Nate said her name quietly. She hated how he said her name. He took a step towards her and she put her hands up to stop him.

"No, don't." Mackenzie didn't want to cry.

"I thought having you back in the city would help resolve whatever is going on in here," Nate pointed at his chest and shook his head. "But it just made things a thousand times worse." He paused. "It's excruciating to see you hurting, Mack. Last year, when you came to my apartment after your mom's funeral, it was like a drug or something. There's just always going to be this part of my that wants you and needs you. God, when Dan told me about the break in at the loft - all I could think about was going to Brooklyn and standing guard all night." He shook his head. "Maybe none of this makes any sense."

Mackenzie looked up at him again, finally. What was he saying?

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes again. "Nate. I've been an idiot. And I don't know what else to do except just admit this out loud right now: I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to stand here and pretend I don't have feelings for you and try to push you away. You're the only person I want and I don't want to move on or-

"Mack." Nate tried to stop her but she was like a runaway train. He started to walk towards her.

"I burned this thing down and I'm so sorry. I can't fight with you anymore. It's like boxing without gloves. I don't want to lose you, or this. I wish I hadn't broken this whole thing for us, just tell me we'll be fine and-

Mackenzie was cut off by Nate's lips landing on hers. It was as if fireworks exploded inside her when she realized what was going on.

Nate's hands gripped her waist then moved along to her back, pulling himself as close to her as possible. He kissed her as if he had been waiting 100 years to do it and it would be another 100 years until he could do it again.

Feeling his lips on hers felt right. It felt like the only thing that made sense. The happy feelings flooding through Mackenzie couldn't be described - she felt tears coming to her eyes.

"Wait," Nate pulled away for a moment, keeping his hands wrapped around her body. "Mack, are you crying?"

She nodded and squeezed her eyes tightly, "Yes, sorry. I'm just… happy." She shook her head. "I'm sorry I made this so difficult."

Nate leaned in and rested his forehead against hers. "You have nothing to apologize for. I was letting this feel pretty complicated, too. I should have just kissed you at the wedding."

She laughed and shook her head again, "That's probably what I wanted but not what I needed at the time." His hand traveled back down her body and rested behind her. "I've missed you so much. Just the touch of your hand can quiet all my fears and anxieties. I don't want to live without it anymore. Or you. I just want _you_ , Nate."

Nate kissed her again. Mackenzie ran her hands through his hair as his lips started to move down her jaw towards her neckline. She could feel her heart start to pulse with energy as his mouth ravaged her skin. He hardly broke for air as he kissed her neck, as if he had been starving for her all this time.

"Nate," she said his name in a desperate whisper. She couldn't believe this was happening. She had dreamed about how they would reunite - she didn't think it would be trapped in an elevator in the middle of a Saturday afternoon.

"Fuck, I've missed hearing you say my name," he responded to her, in a low growl.

"We're not doing this here," she pushed him away from her neck.

He pouted as he pulled away, "Mack."

"Nate," she ran her hand through his hair again. "Trust me. I want this so badly. I can't even put into words…I've been dreaming about it. But I'm not walking out of this elevator with sex hair. When we step out of this elevator, there will be children and our friends and your parents..."

He sighed but nodded. "That's fair, I guess."

"Come over tonight. Please. I need to talk to you about something anyway. Then we can figure out what this is."

Nate nodded. He wasn't sure what she was referring to. But he would talk to her about anything if it meant figuring out what their relationship meant now.

"So, can I be bold and ask if anything happened with Carter Baizen?" Nate met her eyes. "Sorry. No. Forget I even said anything. I don't want to ruin this moment."

Mackenzie just smiled at him, shaking her head. "Forget about Carter Baizen. He's not the one I've been thinking about obsessively for the past two and a half years, Nate." She knew that was a terrible way to avoid the topic. But Carter Baizen didn't matter now. "I guess that means I can ask about Cassandra Kennedy."

Nate just shook his head the same way she did, "We can forget about her, too."

She grabbed his hands and squeezed them in hers. She shuffled slightly and slid down onto the floor and Nate sat beside her. He tucked his arm around her. She leaned onto his shoulder.

"For what it's worth Archibald, I'm not against the idea of elevator sex. I think we've both showed considerable restraint."

"You have no idea, Humphrey."

* * *

_Well, was that so hard? At least these two are back on the same page. And soon enough, back in the same bed. There's just one last hurdle to get over - honesty._


	7. Chapter 7

When Mackenzie got back to the loft that evening following the youth centre opening, she was feeling overwhelmed.

She and Nate eventually walked out of the elevator like absolutely nothing had happened. They parted ways neutrally as Nate headed off to an early dinner with a preliminary campaign sponsor.

She was reeling with delight when she left. The rest of their elevator captivity was short lived but even sitting beside Nate on the floor filled her with excitement.

But she knew she had to be honest with him before anything else happened. It wasn't fair. She had to face the music - even if it scared her to her core.

She grabbed some dinner on the way home and paced around the loft. She wasn't sure when he would be coming over after dinner but she knew sitting and watching the clock would drive her crazy. She took a deep breath as she headed into her room, kneeling on the floor in front of her last few boxes she had yet to unpack from London.

She sighed as she pawed through books and other trinkets. She finally found what she was looking for - an old black shoebox, wrapped tightly in an elastic band. On the top was Nate's name, scrawled in messy white letters.

She held it in her hands for a moment then carried it with her into the kitchen.

She knew she should open it but she couldn't bring herself to. She weighed the option of not telling Nate anything at all but she knew she had to. She hoped she would feel better about everything if she did. But her brain continued to run through worst case scenarios.

She wanted to call Jenny but she knew she should do this alone. She was perfectly capable.

Simone once asked her why she didn't also consider _best case scenarios_ too. She tried to do that instead but the unknown was too scary.

Mackenzie sighed and grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and poured herself a glass to take the edge off.

She sat cross legged on the couch and just waited for Nate.

He called her a few hours later when he was on his way. She did her best to stay composed but she was on her third glass of wine and feeling incredibly nervous to see him.

She opened the door eagerly when he arrived. Her face was flushed and she still felt anxious, but she couldn't help but smile when she saw him standing there.

"I had John stop and grab a few pints from Sugar Hill," he held up a small paper bag as he walked in. She took the bag from him and placed it on the island as he hung up his coat.

When she turned back he was barely a foot from her. She nearly melted as he stood there, watching her. He was dressed in his most normal Nate outfit - dress shirt, skinny tie, suit jacket. And he looked so goddamn handsome staring back at her with lovestruck eyes.

"Hi," she said quietly as she closed the gap between them. She roped her arms around his back and leaned in to kiss him.

He smiled as their lips touched. "Hi."

"Full disclosure: I drank most of a bottle of wine while I was waiting. I'm nervous, Nate."

"Mack, there's nothing to be nervous about. It's us."

_It's us._

"It's not that simple," she said in a low whisper, as she pulled away. "There's something I need to tell you."

She paced around the island for a moment and grabbed the shoebox, pulling it towards herself.

Nate followed her and placed his hand on her arm. "Mack, c'mon. It's just me. Whatever it is, I'm here for you, okay? Isn't our rule to share the uncomfortable stuff? Just tell me."

She squeezed her eyes shut and grabbed the box. She slid down onto the floor, leaning against the cupboards.

"I've never really understood your thing about floors but here we are again," Nate smiled and joined her on the floor, placing his hand on her knee.

She took a deep breath and left the box in her lap as she tangled her hands together anxiously. She rotated the ring on her finger as she found her thoughts.

"Hey, I'm right here." Nate squeezed her knee.

"I know you think last year I didn't want to be your friend. Or have that kind of relationship with you. Like I just cut you off for no reason." She paused and looked down at the box. She pulled off the elastic band and ran her hands across the top.

"When I got back to London I got what I assumed was this awful flu. I couldn't eat for weeks. It wasn't until Jenny basically slapped me in the face with reality did I realize what was going on. And I should have told you right away. I wanted to tell you so many times. But I just couldn't until I knew. Until I really knew."

"Mack," Nate said her name slowly this time, as if he was trying to piece her thoughts together.

She hung her head down and took another deep breath.

"Nate," she paused again. It was so long since she had said the words out loud. "I was pregnant. Then I had a miscarriage... I should have told you, I can't believe I didn't just call you…"

Mackenzie couldn't bear to look over at Nate. He pulled his hand off her knee slowly.

He was very quiet.

She opened the box and turned it towards him. Inside was the tiny pair of shoes she had purchased, a small crumpled ultrasound photo and a few handwritten journal pages.

Nate felt like he sunk into the floor as he heard Mackenzie speak.

_Pregnant...miscarriage….should have told you…_

"When..when did this happen?" Nate finally spoke as he looked at the box she had opened. He watched as she reached in and pulled out the small folded up picture.

"It was right around the time your dad has his heart attack. I wanted to tell you then but it was too much. Then I went for my appointment and they said..well, apparently it's common to lose…"

She swallowed hard.

"I had this plan to Skype you and show you these tiny shoes…"

Nate pulled one of the notes out of the box and scanned his eyes over it. He closed them tightly after.

He didn't expect this from Mackenzie. The whole time she was referring to telling him _something_ \- he didn't expect it to be this. He thought back to the last year and their sparse conversations after his dad was sick. Should he have been able to pick up the sadness in her voice over the phone?

"How could you-" Nate stopped himself. He didn't want to be angry. He didn't want to make her feel any worse. "I...I wish you had told me."

"I should have. Every single day I think about how I did this so wrong. I punished you with silence because I was hurting. And that wasn't fair to either of us, but especially to you."

"Mack, I'm so sorry you had to do this alone. I should have been by your side."

"I had Jen," Mackenzie said quietly. "She was great. But I know it was a lot to deal with."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

There was a heavy silence after his question.

Mackenzie did her best not to cry. "I just… I had made up all these terrible outcomes in my head. Like you'd be mad at me for losing the baby."

He let out the breath he was holding, frustrated. "I would never-

"I know! I know. It was irrational but I couldn't get out of that headspace. You deserved to know. Sometimes I still worry that I'm being too much about the whole thing. Then I talked to Blair last week before dinner and, well, she helped put it in perspective for me."

Nate was quiet again.

"It felt quick at the time. And slow. It's strange. Suddenly, the whole thing was just over." She took a deep breath, trying to hold back her tears. "Every time I thought about calling you and telling you, I just couldn't handle burdening you with this. And the longer I waited, the harder it became. I just..I knew I had to tell you now. I couldn't hold onto this anymore."

He grabbed the photo from her hand.

"I was barely eight weeks so...there's not much to see there. Basically just a smudge." Mackenzie pointed to a small blurry spot in the photo.

Nate ran his thumb against it. "But it was our smudge…"

Mackenzie felt like her heart shattered.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered again, pulling her knees close to her chest. "If you want to go, I understand."

"What?" He turned his head to look at her, still clutching the photo. "Are you crazy? I just got you back. I'm not going anywhere."

It was in that moment that Mackenzie finally broke and started to sob.

"Nate, I'm so sorry I hurt you. When I stayed in London. When I left again. When I cut you off. Keeping this from you. I don't know how to deal with all this guilt and I am so scared you're going to resent me for all this."

"Mackenzie," Nate put the photo back in the box and placed it on the floor. "C'mere." He pulled himself off the floor and extended his hand to help her up. She stood in front of him, wiping away her tears.

Nate wrapped his arms around her, cradling her head on his chest. "I've hurt you in the past, too. I still think about what happened after that article came out about the shooting. After you stayed in London, I blamed myself for months. Hurt is inevitable. It's forgiveness that matters. And it was you who once told me it was up to me to decide when to forgive someone." He ran his hands up and down her back slowly. "All that stuff you listed, forgiven."

"Nate, you don't have to say that. Please think about this. We don't have to solve it this very moment. You have every right to be angry about-

"Mack," he looked at her as she pulled away from his chest. "I don't know if I'm mad. I'm upset. I'm sad. But I'm not going to yell and be angry about this. You went through something very difficult and I'm more upset with myself for not being there for you."

"Well, that's hard when I didn't tell you."

"But despite all that, you were still there for _me_ with my dad." Nate sighed and shook his head. "It's always been you, Mack. I've been kidding myself for so long. And I don't want anything to stand in our way anymore."

She leaned back into his chest and he squeezed her tightly. "What do we do now?" She stifled a yawn. "Sorry. Wine and anxiety and nerves just made me feel so exhausted."

"Let's just go lay in bed, then," he suggested, "I really don't care what we do as long as I get to wake up beside you in the morning."

Barely twenty minutes later, Mackenzie was falling asleep in Nate's arms. He had stripped down to just his boxers and undershirt. They kept each other warm under the covers.

Nate reached over to turn off the lamp and paused to look around the room. When he woke up that morning, he had no idea where his day would take him. He definitely didn't think he would end up back in the Humphrey loft with the love of his life sleeping peacefully on his chest.

He had known for a long time that Mackenzie Humphrey was all he wanted - loving her was the easiest thing he could do.

* * *

Mackenzie rolled over in bed on Sunday morning worried she had dreamed the entire day before. Did she really fall asleep beside Nate? She opened her eyes to find it hadn't been a dream - there was Nate Archibald laying on his back, eyes shut, hair disheveled. She smiled and draped her arm over his torso, snuggling into his shoulder. He stirred slightly and wrapped his arms around her.

It was so warm. The warmest Mackenzie had ever felt.

"G'morning," Nate said quietly. He rubbed his hand up and down her back as they laid there.

"I can't believe this is real. That you're really here. In my bed." Mackenzie propped herself up and looked at him, her head just inches away from his.

"Better believe it, Humphrey," Nate replied, giving her a big smile. She leaned in and kissed him.

She could kiss him forever and ever.

"Did you sleep okay?" She asked him as she pulled away, noticing him yawning.

He shrugged. "Don't get me wrong, I've been waiting so long to fall asleep with you again. But, if I'm being honest here, there's just a lot on my mind."

"Oh." Mackenzie pulled away from him, shuffling to sit up on the bed, leaning against the headboard. Nate followed suit and shuffled to sit beside her.

"I was just thinking about last week and how Serena and Dan told us they're pregnant and how you must have felt. Then we argued in the garden and…"

"I mean, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing and it's hard. I'm so happy for them. But I'm...jealous, in a way. Not that I want to have a baby right now but..I never got to share that news before. And I'm constantly worried if I ever do get pregnant again I'll lose it or I won't even be able to have a baby or… I don't know, it's just a lot." She paused. "But I'm excited for them more than anything."

Nate glanced over at her. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Nate, I've been working through this for a long time now. My last real hurdle was telling you. Not that it all just goes away but.. I'm just happy to have you here. In case I want to talk about it. Or you want to talk about it. Or not talk about it."

Mackenzie was grateful that he cared about her so deeply and so suddenly they were falling back into the way things used to feel. But she didn't want to dismiss his feelings.

She turned her head to look at him, grabbing his hand. "Are you okay though? I know you're worried about me but your feelings matter, too."

"I don't know, Mack. I'm sad, in a way. But I'm happy about this, too. About us. It's a weird balance."

She leaned her head over and nuzzled into his arm. "Let's just take this one step at a time, then."

Nate's phone suddenly buzzed. He reached over to the side table and grabbed it. "Shit." He shut his eyes and leaned back on the headboard. He sighed and looked back at his phone, hitting a few buttons to call someone.

"Hey Leo," Nate started. Mackenzie wasn't sure if she should listen but she could hear Nate's right hand man through the phone. "Is there any way we can push back the flight?" Nate paused to listen for a few moments. "Oh, yeah. You're right. We can't move that again. Okay, thanks. I'll be ready for John at 11."

Mackenzie tilted her head to look at her clock on the far wall of her room. It was already 9AM.

Nate looked over at Mackenzie after he hung up. He wished so deeply he didn't have to leave. Especially now.

"I'm going to DC for a few days," Nate filled in the blanks of what she didn't hear. "It's the last thing I want to do right now but I haven't been in a while and I have a bunch of meetings this week."

Mackenzie didn't want to show the disappointment on her face. Nate's life was different now. He was splitting time between both of The Spectator offices and planning a political campaign. She didn't even think about how he might fit her into his life now. Not that she was any less busy running the foundation.

"I'm not going to whine or anything but I am sad to see you go so quickly," Mackenzie said quietly. "But I understand. You're a hot commodity, Mr. Archibald."

"I would love to stay right here with you all day but I have to go home and pack." He leaned over and kissed her head. "I'll call you every night this week. And I'll be back by Friday. Maybe we can go to Dan's premiere together." He got up off the bed and started to reassemble his suit from the night before.

Mackenzie sat up on her knees and watched him.

"Okay, I would love that but I told Eric and Jenny we would all go together. Joseph is in Miami or something. But we should leave the event together at least?" She raised her eyebrows at him, a playful smirk on her face.

Nate leaned his head back and let out a low groan. He reached out and cupped her face in his hands, slowly coming down to kiss her. "I am literally starving for you, all of you. Fuck I wish I could stay right now."

"What's one more week of waiting?" She kissed into him more, pushing up onto her knees to wrap her arms around him.

"Mack," he said quietly as he pulled away. "One week." He let out a breath. "Not even a week. Five days."

"Okay." She pulled back and sat on the bed as he continued to collect his things.

"Walk me out at least?" Nate extended his hand out to help her off the bed, gripping it tightly as they traveled the twenty steps to the door.

They stood at the door for a few moments, just staring at each other.

"I know we didn't really talk about _us_ last night so maybe we can just keep this quiet for right now," Nate said slowly, her hand still locked in his. "Not that I don't want to shout from the rooftops about you but…"

"Nate, I get it. It's okay. Don't you remember this is what we had to do last time? It's up to you and me to figure it out first. Then the rest of the world can know."

Nate let out the breath he was holding. He didn't want Mackenzie to think he was hiding her - that's not what he meant. Things just got more complicated when he had to factor her into his political life - image and publicity and security all came into play now, whether he wanted it or not. And maybe she didn't ask for that in their relationship and maybe she didn't want it. They had to really put everything on the table next and think about the future.

"I do remember keeping this a secret was a lot of fun before," he replied to her, bringing his lips closer to hers.

"I remember a lot of fun from before. In fact, once you leave, I'm going to think about it…" She kissed him again, biting his lip. "... In the shower."

* * *

"So, any updates for us? How are things going with Miss Kennedy?"

It was Thursday morning. Nate was sitting in the boardroom of The Spectator's Washington office on a video call with Ken. They had put a pause on Thursday night meetings until January and Ken opted to call and check in a few times a week instead.

Nate's week in Washington had felt longer than usual. He knew it was because he had reunited with Mackenzie finally. It was like a sudden rush of feelings again - good, sad, confusing - and it took a lot out of him. He knew going into it things wouldn't be easy and perfect, but he also knew they could make it through together. He was betting on it. He needed it to work.

"We're going to remove Cassandra off of the list of potential partners," Nate said simply.

"Gotcha," Ken replied, scribbling something down. "That's too bad. As a Kennedy, that would be a good connection. Now, I heard through the grapevine that Mariah Bennet is single again and more than -

"Ken, I think I want to sort out my relationship life privately for the time being. Can we shelve this?"

"Sure thing, Nate. Listen, I already pitched the idea of Nate Archibald being married to the city he loves. We have the campaign material ready. It's not a bad angle to come from. But we can discuss that further in the New Year. Now, let's circle back to your next op ed topic. I think a focus on your support of the youth centre is great. There's a huge push to discuss the homeless youth in the city after that expose Vulture did last spring."

Nate went through the motions for the rest of his meeting. He had been doing his best to work hard and productively all week, but he knew it was his last day in Washington and Mackenzie was waiting for him at home. In fact, he had bumped his Friday morning meeting that afternoon just so he could fly home early.

Phone calls with her every night were a comfort but it didn't replace being beside her, watching her laugh, trying to contain his laughter as she ranted about something related to work. And more than anything, he wanted to touch her, hold her, kiss her.

It didn't help that she had been sending him inappropriate pictures throughout the week, too - half naked in bed, just out of the shower, in a fitting room while trying on a dress.

He stayed in the boardroom after his call with Ken. He jumped into some editing and proofing before his next meeting. It had been a long road to get to where he was - expanding The Spectator into such a busy political epicentre was a risk but his small team had really hit the ground running. The office ran itself for the most part but between Leo and Nate, they liked to visit every few weeks.

Suddenly, the door to the boardroom pushed open. Nate turned his head to see a young red headed woman with a pile of paperwork in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other.

She looked over at Nate with wide eyes when she noticed him sitting there. "Oh my god, Mr. Archibald, I didn't know you were using this room. Sorry. I like to use the boardroom table to see everything at once but I'll go back to my desk."

Nate stood up to stop her. "Hey, wait. You can use the table, no worries. I have an office I can be using instead. Just got caught up." He smiled at her and motioned to the large table. "And please, call me Nate." He offered his hand to her to shake.

She gave him a small smile. "Thanks." She took a few steps and put her things down on the table. "I'm Taylor Wheeler." She shook his hand. "I just started as a Research Assistant a few weeks ago."

"Well, welcome to the team," he replied, grabbing his laptop off the table. "Wait. Did you say Wheeler? Are you related to Graham Wheeler, from the White House communications team?"

Nate watched as she rolled her eyes. "Yes, actually. He's my cousin."

"And you want to work for The Spectator? He can't get you a gig somewhere on their media team?"

Taylor shrugged. "Honestly, I didn't even bother asking. I'm kind of determined to get as far as I can in this political society on my own. Plus, I don't know if I want a government job just yet. I like the idea of free speech too much." She paused, a bit flustered. "Plus, I really like what The Spectator stands for - it's honest and you have a lot of integrity."

Nate smiled at her, understanding. "Well, thanks. It sounds like you're a great addition to our team. Recent grad?"

"Just finished at Northeastern in the spring. Political Science with a focus on Public Policy. But I want to do my Masters eventually. Maybe at Columbia."

Nate nodded as she spoke. "Well, you're in the right role for that kind of future. And hey, I went to Columbia. If you ever have any questions, email me." Nate really wasn't an expert in political journalism yet but he had paid his dues over time and wanted to make sure he paid it forward to his staff. It was important to share opportunities.

"Thanks Mr. Arch- Nate." She smiled at him as she sat down, spreading out her stack of papers onto the table.

Nate left the room and headed towards his office. He was feeling really good about everything that week but more than anything, he wanted to get home to Mackenzie.

* * *

"So, who sent you these flowers?"

Mackenzie shrugged off her coat as she walked into her sister's apartment. She had just handed Jenny a large floral bouquet that had been delivered to her at the Bass Foundation office and she didn't want to leave them for the weekend. Her plan had been to go directly to Jenny's after work and before the premiere so she had made the journey with the oversized florals.

She walked further into the apartment to find Eric lounging on the couch while Jenny found a vase for the flowers.

"Because this has Nate Archibald written all over it."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes. "You need to let that go."

Eric pointed at Mackenzie as she headed towards the lofted bedroom upstairs to change. He called out after her. "We all know you two were stuck in that elevator Saturday! You may as well just tell us what happened or we'll just continue to speculate."

Mackenzie ignored her sister and Eric continued to ramble on about the mystery flowers. It had been a long day for Mackenzie. She had woken up early, gone to the gym and worked through her lunch. Thankfully time had flown by but now it was slowing down. She just wanted to see Nate. Their phone calls had been fine, and a bit inappropriate, but she was longing to see him again.

She changed into a black floral v-neck dress that came down just before her knees. The sheer sleeves went down to her wrists. She looked over herself in Jenny's vanity. Her goal was to look _good._ It had been a long time since she had felt motivated to dress up for someone and who else but Nate would she doll herself up for this much. The dress was sexy without being too revealing and she had picked it out specifically to try and _wow_ Nate from across the room.

Mackenzie had never been to any sort of premiere before and she was a bit nervous. Dan's book _City People_ came out a few years ago and had been a huge success. It weaved together the stories and lives of four different people living in the same apartment building and how their journeys in life overlapped. Netflix turned it into an eight episode series and it had gotten rave reviews from critics already. Dan had helped consult on the screenplay and final edits. Mackenzie was incredibly proud to see Dan have so much success thanks to his writing. She knew he had been in a slump since their mom had passed and she was hoping this may motivate him to find his muse again.

Netflix was throwing a huge premiere party including a streaming of the first two episodes. They had set up an interactive exhibit at a theatre in Midtown with an exclusive afterparty, as well.

The entire theatre was stunning. Jenny, Eric and Mackenzie quickly walked through the entryway, avoiding any 'red carpet' experience and grabbed drinks. They found Serena, Blair and Chuck standing around a tall table while Dan talked with some reporters. Mackenzie continued to scan the room for Nate. They had been texting all day about their excitement to see each other and she figured he was on his way.

It was almost time for the screening to begin when he finally showed up. Mackenzie spotted him from across the room, as he talked politely with a few reporters on his way in. She was in awe of the way he commanded himself - self-assured, bold, enthusiastic. He was dressed in a navy blue suit and his hair was perfectly styled. As he headed toward their group, they finally met each other's eyes and Mackenzie's knees buckled. Effortlessly handsome. And he was all hers, again.

Just as he made his way to the group, they all started their shuffle into the theatre. Jenny grabbed Mackenzie's hand and pulled her ahead so they could sit together. Mackenzie turned and looked over her shoulder as they hurried in, an apologetic look on her face as Nate just smiled at her and nodded, understanding.

After the screening, Mackenzie lost most of their group in the crowds. She weaved her way through groups of people to find the bar. As she thanked the bartender, she felt a hand along her back. She jumped at the touch.

"Hey, sorry, just me."

She turned to see Nate standing in front of her. He moved his hand away from her back slowly, pausing to squeeze her waist.

"Hi," she said quietly. She couldn't help but blush as he smiled at her. She forgot what it felt like to stand in front of him.

There stood Nate Archibald - classically handsome, a million dollar smile, and a perfectly tailored suit. The whole room could be looking at him but his eyes never left Mackenzie.

"Nice suit," she smiled at him, reaching out with her free hand to adjust his tie.

"I had another outfit planned but I'm missing a suit jacket," he replied to her playfully.

She opened her eyes wide and couldn't help but laugh. She totally forgot she wore his jacket home after the wedding. "That's hanging up behind my door still. I'm sure you'll get it back someday. It's not like you're short on perfectly fitting suits."

Nate leaned in to whisper in her ear, "Why is it that everything you're saying sounds sexy to me right now?" The tension between them was thick.

The two of them walked through the crowds, making their way to a table in the corner of the lobby. Before they could continue their flirtatious banter, Eric appeared at the table.

"Hey, we're going to head out to the afterparty. You guys want to share a cab?"

"Actually, my car is with the valet," Nate answered quickly.

"I was going to head through the exhibit so I'll catch up with you guys," Mackenzie added in.

Eric glanced between the two of them with narrowed eyes then just shrugged. "Well, have a fun night, you two." He winked at Mackenzie as he darted away to where Jenny was waiting at the front of the lobby.

Mackenzie took a long sip of her drink and scanned around the room. "So, how much longer do we have to wait here do you think?" She licked the top sugary rim of her glass and looked at Nate. He pursed his lips to contain his smile.

"Well, I think Dan and Serena left. And Chuck and Blair bailed after the first episode so…" He glanced down at her drink then back to her. She grabbed it and swallowed the rest down. She put down the glass and grabbed his hand, pulling herself in close to him.

She leaned in beside his ear. "I only bought this dress so you can take it off, Archibald."

She heard him swear under his breath as he pulled her through the crowds. They stood at the valet for a moment, hands still locked together. Mackenzie shivered for a moment as they waited outside and Nate was quick to drop her hand to take off his jacket again, draping it over her shoulders.

"At least I know you won't steal this one since you're coming home with me," Nate said to her quietly, squeezing her hand as she giggled.

A few moments later, a sleek silver sports car pulled up in front of them. Mackenzie couldn't remember any instance where she and Nate had driven somewhere together, especially with him at the helm.

"Stop staring, Humphrey," he commented to her as they left the front parking area.

"Can't help it. I'm not sure why seeing you grip the wheel like that and shift gears is such a turn on, yet here I am. Incredibly turned on."

Nate just laughed and looked over at her. "I'll have you out of that dress as soon as possible. I promise."

As they approached his building, the doorman came out and opened up Mackenzie's side of the car. She smiled as she climbed out. Nate met her on the sidewalk and handed his keys off to the gentleman. "Thanks Lou." Nate took Mackenzie's hand and lead her inside, waving at the doorman inside and pressing the elevator button. Mackenzie stared at him, biting her lip.

"You're killing me," Nate leaned in to whisper to her. He slid his hand behind her, trailing down to her lower back. The minute they were inside the elevator, he pushed her up against the wall. He kissed her immediately, gripping her waist with his hands and moaning quietly into her as her hands pulled his hair.

His hands moved down her back as they made out and he gripped her ass, moving his hands underneath her dress.

He pulled away from her mouth and opened his eyes wide, "Mackenzie Humphrey. You're not wearing underwear."

She bit her lip and nodded at him. "Very observant."

"You mean to tell me you were walking around that event all night without wearing anything under your dress?"

She nodded again, raising her eyebrows playfully at him. "I was trying to figure out how to tell you about it but well, there was no good time."

The elevator dinged finally as they arrived at his floor. "I would have taken you in some bathroom hours ago if I had known."

"You know, that wasn't as sexy as you think," she laughed as he grabbed her hand again, leading her down the hall.

"Yeah, well, I can't think straight right now, okay?" He replied to her, keying in a code to get in the door.

The moment they stepped inside and shut the door behind them, it was a fury of hands and mouths. Mackenzie shrugged off his jacket as he kissed her. They each kicked off their shoes and pulled at each other's clothes as they headed further into his apartment. Most impressively, they did this without leaving the other person's lips.

Nate had missed Mackenzie in so many ways. Just to touch her skin again, to taste her lips again, to feel her fingers intertwined with his own - it was as if a shockwave was running through him. He missed _her._ He wanted to give his time to every square inch of her body.

"I need you," she whispered out breathlessly as they made it to his bedroom. Nate kissed her neck from behind, his hands reaching to unzip her dress.

Everything felt and looked the same to Mackenzie, save for a few additional pieces of furniture or art on the walls. Not that she could focus on anything but Nate Archibald as he tore her dress off. Physically tore. Mackenzie heard the back seam rip as Nate gave up on the zipper.

"Shit," he announced, pausing what he was doing. Mackenzie turned around and just laughed, pulling forward on the garment to remove it from her body.

"It was from a sample sale, whatever," she said. She bit her lip again as she looked at him. The low city lights illuminated his chiseled chest as they both stood there for a moment, catching their breath.

He just stared at her with hungry eyes. She was left standing there wearing just a lace black bra. "I'll buy you a new dress. Whatever dress you want. As many as you want. A new dress for every day of the month." Nate pushed her back onto the bed, leaning down to trail kisses along her body. He continued to undress, pulling off his belt as he worked his way up to her.

As she laid on the bed watching him strip down, Mackenzie reached and unhooked her bra. Admittedly, she was suddenly feeling very nervous in that moment. Sure, they had had sex countless times before. But everything felt so charged and different this time.

Nate crawled over her as he climbed onto the bed, continuing to kiss across her skin. She wrapped her legs around him as he leaned down to her. He returned to her lips, kissing her deeply as his right hand moved across her chest.

"Nate, I need you, please," she whispered again. He moved his lips down her neck to her collarbone. Her breath hitched as he tongue crossed her skin.

"Nate," she repeated his name. Suddenly, he stopped.

"Is that a sunflower?" His fingers traced along the tattoo on her chest, on the soft skin between her breasts.

She bit her lip and nodded as she looked up at him. "I got it last fall." She closed her eyes. "For you. Or for us, really."

Nate didn't respond to her. He just traced the flower again and again, finally leaning down to kiss her. He thrust into her as their lips met and finally, _finally_ , they were as close as they could possibly be.

Mackenzie let out a low moan as she felt all of him again. There was a time where she thought she may never feel him this way again.

"Nate," she reached up and wrapped her hands around his neck as he worked on top of her. The way he felt inside her, the way he moved his hips, the way his skin felt under her hands - that was all she needed.

He leaned down and kissed her, deeply. "I love you, Mackenzie."

* * *

_What a release. Aren't we surprised it took this long for these two to jump each other's bones again? Secrets don't last forever with smartphones and a growing public image being bolstered by a political team. Oh. And we haven't heard the last of a certain handsome playboy or Miss Kennedy. Nor will this be it for a young, new research assistant..._


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Mackenzie woke up Sunday morning to a tingling sensation running down her spine. She was laying on her side looking out towards the morning sun. She let out an involuntary shiver as she felt Nate's lips sweep across her neck and shoulders.

"Good morning," Nate whispered into her ear as he shuffled in closer to her, wrapping his arms around her. They were both draped in the sheets of his bed.

"Am I dreaming?" Mackenzie replied to him, closing her eyes shut as Nate's hands moved along her body. "Because I had a dream a few weeks ago that started just like this."

"Well, what happened in the dream?" Nate's hand continued to move down her body, pinching at her nipples, kissing down her neck and arms.

"You were teasing me just like this," she replied to him slowly, moving her hips back into him. She could feel him ready to go. They had both fallen asleep naked. "But I woke up before anything good happened."

"If I'm being honest, I've really missed teasing you but I can't bring myself to do such a thing right now," Nate whispered into her ear.

Mackenzie couldn't help but moan as his hand found its way between her legs. Despite their activity the night before, it was evident they both needed more.

It was certainly a nice way to wake up.

It wasn't long before Mackenzie was shaking through an orgasm at Nate's hand. She missed his expertise. He knew her body well. He remembered her body _so well_.

Before she could even think of recovering, he lifted her thigh slightly to line himself up with her and quickly went to work. She moaned out his name as he reached up and grabbed her neck gently, whispering into her ear. "Tell me what you want, Mackenzie."

"Harder, please."

Nate just let out a low growl as he increased his pace, biting into her shoulder. She yelled out in pleasure as he did.

God, he had missed her so much. While the night before had been a perfect reunion, this time he was slow and calculated in every thrust and touch. He missed how their bodies synced. Despite all the time and distance between them, it didn't take long to find their rhythm again.

They collapsed into each other after his climax, taking a moment to catch their breath.

"Did you want me to not be able to walk today?" Mackenzie turned her head towards a smiling Nate.

He just shrugged and leaned over to kiss her. "You said harder."

"Well, let's hope you didn't bruise my collarbone. Join me in the shower?"

"I don't think I can go again until I have something to eat," Nate said slowly.

"Well, I was hoping to just wash my hair. Get your mind out of the gutter, Archibald."

After a hot shower (which did in fact escalate to another round of sex), Mackenzie returned to Nate's bed as he went to feed Max. He came back to the room with two mugs of coffee and their phones, which had been deserted somewhere in the apartment on their way in the night before.

"So," he handed Mackenzie one of the white mugs and put his down. "Before I give you your phone, apparently someone sent Page Six a photo of us leaving the venue last night."

Mackenzie's eyes went wide for a moment. She put down her mug of coffee and grabbed her phone from him.

She had a ton of messages - from Jenny, Dan, her dad, Viv and even Drew.

"I guess our plan of keeping this quiet just went out the window," Mackenzie replied as she scanned through her phone.

She pulled up Page Six online and read out loud.

"Journalism mogul, political hopeful and Vanderbilt heir Nathaniel Archibald was spotted leaving the _City People_ premiere with ex-girlfriend Mackenzie Humphrey. Sources report Mackenzie is the sister of author Daniel Humphrey and newly appointed COO of The _Bass Foundation._ Perhaps this rekindled affair explains Archibald's sudden end to fling with Cassandra Kennedy - which had been speculated to have been a publicity move for the pair." Mackenzie stopped reading and closed her eyes. "Well, I guess that wasn't too painful."

Nate let out a laugh and sat back down on the bed beside her. He immediately got back up. "Oh. Hold on."

She watched as he left the room. She looked back down at the messages on her phone.

The first few messages were from Jenny.

' _I just need to know if you're waking up and reading this in Nate's bed. To settle a bet with Eric!'_

' _I guess that picture answers that question. Damnit.'_

The next from her brother:

' _Okay does that picture mean what I think it means?'_

One from Rufus Humphrey himself:

' _Lisa sent me that link to Pagesix this morning. What's going on?'_

Mackenzie just rolled her eyes and knew that message was not getting a reply.

She did laugh at the message from Viv:

' _I hope that beautiful dress is on Archibald's floor right now!'_

And one final message from Drew:

' _Was the sex with Baizen so bad you were lead right back to Archibald? Lol jokes Mack good for you girl'_

Admittedly that last one annoyed her. Clearly her asking Carter Baizen to stay tight lipped didn't count for anything.

Before she could formulate any responses, Nate was back in the room, carrying a plastic tote. He placed it in the bed in front of Mackenzie.

"While I do want to encourage you to just lay around all day naked in my bed," Nate sat down again and took a sip of his coffee. "I realize that you can't leave in a ripped dress."

Mackenzie shot him a curious smile and pulled the tote closer to her. She pulled the lid off and finally realized what was in there.

"You kept all my clothes that I left here?"

Nate just sighed and then shrugged. "I wasn't going to ship them across the ocean. Or throw them out. So I hid them away in the spare closet."

"For two years?" She rummaged through the box and pulled out a pair of leggings and her old Northeastern sweatshirt. "I thought I lost this."

Nate just smiled and watched as she got out of bed to change. She sat back down once her skin was covered and she sipped her coffee. Max hopped up on the bed and approached them. He found a place to rest on Nate's lap.

"So," Mackenzie shuffled to sit cross legged and face Nate. "What now?"

"Well, I ordered breakfast that should be delivered soon," Nate replied to her, putting down his phone and grabbing his coffee, being careful not to disturb Max dozing off.

"That's not what I meant," Mackenzie laughed, although she was hungry. "Like, what's next for us. For this." She motioned between the two of them.

Nate sighed. "Well, I guess there are some things we need to talk about." He paused. "I want this Mack. All in. 100%."

"I do, too."

"Okay. You say that but my life is a bit more complicated now. When we dated before, all we had to do was juggle your school schedule and my work at The Spectator. Now, I oversee two offices, our print edition and printing house, plus come the spring, my campaign for mayor will come in full force. And you, Miss Bass Foundation, are just as busy."

Mackenzie just let out a breath and nodded. He wasn't wrong. The Bass Foundation team was small but mighty, but there was still a lot to do in running a multimillion dollar charity.

"Then, if I'm elected - "

"When you're elected," she corrected him. He gave her a grateful smile.

" _If_ I'm elected, we would have a completely new normal. Not only would my schedule ramp up but you'd get swept into it, too. That's events and ceremonies and galas and more Page Six garbage and committees and meetings and a security team and moving into Gracie Mansion and -

"Nate." Mackenzie cut him off. "I'm in. I've known you were destined for greatness for so long."

"Mack," Nate put down his coffee and reached out to grab her hand. "Take your time on this. I don't want you to say yes then resent me down the line. I know you have your own goals and plans."

Mackenzie wasn't being entirely honest. This picture of a future with Nate was intimidating but she cared for him so deeply and his passion was so evident to her that she could push past her fears. Sure, it would take some adjusting in life and an understanding that this version of their relationship would be different than it was before. But there was only one thing she knew for certain - she wanted Nate Archibald by her side for the rest of her life. She knew that. She had known that for so long. And now hopefully that was going to happen.

"Nate," she said his name again. "I don't need anymore time to think about this. I'm in. Listen, I like my job at the Foundation. There's a ton of opportunity to create change and make an impact. And it's flexible for the future. I just want to be with you - however that looks."

"Mack, everything you just said is music to my ears. But I just want you to be honest with me about this, please. It's not always going to be easy to balance and I just want us, me and you, this - to always take first priority for both of us. Deal?"

She leaned in and kissed him, running her hands through his still damp hair. "Deal."

* * *

Mackenzie crashed early Saturday night.

She spent most of Saturday just lounging around Nate's had breakfast. Nate worked on some things. Mackenzie napped. They napped together. They had sex _again_. They had a late lunch. It was really blissful and after their discussion about the future, a day that would likely soon become incredibly rare for them.

Nate eventually sent Mackenzie home with John while he got ready for dinner with his parents. He had extended the invite to her but she had quickly declined. She wasn't ready for that yet. Truthfully, Nate wasn't sure if he was either.

The feelings rushing through Mackenzie were something she had been missing. Hope, promise, excitement, joy. She knew they wouldn't last forever - she was grateful to slip into such a beautiful honeymoon phase with Nate.

Mackenzie slept in Sunday morning but made sure she was up in time to prep for brunch with her brother and sister. She was not entirely looking forward to their inquisition about Nate.

Her brunch prep was interrupted when her phone started to ring. Nate. She couldn't help but smile as she answered.

"Hey you."

"Hi," Nate replied. "I know you have brunch plans with the Humphrey's but I just wanted to say good morning."

Mackenzie almost melted. "Well, good morning to you, too. How was your breakfast thing?" He had told her about the breakfast meeting _whatever_ he had to make an appearance at.

"It was fine. Boring, really. It's just a monthly get together for journalists to discuss strategy and other boring things. I'm trying to hand the responsibility off to one of my juniors but no one wants to go."

"Well, you're not selling it very well," she laughed at him. "You're more than welcome to come to the loft and have a coffee with us."

"I don't want to disrupt your time with your brother and sister."

"Nate," she replied, "We're all one big messy family really so just come over. Plus, then we'll have even teams for Pictionary."

"Oh, I am not playing board games with _three_ members of the Humphrey family. I object."

"Just come over, please? I haven't seen you in over 12 hours and I've already forgotten what you look like."

They were deep in the honeymoon phase and neither of them minded.

A short while later Jenny and Dan showed up. Jenny was carrying the flowers Mackenzie left at her apartment Friday while Dan had a box of pastries in his hand. Mackenzie had the waffle maker out and was ready to cook.

"Thanks for bringing those, Jen," Mackenzie said to her sister as she refilled the vase and left it on the table.

"I'm sure your _boyfriend_ would want you to enjoy looking at them more than me," Jenny nudged her sister's arm as she joined her at the stove.

"Nate's not my…" Mackenzie trailed off.

_Wait. He is my boyfriend. Nate Archibald is my boyfriend again._

Mackenzie looked up from stirring the waffle batter and realized both Dan and Jenny were staring at her, smirking.

"Okay, stop. I can't handle that look from both of you at the same time. Nate's heading over to join us if you want to stare him down, too."

"I'm not sure if you were expecting fanfare from us, Mack. This was the least surprising outcome. We were all just waiting for you both to come to your senses." Dan smirked at her.

She rolled her eyes. "How's Serena feeling?"

The easiest way to change the subject with Dan was to talk about his wife and future child.

"Great. Well, good. Lily took her to a spa upstate this weekend that specializes in prenatal..something. It's nice for her to relax." Dan was beaming. "Hey, by any chance is my old laptop still here somewhere?"

Mackenzie just shrugged and pointed to his old room. "Your guess is as good as mine. It might be in there." Dan nodded and headed off on his search.

"So," Jenny took a seat on one of the stools as Mackenzie made waffles. "I want to ask you something and I don't want you to get mad."

Mackenzie raised an eyebrow at her sister. "Okay."

"I got my test results back from that geneticist and I was just wondering if you were going to make an appointment for it."

Mackenzie sighed as she opened up the waffle iron. After Allison Humphrey discovered her brain tumour, a team of research doctors informed the family that the cause of the tumour, while rare, could be traced back to a genetic marker. It was commonly found in females and more than usual a hereditary gene. It had been recommended both Jenny and Mackenzie have the testing done.

Mackenzie had refused. To her, finding out if she had that gene would just add more panic to her life. She didn't want to worry about something that may not matter. Even if she had the gene, it may not mean anything. It could be something to watch for, sure.

"I haven't changed my mind about it, no." Mackenzie responded to her sister.

"Kenz, c'mon," Jenny pleaded positively. "There's such a slim chance you have the genetic marker - it's pretty harmless."

Mackenzie shook her head, "It's emotionally invasive, Jen."

"That's the most dramatic thing I've ever heard!" Jenny let out a frustrated groan and reached into her bag, pulling out an envelope. "It's painless and actually fascinating. They break down all your genetic factors and risks."

Mackenzie looked at the envelope briefly and shrugged. "That is like fuel for the anxiety fire in my brain."

"Dan!" Jenny turned her head to call for their brother. "You need to talk some sense into her."

Dan came out of the spare office with a clunky old laptop in his hands. "Is this about that gene testing thing?"

Jenny nodded. "She's refusing."

Mackenzie looked from Jenny to Dan. "Was this brunch just a guise for you two to gang up on me about this?"

Dan dropped down onto the couch and shook his head. "I voted against this conversation." He plugged in his old laptop and looked away from his sisters.

"I think you're being ridiculous about this, Kenzie." Jenny crossed her arms. "Wouldn't you rather know and be able to find the issue early?"

"Or they find an issue early and I stress about it forever."

"You're being selfish!" Jenny took a deep breath and let it out. "What would Nate think about this decision?"

As if on cue, Nate Archibald himself knocked at the door and let himself in just as Jenny asked that question. Dan, Jenny and Mack all looked at him as he came in.

"This topic is closed for discussion," Mackenzie pointed at her sister as she walked to greet Nate at the door. "Hi." She instinctively leaned in to kiss him. She didn't even think about how new this was and how they hadn't decided how to talk about it with everyone. Although that photo really broke the ice.

"Hey," Nate said slowly, pausing as he took off his coat. "I feel like I'm interrupting something."

"You're not," Mackenzie smiled at him. She could hear Jenny let out another annoyed groan.

"Just another episode of Mackenzie Humphrey: the most stubborn girl in the world," Jenny commented. Mackenzie shot her a glance and Jenny just raised up her hands. "I'm giving up. Can we eat?" Mackenzie rolled her eyes again and nodded, heading back towards the kitchen island.

Dan ditched his laptop on the couch and walked towards Nate. "Hey man, I'm really happy for you two." He pulled his friend into a hug. "My previous warning applies still, after all this time: please don't hurt her."

"I will do everything in my power to not cause her any pain, Dan. I promise."

"I know you've both been through a lot and it's a two way street. But I worry about her."

Nate put his hand on Dan's shoulder. "We're gonna be okay. I'm here for her."

After a meal of coffee, waffles, fruit and pastries, Dan returned to search through his old laptop while Jenny, Mackenzie and Nate remained at the table.

"No, no, that's not fair. We didn't get kicked out-

"Well, Kenzie, c'mon, two bouncers asked us to leave. That's the polite way of being kicked out."

Mackenzie and Jenny were telling Nate some stories from their time in London over the past few years.

Mackenzie just laughed and took a sip of her coffee. "All I'm saying is they still let us in for breakfast the next day."

"I guess we have a lot to catch up on these last two years, Mack," Nate just smirked, as he leaned back on the booth bench seat and extended his arm over her shoulders. Mackenzie just smiled and leaned into him. He kissed the top of her head.

"So, it's really happening, huh?" Jenny commented as she watched them. Mackenzie had to remind herself that she and Nate were _new_. While it felt comfortable to slip into a relationship again, it was still an unusual transition. And not everyone knew them as a couple before, considering Jenny was living in London when they were together previously.

"It's strange, right?" Dan chimed in as he walked back to the table with his laptop. "Not that I'm not happy for you both but I need to get used to _this_ again." Dan motioned between his friend and his sister.

Before Mackenzie could reply to her siblings, Dan continued. "Ah! Here we go." He turned his screen around to show them. "I've been getting nostalgic about _City People_ and I was trying to find this footage I took at the book launch party."

"This is unedited vlog footage?" Nate couldn't help but laugh.

"Listen, at the time my publicist thought it might be good promo material but, well, it's as awkward as it sounds." Dan hit the play button on a series of videos.

"When was this?" Jenny asked as she watched the screen.

"Like four years ago?" Dan replied, shrugging.

Mackenzie leaned forward to see the screen a bit better. She remembered that night. She had skipped her Friday classes and taken the train up for the event. She spent most of the night just trailing behind Serena, who had offered her solace in the crowds of strangers.

"Hey, you know, this is the night we met apparently," Nate said to Mackenzie, running his hand down her back.

"Oh, I think I remember meeting you," she replied. "But you don't remember me."

_Mackenzie was really proud of her brother for what he had accomplished with his most recent novel. And she was grateful for the event invite, even if it meant taking a train up to the city and crashing at the loft with her dad._

_She and Rufus had shared an uncomfortable dinner at Dumpling House before the event. He asked her about school and how her classes her going. She asked him about the new band he was working with. Otherwise, they mainly sat in silence. It always felt like her dad was doing her a favour when he gave her any of his time and she hated it._

_When they got to the book launch event, she was grateful Serena was already there. Despite not living in the city permanently over the years, she was happy to have maintained a friendship with Serena. Going from step siblings to friends was not hard and it was even easier now that she and Dan were dating again._

" _I do not do crowds well," Mackenzie admitted to Serena as they stood at a tall table._

" _How do you do with alcohol though?" Serena countered, pointing towards the bar._

" _Very well," Mackenzie laughed. Not that she had any plans to get drunk but she knew it would take off the edge of her anxiety._

_They returned to the table with drinks in hand and stayed tucked in the back as Dan was introduced. He then gave a brief talk about the book and his inspirations, then read several passages from the prologue and first chapter of the book._

_Mackenzie peered around the room as her brother read. The event was packed with people - rows of chairs filled and standing room only everywhere else. She couldn't help but feel a sense of pride for him. After a bold applause when he was done reading, Dan finally made his way around the room._

" _Forewarning, Dan is attempting some video blog thing tonight. It's embarrassing but I'm trying to support him," Serena said quietly to Mackenzie. They both broke into laughter as Dan walked towards them, holding up his phone to capture video._

" _And here we have my beautiful supportive girlfriend Serena and my sister Mackenzie, who made the laborious journey here from Northeastern University."_

" _Did you hear that Serena? You're beautiful and supportive but I'm just his boring sister."_

" _What were your thoughts on the book?"_

" _Well," Mackenzie turned and looked at Dan's phone, "You let me read an early copy already. But I will say things get very interesting in the second half. I couldn't put it down."_

" _Did you pay her to say that?" Dan turned the phone to Serena, who put her hand up to stop him from filming her._

" _Hey, there you are." Serena and Mackenzie turned their heads as someone appeared at the table. Mackenzie recognized him from somewhere - he was a friend of Dan's. Her eyes swept over him quickly - he was dressed in a sharp looking grey suit, a skinny tie and his hair looked as if it was intentionally styled to look messy. His face was turned into a low frown but she couldn't help but wonder what he looked like when he smiled._

" _Nate, hey," Serena turned to him, pulling him into a hug. "We didn't think you'd make it."_

" _I left that other event early," Nate replied. "Caught the end of your reading. Can't wait for my signed copy, man." He pointed at Dan and his camera._

" _Hey, have you met my sister Mackenzie?" Dan asked him. Nate was looking around the room._

" _Oh yeah, I always forget you have another sister. Hey, Nate Archibald," Nate turned towards Mackenzie, extending his hand. She couldn't even get out a reply or shake it before he pulled it back._

" _Oh shit. Is that Sage?" Dan and Serena turned around to look across the room._

" _Don't tell me you're on again with her," Serena said to him, rolling her eyes._

" _God no. That's definitely over for good. I don't like calling women crazy but that girl is nuts." Nate craned his neck and swore under his breath, taking a few steps back. "I'm just going to circle around to avoid her." He put his hand on Serena's shoulder. "It was good to see you! And nice to meet you Jackie."_

_Mackenzie opened her mouth to correct him but he was gone into the crowd. Serena just shook her head and laughed, taking Mackenzie's arm to head to the bar for another drink. "And that was Nate Archibald, most eligible bachelor in the city, taken down by someone who isn't even old enough to drink yet."_

_Mackenzie just rolled her eyes. "Charming."_

Mackenzie let out an uncomfortable laugh as Dan scrubbed through the rest of the video footage.

"Well, I think I like the story of us meeting in the loft better than that," Nate said quietly.

"But Nate, we now have video proof where you met your future girlfriend Jackie," Jenny smirked at him, pointing to her sister.

"I wish I had been less preoccupied with Sage that night," Nate muttered, rolling his eyes.

"For someone you so adamantly insisted was crazy, she's popped up a lot over the past few years," Dan commented. "Like the New Year's Eve celebration. And The Spectator holiday party last-

Nate just coughed and shot Dan a hard glance, trying to shut him up. Mackenzie turned her head and looked over at him, crossing her arms. "Maybe we do have a lot to catch up on."

Later that afternoon, Nate was in the kitchen with Mackenzie helping her clean up.

"You know, I really wish I could go back in and maybe have a conversation with you that night," Nate said to Mackenzie as he dried off the last of the plates. "At Dan's book launch."

She just smiled as she turned to face him. "We can't go back in time, Nate. The universe got us in the same room again eventually anyway." She leaned in to kiss him. "Should we maybe have that talk though?"

"What talk?"

"You know, catching up on our dating history," she took his hand and lead him to sit on the couch with her.

Truly, she definitely didn't want to know who Nate had been sleeping with. But part of her was irritated to know he had been hanging out with his ex girlfriend in the last few years. One of her biggest insecurities about their relationship before was Nate's dating history. They had been apart for so long and it was only reasonable he had been dating other people. But knowing he still kept in touch with his young ex girlfriend was playing at her confidence.

Nate just sighed. He didn't want to have any more uncomfortable conversations.

"Okay. Well." He let out a breath. "I haven't dated anyone seriously since you. I mean, I guess I dated around but it was never anything real. I did reconnect with Sage on a few occasions-

"Reconnect?"

Nate gave her an irritated glance. "You know what I mean. It was mainly just a convenience thing. Familiarity or whatever."

Mackenzie just nodded, crossing her arms. She pursed her lips and stared at him, as if to encourage him to continue.

"Do you want a full detailed list of who I slept with?" He turned his head to her. "Alphabetical order?"

"Can you take this seriously?" She sighed. "Nate, you're easily one of the most attractive people in this entire city. Forgive me for feeling anxious as my brain races through all these women you've spent time with."

"Mack," he shifted his body to face her. "I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I had a lot of reckless nights that didn't matter. None of it mattered, though. It was all just trying to fill a void leftover from you."

She sighed.

Nate just shrugged. He wasn't sure what else to say. "What about you?"

"Well, I dated this guy Nick Anderly for a few months this year. Before that, nothing serious. There was a friend of Joseph's who would hang out with our group - Liam - and we'd occasionally hook up but it was really just lust and..filling that same void, I guess."

Nate nodded. "And well, there was Cassandra, too. I did kiss her but we didn't have sex or anything. She was just a distraction since you were back in town."

"Oh." Mackenzie shifted as she sat there. She knew she should tell Nate about Carter. It was the right thing to do. "For full disclosure, Carter did ask me out. He took me to dinner last week."

Nate's face fell. "You're joking." He swore under his breath. Mackenzie watched as he process what she had said. It was as if he was trying to hide his disgust. She didn't anticipate such a bold reaction from him. She decided immediately she wouldn't tell him they had sex. She knew honestly was important but she was already regretting starting the whole conversation.

"Nate, it was one date and I haven't talked to the guy since." That wasn't entirely true. They had texted a few times, but it was strictly about work related things.

Nate just shook his head. "Sorry. I just...it's been a long time since Baizen has been present in my life and the last thing I want is him interrupting my romantic life again." He sighed. "Whatever. None of this matters anyway. No more exes or dinner dates or reckless nights from now on. Just me and you." He extended his hand out to Mackenzie.

She ignored his hand and shuffled to straddle him. She leaned in and kissed him, hard. He ran his hands up and down her back. "You and me." She let her mouth wander and trail kisses down his neck. "Nate and Jackie."

"Oh my god," he laughed and squeezed her sides. "Will you ever let me forget that?"

She just shook her head. "God no." She went back to kiss his neck. Her hands started to undo the buttons of his shirt.

"Hey," he put his hand on her shoulder to pause what she was doing. "Can I ask what you and Jenny were arguing about?"

She pulled away. "It's a long story." She leaned in to kiss him again then stood up, pulling off her leggings. "I don't want to talk about it." She returned to her position on top of him, now in only her underwear.

Nate watched her closely as she did this, letting out a breath as she straddled him again, slowly grinding on him. "Are you trying to distract me with sex?"

"I am, yes." She gave him a playful smile. "Is it working?"

Nate just sighed and smiled back, pulling her close to him. "I think you know the answer to that."

* * *

Mackenzie was in the middle of a meeting with Brittany, the foundation's finance clerk, when her phone started to buzz again and again.

"Sorry Britt," she said to the young girl. Mackenzie glanced down at her phone and saw a dozen calendar invitation messages. They were all coming from the same two people: Kenneth Yang and someone named Miranda Banks. She dismissed all the notifications and carried on.

"I guess what we need to do next is to reach out to these past donors and inquire as to why they stopped their annual giving. Can we get some small packages put together and sent out?" Mackenzie sighed as her phone made more noises.

"I'll let you deal with that," Brittany laughed, standing up and leaving Mackenzie's office.

She looked down at her phone again. She sent a text to Nate.

' _Hey Archibald, why is my phone blowing up with event invites?'_

She scrolled through the list as she waited for a response from him: Whitehouse Correspondents Fall Gala, BBBS Fundraiser and Auction, Conservation Authority Luncheon, NHL Charity Hockey Game…

Nate finally replied: ' _to be discussed at the meeting tonight. I guess Ken is getting ahead of some social planning. See you at 6? :)'_

Mackenzie sighed.

When she and Nate had discussed _all in,_ they really meant it. It had been barely two weeks since they were photographed leaving the _City People_ premiere and Nate had just told his campaign team about their relationship. Well, at least the seriousness of their relationship. And they had invited Mackenzie in for their next team meeting to discuss some social strategy. She was about to dive into being Nate's girlfriend publicly and she was a bit nervous.

Nate had enticed her with ordering in Thai Kitchen before the meeting. He knew her real weakness: springrolls.

She took a cab to The Spectator office after she was wrapped up for the day. It had been a long time since she had visited the building and things had certainly changed. Walking in the front foyer again, there was a new reception area with a few chairs. Marie, the old receptionist, had transitioned to being Nate's assistant and a new face sat at the front desk now.

Mackenzie knew Nate's office was upstairs now and headed towards the elevator. The young girl at the desk stood up to stop her.

"Uh, hi, excuse me. You can't just go up there."

Mackenzie turned to look at the young girl and smiled. "Oh, I'm just here to see Nate."

This did not elicit any real emotion response from the girl. "Everyone says that. What's your name?"

Mackenzie just sighed and let out a breath. She undid the buttons on her coat and turned to face the girl directly. "Mackenzie Humphrey."

The receptionist returned to her desk and glanced at her screen. "You're not in his calendar."

Before Mackenzie could argue with the curt girl, she heard someone say her name. "Mackenzie!" She turned to face the door again and saw a smiling Tripp Vanderbilt walking in.

"Oh, hi Tripp," the receptionist said as he walked in.

"Hey Lindsay." He smiled at the girl then turned to Mackenzie, pulling her into a hug. Mackenzie was a bit taken aback, but found a weird satisfaction in watching Lindsay scowl at the personal affection.

"So the rumours are true, huh?" Tripp kept his arm over Mackenzie's shoulder as they headed to the elevator.

"Rumours?"

"That you've made my cousin happy again," Tripp removed his arm as the elevator doors opened, and he motioned for her to walk ahead.

Mackenzie couldn't help but blush at the comment. She was strangely comforted in knowing that Nate was talking about her to the people in his life. Although it did make her apprehensive of entering his family circle again.

"Well, so far so good on the happiness thing," Mackenzie replied to him as he pressed the button to the next floor. "I hear you've moved onwards and upwards. Nate said you're at NBC now?"

Tripp smirked. "Exiting my role in the Mayor's office was a strategic move for Nate, to be honest. Less opportunity for a conflict of interest when he announces his candidacy. But the role at NBC was too good to pass up anyway - Vice President of North American Communications."

"Regardless of your fancy title I only have one real question - does this mean we can get SNL tickets whenever we want?"

Tripp laughed at her as they stepped off the elevator. "Funny. Nate asked me the same question a few weeks ago."

Mackenzie was suddenly swept into the world of The Spectator. A sea of cubicles and desks were filled with people, large screens were mounted around the room broadcasting news reels from various networks. Tripp disappeared into the office while Mackenzie took her time, walking towards the row of offices on the right. Soon enough, she spotted Marie sitting at a large desk outside of the corner office.

"Mackenzie, dear," Marie smiled as she approached. "It's so nice to see you again." Mackenzie smiled back. Marie had been with The Spectator since its inception and had been reassigned to Nate's right hand woman last year as his schedule picked up. She was kind, dedicated and warm. She really took on the role of Nate's work mom, though Nate hated to admit it. She was in her 50s and very good at her job.

"Marie, how are you? Things have really grown since the last time I was here."

"Thanks to that hardworking man," Marie nodded her head towards his door. "He's in there waiting for you with dinner."

Mackenzie just smiled again and headed into his office. She found Nate sitting at his large glass desk, documents scattered around him. His eyes were darting between his two screens as he saw her at the door.

"Hey!" He stood up and walked over to her. He leaned forward and kissed her and pulled away smiling. "I'm still so happy I get to do that again."

She laughed. "Kiss me?"

He just nodded, his cheeks turning red. She gave him a grateful smile. "So, your new receptionist downstairs was not super friendly."

He motioned for her to sit with him at the small table in the corner where a few take out bags were waiting for them.

He gave her a confused look, "Lindsay? She's just new. And we have pretty serious security protocols in place. I'll let her know you're not a threat."

She smiled as she opened up the box of spring rolls. "Oh and I ran into Tripp on my way up."

Nate just nodded. "He's on the campaign committee too. And he's trying to get a date with one of my reporters."

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh. "So, who else is on this committee? What am I in for?"

Nate thought for a moment. "Well, this meeting is mainly about social appearance logistics. Ken is the guy in charge. Miranda works with him and does most of the scheduling and coordinating. Then there's Tripp, Chuck, Moira Rockwell from The Spectator advisory board, Trent Strone who is one of my investors, and Lucille Smythe who is a retired Washington liaison."

"Wow. And they all want to meet me?"

"Of course. I don't think everyone will be there tonight. Miranda has a ton of info for you about these events and dress code and a stylist -

"A stylist? I don't think I need a stylist. My sister is a fashion designer."

"Hey, Mack," Nate stopped her. "No need to be defensive. This is all just helpful information, not rules to be followed. It's just important to curate a public image. But like I said before, you don't have to dive into this. You can do as much or as little as you want. I just like the idea of having you by my side through it all."

Mackenzie was just lost in thought. She wasn't being defensive. Okay, maybe she was. But this was _a lot_. But he knew what she was getting into. She knew committing to Nate and this future was going to be _a lot._ And this was only the beginning.

She took a few deep breaths to stop her heart rate from increasing.

"Mack?" Nate pulled her back to the present.

"Sorry," she shook her head and turned her attention back to him.

"Are you sure you're okay with all this?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yes, of course. All in."

Nate wanted to argue and call her on the thinly veiled lie but maybe it was easier to let her keep her guard up for this meeting. They could talk further after.

They both turned their heads as someone knocked at the door. Chuck Bass.

"Sorry to interrupt your romantic dinner, lovebirds," Chuck walked into the office further and paused to smile at them. "This is nice to see."

"How's Henry?" Mackenzie ignored Chuck's comments. "I miss him."

"He's been requesting you both for a babysitter lately, actually. So you'll need to pencil the young boy in."

Nate smiled. "Of course. I think I'm free next Thursday evening if you are." Mackenzie nodded at him.

"Oh and Mackenzie, I have good news." Chuck shrugged off his coat and laid it down on the back of one of the chairs. "My contact at the NYPD just told me they caught someone responsible for a string of break-ins in Brooklyn."

"Finally," Nate said, letting out a sigh of relief.

"How do they know it's him?" Mackenzie asked cautiously.

"Well, they sent me a mugshot. This guy has a very misaligned nose structure from blunt force trauma."

Nate couldn't help but smirk. "Well done, Mack."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Oh stop. It was self-defense."

"Either way, there is some peace of mind that he'll be prosecuted," Chuck continued.

"Thanks Chuck," Mackenzie replied to him. "For all your help."

"Of course. I had to talk Nathaniel down from hiring a guard for your building a few weeks ago so at least we can stop worrying about this now."

Mackenzie turned to look at Nate. "I don't want you to worry about me."

"I'm always going to worry about you, Mack. I know you love the loft but truthfully I don't like the idea of you living out in Brooklyn by yourself."

"Nate, I've never felt unsafe there before that break in," she responded to him, taking a bite of her dinner.

"That's reason enough to not be there alone."

"I'm not always alone. You've slept over twice this week."

"The more often you leave the place unoccupied the more susceptible it is to future thieves," Chuck added in. "This conversation does not matter much. Or it won't in a while. Rufus called me the other day looking for a recommendation on a realtor for the precious Brooklyn loft anyway."

Mackenzie put her fork down and turned her body towards Chuck. "Are you serious?"

Chuck nodded.

"I wish he would talk to me about these things first."

"Mack, you always knew Rufus wasn't going to keep the loft," Nate added in, shrugging.

"Yeah, sure," she sighed, leaning back in the chair. "But considering _I'm_ the one who lives there right now I thought I would get some heads up.

"It's just preliminary discussion, really. He'd be smart to sell in the spring, though. It'll be a better housing market." Chuck walked over to Nate's fat cabinet and poured himself a drink.

Mackenzie continued to eat her dinner as Nate and Chuck talked about real estate and more business related things. Truthfully, she was internally talking herself down from an anxiety attack while she sat there.

She wanted to be with Nate so badly but diving in so quickly was overwhelming her.

Rufus selling the loft would be fine, she'd probably just move in with Nate. That was their plan before after all. But everything seemed to be happening all at once.

"Hey," Nate reached his hand across the table and grabbed hers. He stood up and walked over towards her. "You ready for this?" He motioned his head out the door, as they had to head to the board room for the campaign meeting.

_Are you ready for this meeting? Are you ready for this future with Nate?_

She took his hand in hers and stood up, planting a smile on her face. "I'm as ready as I can be."

* * *

_Mackenzie, they say honesty is the best policy. Biting your tongue just leaves blood in your mouth. Hey, what's Manhattan without some drama? And I hear Henry Bass wants to carve pumpkins. Let's hope Uncle Nate can get off work in time to be a worthy babysitter..._


	9. Chapter 9

"So, how are things going with you and Miss Humphrey? Does it feel like it did before?"

Nate laughed lightly at Chuck's question. Admittedly, he wasn't sure how to answer that.

He was so grateful that Mackenzie and him had figured things out. Their roadblocks from the last two years had been put in the past and they were moving forward together. And most of the time, it felt good. It had only been a few weeks and just like before, he got a warm feeling in his stomach every time he saw her. But things went from feeling so comfortable and exciting to something else.

Nate knew Mackenzie was feeling overwhelmed. She tried to hide it and put her best face forward, but he could still read her. She had some pretty evident tells he had picked up on - a sudden quiet Mackenzie meant she was nervous. A snappy Mackenzie usually indicated new anxiety (or sudden hunger). An overly smiley Mackenzie screamed fear and discomfort.

After the meeting with his campaign team last week, she seemed to shut down for almost the entire weekend. She kept her distance, busied herself with things at the office, fell asleep quickly. Nate had hardly noticed, unfortunately, considering how swept up he was getting into the upcoming senate election. Things were incredibly busy for The Spectator and he didn't want to push Mackenzie to talk to him and fight when they saw each other.

He was nervous to fight with her. No, not fight. Argue. Have a tough discussion. Things had been going so well, he didn't want to let reality sink in - a healthy relationship was more than sunshine and sex. It was deep talks and plans and arguments sometimes, too.

He knew there were things bothering her and he had to stop avoiding the questions he needed to ask.

"Honestly, man, it feels different this time. We both did some growing up the last few years but that's not a bad thing. Everything is good, it's just an adjustment."

Nate was also struggling with how to talk about the big word: _love._ He said it out loud so quickly because it was true and he likely never stopped feeling it. His love remained despite the break up and the arguing and the distance. But he had said it in the throws of passion, in the middle of having some long awaited sex, and it hadn't come up again since. Maybe it had freaked her out.

Of course she still loved him. Truly, he didn't _need_ to hear her say it out loud. She showed her love in so many ways. But he _wanted_ to hear her say it. Would that be so hard?

Chuck swatted Nate on the chest. "And how does she feel about your haircut?"

Nate laughed, rolling his eyes. "She hasn't seen it yet. I'm sure she won't like it though." Nate ran his hand through his hair, brushing against an unintentionally short haircut. Usually his locks were long and well kept, but while reaching for his phone during his haircut that morning, his hairdresser made an error that was only fixable with a longer buzz cut.

Both the men were in the back of Chuck's limo, having just left a press luncheon for _The Observer._

"You know, you and Mackenzie made it through a lot of shit before. Mitch Watson, your ill timed article, gunshot wounds - we're all happy to have you two back together."

"Thanks, Chuck. We're happy, too."

Chuck glanced at his phone then back over to Nate. "I think even Henry is happy. He is at the very least excited for you both to babysit him tonight." Chuck paused. "Do you mind if we stop at Waldorf before we circle to The Spectator? It'll be a short visit."

"Sure," Nate replied. "I wanted to talk to Jenny actually."

Nate was still struck with curiosity about the fight he had overheard with Jenny and Mackenzie last weekend at the loft. He wasn't sure if it was something serious or not, but when he tried to ask Mackenzie about it a second time, she politely shut him down _again_. He didn't want to press, of course, but he was hoping Jenny could shed some light on the situation. Whatever it was seemed to be bothering Mackenzie, still.

Nate waved to Blair as Chuck ducked into her office and he headed further into the Waldorf Designs office and atelier. He found Jenny on the top floor in a large working space, where half dressed mannequins were being sewed upon and bolts of fabric laid across the tables.

Jenny was standing at a workstation flipping through her sketchbook as Nate approached.

"Hey," she said to him as she looked up, closing her sketchbook. "What happened to your hair?"

"Okay, is it really that bad?" Nate ran his head over his short hair and frowned.

"It's just a change from those Archibald locks," Jenny joked. "What can I do for you?"

"I can't just come and say hello?"

Jenny laughed and walked away from her station, heading over to a small table and chairs near the window. She motioned for him to sit. "Nate, you and I are friends, sure. But I don't think you're going to just drop by and check out new pieces from my Spring/Summer line."

Nate sat down and nodded. "Okay, you're right. Although that...shirt looks great." He pointed at a nearby mannequin, shrugging.

"That's a dress." Jenny smiled. "What's up?"

"I wanted to ask you something and you don't have to tell me the details. But, when I was at the loft last weekend, you knowing during your Humphrey sibling brunch, I overheard you and Mack fighting about something before I showed up. I'm not asking you to tell me what it was but I just want to figure out why she won't talk to me about it."

"Nate," Jenny sighed. "You know she's overwhelmed. Moving back to this city in itself is a lot but add in a new job and new relationship - it's a lot to balance. I'm sure she's not talking about _this_ because it's just an added thing on her list of worries and the last thing she wants to do is add stress to her life."

She pursed her lips together. "So, under any regular circumstances I would not get involved because, well, this conversation and info should be shared between you and your girlfriend."

"These aren't regular circumstances?"

Jenny shook her head. "No. God, she's going to be so pissed we're talking about this but I don't care." She paused. "Nate, you know when our mom died it was quick, it all feels like this terrible movie sequence looking back. But after they found that tumor they determined the cause, what it was, like the disease - some long words I can't pronounce - and this specific type our mom had, it can be predisposed in people. Like, they can pass it along genetically to their kids." She paused and looked up again. "This one in particular is more likely to be found in a female genes."

"So, what does that mean?" Nate was trying to piece together what Jenny was telling him.

"Mom's doctor recommended me and Kenzie get tested. If they can catch this genetic marker earlier, they can monitor it and see if anything changes. Or they can determine that we don't have it at all."

Nate finally nodded along. "Mack doesn't want to do it."

"Of course not," Jenny laughed dryly. "You know her just as well as I do. I mean, I get it. She's scared. But my test came back negative and hers could come back the same way. Like, for peace of mind." She paused again. "So, that's what we were fighting about."

Nate sighed and leaned back in his chair. That answered some questions for him at least but it also opened up a lot of new ones.

"Nate, Kenzie has been through a lot. She's learned how to handle it pretty well but if I bring this up again, she'll just keep closing up. And now on top of that, my god, her anxiety is off the charts. Like I know you guys are in this honeymoon phase and it's so nice to see you both so happy, but there is so much going on. You know, I woke up the other morning to a series of texts from her about her wardrobe." Jenny grabbed her phone and showed it to Nate. "That's 4AM, a lengthy breakdown of which shoes go best with each of her dresses. Then another series of messages about how her entire closet is out of date and not suitable for Page Six."

Nate glanced through the messages and sighed again. "The last thing I want is to give her extra anxiety and stress."

"I know! But Nate, this gene testing thing, it's an easy one for her to take care of. Or she needs to seek some reason from somewhere else. It's easy to dismiss her little sister but if you bring it up, maybe she'll change her mind. You've gotta talk to her about it."

Nate nodded and before he could reply, Jenny jumped in again. "And oh my god, dude, take her on a date. She's overwhelmed at the idea of being the future wife to the Mayor of New York or whatever and you're not even a candidate yet. Or married. Romance her, take her somewhere nice and special. Cook for her, I don't care."

Nate tilted his head. "We've gone on dates."

"Okay, ordering in pizza to the loft is not a date. And neither is a social function that you've been mandated to attend by your campaign manager."

Nate sighed and stood up. "You're right."

"It's been two years, you know. You're both different people in a sense. There's more to catch up on then who you dated or slept with. Like, she prefers almond milk in her coffee now. And did you know she had surgery last year?"

"What? Why?"

"Nerve and muscle repair on her thigh. Residual bullet damage. It screwed up her tattoo even more so that's why she won't talk about it. All I'm saying is you two both need to dig deeper and have some real talks, even if it's scary."

"I'll talk to her. Thanks Jenny, really."

"Just don't throw me under the bus if she gets mad at you!"

* * *

As Mackenzie was stepping out of a cab in front of her therapist's office, her phone rang. She glanced at it and was surprised to see Carter Baizen on the caller ID. She was already running late but curiosity got the best of her.

"Mr. Baizen," she spoke into the phone as she made her way into the building. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Mackenzie," Carter replied smoothly. "I wanted to see if you were available for lunch tomorrow."

Mackenzie was not expecting that question. She hadn't talked much to Carter since waking up in his bed, aside from a few messages exchanged about a start-up his company was looking at investing in. They had made it pretty clear their night together was a one time thing. Or Mackenzie had, at least.

"Carter," she stammered out, "I don't think that's appropriate since I'm with Nate now."

She heard him laugh. "It's not a date. I'm actually working with an organization who needs a donation so I wanted to pitch it to The Bass Foundation directly. Figured lunch would be a nice bonus."

Mackenzie let out a sigh of relief. A business lunch sounded easy enough.

"Unless you think Archibald won't approve."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not even going to respond to that comment. Just send me the details about tomorrow. I've gotta go."

"See you tomorrow then, Miss Humphrey."

Mackenzie returned her phone to her purse and let out a breath. She wanted to believe Carter had good intentions but his comment about Nate rubbed her the wrong way. Admittedly, she knew Nate was the jealous type but who she had work lunches with was strictly business, anyway.

Not long after her phone call, Mackenzie was sitting in the armchair across from Simone with a cup of tea in her hand.

"So Mackenzie, last time we talked you were a bundle of nerves about diving into this new life with Nate. How did everything go last week?"

Mackenzie sipped her tea and put the cup down. "Well, it was okay. I've obviously learned how to take care of my anxiety better but I've been feeling this weird sense of pressure as the days go on."

"Pressure? What do you mean?"

Mackenzie paused to think. "Like I have a lot to prove. A few weeks ago Nate was out there being photographed with a Kennedy! Now we're together and I'm so happy but I feel like there's a lot of expectations right away and I don't know what to do with all of it."

Simone put her notebook down and rested her arms on her desk.

"Mackenzie, have you talked to Nate about this? Have you considered how he can help?"

"I don't want to burden him with all this extra stress from me. He has so much on his plate as it is."

"When you dated him before - didn't you talk to him about this sort of stuff? Would you have considered yourself a burden to him then?"

Mackenzie sighed. She was struggling lately with that exact thought - what were things like before?

"I mean, he would never consider me a burden."

Simone just nodded. "So why do you think of yourself that way? Healthy relationships are composed of a team - both sides have to support each other and that should include all these feelings you are struggling with." Mackenzie just nodded as she continued. "All that to say - perhaps on the surface, you're both just trying to pick up where you left off. Before you broke up before, what were your next steps?"

"Well, I would have come back to the city and moved in with him."

"And that is a lot of pressure to think about doing right now, isn't it?"

"It is."

"I think you and Nate both need a different approach. You have to date each other again. Maybe the idea of picking up where you left off is easier but you are not the same person you were two years ago and I'm sure he isn't either. You may need that 'get to know each other' phase again. Ease into it instead of feeling like all this change is happening at once."

Mackenzie felt a lot of relief when Simone delivered that advice. It was a perspective she hadn't even considered but hearing it out loud made a lot of sense. She left her session knowing two things: she needed to be honest with Nate about how she was feeling lately and they needed to get to know each other again, like before. Like the beginning.

* * *

After work Thursday evening, Nate was en route to Chuck and Blair's to meet up with Mackenzie. They were babysitting Henry for the evening while his parents were out at some Women in Fashion event.

Nate had been wrestling with what to do after his discussion with Jenny. First and foremost, he wanted to plan a perfect date night for him and Mackenzie. He figured they could talk about it over a glass of wine once Henry was in bed.

As Nate buzzed himself into their townhouse, he was met at the door by Henry himself.

"Uncle Nate!" The young boy ran towards Nate as he walked in, throwing his around his waist for a hug.

"Hey little man," Nate replied, picking him up. "How's the pumpkin carving going?"

"Kenzie cut her thumb! And said bad words like Daddy."

Nate couldn't help but laugh at his response. He put him back down and followed him into the kitchen.

Nate took in the scene. On the island was a nearly completed jack o'lantern. Henry climbed up onto a stool and flipped through a book that was sitting on the counter while Nate headed to Mackenzie at the sink. She was standing with a cloth wrapped around her thumb.

Nate leaned in and kissed her on the head as she turned to him. "Hey. I didn't think pumpkin carving was this dangerous for adults."

She smirked back at him. "Very funny. My hand just slipped when we were trying to make the face a bit more scary, right Hen?"

They turned to see an eagerly nodding little boy. "The blood makes it scary."

Mackenzie grimaced. "This is basically a crime scene now." She paused and tilted her head as she looked at him. "I like the haircut, by the way. What were you so worried about?"

Nate laughed and kissed her again, then shook off his suit jacket and grabbed a cloth to help clean up. Mackenzie was still applying pressure to her thumb but the blood continued to soak through the cloth.

"Here, let me look at that," Nate reached for Mackenzie's hands over the sink. The slice on her left thumb was about an inch long and as Nate washed it under warm water, the blood didn't seem to stop. "Mack, this might need stitches."

She shook her head. "Really?"

"Yes, that's pretty deep and there's no way it's going to heal properly near that joint." He grabbed a few paper towels and wrapped them around her thumb again.

"Henry, you up for a field trip?"

"What? Nate, no. I'll just go to urgent care by myself and you can stay here with him."

Nate gave her a confused look. "You're not going to the hospital alone."

"Just call me a cab."

Nate shook his head as he put his suit jacket back on, pulling his phone up to his ear. "Hey John, can you circle back to grab me and Mackenzie?" He paused. "Just urgent care at Mount Sinai. Thanks." He grabbed a hold of Henry's hand as they headed towards the door. "Let's find your coat."

Truthfully, Mackenzie hadn't been inside a hospital since her mom died. She felt like there were rocks in her stomach as they headed inside. Luckily Henry was in good spirits and excited to be venturing to the hospital. Nate had texted Chuck to let him know what was going on and he seemed grateful for an excuse to leave Blair at the event to come collect his son.

As they sat in the waiting room, Mackenzie finally had a chance to catch her breath. Henry was sitting between them with a book. For a brief moment, things felt very domestic for them. Like they were concerned parents waiting with their young son. Mackenzie couldn't help but smile at the thought.

Although as her thumb pulsed, Mackenzie was reminded that she was accidentally injured and causing them to change their plans for the night.

"Hey Hen, did you tell Uncle Nate what you did at school today?"

Henry closed his book and sat up on his knees, turning to face Nate. "Basketball!" He went on and on about learning to dribble and other things he did in the school gym. Mackenzie just watched as Nate asked him questions and reacted, all with a big smile on his face. It made her so happy to see them interact.

She couldn't wait until he was a father. If they were to have kids in the future. She shook her head before she spiraled into more negative thoughts.

Chuck showed up not much later than they had arrived. Henry beamed as his dad approached, standing up on the chair to greet him.

"There's my boy," Chuck said as he picked him up. "I guess Miss Kenzie isn't allowed scissors or knives now either."

Henry giggled. "Too sharp."

"Very funny," Mackenzie replied. "Sorry to interrupt your night, Chuck."

"As I told Nathaniel, it was really a save for me. I love my wife but I do not need to hear another speech about the evolution of women's skirts over the last few decades." He looked around the empty room. "Did they tell you how long the wait would be?"

Nate shook his head. "No, but she's bleeding a lot so I'm hoping they hurry up."

"I'll be a moment." Chuck put Henry down and headed off to the front triage desk. Minutes later Chuck was coming back with a nurse.

"You can come on in, Miss Humphrey."

Mackenzie stood up slowly and glanced at Chuck who just gave her a half smile. "Did you know one of the Bass Foundation's first donations was 30 new beds in the pediatric ward a few years ago?"

Nate put his hand on Chuck's shoulder. "Thanks Chuck."

"And sorry about the state we left the kitchen in!" Mackenzie waved to Chuck and Henry as they left.

The nurse led them into a room and quickly cleaned up her thumb. After taking some of Mackenzie's medical information, she left them alone and let them know a doctor would be in soon to stitch the cut.

"Sorry you have to spend your evening here with me," Mackenzie started. She was sitting on the bed looking down at her feed. Nate got up from the chair and sat beside her.

"Mackenzie, what are you apologizing for? You know we're in a relationship again, right? I'm not here our if pity or obligation, I'm here because I care about you. All of you. Even your thumbs." He nudged her gently. She turned and smiled at him.

"I guess I'm still getting used to us," she replied. "This wasn't how our night was supposed to go. There was hot cocoa and cookies on the agenda!"

"Well, I was thinking we would have wine after we put Henry to bed but I guess hot cocoa would have been fine."

She smiled again and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I think wine is definitely in order after this."

"So, can I ask how therapy was today?" It was a topic Nate was nervous to discuss with her but he knew it was important. And the only way to make the conversation easier over time was to just talk about it like it was a normal part of their life.

Mackenzie paused. "Simone pointed out I'm likely keeping things from you, bottling them up."

Nate wasn't sure how to respond.

She lifted her head and turned to him. "And she's right." She sighed. "Nate, I'm so overjoyed to be with you again. It feels right. This is where I'm supposed to be. But I should have just told you that everything happening at once is causing this immense extra layer of nerves and anxiety. And I'm trying to deal with it but I've been hiding it from you."

"I don't want you to hide that stuff from me. How am I supposed to help if I don't know?"

"I'm sorry. I just don't want to disappoint you."

Nate couldn't help but laugh. "You could never disappoint me, Humphrey."

She leaned into his shoulder again. "I'm sorry for not being honest. Thank god for Jen - she's been my sounding board this past week."

"Yeah, she told me about that today. I hear you're concerned about your shoe collection."

Mackenzie laughed then groaned. "Peak irrational anxiety thoughts."

"Let's just take it slow, okay? Don't worry about events and Page Six and all that stuff. Let's just worry about you and me right now."

"But Ken and Miranda think I should be at all those events and -

"Mack, it's okay. You don't have to be at my side for all of them. Especially if it's taking a toll on your mental health. So, for right now, we'll pick one or two you can attend with me. It's a good place to start. Although selfishly I just want to get dressed up and take you on my arm all over the city."

She smirked at him. "Speaking of! Simone also said something really wise to me today. That maybe we need to date again."

He tilted his head, a confused look on his face. "Mack, we are dating."

She laughed at his response. "No, like. Start fresh. Like this is brand new and we have to learn everything about each other again. It might help it feel less overwhelming."

Nate smirked and grabbed her hand. "Well, I wanted to take you on a nice date anyway. I really should have taken you out weeks ago."

"I like the idea of a date with Nate Archibald. I hear he's a romantic."

He leaned in and kissed her. "Play your cards right and maybe Nate will take you home, too. I hear he has a hot tub."

She pulled away from him just enough to rest her forehead on his. "I can't believe I went two years without you in my life like this. Thanks for being so patient." He smiled at her. "So, what else did you and Jenny discuss about me?"

Before Nate could get into the real topic of the gene testing, a doctor appeared in the room. He quickly stitched her thumb and gave her some advice on how to help it heal effectively, then droned on and on about how grateful the hospital is about their big donors. Mackenzie and Nate smiled politely and thanked him before they left.

"So, when's date night?" Mackenzie slid her hand into his as they headed out the door to wait for John.

"Tomorrow night if you'll give me your time," Nate replied to her, pulling her close.

"Hmm, I don't know," she said, scrunching up her face to think. "I'll have to check my schedule."

He just laughed and leaned in to kiss her. "Be ready at seven, Humphrey." John pulled up and Nate opened the door for her. He slid in after her and turned his head. "So, Brooklyn or West Side?"

Mackenzie sighed and leaned into him. "Why don't we go get something to eat at Donna's? Then John may as well take me to the loft. I have an early meeting tomorrow." She leaned into whisper. "Although I'm dying to say thank you for taking care of me tonight, Archibald. I think it'll be worth it to wait until date night."

Nate shifted in his seat and leaned in to kiss her. "Damnit, Humphrey."

* * *

Friday was a beautiful day. For October, it was especially warm.

Mackenzie woke up to a picture message from Chuck, featuring Henry holding up a Get Well Soon picture featuring a poorly drawn hand with a bandaged thumb. She was grateful to have little Henry in her life and she immediately messaged Chuck back to reschedule another night to hang out with him.

Her morning in the office was productive. They were even starting preliminary planning for the annual fundraising gala at the end of February.

Just before noon, Kathy, their administrator, appeared at her door with a package in her hands. It was a black box with a red bow on top.

"This was just delivered for you," Kathy said excitedly. Mackenzie gave her a confused glance and placed the box on her desk. There was a small card taped on top. She opened it up and felt like melting into the floor as she read it.

' _I hope these will go with something in your closet. Although I know you'll look incredible either way. Love, N'_

She opened the box curiously, pulling away the lid then a few pieces of tissue paper, revealing a pair of black lace Louboutin heels. Mackenzie's eyes grew wide as she pulled them out, carefully running her fingers down the black studded heel and iconic red sole.

"Those are gorgeous," Kathy exclaimed, peering into the box then turning to leave. "You are a lucky woman."

Mackenzie just blushed and put the shoes back into the box, sitting down and grabbing her phone to call Nate.

"Hey you," he answered. She could hear him smiling.

"Nate, you did not have to buy these for me."

"Mack, they're a gift. And if I'm being honest, Blair had to talk me out of sending you half a dozen pairs."

"Really, this is too much."

"Do you like them?"

"I love them. They're beautiful."

"Then it's not too much. And you and I both know you would never buy these for yourself. So I wanted to get them for you."

She just let out a breath and leaned into her chair. "Well, thank you. I'm in awe."

"Hey, how's your thumb?"

She smiled at his concern. "It's fine. Although, texting with only one thumb is difficult. I'll survive. I'm excited for tonight, Nate."

"Me too. I'll see you at seven."

"Can't wait."

Just as she was hanging up, there was a knock at her office door. She looked up to see Carter Baizen standing there.

"Hey Carter," she shook her head but couldn't wipe the smile off her face. "I thought we were meeting at _Nook_."

"I was at a meeting down the street so I figured you might want to walk since it's such a warm day. Maybe you want to break in those new heels?" Carter replied to her, raising an eyebrow at the box sitting on her desk.

Mackenzie's face flushed and she closed the box quickly, moving them to the side.

"A gift from your boyfriend?"

She rolled her eyes and stood up, grabbing her bag and motioning out of the office. "Let's just go."

While they waited for their food at the restaurant, Carter pulled some documents out of his bag.

"So, my sister just got involved with a non-profit based out of Queens. It's called Hope Harvest." He handed a brochure across the table to her.

Mackenzie flipped through it. "They collect food donations and redistribute to soup kitchens?"

"That's one part of it. Their goal is to help reduce food waste and educate people on healthy eating. They're partnering with restaurants across the city and supermarkets and anyone who throws away food that can be repurposed."

"Wow, that's incredible actually." She paused. "I guess if we're going to talk money, most of our donation budget for the year was allocated to the youth centre and our annual holiday fund."

"That's the thing - right now they're just in a bind. A few of their trucks needs some serious repair so they're hoping for a donation to cover the costs. I thought I would pitch it to you and see if the Bass Foundation could help out."

"How much? We have some wiggle room month to month."

"Ideally, they're looking for $5000 but they would take any donations."

Mackenzie nodded. She could approve that easily enough. "Sure, we can make that work. For the sake of my PR guy, we will have to arrange a photo op or something if that's okay."

"Of course," Carter replied, reaching out to grab her hand. "Thank you, really. Caroline will be so happy this worked out."

Mackenzie just nodded and pulled her hand away from him, trying to brush it off as a gesture of kindness and nothing more.

Their conversation continued until their food came. Mackenzie was impressed as she talked to him - she still didn't know very much about who he was or all the details of his past, but he was a smooth talker and had lots of interesting stories to tell. He also thoroughly made fun of her pumpkin carving injury. She just rolled her eyes at him.

_Well, just ask him. Since you have him here. Stop worrying and ask him._

"Oh also," Mackenzie paused to take a sip of her drink. She lowered her voice. "Did you tell Drew about what happened between us?"

Carter sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Not directly."

She gave him a skeptical glance.

"He asked how our date went and I told him it was great. Then he asked if you stayed the night and I hesitated. So, I can't help that he figured it out."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes. "That is easily the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Hey, I didn't go into any details or describe specifics. Although I wanted to." Carter smirked at her. "Don't worry, I'm sure he didn't tell anyone. Except maybe Viv."

Mackenzie sighed.

"What's the big deal, sweetheart?"

"Please don't call me that." She picked at the food on her plate. She hated showing her discomfort.

"Let me guess, you didn't tell Archibald about our rendezvous and you're worried he's going to find out." Carter leaned forward and lowered his voice. "I assure you he's not going to find out from me."

"I'm not worried about that. It doesn't matter, he and I weren't together when you and I hooked up." Mackenzie sighed again. That was a lie. It did matter. Having lunch with Carter was just another reminder she should have told Nate the truth already.

"Well, then don't let it bother you, Miss Humphrey. I promise - my lips are sealed."

"That's what you said that morning, Carter."

"I'm telling the truth this time. I swear. From now on, that night didn't even happen, okay? We are casual business acquaintances who have definitely never seen each other naked. Deal?"

Mackenzie nodded her head and smiled. That was all she could ask for from him. "Okay. And as your casual business acquaintance, I'll pay for lunch."

* * *

Nate stepped out of the car in front of the loft just before seven. He was dressed in a slate grey suit, accented by a navy button up and a black tie. He had really struggled to get through his day - he was just really excited to have more alone time with Mackenzie. Just the two of them. No social agenda, no event schedule, no distractions.

He made his way up to the loft and knocked on the door.

A few moments later, Mackenzie opened the door. He took her in all at once - cascading wavy brown hair flowed past her shoulders, a delicate sparkling diamond on a necklace around her neck. She was smiling at him, wide.

She was wearing a long sleeved black mini wrap dress that dipped down into a risqué v-neck at the front. It sparkled just a bit under the lights.

"Well, what do you think?" Mackenzie turned to show him the shoes on her feet.

"I think they make your legs look incredible. I mean, all of you looks incredible."

"I hope the dress isn't too much. Jen actually sent it over to me at the end of the day, a friend of hers has this new line and-

She was cut off but Nate coming in close to kiss her. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he pulled his lips away. "It's not too much."

She couldn't help but let out an excited yelp as he grabbed her waist. "You clean up nicely from your day suit to your evening suit, Archibald."

"What? You don't think I'm dressed up enough?" He gave her a fake hurt look.

"You know I love you in a suit. You look delectable." She leaned in to kiss him again. Deeply, intensely. They lost themselves for a few moments as they made out in the doorway.

"Okay, we're going to miss our reservation," Nate finally pulled away.

"Fine," Mackenzie pouted at him, moving to grab her coat. It wasn't long until they were making out again in the car as John drove them to the restaurant. Nate was grateful to have recently upgraded to a car with a privacy partition.

He took Mackenzie's hand as they stepped out of the car and led her into the restaurant. Someone directed them to a private little table in a quiet section in the back, which was already set with a bottle of wine.

A server showed up to open their wine and pour a glass just as they sat.

"So," Nate smiled at her across the table. "So, tell me about yourself?"

She just rolled her eyes and took a sip of her wine. "Well, I just moved back to the city from London." She was happy to play along with his banter. "Any specifics you want to know?"

Nate reached his hand across the table to grab hers. "Jen told me you had surgery last year? On your leg?"

Mackenzie's smile softened. "Yeah. It was giving me some residual issues. I'm surprised you haven't noticed the new scar on my thigh, right near my tattoo."

"Well, you know my attention is usually focused on what's between your thighs," he responded quietly.

"Nate," she opened her eyes wide, blushing.

Their conversation carried on throughout their meal and truthfully, it was refreshing really catching up on their lives this time.

"You're kidding," Mackenzie stopped him in the middle of his story. "I can't believe you're only telling me about this now!"

"No, she was honestly giving me the death stare for grabbing the last package of chocolate covered pretzels. But I've avoided that Trader Joe's ever since."

"Wow. I can't believe you stole Amy Poehler's snacks right in front of her."

"If I ever meet her, I'll apologize."

They were just getting their dessert when Mackenzie noticed how empty the restaurant was. It must have been late. They had been caught up talking all night.

"Hey," Mackenzie paused before she dove into the piece of cheesecake they were about to share. "Jen called me earlier this afternoon. She said she was sending this dress as a peace offering because she assumed I was mad at her."

Nate gave her a confused look and took a bite of the cheesecake. "About what?"

"She said she told you about the genetic testing stuff and figured I was upset."

Nate put down his fork and swallowed. "She did tell me, yes."

"How come you haven't brought it up with me yet?"

"Mack," Nate reached out to grab her hand. "I can't pretend to understand what you went through when your mom died and the last thing I want to do is pressure you about something as invasive as that. I was going to bring it up but I don't know. I figured you might talk to me about it eventually. When you're ready." He squeezed her hand. "If my opinion is worth anything -

"It's worth the most to me, Nate."

"Well, I think you should get the testing done. And whatever the results, we would handle it together. But it's your decision." He paused and took a deep breath. "Mack, you need to trust me with this kind of information. I don't want you to keep things from me, especially when you're scared."

"I know, I know. Like I said, this is taking some getting used to again."

They finished off their dessert and wine, and finally left the restaurant. It was well passed their closing time but Nate made sure to leave a generous tip as an apology for their late presence. Back in the car with John, they kept their hands and lips to themselves until they made it back to Nate's building.

Once they were inside his apartment, it was a different story. There seemed to be a fire in between them again but it was different this time. It was as if their dinner had reignited something bigger, something that was indescribable.

Every time Nate's mouth touched her skin, Mackenzie felt it through her whole body. They traveled the familiar length to Nate's bedroom, as she pawed at his shirt buttons and belt. She stopped him when he tried to take off her dress and directed him to sit on the bed. He did just that, waiting for her in his boxers.

"Nate," she said quietly as she stood at the side of the bed. She kept his attention as her hands moved down her own body, slowly pulling off the dress. As it slid to the floor, she was standing in just a lace bra and matching underwear set, complete with attached garters.

Nate moved to the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of her. He opened his mouth to say something to her but nothing came out. Mackenzie just smiled proudly. She had never rendered him speechless before.

"I figured I should dress up for date night," she said slowly. "And I think the heels still go with the outfit."

Nate couldn't even bring himself to look down at her feet as he started to kiss her again, this time across her neck and collarbone. He pulled away for a brief moment as he felt her shift her balance to remove her heels. He reached his hand up to her neck and pulled her in closely. "Leave the shoes on."

Mackenzie let out an excited cry as he pulled her onto the bed with him, hands and lips exploring her body.

It didn't take long for them both to be naked, save for her new shoes. Her gift from Nate. She was on top of him, riding slowly when he pulled her down close. He held her tightly in place on top of him, working hard to move in an out of her rapidly. She let out desperate moans as she felt her skin on his, her head cradled beside him. She moaned out his name as he stopped and flipped her over.

"Oh my god, Nate." She reached her arms out to clutch the sheets as he continued to thrust into her again. Her moans turned into screams as he pressed his finger against her very center, losing control as her orgasm sent waves throughout her body. She heard him laugh as she tried to recover, hands gripping her hips as he moved inside her.

She opened her eyes again and looked up towards him. "Is this really an appropriate time to laugh at your girlfriend?"

He moved his hand back between her thighs and pressed again, as her legs shook involuntarily. "I just like making you feel good." He leaned down and kissed her. "I love you, you know."

She smiled and closed her eyes as he spoke. "I know. I love you too, Nate."

"Wow, took you long enough," he joked, leaning down on one elbow. "Here I was thinking you were only dating me again for my body."

"Can we not have this silly argument while you are still inside me, please?" She rolled her eyes, laughing. "Of course I love you, you idiot. But that doesn't mean I'm not dating you for your body, too."

To Mackenzie, nothing felt better than falling asleep in Nate's arms. And after they exhausted themselves, that is just what she did. It was exactly where she was supposed to be.

* * *

_Oh, Miss Humphrey, things are just getting started again. We knew the honeymoon phase wouldn't last forever but at least you can swap truths about how you feel now. But let's just forewarn you all, the editor in chief of The Spectator is a busy man. And rumour has it there's a transfer coming in from Washington who has her eye on some kind of prize._


	10. Chapter 10

Saturday morning started earlier than Mackenzie and Nate wanted it to.

They were awoken from their slumber by Nate's phone ringing, well, buzzing off the table beside his bed. He stirred and gently pulled himself away from his girlfriend and grabbed his phone off the floor. It was Leo. And it was six in the morning, much earlier than Nate had intended to wake up on a Saturday.

"Leo, what's up?"

"Nate, sorry to call you but there was an accident at the warehouse."

Nate sat up in bed, shaking his head. The warehouse, otherwise known as their printing shop in Queens. It was responsible for printing their bi-weekly paper edition of The Spectator and a dozen other print magazines and newspapers in the area.

"What happened? Is everyone okay?"

"Yeah, there was no one on site yet. But some shipping truck backed into our storage facility."

"Shit. What's the damage?"

"Well, it was a pretty significant blow to the side of the building. It managed to go through the wall, tear down the staircase and hit a water line." There was a pause. "There's a ton of water damage in the print storage area."

"Fuck. Okay, listen I'll head over there."

"Nate, I'm here now and I can-

"Leo, I want to see what's going on for myself. I'll be there in a bit."

Nate looked back at Mackenzie laying in the bed beside him. Her eyes were barely open, but she leaned up to sit beside him.

"Is everything okay?"

"Go back to sleep," Nate leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Something happened at our printing house in Queens. I'm gonna go check it out."

"I can come with you," Mackenzie said to him through a yawn.

He just smiled. "I appreciate the offer but you need to stay and keep the bed warm while I'm gone. I won't be too long." He leaned in and kissed her on the lips this time, nudging her back onto the pillow.

Mackenzie watched as he got dressed in the lowlights of the room, then headed down the hall. A few minutes later, she could hear him talking on the phone again then he was out the door.

It took her awhile to fall back asleep once Nate left. She had pictured them waking up in bed together and cuddling, maybe having a cup of coffee and watch the sunrise. She was proud of Nate for growing his business and taking responsibility as a leader but selfishly, she wanted his attention all to herself at times.

Mackenzie was still asleep when Nate finally returned to his apartment. The damage at the warehouse had been significant but manageable. Luckily Leo was already discussing plans with the insurance company and their paper manufacturer to get some extra supplies shipped out. Coming home to seeing Mackenzie still laying in his bed with Max curled up at her feet made his heart warm.

He crawled back into bed and wrapped his arms around her.

"You're back," she said quietly, turning her head towards him. "What time is it?"

He leaned in and kissed her. "Just after nine."

"Is everything okay in Queens?"

"It will be. The good thing is no one was hurt. And it shouldn't screw up our print schedule too badly." Mackenzie nuzzled into his shoulder. "I just got a message from my dad. He and my mom are going to Norma's for breakfast if we were available to join them."

Mackenzie let out a breath and closed her eyes. "Okay."

"Unless you think it's too soon."

She opened her eyes again and looked up at him. _No, it's not too soon. I mean, we've been dating for weeks now and we have still managed to avoid your parents. It's just that your mother definitely doesn't like me, despite her smiles at the last BBBS event. I can't wait to sit through her awkward small talk and disapproving eyes and -_

"Mack, tell me your thoughts," Nate interrupted her. He could see her brain reeling. "Where did you just go?"

"Just thinking of all the ways your mother may look down at me at a brunch restaurant."

"Please stop worrying about Anne Archibald," Nate replied to her, leaning down to kiss her head. "You know how she is."

Mackenzie sighed again. "Okay. I'm in for breakfast. But I'm getting a bellini."

He just laughed. "Fine."

"What time are we meeting them?"

"In about an hour?" He looked down at his watch.

"Perfect," she quickly escaped his grasp and climbed to her knees. "Because I never got to thank you for being my nurse the other night."

Nate sat up and leaned against the pillows. "I think last night was a great way to show your appreciation."

She leaned forward then shifted to straddle him, meeting her lips with his. "Well, then this is just for fun."

—

Nate and Mackenzie showed up at Norma's nearly on time. Things had escalated quickly in bed and well, they both needed a shower to look presentable again.

Mackenzie's collection of clothing was starting to grow again at Nate's and she was grateful for it. She had pulled on an old pair of denim and a cable knit sweater and felt put together enough for brunch.

As they approached Norma's, Mackenzie was surprised to see a swarm of photographers catching someone getting out of a car ahead of them. Nate instructed John to pull off up the road and they walked the rest of the block to the restaurant, hand in hand.

Just as they reached the front doors, the mysterious person getting photographed appeared to them. Mackenzie turned to Nate. "Wow, is that-

"Nate! Hi! It's been so long!" Mackenzie was cut off by the tall blonde waving at her boyfriend.

"Kara, hey," Nate broke his grip with Mackenzie and greeted her with a hug.

Mackenzie smiled politely as they had their moment. Kara Montgomery and Nate has struck up an unusual friendship a few years ago after meeting in Texas. She was a close family friend of one of The Spectator's investors. Mackenzie was familiar enough with the country turned pop star to know she had an apartment in Manhattan and an ongoing friendship with Nate and other young elite who ran in the same crowd.

"I didn't know you still had your place in the city," Nate smiled at her then turned to Mackenzie. "Mackenzie, this is Kara."

As if she didn't know who Kara Montgomery was.

"Oh you must be Nate's new girlfriend!" Mackenzie was taken aback when she pulled her into a hug. "Don't think I didn't catch that picture of you two on Page Six a few weeks ago. I'm sure half this city is upset you took him off the market."

Mackenzie smiled at her, unsure how to respond.

Nate grabbed her hand again and motioned for them all to go inside, leaving the slew of photographers on the other side of the door.

"It was so nice to run into you, Nate. And nice to meet you, Mackenzie. Listen, I'm playing Madison Square Garden for two nights in December if you want to come. Just text me!" Kara put her hand on Nate's shoulder then headed into the restaurant with a server, taking her to a private room in the back.

Mackenzie barely had any time to take in their whole interaction. Nate lead her through the restaurant to a table near the back where his dad was waiting.

"Should I be concerned you have Kara's personal number?" Mackenzie joked as they sat down.

Nate just smirked at her and greeted Howard. "Hey, where's mom?"

Howard gave him a small smile. "She forgot she had some garden club or something to attend." He paused and looked over at Mackenzie. "It's so nice to see you, Mackenzie."

"Thanks. I think I prefer running into you here over French toast instead of exhausted after kickboxing."

Mackenzie was relieved Anne Archibald was missing from their breakfast date. Not that she could avoid the woman forever. She would even concede and forgo the bellini this time, happy to see a coffee arrive in front of her.

"So, what happened at the warehouse?" Howard started after they ordered.

Nate leaned back in his chair and sighed. "How do you already know about that?"

"Well, your grandfather has his ear to the ground. Your mother was going on about it all morning."

"Everything is under control," Nate replied, pausing to stir his coffee. "Although maybe I should be changing insurance brokers if Phil is going to tell all my business information to Grandfather directly."

Mackenzie reached out and put her hand on Nate's knee. It was evident he was still battling though his family expectations - after all this time Mackenzie had never met Nate's grandfather directly, but she knew the effects his opinions left on Nate. Even though he was running an incredibly successful business and planning a political campaign, the influence from his family was ongoing and frustrating at times.

Nate put his hand on top of hers and squeezed it, grateful for the act of comfort.

"Son, we're just here to help if you need it," Howard continued, a smile on his face. "But enough about that, how are you two doing? I'm so happy you came to your senses with this girl." He motioned at Mackenzie.

"Well, we both came to our senses, really. He can't be held accountable for my stubborn attitude and fear," Mackenzie leaned and nudge Nate on the shoulder. He turned and smiled at her.

The rest of their breakfast date carried along smoothly. Luckily, there was nothing else to be said about The Spectator and the incident at the printing house.

It was in moments like these, when Mackenzie witnessed the camaraderie and love between Nate and his dad, that left her with a strange sense of envy. After all these years, despite awkward attempts at putting the past behind them, Mackenzie and her father still had an unbearable difference between them. These was this wall they both chose to ignore - a lack of affection, a lack of communication, a lack of _everything_. Rufus tried, sometimes, to reach out to his daughter. But his check-ins were lackluster and never seemed effortless. It was a long time ago that Mackenzie had decided that's just how it would be for them but in the back of her mind, a nagging voice reminded her constantly of their truth: he just didn't seem to love her the same way he did Dan and Jenny.

Mackenzie did her best not to get lost in those thoughts as they finished their meal. Howard was so kind to her - and she was grateful for it. Mackenzie knew Nate and his father hadn't always had this same relationship - there were years when they were distanced from each other emotionally or physically. But at the end of the day, they always had each other.

They parted ways after Norma's, with Howard enveloping both of them with a big hug before he headed home. He made brief mention of inviting them for dinner later in the week but wasn't entirely sure of Anne's social calendar.

As they headed towards Brooklyn, both Nate and Mackenzie sat in silence.

Mackenzie turned her head towards him, reaching for his hand. "Hey, are you okay?"

Nate sighed, pulling her hand up to his lips and planting a kiss on the back of her hand. "Yeah, just a bit stressed about this warehouse thing."

She narrowed her eyes for a moment. "You can tell me the truth, you know."

Nate let out a bit of a laugh. He had to get used to this again, too: Mackenzie could read him better than anyone. "It wasn't untrue. I am stressed about it - but most of it stems from the long phone call of judgemental questions I'll be getting from my grandfather about this whole thing later this week."

"I don't want to seem insensitive about this, but can you maybe just not take his call?"

Nate tilted his head then shrugged. "It wouldn't be right to dismiss him like that, considering he's one of my investors and shareholders."

Mackenzie raised her eyebrows. "What? Since when?" Nate had worked really hard to pay back his grandfather years ago. He had provided a lot of capital money when The Spectator was expanding but perhaps things had changed in the last two years.

"It's a long story but The Spectator was sued last year for defamation of character. Let's just say we got a lead on a congressman who was doing some illicit things and printed something without the proper backing evidence. The only way we could settle the lawsuit quietly without ruining our reputation was a fairly substantial payout."

Mackenzie just nodded. "So you took a personal loan out from William Vanderbilt himself."

Nate sighed. "Yes. Which of course the whole family somehow found out about. It made Christmas dinner incredibly uncomfortable last year."

Mackenzie slid over and nudged his arm until he extended it over her shoulder, laughing lightly at her actions. "Listen, I don't have any good advice here. This puts you in an uncomfortable position, especially when your grandfather holds it over your head. But I'm here for you whenever you want to rant or whine or whatever. Don't bottle it up."

Nate smiled at her, leaning over and planting a kiss on her forehead. "Thanks, Mack. I don't know what I would do without you."

* * *

_It was the end of June and it was hot in France._

_Mackenzie had a week off her summer program in London and had met Nate in Charles De Gaulle in Paris._

_Nate had made arrangements to rent an apartment for the week in Montmartre and they were going to spend their time doing whatever they wanted. It was Mackenzie's first visit to Paris and Nate had made plenty of plans to show her the city. He had spent a few summers travelling through Paris with his parents growing up and had a few favourite spots he remembered from his previous time in France._

_They took the metro across the city every day, spending their mornings eating croissants and cappuccinos and hid away in air conditioned museums and shops in the afternoon. To Mackenzie, it was absolute bliss. She didn't think she could fall more in love with Nate Archibald but hearing him speak French to waiters and bar staff was doing something for her._

" _I didn't know you could speak French so well," Mackenzie turned her head towards him as they sprawled out on the grass on the Champ de Mars, looking up at the Eiffel Tower as the lights lit up in the darkness of the evening. She was wearing a strapless floral summer dress - it was one of the only things she found tolerable to wear in the heat of this European summer. Nate was wearing khaki shorts and a blue plaid, his hair a sticky mess on his head. Despite the heat and sweat and sunburns, they were content._

_Nate turned his head and smiled back at her. "I have to admit Blair was giving me quick lessons over the past few weeks. I mean, I did take French for most of school but I wasn't much of a scholar."_

" _Either way, impressive. Although, I don't love every French woman you interact with flirting with you in a language I don't understand."_

" _Well, that's what you get for taking German in highschool." He paused. "And I can't help that all those women find my broken French so charming, Mack."_

_Mackenzie sat up and swatted him in the chest. "Well, aren't you humble."_

_Nate sat up beside her and threw his arm over her shoulders. "Okay, it's not my broken French. It's my smile."_

" _Oh my god," she rolled her eyes and turned to push him down, leaning on top of him and kissing him. "You are the worst."_

" _You know I'm joking," Nate reached up and raised his hand to caress her face. "You are the only person in this entire city I want to be with. In any city in the world. Just you, Mack."_

_Mackenzie closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, her face turning red as he spoke._

" _I still love making you blush."_

_They left their spot on the grass and headed back to Montmartre. As they walked the cobblestone streets to their rental, Nate pulled Mackenzie away down an alleyway into a small courtyard. On one side was a bar with an open window and cafe seating. On the other side a small group of musicians were playing music. Above them were strings of lights._

_Nate ordered them glasses of cold prosecco and they sat listening to the music and watching people dance in the middle of the courtyard._

" _We've never done that, you know," Mackenzie said to him as she sipped her sparkling wine._

_Nate looked from her to the few couples swaying around under the lights. "What do you mean?"_

" _We've never danced, Nate," she laughed, tilting her head to watch one of the couples dance._

_It was true. Even after all these months and events and galas, they had never found an opportunity to spend time together on a dancefloor._

" _Well, let's fix that," Nate finally replied, turning to look at her. He was in awe as she sat there under the sparkling lights - her eyes were filled with wonder as she watched the people dance, her shoulders red from the heat, her head piled into a messy bun on top of her head. He noticed she had faint freckles appearing across her skin from the sunlight. She was beautiful. And she was his._

_He finished off his wine in one gulp and stood up, extending his hand to her._

" _Oh, that's not what I meant. We can't dance here," Mackenzie started, looking over to him with wide eyes._

" _Why not?"_

_She opened her mouth to protest, but she couldn't think of any real reason._

" _C'mon, Humphrey."_

_She sighed and smiled at him. She tipped the rest of her wine into her mouth then stood up, taking his hand._

_And they danced. Under the shining rows of lights, in front of the French strangers, on the cobblestone courtyard._

_Despite the heat, Mackenzie rested her head on his chest, tucking one arm around his back. He took her other hand in his, leading them to the beat to the rhythm of the music. She could feel his chest vibrate as he hummed softly._

" _This is perfect, Nate. Thank you," she said quietly. "For everything."_

" _I love you, Mack. I don't know what I would do without you."_

* * *

On Monday night after work, Mackenzie headed to the village to Dan and Serena's apartment. She and Serena had made some plans to just stay in and watch bad television. Good old fashioned girl time - something both women were missing.

Serena greeted her sister-in-law at the door with a big smile on her face, glancing down at the bag in her hand. "Is that what I think it is?"

Mackenzie returned the smile as she headed in, kicking off her boots. "Dan mentioned that you've been craving fruit lately. I guess that's not the worst thing in the world but I hope chocolate covered fruit counts."

Serena grabbed the bag from her, letting out an excited squeal. "I honestly had no idea what to expect with this pregnancy but I'm already surprised by the palate this baby has." Serena unpacked the box of chocolate covered strawberries and pineapple, adding the plate to a variety of other snacks she had laid out.

Mackenzie fell onto their big cognac coloured sofa, taking a seltzer water from Serena. "Thanks. I'm honestly so glad this worked out - I feel like I've been drowning lately so it's nice to unwind."

"I know, it seems like I haven't seen you or Nate in weeks. How are things going?" Serena paused to take a bite of her fruit, raising her eyebrows. "I saw that picture of you guys outside of Norma's with Kara Montgomery." She drew out saying Kara's name, a playful smile on her face.

Mackenzie just groaned and leaned back onto the couch, closing her eyes. "I have no idea how to get used to this. People taking pictures and caring about what I'm wearing or who we talk to. Well, at least who Nate talks to." She leaned forward again, turning to Serena with wide eyes. "I somehow got like a hundred friend requests on Facebook after that picture surfaced. And tons of followers on Instagram. My life is not that exciting that these people need to be following me online."

"That's what we all seem to think, Mack. But your life is exciting, you just may not have clued in yet." Serena smiled and grabbed Mackenzie's hand. "You're dating Nate Archibald, media mogul, heir to the Vanderbilt family. That is a lot more exciting than you think." She released her hand. "Not to mention you're running the foundation for a famous international company, your brother is a best selling author and your sister is an up-and-coming designer with Waldorf."

Mackenzie just nodded along as she spoke.

Serena continued. "Not to mention your sister-in-law is former it-girl Serena Van Der Woodsen, on her way to ballooning up with this Humphrey baby inside me." Serena placed her hand on her stomach, smiling. She hardly even had a baby bump this far along, but Mackenzie could only imagine how she was feeling about the changes to her body.

"I guess you're right when you put it that way," Mackenzie responded, grabbing some fruit off the platter in front of them. "But, to me I'm just dating Nate, this romantic sap who works more than I want him to. And Dan is just… my annoying big brother and Jen is just my creative little sister. I guess I need to switch back to this elite Manhattan lifestyle we all seem to belong to without realizing it."

"My best advice would be to just delete your Facebook altogether. You're better off." Serena waved her hand then grabbed the TV remote. "So, how do we feel about _The Bachelor?_ "

Serena and Mackenzie spent a very boring night in, just gossiping and catching up on reality TV. For Mackenzie, it was such a nice break from her day to day life. Getting back into the swing of things in life had been a fast transition but luckily, there was some kind of routine to it. And Nate and his team had been incredibly accommodating - she could choose where she wanted to be seen in attendance with Nate in the near future and that was much easier for her anxiety to comprehend. Plus, girl time meant Nate and Dan were free to spend some time together, too.

"Oh my god," Mackenzie turned to Serena suddenly. "I meant to tell you. Yesterday Nate and I were at the Tucker Street Green Market getting some groceries and we ran into his ex."

"Which one?" Serena replied with a smirk.

"Sage." Mackenzie let out a long breath. "It was so awkward."

_Mackenzie made her way back to Nate's on Sunday afternoon. He was insisting on cooking her dinner, since they couldn't spend Saturday evening together due to some work commitments. She told him she understood and she knew they couldn't spend all weekend together all the time, but his excitement about cooking dinner was too cute for her to resist._

_They walked down towards Tucker Street to visit their Sunday farmer's market. Mackenzie loved watching Nate pick out each ingredient by hand, telling her all the details of the cooking classes he had taken in the past two years and how happy he was now that he had someone to cook for._

_He was reaching for a fresh bundle of basil when a voice sounded from beside them._

" _Nate! Hi!" Both Mackenzie and Nate turned their heads to see an olive skinned brunette smiling wide. Without hesitating, she leaned forward and pulled Nate into a hug, planting a kiss on his cheek._

_Mackenzie just looked rapidly between the girl and Nate, who looked to be taken off guard._

" _Oh, Sage. Hey." Nate said to the girl, shaking his head. "How are you?"_

" _I'm so good," Sage replied, staring at Nate, as if Mackenzie didn't even exist._

" _This is my girlfriend Mac-_

" _You never called me back! About being my plus one to that event next month," Sage continued, cutting him off. She tilted her head to the side. "I know you like to wear a tux."_

_Nate let out a sigh, then rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm in a relationship now so that's not something I can do."_

" _Oh." Sage looked disappointed, then finally acknowledged that Mackenzie was standing there. She gave her a quick up and down look. "Hi, I'm Sage."_

_Mackenzie ignored the girl's attempt at shaking hands, crossing her arms over her chest. "Mackenzie. Hi."_

_Sage gave her a confused glance then just turned back to Nate. "Well, if you change your mind or whatever, just call me." She reached out and squeezed his arm, giving him a soft smile. "It was sooo nice to see you."_

_Mackenzie turned to look at Nate as she walked away, eyes wide. "Well, that just happened."_

" _I'm sorry about that." Nate shook his head. He looked embarrassed about the whole interaction. "Every time I cut her out she just reappears."_

_Mackenzie just nodded at him, pursing her lips._

_Nate narrowed his eyes. "What?"_

_Mackenzie just shrugged, letting out a breath. "I've just never wanted to punch another person so badly in my life."_

_Nate laughed and threw his arm over her shoulder. "I hate to admit I like seeing you jealous, Humphrey." He leaned in and kissed her. "I deleted her out of my phone months ago. Frankly, I have no idea what event she was talking about nor would I even humour her in responding."_

_She sighed and leaned into him for a moment. "Well, I just want to be honest here - I'm not afraid to fight someone for you, Archibald."_

Serena rolled her eyes as Mackenzie stopped retelling their awkward encounter. "Sage has always been a pain. When I was dating her father -

"What? You dated her father? When?"

"Around the same time Nate was dating her."

"My god, what a complicated web."

"All I'm saying is that she has always been like that. Looking for attention somewhere. Now that Nate won't give it to her, she'll want it even more."

Mackenzie leaned back into the couch. "That isn't a very comforting statement."

"Oh my god, you have nothing to worry about," Serena reached out and grabbed Mackenzie's hand. "You could literally be standing in a room full of supermodels and Nate would only be looking at you. Sage is nothing but a petty ex-girlfriend."

Mackenzie knew Serena was right. Nate had never lead her to believe he had an interest in anyone outside of her. But that didn't stop her from feeling an irritation at the idea of women flirting and wanting more with him. She knew this was something she had to work on herself but it was hard not to feel cautious.

"I swear if I hear another girl yell out _Nate, hi_ one more time I'm going to burst."

The girls were interrupted by the apartment door opening. The familiar sound of Dan and Nate's voices echoed through the front foyer as they headed inside.

"Hey you," Mackenzie said with a smile, standing up and wrapping her arms around Nate. "How was the arcade?"

"You make it sound so juvenile, Mack. It's a vintage collection of pinball machines," Dan said, nudging her on the arm and taking her seat on the couch beside his wife. He leaned in to kiss Serena.

Mackenzie rolled her eyes and turned towards her brother, staying close to Nate. "Whatever. You played pinball and drank beer all night. It just sounds like an arcade for adults."

"It was a nice way to end a Monday, that's for sure," Nate added in, extending his arm over Mackenzie's shoulder. "John's waiting outside. You ready to go?"

"Yes, let me just grab my coat." She paused and looked back to the two on the couch. "Thanks for this Serena. We'll have to do it again soon."

"Of course! We'll have to do a double date or something. Maybe the boys can cook for us?"

Before Dan and Nate could protest, Mackenzie jumped in. "Yes, great idea."

"Okay, once little baby Van Der Humphrey stops making you throw up every night, we'll make a plan," Dan replied, extending his arm out over Serena's shoulder.

"So, how was girls night?" Nate asked with a smirk as they got into the elevator.

"It was nice. Just what I needed. Very stress free." Mackenzie grabbed his hands and stood in front of him, leaning in to kiss his lips. He smiled as their lips broke away, then wrapped his arms around her.

"Speaking of stress free, my mom called me today. She's having a dinner at the house Thursday and wanted to know if we were available."

"You know I think any interaction with your mother is the opposite of stress free," Mackenzie replied to him, sighing. "My calendar is free Thursday night."

_Unfortunately._

"Well, don't sound so chipper about it, babe," Nate responded, squeezing her tightly. "I will say it again and again: you don't need to be worried about my mother."

Mackenzie opened her mouth to argue with him but stopped herself. It was a useless fight. She knew Anne Archibald had a picture of her son's future wife and Mackenzie did not fit the bill. They had made some headway years ago but it had been such a long time, Mackenzie knew she would be starting from scratch again.

"Hey," Nate pushed her away from him slightly, lifting her head up with his hand. "If it gets to be too much, I'll fake a work emergency, okay? Just give me the signal or we can have some codeword." He paused, seeing her lips turn up into a small smile. "And my dad loves you. So, winning over Anne isn't the most important thing in the world."

_Tell that to my anxiety, boyfriend._

* * *

"So, what's the codeword?"

It was Thursday night and Mackenzie and Nate were pulling up in front of the Archibald's brownstone on East 85th. She was trying really hard not to be nervous but her anxiety was getting the best of her.

_You are just having dinner with Nate and his parents. This is normal and reasonable. What's the best that could happen? Anne Archibald tells you how excited she is that you and her son are back together and she means it. Just relax._

Nate looked over and smiled at her. "I was joking about that but for peace of mind, the codeword can be peaches." He reached over and squeezed her hand. "It's going to be fine."

Mackenzie just smiled at him. Just his touch put her at ease.

She had spent the week obsessing over what she should wear and settled on a basic navy dress with lace sleeves. She felt comfortable in it, thankfully. At least she wouldn't spend the night obsessing over her outfit.

She followed Nate out of the car and up the stairs, fiddling with the ring on her hand nervously.

"Hey," Nate looked over and grabbed her hand. She smiled and leaned in, giving him a kiss. He pushed open the door and lead her in, quickly looking around the room.

Nate immediately knew something was not right when he noticed a few extra coats on the coat rack in the corner. Before he could figure out what was going on, his mother appeared to greet them.

"Nathaniel, hello," Anne said warmly, extending her arms out to hug her son. Nate dropped Mackenzie's hand and hugged his mother.

"Mom, hi," he replied to her. "You remember Mackenzie." Nate knew his mother remembered her, but he was trying to lead her in the direction of kindness.

"Of course," Anne said, turning her attention to Mackenzie. "It's so nice to see you." She gave her a curt smile and returned her attention to Nate. "I hope you two don't mind. I made a scheduling mistake and double booked your father and I tonight, so I figured we may as well all enjoy dinner together."

"What do you mean _we_?" Nate asked, turning to help Mackenzie with her coat.

"Oh, your father and I have monthly dinners with Christopher and Lisbeth. So they're here tonight with-

"The Kennedy's?" Nate's eyes shot open.

"Yes, honey. And Cassandra is here as well. We're all in the lounge." Anne patted him on the shoulder and headed into the house, leaving both Nate and Mackenzie at the doorway.

Nate swore under his breath as he turned to Mackenzie. "Mack, I am so sorry. I really didn't think she'd pull a stunt like this."

Mackenzie just let out a breath. "Is it too late to run?" She could think of a thousand ways for this dinner to go but she didn't think Anne would have invited another family to join them. Especially one with a daughter who she had been trying to have Nate build a relationship with not long ago. Quite frankly, Mackenzie was hoping she would never have the chance to meet Cassandra Kennedy. And now, not only did she have to meet her, but she had to meet her parents and do it all in the presence of Anne Archibald.

"I'll be by your side all night, I promise," Nate assured her, taking her hand and leading her into the house.

As they stepped into the lounge, Howard appeared in front of them first - handing Mackenzie a glass of wine and Nate a scotch. "I am so sorry, son. I didn't realize this was your mother's plan. I promse you she doesn't have any bad intentions."

Mackenzie took a sip of her wine to stop herself from arguing with him.

"Nate, hi, it's so nice to see you." Mackenzie and Nate both turned as Howard walked away, only to be face to face with Cassandra Kennedy herself. Mackenzie tried not to cast any judgement on the girl on first glance but she couldn't help but realize how beautiful she was. She had straight honey brown hair that flowed down her back and an award winning smile.

"Hey Cassandra. This is my girlfriend Mackenzie." Nate placed his freehand behind Mackenzie's back. "Mack, this is Cassandra."

"It's so nice to meet you," Mackenzie said, nodding politely at her.

"And you, too," Cassandra replied. "Howard was saying you run the little foundation for Chuck Bass."

Mackenzie bit her tongue then took another sip of her wine.

"Well, she's operating officer for the foundation, actually." Nate jumped in. "If you can consider a multimillion dollar charity little. They've been doing a lot of impressive work." Mackenzie was grateful for his support.

"And what do you do, Cassandra?" Mackenzie tried to make conversation. It was the polite thing to do.

"I'm a marketing director for my dad's firm," she said shortly. "He runs one of biggest investment firms in New York."

"Do investment firms need a lot of marketing?" Mackenzie asked her, raising an eyebrow. It was clear Cassandra didn't like that question. Before she could retort, Anne was announcing that dinner was ready. Mackenzie had never been more happy to hear Anne's voice.

As they sat in the formal dining room, Mackenzie couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. She was seated beside Nate on one side of the table. And on his other side was Cassandra. Across from them was Christopher and Lisbeth, with Howard and Anne anchoring each end of the grand dining table.

Mackenzie was grateful to be seated at the end of the table near Howard, which made things a bit more tolerable. As the first course came around, the conversation was light and manageable. By the time the main meal was served, things had shifted for Mackenzie. The dinner table chatter have moved from easy topics like the weather and travel plans to things that were beyond Mackenzie's wheelhouse. Names were coming up in conversation that she didn't recognize and both Lisbeth and Anne were going on and on about a new charity they were supporting - a charity that Cassandra sat on the board for.

"Our Cassandra has always been so philanthropic. You know, even for her 16th birthday she insisted on making a donation to the local animal shelter instead of gifts. Of course we still have her the car she wanted but it was a gesture," Lisbeth said, grandly drawing out her sentences. Mackenzie was having a hard time taking the woman seriously as she spoke. She was wearing a variety of diamonds which seemed excessive for a friendly dinner. Her hair was perfectly styled - luscious blonde curls framed her tight flawless face.

The entire dinner was turning into some strange sales pitch for Cassandra.

Everytime her mother added to the conversation, it was to mention her daughter again and again. Cassandra did seem to be trying to stop her but it was proving to be a useless battle.

Christopher, on the other hand, was only interested in talking politics.

"So Nate, rumour has to Andrew West is looking to go against you in the republican seat for Mayor."

"I heard Paul Bianco wanted it too," Howard added in, pointing at his son. "Although he would be an easy person to beat. Considering that scandal he's trying to sweep under the rug."

Nate shook his head at the two men. "It's honestly all speculation until the candidacy is announced in May. But if we're being honest, West is really their only viable option."

"It's a race I'm looking forward to," Christopher added in. He paused and sat up straight. "And I just want you to know, the Kennedy family is looking forward to your run, Nate. We want to help out financially in any way we can once this gets started."

"Wow, thank you Mr. Kennedy. I appreciate the support."

"That's incredible," Mackenzie add in, reaching her had to grab Nate's.

"We're adults now, son. Feel free to call me Chris. We can chat more after dinner."

"Now Mackenzie, I would love to know more about you," Lisbeth turned her attention towards Mackenzie, a curt smile on her face. "How long have you and Nate been together now?"

"Well, about a month or so, I guess," Mackenzie answered with a smile.

"Oh. That's not very long."

Nate jumped in, "Well, we dated a few years ago, actually. Just took some time to find our way back to each other."

"And what do your parents do?" Christopher asked next. His question seemed a lot more genuine than his wife's, although Mackenzie still didn't trust any of their intentions.

"My dad is a retired musician. I'm not sure if you're familiar with classic rock from the 90s but he's a founding member of Lincoln Hawk. He's a music producer now - splits his time between the city and LA."

"And your mother?" Lisbeth broke in.

Mackenzie took a deep breath. She was hoping to bypass this question. Nate squeezed her hand.

"My mom was an artist and an art history professor upstate at a private school in Hudson. She passed away suddenly last year."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear," Lisbeth cooed. "Such a shame. I can only imagine losing a parent like that can really leave you feeling lost and directionless." Her interest in the conversation seemed to disappear as she turned to continue to speak with Anne about something else.

Mackenzie zoned out for the rest of the meal, not even bothering to taste her dessert or engage in the rest of the conversation. This whole evening was not even close to how she imagined it - it was somehow worse. She could tolerate questions from Anne but the belittling tone of the Kennedy family was driving her anxiety sky high. She took deep breaths as she sat there, smiling on occasion as Nate spoke. But she spent most of her time concentrating on anything else. She tried to count the cutlery on the table or go over data from work in her head. Anything to distract her from a panic attack.

Mackenzie excuses herself to the washroom as dinner ended. She was surprised Nate followed her.

"Hey, are you okay?" Nate grabbed her hand as they paused down the hallway.

"I'm fine," she said quickly.

"Are you sure?" Nate narrowed his eyes for a moment to look into hers. "I'm sorry about the way this has all played out."

"It's not your fault." Mackenzie sighed and looked down. "I'm just feeling more anxious than usual. Like my chest is tight and I feel flushed and -

"Well, did you take your medication today?"

Mackenzie knee his question was innocent but she couldn't help but feel annoyed by it. "Yes, I did, Nate. But it's not a magic pill - it's to manage my anxiety, not eliminate it. So I'm sorry its not something I can just will away." Her tone came out sharper than she intended. She turned on her heel and went into the washroom behind her. "Excuse me."

Nate was slightly irritated by her response but did his best not to take it personally. He knew she was feeling uncomfortable and arguing with her was not going to help.

He wanted to wait and talk to her but suddenly Christopher appeared in the hallway.

"Nate, can we speak privately?"

"Sure, of course." Nate looked back at the washroom door but followed Chris back to the dining room. He shut the French doors that lead to the lounge and sat adjacent to the older gentleman.

"I just wanted to say I'm very impressed with the work you've been doing with The Spectator. I've been subscribed online and in paper since the beginning and it has seen some incredible growth."

"Thank you," Nate responded to him, taking a sip of his drink. "I have a very hardworking team."

"You don't have to do that with me," Chris continued, smirking. "Everyone thanks their team. Obviously you have a good team. But that team has a good leader - you." He pointed at Nate directly. "And that's why I'm serious about supporting your mayoral race."

"I know it's early but if you want to see any of my campaign plans, let me know. I want to have full transparency for everyone who donates - I want to be taken seriously. I'm still ironing out my platform but you're free to review it."

"I would love to, son." He clapped his hand on Nate's shoulder. "Now, here is something I'm serious about. Your mother, Lisbeth and I were so happy when you and Cassandra were testing the waters and considering a relationship."

Nate pursed his lips together. He could see where this was going.

"I would feel even better about supporting you if I knew I might be funding the campaign of my future son-in-law instead."

Nate opened his mouth to protest but Chris cut him off.

"You don't have to say anything. But I want to see my Cassandra happy and taken care of. The Kennedys are as much a legacy as the Vanderbilts. Consider who you may want at your side when you're in the Oval Office one day."

It was pretty clear to Nate after that sentence: Christopher Kennedy would love to donate to his campaign, on the caveat Nate would date his daughter. It was suddenly very obvious the whole evening had been for this one end goal.

And it annoyed the shit out of him. He knew his mother had unreasonable doubts about his relationship with Mackenzie, but this whole evening was uncalled for.

Nate glanced out into the lounge as Chris continued on about something else about the Kennedys. He noticed Mackenzie was sitting on the couch with Cassandra, both smiling politely.

Mackenzie splashed some cold water on her face while she was in the washroom and did some breathing exercises to compose herself. She had already made it through dinner - now she just had to hope Nate had an exit strategy. It had been a long time since she had talked herself out of a panic attack and she was suddenly exhausted.

She really regretted snapping at him when he asked about her medication but it was an impulsive reaction. She owed him an apology.

As she walked back into the lounge, she was disappointed to see him sitting with Christopher in the dining room, doors shut. They were likely just discussing his campaign more but she was nervous to face the rest of the room without him at her side.

She was surprised to see Cassandra patting the seat on the couch beside her, inviting Mackenzie to sit. She let out a breath and wished desperately she had a glass of wine in her hand - but sat down beside the girl.

"Mackenzie, I just want to say I'm sorry to hear you lost your mom. I can't imagine what that feels like." Cassandra reached out and grabbed her hand. Mackenzie was surprised at her tone - it was genuine.

"Thanks Cassandra," Mackenzie replied with a small smile.

"And I wanted to see you would be interested in coming to a Pilates class with me! I go to this little studio in the village - it's Sunday mornings but the workout is incredible. I take it you don't exercise much -

Ah, there went the genuine attitude.

"Actually I belong to a gym in Brooklyn I'm pretty happy with."

"Really?" Cassandra gave her a quick look.

"Yes. I take kickboxing a few times a week. Now, if you're ever looking for a real workout, I would love a new sparring partner."

Cassandra opened her mouth to respond but then shut it again quickly. Nate and Christopher emerged from the dining room a few moments later, shaking hands.

Thankfully Nate wrapped up their evening quickly - stating they needed to make a trip out to Queens to check on the warehouse before heading home.

Mackenzie and Nate were both quiet as they drove off in the car. Eventually, Mackenzie turned to him.

"So, will you be getting a big donation from the Kennedys?"

Nate turned to look at her. He knew she was exhausted - it had been a long Nate and way more socializing than they anticipated. He motioned for her to slide over and he put his arm around her.

"Maybe. He has some conditions I'm not sure about."

"Like what?" Mackenzie let out a yawn as she snuggled into his shoulder.

He looked down at her, clearly about to fall asleep on him. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm and sighed. "Nothing important. I can't please every potential donor anyway. If we don't see eye to eye, I'll find other people who can support me."

She just nodded. "I'm sorry for snapping at you."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not." She sighed. "I know my anxiety is hard to deal with -

"It's not, Mack. I should have worded my question differently."

"If I could make it go away, I would," she said quietly, yawning again.

_If I could be a better match for you; if I could come from a rich, well connected family; if I could be more, be better - I would..._

Nate laid a kiss on top of her head, though she seemed to have dozed off. "You know I love you just as you are, Mackenzie Lilas Rose Humphrey."

* * *

_As much as the Golden Boy hates conflict with his family - he is not happy with Anne Archibald right now. And speaking of family, as the Humphrey clan grows, sometimes resentment does too._


	11. Chapter 11

"So, is there a term for this?" Mackenzie was waiting to get out of the car in front of the Bass Foundation offices. It was early Monday morning and she had stayed at Nate's the night before. After their less than thrilling dinner at the Archibald's, they had dedicated most of the weekend to each other.

Nate smirked at her. "I'm hoping these two weeks will fly by."

"I'm just a journalism widow or something. I concede that the senate election is super important and you have a lot of long nights ahead. I'll just miss seeing you all the time."

Nate grabbed her hand. "Hey, you're welcome to sleep at my place any night. I'll leave a keycard at the door. But last election cycle I only went home to sleep and shower, if I was able to spare the time."

Mackenzie just let out a breath and stopped herself from sighing. She knew the next few weeks were vital to news reporting and the staff at The Spectator were all going to be working overtime to cover everything leading up to the senate election. Nate included. He was already anticipating 16 hour work days and crashing on the couch of his office.

"I like the idea of coming home to you in my bed," Nate continued, leaning in to kiss her. "And hey, we have that trip to DC in November to look forward to."

"You and I both know that's a work trip disguised as a weekend away," she replied, laughing at him. "But I'll survive. And take you up on your bed offer."

"Hey, it's gonna be a fancy dinner and a nice time to dress up. I promise you it'll be fun."

They were both referring to the Whitehouse Correspondents Committee fall gala Nate was slated to attend in Washington. It was one of the events Mackenzie had agreed to go to - mainly because she knew it meant a lot to Nate.

"Well, we can't just idle in traffic for the rest of the day." Mackenzie leaned in and kissed him again, long and hard. "Don't forget about me these next few weeks."

"You're unforgettable, Mack," Nate said as she pulled away, reaching up to cradle her face. "I love you."

"And I love you, Archibald." She kissed him one more time then opened her door, giving him a smile as she stepped out.

Despite the time apart from Mackenzie, Nate was looking forward to the next few weeks at work. Election season was _thrilling_ \- getting to write and plan and update The Spectator's audience on the behind the scenes details of the senate election was always good for a huge increase in traffic and work.

He headed into the office and joined his staff in the main bullpen for the morning briefing Leo was leading.

"Now, we need all hands on deck these next two weeks. We all saw how busy the website and all our socials got during the debates last week - this will just ramp up tenfold until next Thursday."

"And because we are in New York, we want a special team focused on democratic candidate Moira Meyer. This means full coverage - campaign trail, speaking events in the city, sponsors and donations." Leo dismissed the staff afterwards and followed Nate back to his office.

"Thanks for the focus on Meyer," Nate said to him as he sat in his desk chair. Leo dropped down across from him.

"Of course," Leo replied, "I know you've built a great relationship with her."

"But we need to stay unbiased right now. Since Pete Cunningham is in such a tight race with her, the team should be monitoring them both."

"Got it, boss," Leo typed into his phone. "So, I pulled Ross, Becker and Wheeler onto this assignment too."

"Wheeler?" Nate shot him a confused look.

"Oh yeah, that transfer you approved a few weeks ago. Or, well, I approved on your behalf. Taylor Wheeler, research team from the Washington office."

Nate just nodded again. "Right. Okay. I think the last time I was in DC I met her. I didn't realize she'd get into the thick of things so quickly. That's great."

"Yeah, Michelle was sad to lose her. Apparently Wheeler is super hard working, really eager to get involved with anything. Like she has a lot to prove." Leo shrugged. "Whatever it is, it'll be great for this office. Especially right now." His phone started to buzz so he stood up and quickly jetted out of Nate's office.

Nate opened his laptop and scanned through his inbox, then The Spectator's main page. It was a whirlwind - news articles and commentary going up hourly. It was just what he wanted to see. A huge community of news sources pulled together, tied with political poll tracking and predictions for the election across the country.

He heard a sudden knock at his door and looked up to see Marie standing there, a cautious smile on her face.

"Nate, your mom is on the line. It's the second time she's called in the last half hour. I checked to see if it was an emergency. She's insisting on speaking with you."

Nate rolled his eyes. He had been avoiding talking to his mother all weekend. Ever since the awkward interactions at the dinner with the Kennedy's last week, he figured it was best to keep his distance rather than start a fight. But she wasn't letting down.

"I'll take the call," Nate replied to Marie. She waved as she walked out and suddenly Nate's desktop phone was ringing.

"Good morning," he said shortly as he picked up the receiver.

"Nate, good morning to you, too," Anne replied. Nate could hear the strain in her voice, as if she was trying to smile on the other end. There was a silence that followed.

"Is there something you need? I have a busy day ahead of me."

"Honey," Anne started to reply, then paused. Nate heard her sigh. "It seems like you're upset with me. You seem to think I planned that dinner Thursday with an ulterior motive."

"That's because you did have an ulterior motive. You made both me and Mackenzie incredibly uncomfortable and you don't seem to think you did anything wrong."

"Nathaniel," Anne continued, her words curt. "You know that simply isn't true." There was another pause. "I just don't think you gave Cassandra enough of a chance before jumping back into whatever this is with Mackenzie."

"I am not having this argument with you, mom. Mackenzie is my girlfriend and you need to accept that. I'm not going to let you try to make plans for my life anymore. I don't care about how deep Christopher Kennedy's pockets are - it's really selfish of you and dad to think I might break up with Mack and date Cassandra to secure him as a campaign supporter."

"Nate, please," Anne replied. "Believe me when I tell you I didn't expect Chris to say something like that to you. I just think you need to think about your future before -

"Mom, Mackenzie is my future. That's it. I'm not discussing this any further." He slammed the receiver down and leaned back in his chair, frustrated. This is not how his morning was supposed to go. He took a few deep breaths to center himself then shook his head. No, he was not going to let Anne Archibald sour the rest of his day. He had work to do, an election to report on. That was enough of a distraction to keep him from thinking about his family.

* * *

By Thursday evening, Mackenzie really missed Nate. They had talked on the phone a few times during the week and she had contemplated crashing at his place, but he was often at the office past midnight. They had made an attempt at getting together for lunch but conflicting meetings thwarted the plan quickly.

But Thursday night, Mackenzie got on the subway and headed to Nate's. Even if he wouldn't be home until midnight, she needed to see him.

Sometime into her subway journey, she got a phone call.

"Hey Eric," she said into the phone, a smile on her face.

"Mack, hey, what are you up to?"

"En route to the west side. Why? What's up?"

"Oh." Eric paused. "Did you know Jen and Joseph broke up?"

Mackenzie rolled her eyes. "I didn't. But did they actually break up or was it just a big fight?" The last think Mackenzie wanted to do was belittle her sister's feelings but after living with her for nearly two years, she saw a lot of 'break ups' happen with Jenny and Joseph.

"I mean, that's a fair question. But her text to me seemed pretty definitive. I'm just about to head out on a date so I can't go drink or cry with her about it. I figured you might be able to reach out."

Mackenzie sighed. She knew she should call her sister. "Thanks Eric. Also how did you so casually drop into this conversation that you're going on a date? Details, please."

"Nope. For once I want to just date someone and not have the whole family social circle gossip about it. So for the time being, all you get to know is that he's a brunette."

"Boo." Mackenzie replied, laughing. "Well, good luck. I'll call Jen right now and let you know how it goes."

"Thanks Mack."

An hour later, Jenny and Mackenzie were sitting in Nate's living room with a bottle of wine.

"Are you sure it's okay we're here?" Jenny was flopped down onto the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

"Yes, Nate's working late and I have a keycard again, so it's fine." Mackenzie smiled to herself.

"You should just move in with him, Kenzie."

Mackenzie just laughed and shook her head. "Too much too soon. And regardless, this isn't about me and Nate. It's about you. What happened with Joseph?"

Jenny just groaned, grabbing a pillow and hugging it towards her chest. "I'm just an idiot. I FaceTimed him Monday night. He's in LA for a few days for work and some things didn't add up. Then I realized there was a bra hanging off the lamp beside him and well, we got into it from there." Jenny sat up and shook her head. "I'm not an idiot. I'm sure he's cheated on me before. But when we're together and he's here it's so good. I think I deserve better than that, though."

"Jen, you absolutely deserve better than that. What a piece of shit." Mackenzie got up from the armchair and joined her sister on the couch, pushing her legs out of the way. "You're a hot, successful fashion designer living in Manhattan. You've got so much going for you and Joseph is an idiot for treating you like that."

"He hid it so well. I just hate that I didn't open my eyes before. Like last fall. Do you remember when he and I got into that big fight after our trip to Rennes?"

Mackenzie just winced. _Of course I remember your big fight and your dramatic attempt at_ _cutting your own hair because you were upset._

"I just thought we could make it through."

Mackenzie threw her arm over her little sister's shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Jen. You're welcome to crash at the loft until he's moved out."

"Thanks, Kenzie." Jenny let out a breath and reached for the wine. "Hey speaking of, have you talked to Dad lately?"

Mackenzie shrugged. "He asked me to forward him some mail a few weeks ago but that's it. Oh he also occasionally asks me how I'm doing and how Nate is. Text only."

Jenny nodded. "I talked to him the other day, he said something about a family dinner in November."

"Well, I'm sure he'll clue me in the day before." Mackenzie rolled her eyes and stood up.

Jenny could read her well enough to not say anything else. "Can we just watch some garbage movie and order a pizza?"

"Yes, considering I just convinced Nate to sign up for every streaming service. The choice is yours. I'll call Perry's."

A pepperoni and green pepper pizza paired with white wine and a cheesy 90s romcom was exactly what Jenny needed to feel a bit better. And maybe it was time with her sister that helped, too.

Mackenzie texted Nate a bit later as Jenny was heading back to her place. Joseph was still out of town so she figured her loft in Midtown was the best place for her.

' _I hope you don't mind Jen and I had a last minute movie night in your living room :)'_

She got a response pretty quickly. ' _Does that mean you're at my place? Because John's on his way to pick me up.'_

' _Not only am I at your place, but there's even a few slices of pizza from Perry's here waiting for you.'_

' _Good. I'm starving. ;)'_

Mackenzie tidied up the wine glasses and pizza while she waited for Nate. She then wandered around the space - it really felt more like Nate now than it did before. She liked how he made the place his home - that meant framed vintage movie posters from the 80s on his walls, stacks of video games concealed under his TV stand, toys for Max scattered around the apartment. It felt lived in. And in a sense, Mackenzie knew she could live there someday, too.

Maybe it wouldn't be where they lived forever - she did dream of a brownstone in Brooklyn in the future. But it could be their home, for some time.

She changed into something comfortable to sleep in and dug into some reports from work as she sprawled out in Nate's bedroom.

Nate was home by half past ten, by some miracle. He found Mackenzie lying on his bed, on her stomach, legs kicked up and head propped up with her hands. She was reading some stack of paperwork and Max was curled up in the pillows.

"I like this view," Nate commented as he walked in. Mackenzie turned her head and smirked at him.

"Me in your bed?"

"Well, sure. But in particular the view of your ass in those shorts."

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh and she moved the papers off the bed and flipped over onto her back. "Why does it feel like I haven't seen you in months?"

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder or something like that," Nate replied to her, sliding of his suit jacket and pulling his tie over his head. He crawled onto the bed as he tore off his shirt and positioned himself on top of her. "Hi."

"Hi." She brought her hands up and ran them across his hair. "How's this crazy election season going?"

Nate leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. "It's made for long days but lots of good news stories. This time next week it'll be nearly over, thankfully."

"You taste like…" Mackenzie paused as she licked her lips. "Whiskey."

Nate smirked at her, sitting up to straddle her waist. She reached her arms out and grabbed his hips.

"Leo and I have been ending the night with a drink. It's nice to take the edge off and lull me to sleep." He paused. "Although I always sleep better when you're here."

Mackenzie closed her eyes tightly and smiled. She could feel her face flush red.

"How was your day?" Nate asked her, smiling at her reaction. He moved his hands down and started to stroke her exposed torso very slowly, moving her shirt upwards. He could feel her skin tighten into goosebumps.

"It was pretty boring. But tomorrow there's a student coming in from NYU who's interviewing me for one of her classes. Something about women working in the non-profit sector."

"Well, that's kind of cool," Nate nodded as she spoke, letting his hands wander even further up her shirt. "My very important girlfriend running a big foundation. A good interview subject I think."

Mackenzie shivered and bit her lip as Nate's hands continued to explore her chest. She didn't realize how going three days without being close to him made her want him that much more. And clearly he was feeling the same way.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, her voice stuttering as Nate leaned down, laying kisses against her skin as he pushed her shirt up even more. "I can heat up the pizza…" She trailed off as his hands gripped her chest.

"I believe I told you I was starving," Nate said quietly as he pulled away from her chest. "But I don't want pizza."

Mackenzie closed her eyes. "Well, we can order something else, if you want. Maybe something from Sweetgreen or-

She gasped when she felt Nate shuffle down the bed, pulling her shorts and underwear down in a swift motion. He continued to kiss down her stomach and gently pushed her legs open, moving his mouth to her thighs.

Oh. Hungry.

It wasn't long before Nate's mouth got to work _between_ her thighs instead.

Mackenzie's hands clutched onto his head as he swirled his tongue around - driving her absolutely crazy. She bucked her hips as he moved but he gripped onto her thighs to hold her in place. Soon enough, she was crying out his name as her body shook.

She closed her eyes tightly as she recovered. She could hear Nate getting out of his belt and pants, then she felt him climb onto the bed, positioning himself on top of her.

"Are you okay?" He asked with a smirk, leaning down to kiss her.

"Yes," she laughed. "Not to inflate your ego, but you're very good with your mouth." She pulled his head back down and kissed him again.

He moved his head to kiss along her neck and whispered into her ear, "I'm good at a lot of things, actually."

Her breath hitched as she felt him tease her between her legs. "Oh, yeah? Prove it, Archibald."

—

Mackenzie was just finishing brushing out her damp hair when Nate came back to the bedroom with a cold slice of pizza in one hand and his phone in the other. He had changed into a pair of plaid pajama pants and nothing else after their shower and Mackenzie was taken away by his physique. Even though she had just been very naked with him in bed and in the shower, she was always impressed by his physical appearance.

Nate climbed into bed beside her, resting his back against the headboard. He swallowed his bite of pizza and turned his head towards his girlfriend. "So what happened with Jenny? Is she okay?"

Mackenzie smiled at his concern. "She's okay. She's pretty resilient thankfully. I've seen her and Joseph fight and break up many times before but this is probably it. She deserves better, anyway."

Nate just nodded along. "Hey, I actually had a strange thought. Do you think she'd get along with Leo? He's been single for a while."

"Is that your selling point? You know one single male?" Mackenzie smirked at him, crawling under the covers and cuddling beside him.

Nate laughed. "C'mon, you know Leo. He's a good guy. His last girlfriend kind of stomped on his heart. I want him to find someone nice."

"Well, it might be not a terrible pairing. But Jen is fresh off this break up. Not everyone can just fall into the arms of another handsome person after they end a relationship."

"I mean, that's exactly what you did a few years ago, Humphrey."

She rolled her eyes and squeezed his torso as she laid beside him. "Yeah, true. But you gave me that big speech about how you had a crush on me. You basically confessed your love. I couldn't resist."

Nate put his phone and the remains of his pizza down, and wrapped his arms around her, tickling her sides. "You can't use that against me anymore. It's not fair."

"I can't help that I'm so enticing to you, Nate." She giggled and pulled away from him, pushing her hair away from her face. She paused to smile at him. "I suppose we should sleep. What time are you going back to the office in the morning?"

Nate sighed, pulling her back into him. "Maybe around seven. Depends on how easily I can tear myself away from you in the morning."

She nodded. "Is there any chance you can escape the office for an hour tomorrow? Come over to the loft for dinner? I'll cook."

"I think I can make that work."

* * *

' _Come over tonight! Let's catch up. I have your fave wine lol'_

Mackenzie rolled her eyes at Viv's message. She was heading home from the office early on Friday afternoon, excited to go home and prepare a nice dinner for herself and Nate. He hadn't been very responsive during the day but did confirm earlier he could be at the loft around 6:30. She knew he would be heading back to the office after so maybe having a drink with Viv wasn't a terrible evening activity afterwards.

She replied back: ' _I'm having dinner with Nate but I'll come over after! But give me a heads up if this means you want to go out too - that'll help me determine my outfit lol'_

Mackenzie's Friday had been busy. It had flown by in front of her eyes. She spent most of the morning being interviewed by Maya Porter, a young student at NYU. She was getting an undergrad in Women's Studies and seemed incredibly interested in Mackenzie's life and how she ended up in her current role.

Mackenzie had been flattered but she found the whole thing a lot more invasive than she first anticipated. Maya really dug into questions about how she grew up, about the influence of her mother and father, how her childhood experiences carried into adulthood.

Mackenzie was grateful Bass Industries had a strict rule about journalism and interviews - a draft had to be sent to Mackenzie and the PR team before being submitted or printed. Even if it was just for a class. Maya obliged and said she would be in touch.

To Mackenzie, the entire interview felt odd. Maya had been eager but nervous - she twirled her brown hair between her fingers as she talked, jumbled her words together and constantly apologized. It had lead Mackenzie into a brief mention of her own struggles with anxiety - hoping to put the young girl at ease.

Shortly after she left the office that morning, Mackenzie received a thank you email from Maya. And that had been it.

The rest of Mackenzie's day went along and now as she stepped off the subway car in Brooklyn, she was just looking forward to some quiet time in the kitchen preparing some food.

She sent Nate a message when she got home: ' _I'm cooking a new salmon recipe so here's hoping I don't mess it up! If not, I'm ordering sushi instead'_

His lack of response didn't bother her much, she knew he was busy. She just got to work in the kitchen, unpacking the produce she had grabbed from Whole Foods on her way home and got to work in the kitchen. She put on an old Fleetwood Mac record and took her time with the food, enjoying the time alone working through the recipe.

She was putting the pan of food into the oven around six when she checked her phone. Still nothing from Nate. She sent him a follow up message to see what was up and when he would be coming by.

By 6:30 with no message, she called him. No answer. She was annoyed and a bit concerned. At a last resort, she finally called his direct line.

Marie picked up.

"Hi Marie, it's Mackenzie," she started.

"Hi dear! Nate's in a meeting. They rushed into the board room about an hour ago."

"Oh." Mackenzie tried to hide her disappointment. It was just dinner. But he could have messaged her back at some point. "Do you think he'll be done soon?"

"Hard to tell. I just ordered them all dinner. Some big scandal cracking open about one of the state candidates. I'll let him know you called!"

Mackenzie put her phone down and sighed. Nate had either forgotten about or been too distracted to remember he was going to come over for dinner. But even when he left his apartment that morning, he had mentioned it.

She tried really hard not to be disappointed. Life happens and she knew he was swamped with the election. But she knew he was always on his phone - watching his emails, checking their social media sites, updating the website. Would it have been that hard to send her a message?

She plated her dinner and dropped down on the couch, taking a few bites as she sat alone. She knew this was just one minor miscommunication but she couldn't help but feel it was a glimpse into the future as Nate's responsibilities grew.

* * *

Nate's Friday was perfectly manageable. Waking up with Mackenzie at his side started his day off right - even if she had stolen most of the blankets in the middle of the night. He slipped out of bed before her and headed out, kissing her goodbye and reminding her and himself he would stop by the loft for dinner.

Things were steady at the office. He met with his Grandfather in the morning, providing him with updates on their warehouse in Queens and peppering in positive stats about web traffic and print sales to put William Vanderbilt's mind at ease.

He and Leo even managed to grab lunch out of the office, taking a much needed break from the office scenery.

By early evening, things took a turn. There was a frantic knocking at his door. Nate looked up from his computer to see Taylor Wheeler standing there.

"Nate, sorry to bother you. I think Leo stepped out of the office but something just popped up online and we're not sure what to do. I just sent you a link." Her whole group of sentences came out in one go.

Nate gave her a strange look. "Okay. Just take a deep breath." He smiled and looked back at his screen. His eyes grew wide as he slowly looked up at her again. "Is there a confirmation of this source?"

"Not yet. But that picture is pretty damning."

"Is anyone else posting about this yet?"

"Some small news outlets on Twitter."

"Okay, get Michelle on a call in the boardroom. We need a plan to stay on top of this. Thanks Taylor."

The young girl smiled back at Nate and rushed out of the room. Nate grabbed his laptop and followed suit, leaving his phone behind on his desk. As he headed of his office, he instructed Marie to take everyone's dinner orders for the evening. He felt like it was going to be a long night.

* * *

Mackenzie tried to leave her irritation about the situation at home as she made her way to Viv's place in the Village.

Soon enough she understood why Nate was missing in action - every news outlet was blowing up a story about Pete Cunningham, a very right winged, pro-life republican, his mistress and a rumoured abortion. More women were adding into the conversation about Cunningham and The Spectator was on top of it.

She couldn't take his lack of communication personally - at least she was trying not to. She knew going into it that these few weeks were going to be insane for him. But the least she expected was a text back.

She was happy to see Viv had poured a big glass of wine for her when she walked into her apartment.

Viv had the most quintessential New York apartment - tiny kitchen, big windows, exposed brick, and a spare room featuring a fire escape that was easily accessible for fresh air.

"So, how was your romantic dinner?" Viv baited her as she flopped down onto the couch.

"Nate bailed. Well, he just didn't show up."

"That seems out of character," Viv added in, joining her friend on the couch. "What happened?"

"I have no idea. Well, that news story about Cunningham broke so I'm sure their team is going nuts. But is it too much to ask for a text?"

"Girl, it's not too much. But I'm sure you're going to get some sappy apology later and everything will be perfectly fine."

"Anyway, enough about me. How's project Drew?"

Viv just rolled her eyes, running a hand through her blonde hair. "Well, my goal of not sleeping with him anymore until we talk about our feelings didn't work. So I don't know."

"Aren't you still forgetting that one little snag in your plan anyway?"

"I know, I know. He needs to break up with her. I don't like what I'm doing but it's like a drug, Mack. I find him so attractive."

Mackenzie didn't like condoning her friend's infidelity, even if Drew's girlfriend wasn't a good match for him. She found it difficult to bring up the conversation most of the time but she needed something to get her to stop staring at her phone all night.

The two friends continued their night - sipping wine and just catching up on life. To Mackenzie it was refreshing to lament and complain with someone outside of her direct family and friend social circle.

A little while later, as they were cracking open their second bottle of wine, there was a knock at the door. Mackenzie gave Viv a confused look. Viv just rolled her eyes and went to the door. As she opened it, Drew and Carter appeared in the doorframe.

"Ladies," Drew said with a cheeky smile, walking inside as Viv shut the door behind them.

"Don't you guys spend enough time together in the office all week? You also spend your weekends together?" Viv commented. She shot a glance to Mackenzie as if to ask if she was okay with them being there. Mackenzie just shrugged, knowing her opinion didn't really make a difference. Especially since Viv was so hung up on Drew.

Carter walked over to the fridge after he shook off his coat, placing the beer they had brought with them inside. "Didn't you hear? I got upgraded to my own office. So now, weekends are all we have."

"Sorry to interrupt _girls night_ , though. Were you two just about to have a pillow fight or something?" Drew stood with Viv in the kitchen, smiling mischievously at her.

"I think you're confusing girls night with a weird sleepover fantasy, Drew," Mackenzie laughed, taking a big gulp of her wine.

"Well, I'm not staying if there's no pillow fight," Carter replied, dropping down onto the couch in the vacant seat beside Mackenzie. "What's up Humphrey? How are things?"

Mackenzie smiled at him, crossing her arms. "Things are good. Congrats on the promotion."

He gave her a half smile as he leaned back on the couch, kicked his sock feet up on the coffee table. "Thanks. You up for celebrating tonight? I think we want to go to _The Clubhouse_ later."

"I was under the impression this was a night in, not _out._ I'm literally wearing leggings and an old band T-shirt."

"Throw on one of Viv's jackets and a pair of heels. You'll look great." He turned his head to look over at. "Oh and definitely some lipstick."

Mackenzie just laughed, reaching for her wine. "I did not ask for your advice on my appearance, Baizen."

"It's just unbiased feedback," Carter replied smoothly, raising an eyebrow.

Viv and Drew joined them in the living room and the group of four continued the night together. Mackenzie checked her phone a bit later bit still had no messages or calls from Nate. She did have a text from Eric saying he and Jenny were going out if she wanted to join or meet up with them.

She also saw she had a few follow up emails from Maya Porter.

Around ten and the third bottle of wine being open, Mackenzie grabbed her phone and said she needed some air. She climbed out the window of Viv's second bedroom and took a seat on the fire escape. She tried to call Nate from out there but it went to his voicemail. She resisted leaving him a voice message but went to text him again: ' _at least let me know you're alive!'_

She sat and listened to the city around her, curling her legs up towards her chest.

"Hey." Mackenzie turned her head to see Carter climbing out onto the fire escape. She slid over as much as she could. He had a blanket in his hands. "It's a bit cold. You should try to stay an appropriate temperature while you're deep in thought."

Mackenzie cracked a smile and took the blanket from him, draping it over her body. "Thanks."

"I thought we might head out soon but I'm almost certain Drew and Viv just disappeared into her room to fuck."

Mackenzie just laughed. "Good for them, I guess. Still generally a bad move overall. They need to just be honest with each other."

Carter narrowed his eyes at her. "I think it's a bit more complicated than that. You've never had feelings for another person while in a relationship?" He paused. "Or while they were in a relationship?"

Mackenzie just shook her head. "That's a complicated question. It's one thing to have feelings, it's another to actively sleep with someone when you're in a relationship." She let out a laugh and glanced at her phone. "I've been cheated on enough times to know that's just not fair."

She saw Carter opened his mouth to reply, then stopped himself. He shifted and looked at her directly. "Something is bothering you. But instead of asking you about it, how about I just offer you some of this?"

Carter reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small bag of joints.

Mackenzie opened her eyes wide for a moment.

"Oh. Do you not do this sort of thing?"

She was annoyed by the tone in his voice. As if she was some naive teenager.

"I smoke weed on occasion, yes."

Carter just smirked and pulled out one of the joints. "No need to be sassy, Mackenzie. I mean, your boyfriend used to be quite the pothead but who knows if he partakes anymore. Or if you do, too." He held a lighter to the end as he held it in his mouth. "No pressure, of course." He took a long inhale then offered it to her.

"Do you have to bring up Nate everytime we interact?" She grabbed it out of his hand and matched his inhale, feeling the warmth travel down her throat into her lungs. She coughed for a moment as she handed it back to him.

Carter just laughed and took another drag.

"What's your issue with him, anyway?" Mackenzie continued. Her head was feeling light. She leaned back against the building as she looked out into the city streets below them.

"There's no bad blood on my part," Carter replied, matching her pose as he leaned back. "Just complicated history I guess."

Mackenzie took another long inhale as he handed it back to her. "That's vague. Try again."

Carter laughed at her honesty. "Why? What did Archibald say about me?"

_Absolutely nothing! Since I don't ask him about you because I know it irritates him._

Mackenzie just shrugged. "That doesn't matter. I think there's two sides to every story so let's hear yours." She pulled the blanket tighter onto her body and shook her head when he offered the joint again. She watched him think about his response.

"To sum it up, my history with Serena didn't sit well with him when they were dating. This was years ago so it's a bit foggy but maybe he saw me as a threat. Fuck if I know." He shrugged. "I mean, maybe he had a point in disliking me. I didn't always have good intentions. But it wasn't about him, it was about Serena." He paused again. "Maybe it was a little bit about irritating him, too."

Mackenzie appreciated his honesty but it still didn't sit right with her. She knew Nate would be annoyed if she was developing a friendship with Carter, probably because of that old history. But she considered it harmless although she really didn't know Carter's intentions.

Her phone ringing finally broke her train of thoughts.

Nate.

"Shit." She watched her phone ring. She wasn't sure if she should answer it in her current half drunk, definitely high state of mind. "Shit."

The call ended and she cradled her phone in her hand.

"Trouble in paradise?" Carter looked from her to her phone.

"Oh shut up," Mackenzie replied to him, laughing.

A text came in from Nate next: ' _Mack I'm so sorry. Had a wild night in the office. Are you at the loft?'_

She texted him back: ' _just at Viv's. Eric invited me out with him and J so idk where the night will take us'_

A few minutes after her reply, Nate called again. She answered this time.

"Hey," she said into the phone, doing her best to remain composed.

"Mack, I can't apologize enough for bailing on dinner. Everything just exploded here tonight."

"Nate, hey, hey," she stopped him from continuing. "I'm not mad. It's okay. You did miss out on some delicious salmon."

"Sorry I didn't even think to text you." She could hear the remorse in his voice. She knew he felt bad.

"It's okay. I assure you." She paused and looked away from Carter who was rolling his eyes as she talked. "Are you heading home?"

"I'm taking the team out for a drink. If you don't want to go out with Eric and Jenny, you should meet up with us. Bring Viv, too."

Mackenzie just nodded aggressively, although she knew he couldn't see her. "I like that idea. I'll let you know what we do."

"Is there any way I can make it up to you? I'll cook dinner for you next weekend?"

"Okay. Deal. But you have to do it wearing an apron. And only an apron."

"Good lord Humphrey." She could hear him laughing on the other end. "Text me later so I know where you are."

They hung up a few minutes after, exchanging a brief _I love you._

"You know, you said you weren't mad at him but I think you are. Or were. Whatever." Carter commented, nudging her arm.

Mackenzie was flicking through some messages on her phone and her eyes came across an email from Maya Porter. She nearly dropped her phone when she read it. She could feel her heart start to race and she closed her eyes tightly.

_No, not now. Not this. No._

She read over the email again. "What the fuck?"

Carter gave her a look of concern. "Mackenzie, are you okay? What's going on?"

In any normal situation, Mackenzie likely would have kept what she just read to herself. And maybe it was the weed or the alcohol or both, but she was feeling so overwhelmed she just turned her screen to Carter for him to read.

_From: Maya P._

_Subject: re: re: interview today_

_Mackenzie I am so sorry to spring this on you but I can't keep it in I should have told you today. My last name is Peron, not Porter. I know this is crazy but I think you're my sister._

* * *

_Well, well, well. New relationship, new job, anxiety disorder, another sibling? Sure, why not? Hey Nate: keep in mind a new research assistant who is eager to learn might be eager for more._


	12. Chapter 12

_From: Maya P._

_Subject: re: re: interview today_

_Mackenzie I am so sorry to spring this on you but I can't keep it in I should have told you today. My last name is Peron, not Porter. I know this is crazy but I think you're my sister._

* * *

"Mackenzie, are you okay?"

Mackenzie kept reading the email again and again and again. Her breath picked up and her chest started to tighten as she sat there. She did her best to take slow breaths but it felt like her lungs were shrinking.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to stand up on the small fire escape.

"Mackenzie?" She heard Carter repeat her name. She felt him stand as she stood.

"Sorry. Uhm. I have an anxiety disorder and I think you're about to witness me having a panic attack…" she said quietly, clutching her chest.

_You're not going to die. You're not going to die. It's okay. It's okay. Call Nate! Please call Nate. He can help. This is not the end of the world._

"Oh." She could hear Carter's confused response. She shuffled past him and climbed back into Viv's tiny second bedroom. Her chest was heaving up and down as she stood.

It was funny to her, in a way. Panic attacks used to feel so familiar and now the waves of fear rolling through her body were so foreign. Her hands were shaking and her knees started to buckle.

She didn't hear Carter follow her inside but she felt his arms grab her as she started to collapse.

"Mackenzie, what can I do to help?" His voice sounded far away even if he was right behind her. He helped her sit down on a small desk chair in the corner.

She slumped forward in the chair and tried to take slow breaths. Carter stood beside her. He was still talking but she couldn't hear a thing he said.

"Carter," she sat up slowly, eyes squeezed shut. She was trying not to cry but it was useless at that point. "Can you… I need you to press down on my shoulders."

"What?"

She shifted in the chair slightly so her back was towards him. "Just…" She grabbed at her shoulder. "Pressure."

"Sure, whatever you need," he replied, taking a step towards her. After a pause she felt his hands grip her shoulders near the base of her neck. He pushed down gently as she inhaled and exhaled.

_You're going to be okay. You are alive. You are alive. Just breathe Mackenzie. Just breathe._

She wasn't sure how long she sat there trying to regain her composure and stop crying but Carter didn't say anything else or walk away from her. In those moments, she was surprisingly grateful she didn't have to go through this attack alone.

Her breathing eventually returned to normal and she opened her eyes.

"Thank you," she mumbled out, wiping away the leftover tears on her face. "There's just a strange pressure point there and…" She trailed off. Why did she always feel embarrassed after this happened?

"No problem," Carter replied to her. His hand stayed on her shoulders, releasing the pressure he was applying and starting to rub her shoulders instead. "Does this happen a lot?"

She was going to shake Carter off, but admittedly his touch was helpful, in a way. She shook her head. "Not anymore. I can manage my anxiety a lot better nowadays. Yet extreme moments of stress can really set me off still. Maybe it was the alcohol and weed and-

"Potential life changing news?"

Mackenzie sighed. "Yeah. That. Fuck."

Carter moved his hands off her shoulders and took a few steps, leaning against the desk across from her. "Forgive me if I'm wrong here but didn't your family already do this? Some brother that came out of nowhere?"

She nodded. "Yes. But this is a whole different complicated thing." She stopped herself. "Because if Rufus isn't my dad, Scott isn't even my brother anymore. I just… this is too much. I've gotta go." She stood up off the chair and paused to gain her footing. Between the intoxication from the wine and the leftover feelings from her high, mixed in with the overwhelming exhaustion from her panic attack, her head was a mess.

"Listen, I feel like you shouldn't be alone right now," Carter said as he stood up, following her out of the room.

"I'm fine," Mackenzie replied as she started to gather her things in the living room. Faint laughter was coming from the other end of the hall in Viv's bedroom. Post-sex contentment or something.

"I'm fine." Mackenzie repeated, using the wall to brace herself as she tried to get her boots on.

"You're gonna pass out on the subway to Brooklyn," Carter replied to her knowingly, rolling his eyes. "Or fall down the stairs." She watched as he put his own coat on. "You're taking a cab."

She was annoyed at his demanding voice, even if he was just trying to be kind. In the past a panic attack would sober her up, but she was still feeling the effects of the night. She longed for her bed and Nate's comforting arms around her.

They were standing outside a few minutes later.

Mackenzie tried to call Nate but it rang and rang and eventually went to his voicemail. She sent him a text that she was going home and that she would really like his company. She didn't want to scare him. But she really needed him.

Carter waved down a cab as they stood at the curb and opened the door as he motioned for Mackenzie to climb in.

"Carter, this whole night, this news and that email, it's not gossip. Please don't tell Drew or Viv or anyone. Please."

Carter reached out and put a hand on her shoulder before she got into the car. "I won't say a word, Mackenzie. Just be careful, okay? Shit like this can really tear people apart."

Mackenzie sighed. "Thank you."

"Text me when you get home, Humphrey," Carter said as he closed the door behind her.

Mackenzie started to cry again as they drove away. She saw a text come in from Nate saying he'd come by the loft when his night wrapped up.

She wasn't sure how she was about to deal with everything, but at least she had Nate to help her through it. And she had been surprised by how Carter had helped her as she broke down earlier. If anything, his kindness just made everything even more of a mess.

* * *

"You know, I still can't believe I left the office for twenty goddamn minutes and that story broke while my chiropractor was adjusting my back," Leo lamented to Nate as they drank their beer. The late night office staff had all gathered at a bar down from The Spectator office for a nightcap after their busy evening. The two were sitting at a tall table near the bar while most of their younger staff played pool or foosball across the bar.

"Hey, we managed," Nate replied to him, putting his hand on Leo's shoulder. "I can't believe how much of a blur this night has been."

Nate was feeling an immense swell of pride for how hard his team has worked over the last six hours. Scandal in politics wasn't uncommon - but secrets spilling about a high profile candidate like this were traffic fuel for their website and they stayed on top of every new headline all night long.

"Remember: it's just gonna get worse this week, man," Leo responded, a cheeky grin on his face.

Nate laughed and rolled his eyes, reaching to loosen his tie. "Yeah, yeah. We do this because we like it, right?"

"Something like that," Leo said with a chuckle, clinking his beer bottle with Nate's. "Is Mackenzie coming by?"

Nate shook his head. "She went home to Brooklyn."

"How are things going with you two anyway? Enough shop talk."

"So you want to discuss my love life instead?"

Leo shrugged. "Better than talking about mine. Or lack thereof. You have it easy, Nate. You and Mackenzie started this so long ago - it's not like you had to date around to find her either. I'm sick of apps and awkward first dates."

"You're also a workaholic," Nate pointed out. "I've seen you bail on dates because of breaking news."

"You're my boss, don't you want that? Also, you've been working over 60 hours a week, too." Leo ran a hand through his hair, tilting his head. "Plus, Mr. Mayor. Your life this time next year is going to be wild."

The conversation steered towards Nate's campaign instead of work and their love lives. Nate tried not to talk about his candidacy at work, especially to make sure he remained focused on one thing at a time. Nate Archibald, a citizen of New York was planning to run for mayor, not Nate Archibald, editor in chief for The Spectator. He had to keep the line drawn so there wouldn't be any issues during his campaign.

By the end of their night, just Leo, Nate and a handful of their staff remained. Nate made a point of telling them they were to take it easy and not come into the office on Saturday and he covered the tab for the night.

"Wanna share a cab?" Leo asked Nate as they stood outside.

"I'm going to Brooklyn, actually," Nate replied to him, raising his hand to wave down a nearby car.

"Hey, do you mind if I jump in with you?" Nate turned his head to see Taylor Wheeler beside him. The other remaining staff were heading down the street to carry on their night. "I'm just in Clifton Hill. If that's not too weird or anything."

Nate shrugged and motioned to the cab. "Sure." He waved to Leo as he climbed in after her.

"So what's in Brooklyn?" Taylor turned to Nate, a polite smile on her face. Nate had gotten to know the research staff a lot better this week and Taylor in particular had proved to be a huge asset to their team. She had a great attention to detail and was always one of the last to leave the office. She got along well with the staff, too. She was young, raucous and a team player.

"My girlfriend lives in the DUMBO area," Nate replied to her, typing out a message to Mack on his phone.

"Ahhh, gotcha, booty call," Taylor replied to him with a laugh. Her face dropped. "Sorry. That was inappropriate. That was the vodka talking." She ran a hand through her messy blonde hair, flushing with embarrassment.

Nate let out a laugh. "It's okay. I may be your boss but I'm still a regular guy who can take a joke."

Taylor smiled and continued. "Your girlfriend went to Columbia too, you said?"

"Yeah, she did her Masters there a few years ago."

"So that's where you met?"

Nate tilted his head, smirking. "No. She's one of my best friend's sisters, actually."

Taylor's mouth opened wide. "Doesn't that cross some sort of line? Bro code?"

Nate shrugged. "It was a line worth crossing."

Their conversation transformed into Taylor's move to New York instead of continuing on about Nate's romantic life and he was grateful for it.

"Thanks Nate," Taylor said to him as the taxi pulled up at her apartment. "For the drive and for letting me be part of this team. I have to admit I was pretty nervous diving into the New York team."

"Well, you're doing great, Taylor. I'll see you at the office."

She gave him another smile and hesitated, as if she had something else to say. Then she just turned and opened her door, waving as she headed into her building.

Nate headed up to the loft and grew concerned when he realized the door was unlocked. Mackenzie had been home for a few hours now and it was out of character for her to forget to lock the door behind her. He pushed the door open and started to worry when he looked around the room. There were stacks of paper strewn around the island and a stack of boxes spilled in front of the couch.

"Mackenzie?" He called out her name as he hurried into the loft, pushing open the door to her room. Her bed was unoccupied and there were things scattered around the floor. He grabbed his phone from his pocket in case he needed to call the police about another break in. He rushed over to Dan's old room next and found Mackenzie crashed on the bed, piles of papers around her.

"Mack!" He crouched in front of her on the bed and shook her awake. She groaned as she stirred, slowly opening her eyes.

"Hi," she croaked out, her mouth turning into a yawn. "What time is it?"

"Past two," Nate replied. "What's going on? Was there another break in? Are you okay?"

Mackenzie shook her head as she sat up. She moved the pile of papers and Nate took a seat beside her.

"Mack, what's going on?"

She let out a breath. "I really don't want to add any stress to your life with my issues, Nate."

"How many times do we need to go over this? Anything you're going through we can handle together. Don't worry about my stress."

Mackenzie hesitated then sighed. "There was no break in. This was all me."

"Why? What happened?"

"I had that interview today, with the student from NYU?"

Nate nodded. "Yeah I remember. You said it went well, right?"

"Well, she emailed me tonight. Late. And I was wine drunk and kind of high and-

"High?" Nate raised an eyebrow at her. That was out of character, too. Not that they didn't partake in it before, but he knew she didn't smoke often.

"Yeah. Drew and Carter showed up at Viv's and -

"What? Carter - why?"

"Because Viv and Drew are sleeping together, even though Drew has a girlfriend and -

Nate shook his head as he tried to follow her story.

"Carter and I were talking and he had some weed so -

"You got high with Carter Baizen?"

"Well, Viv and Drew were having sex so…" She closed her eyes. "Anyway, long story short," Mackenzie paused. Nate let out a long breath. "This girl, this student, Maya Porter or whatever. She sends me this email that says…" Mack trailed off, trying to catch her breath. "Nate, she said she thinks she's my sister."

Nate's eyes shot open. "Wait, what? Are you serious?"

Mackenzie closed her eyes and nodded, grabbing her phone to show Nate the email. He shook his head as he looked up at her. "Peron?"

"My mom's old studio manager. Luc Peron." Mackenzie replied quietly. "Rufus always thought my mom had an affair and maybe she did, I don't know. I just can't wrap my head around this."

"Mack, I don't know what to say." He put down her phone and grabbed her hand. "Are you okay?"

"No. I just feel crazy. Which is why I came home and tore this whole place apart looking for…" She trailed off, letting out a yawn.

"For what?"

"That stupid paternity test my dad took. Even though it's burned in my brain."

Nate just nodded. He had no clue what to think. And if he was that lost for words and feelings, he couldn't even imagine what Mackenzie was going through.

"Hey," Nate squeezed her hand and stood up, encouraging her to stand too. "Let's go lay in bed, okay? I think maybe your mind needs a break."

Mackenzie wanted to protest. She wanted to just make coffee and keep digging for more information. But she knew Nate wouldn't let her and she knew she needed sleep. At least he would be at her side.

Soon enough, Mackenzie was cuddling up beside Nate in her bed. She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heart beats. She held onto him tightly as his arms wrapped around her.

Nate leaned over and kissed the top of her head. His mind was racing with questions and concerns, but at least for the time being, they had this peaceful moment together.

* * *

Mackenzie woke up in the morning to Nate climbing out of the bed to answer his phone. He slipped out of her room to talk and closed the doors. She could still make out most of what he was saying.

"Hey, thanks for getting back to me, Leo. Listen, I know we had a late night but do you think you could go to that sustainability summit thing or whatever on my behalf today? I just don't think I'll be able to make it." He paused. "Yeah, everything is fine. I just need the day...I really appreciate it."

As Nate came back into the room, Mackenzie propped herself up on one arm and opened her eyes. "Hey, please don't tell me you just cancelled something because of me."

Nate's mouth turned into a small smile as he climbed back into the bed beside her. "I didn't cancel anything. I'm allowed to move my schedule around if I think something else deserves my attention and care. Or someone else, rather."

Mackenzie fell back down onto the bed and pulled the blanket up over her face. "Well, you may as well just uncancel because I'm just planning on hiding under here for the rest of my life."

Nate shuffled down on the bed and pulled the blanket over his own head, too. He leaned in close to her. "Then, this is where we live now. I hope Max can move in, too."

Mackenzie couldn't help but smile at his gesture. She pulled the blanket away from their faces, throwing it down the bed. "Nate. I don't even know where to start with this whole mess."

Nate sighed. "Honestly Mack, I don't know either." He reached his hand down to grab hers, gripping it tightly. "So, we'll try to work through it together." He released her hand then leaned over and kissed her. "I'll make us breakfast."

Mackenzie had a long hot shower while Nate worked in the kitchen. Truthfully, she felt like shit. Her body was aching and her head throbbed. The shower did help her feel refreshed but every time her brain flashed back to her interview with Maya the day before, things felt worse again.

It was hard for her not to lean into the idea. Maybe this girl was her sister. Her mom never would admit whether or not she actually slept with Luc. It was hard enough to Mackenzie to bring up with her mom and now, she may never know the honest truth.

Alison used to go on and on about how her relationship with Luc had been _so complicated._ That he helped her in a way she couldn't explain. That Luc had been a support system while Alison raised her son alone - while her rockstar husband toured the country and she changed diapers, hardly slept and let her art and passion fall to the side.

Mackenzie never understood it. And maybe that was just the way it was supposed to be. But growing up, she remembered her parents always coming back to the same argument about those early years with the kids.

Dan, Mackenzie and Jenny weren't immune to feeling the effects.

On one side was their mom's argument that Rufus wasn't present and didn't help her when she needed it. He chose music over his family.

But of course, their dad just fought back, claiming she didn't try hard enough. That she wasn't honest or didn't speak her feelings. That she chose to run to the arms of another man for emotional support instead of telling him the truth.

Most of the time, they made it through. But the cracks began to show and when they finally divorced, there wasn't much surprise. Mackenzie choosing Hudson and her mother _was_ surprising.

In retrospect, maybe putting more space between herself and her dad never helped the situation.

After her shower and changing into some comfortable clothes, Mackenzie joined Nate at the table where he had put together plates of fruit and scrambled eggs and toast.

"You know, you could have just put some Eggos in the toaster," Mackenzie joked as she took a seat across from him, reaching for her cup of coffee.

"I'm perfectly capable of cooking eggs," Nate replied, a fake offended look on his face. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

Nate hesitated, as if he was trying to find the correct words. "Do you think this is possible? That your mom did actually sleep with this guy?"

Mackenzie hated this part of the whole mess - reminding herself that both her parents were flawed, both were humans who made mistakes.

_After spending nearly a year in Australia, Mackenzie was still struggling with the heat and humidity of New York summers. It was the middle of August and their house in Hudson didn't have air conditioning. It was the biggest downside of the cute little brownstone Alison had invested in years ago. Even though Alex said they could get central air installed, it never happened._

_In her year away, Mackenzie's room hadn't changed much. Alison kept some art supplies in there and considered it a guest room. Jenny's room, on the other hand, had transformed into an office._

_On that particular hot summer day, Mackenzie was searching for a copy of her high school transcript._

_She scanned over the paperwork from Northeastern about preparing for her orientation and first year, she sighed. She walked into the kitchen where Alison was sitting sipping on her morning coffee._

_Mackenzie leaned against the counter, grabbing a few grapes from her mom's plate. "So where on earth do you think you filed away all my paperwork from school?"_

" _Probably the desk drawers in Jen's room," Alison replied to her daughter. "I kind of use that as a catch all for old paperwork and documents."_

" _Got it." Mackenzie zipped out of the kitchen and headed upstairs. The yellow hues of the walls in Jenny's old room always lifted her spirits. She was proud of her sister for bounding off to London for school but she missed her._

_Mackenzie sat down at the desk and went through the drawers slowly, sifting through old bank statements and set lists. In the bottom drawer she finally found all her graduation paperwork from high school._

_For some reason, she kept digging through the drawer. Tucked in the back, she found a large brown envelope, tied closing with some twine. Her curiosity got the best of her - even if she would soon regret it._

_That's when she found it. A handwritten letter from Rufus, dated nearly nine years ago. Mackenzie's heart started to race as she dumped out of the rest of the paperwork in the oversized envelope._

_Documentation from a paternity test - with her name on it. And her father's. Her chest started to heave as she processed it. Why on Earth would her father have requested a paternity test after all that time? And how did it happen without her consent?_

_She screamed for her mother as she started to hyperventilate. This couldn't be real. How was this happening?_

_Mackenzie would always remember the look on her mother's face when she realized what was happening._

" _Honey, you don't understand."_

" _Then help me understand, mom! Did you actually cheat on dad?"_

" _That's a complicated question, Mackenzie. My friendship with Luc is special. He really supported me during a time when -_

" _Did you sleep with him?! Please. Why would dad think this was necessary? Why?!"_

Mackenzie swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn't want to admit it. But yes…

"It's possible. I mean, considering she could never tell me a certain no…

Nate nodded. "I guess the first thing you need to do is see where this is coming from? Like where did this girl get this idea? How did she find you?"

Mackenzie nodded along with him. "I've been trying to figure that out too." She paused. "Is it strange that there's a tiny part of me that wants to just ignore her email forever and ever?"

"No, that's not strange at all." Nate reached out and grabbed her hand across the table. "But you and I both know you won't be able to do that."

Her lips turned into a small smile. "You're right. I guess I should just talk to her before I spiral."

"Before?" Nate smirked at her, motioning around the apartment.

"Rude," Mackenzie rolled her eyes at him with a smile. "I was not in sound mind last night."

"Speaking of last night - are we going to talk about that?"

Mackenzie took a few bites of her breakfast and sighed. She wanted to avoid this inevitable conversation. "As long as we both agree to be civil."

Nate sighed. "I just didn't realize Carter Baizen was still a part of your life."

"Well, you make it sound like he's my best friend or something," Mackenzie responded, taking a drink from her mug. "He's good friends with Drew and they seem to come as a pair."

Nate opened his mouth to respond but stopped himself.

"Nate, you can speak freely to me," Mackenzie said, watching him think.

"Okay. If I'm allowed to be honest here, there are two things I don't like about this."

Mackenzie motioned for him to continue.

"I don't like you hanging out with Carter, especially doing drugs with him. And I don't like you spending time with people who are actively cheating on their partners."

_Right. You definitely spilled that out about Viv and Drew, idiot._

Mackenzie sighed. "Listen, I don't like what Viv and Drew are doing either. But they're my friends so I feel like I'm in an uncomfortable position."

"Yeah well, how do you think Drew's girlfriend feels."

"Hey," Mackenzie crossed her arms. "I'm not the bad guy here, Nate."

"Well, I'm sorry but to me this is a recipe for disaster. The four of you end up hanging out, Viv and Drew go off so it's just you alone with Baizen. I don't like it."

Mackenzie wanted to argue back with him but she knew it wasn't worth it. "Okay, that's fair. But I'm not seeking the guy out. And truthfully, he's perfectly nice. I can be his friend."

"Yeah well, that's the issue. He's not perfectly nice. There's no way he wants to be just friends."

"Nate, please." Mackenzie let out a frustrated groan. "This doesn't matter to me right now especially. I don't want to sit here and fight about the shit choices my friends are making. Or about Carter Baizen. My brain can't handle fighting with you."

"We're not fighting," Nate defended himself, grabbing their plates and heading towards the sink. "I'm just expressing my concern. Aren't we supposed to be honest?"

Mackenzie stood up and followed him to the kitchen. She snuck her arms around his back as he rinsed off the plates. "Yes. And I understand your concern but if this is because you don't trust me for some reason, I want you to tell me."

Nate turned around and sighed, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "I'm sorry, I don't want you to think I don't trust you. _Of course_ I trust you. I guess I just still have some outstanding issues with Carter Baizen that have resurfaced." He took a deep breath then pouted dramatically. "I wanna be the guy who gets high with you, okay?"

"God, you're cute."

Nate leaned down and kissed her.

"That was a very rational adult discussion we just had, you know." Mackenzie continued, smirking. She pulled away from him and sighed as she looked around the apartment. Her reality came crashing back when she remembered what was happening. Somewhere in the loft there had to be Rufus' copy of the paternity test and she wasn't sure if it would help, but she wanted to find it. "Will you help me look for that paperwork?"

"Of course." Nate leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "Just remember you aren't alone in this, okay? I'm here however you need me."

"Thank you," she replied, smiling at him. They headed back into the spare room and started shuffling through papers. Mackenzie had pulled a ton of old bankers boxes out of the closet the night before.

"Hey, are you going to tell your dad about this? Or Dan and Jenny?"

Mackenzie sighed. "I don't even know how I would start. I don't think I can even say the words out loud until I talk to Maya. Then I can cross that bridge."

She hadn't even considered how she would be able to bring this up with anyone expect Nate.

_God, what could I say to my dad? You were right all along? Our issues that stemmed from nothing actually came from something?_

Nate broke her train of thought as he pulled out some paperwork. "Oh my god. Is this one of your old report cards? A+ in math? You little nerd."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes and reached to grab what Nate had pulled out of an old box from the closet. She smiled as she read over the words. "I'm surprised he held onto this."

Sometimes Rufus Humphrey surprised her. And that made the pain she was feeling so much worse.

* * *

Nate was sitting at his desk Wednesday evening trying to concentrate on work. Trying but failing.

Mackenzie was going for coffee with Maya Peron that evening and he was waiting to hear back from her about how it was going. He knew she was nervous about it - considering he had talked her through two near panic attacks since the weekend. He wasn't sure what kind of news he wanted through this whole situation but he just wanted peace of mind for her.

He broke from his thoughts when he heard someone knocking at his door. Before he could say anything, the door opened and Chuck and Henry were standing there.

Nate was actually incredibly happy for the visit. He remembered Chuck mentioning he was going to stop by but Henry was a welcome surprise.

"Uncle Nate!" Henry bounded into the office and ran towards Nate, who stood up to scoop him into a hug.

"What's up, little man?" Nate squeezed him and reached to ruffle his hair.

"Daddy took me to his office," Henry said, throwing his hands up in the air. "And let me sit in his chair."

"Wow, lucky," Nate replied, smiling. "Here, you can test mine out, too." Nate let Henry down and spun him around in the chair.

"So, are we prepared for tomorrow?" Chuck asked Nate as they sat down on the couch in Nate's office, letting Henry play at the desk.

"Tomorrow?"

"The election?" Chuck raised an eyebrow at his friend. "Your entire office is buzzing unless you've forgotten there will be a slew of new senators by this time tomorrow night?"

Nate sighed. Between the election and helping Mackenzie, the last few days had really been a blur.

"Right, yeah. Sorry. I'm just pretty wiped after these last few weeks."

"What's going on?" Chuck pressed. "I was at a donation event for the foundation today and Mackenzie was just as distracted as you."

"It's just work stress," Nate shrugged. He didn't want to get into it.

"Listen, Miss Humphrey said the same thing. But as Blair has always pointed out, you're a terrible liar, Nathaniel."

Nate hesitated. Talking about Mackenzie's personal life was not something he wanted to do. But he knew Chuck had dealt with similar family drama before. Maybe he had insight or advice.

"Okay, you can't tell Blair about this. Seriously."

"You think I can't keep a secret?"

Nate lowered his voice. "This girl came out of nowhere and reached out to Mackenzie last week - claiming to be her sister."

Chick narrowed his eyes. "Another Rufus Humphrey love child?"

"No, more complicated than that." Nate explained it all briefly to Chuck.

"I see why she's out of sorts. You know, i still have a P.I. on retainer if this gets messy."

Nate sighed. "I've been thinking about that too. Mack's meeting this girl again tonight so we'll see how it goes."

"No one else knows about this?" Chuck asked. He turned his attention away to watch Henry sitting at the desk, grabbing for a baseball sitting near Nate's computer. "Henry, you should ask before you touch."

"Here," Nate stood up and grabbed some blank paper from his drawer. "Can you draw a picture for Kenzie? I think she'd appreciate it." He took a few markers out of his desk and left Henry to happily scribble.

"No," Nate continued as he sat on the couch again. "No one else knows."

Chuck just nodded. "Well, if you need any of my help, say the word."

"Thanks, man."

"Oh and Blair wants to have dinner with everyone next week. For her birthday."

"We'll be there," Nate nodded.

"I had the pleasure of seeing Carter Baizen today," Chuck continued, glancing down at his phone then back to Henry.

"Oh, how lucky for you."

"The foundation made a contribution to a charity his sister Caroline works with. Which admittedly is a wonderful cause and goes to show that entire family isn't lacking kindness." Chuck paused. "Is Mackenzie friends with the guy?"

"Something like that," Nate replied. He didn't like how their conversation had ended about Carter.

"I witnessed them talking today, nothing out of the ordinary but it was awfully friendly."

Nate sighed and leaned back on the couch. "I get these horrible flashbacks whenever she mentions him. I know he was helping Serena find her dad but I never liked their relationship. Yet, Mackenzie claims he is perfectly nice." He paused. "My gut just still gives me a bad feeling about him."

"People do change." Chuck hesitated. "Although I've always found Baizen to be a snake."

"Honestly I'd rather she not talk to him at all but everytime I think about asking that I stop myself. That would just start a fight neither of us want."

"You're a smart man, Nathaniel. And of course you know her better than me, but I take Mackenzie as the type who sees the best in people. Or she's blind to her appeal."

Nate sighed. That was part of the problem.

"Well, regardless of all that. The real reason we dropped by." Chuck smiled at Nate. "I ran into David Rockefeller this morning. He mentioned you by name, Nathaniel."

"Really?" Everyone knew the Rockefeller family. The oldest royalty in New York - the influence of their family was well known in the most elite circles. "He and my grandfather haven't always seen eye to eye."

"Well, I think that's more of a William Vanderbilt problem. He was incredibly interested in speaking more about your mayoral run and said he'd be in touch soon."

Nate raised an eyebrow and couldn't help but smile. "Really? That's incredible." Both the Vanderbilt and Rockefellers had deep history in the politics of New York. Over the years, their relationships had fallen away over petty conflicts and dramatics but Nate was willing to help repair some of that history. He had grown up alongside David's granddaughters - their schooling overlapped and they had most recently attended highschool together. "You know, I haven't seen Odette in ages."

"Blair had lunch with her a few months ago. Apparently HBO has been asking her to do her own reality show."

Nate couldn't help but laugh. "And I'm sure Odette _politely_ told them off." Chuck just smirked at him, nodding in agreement.

Nate's phone started to buzz a few moments later. It was Mackenzie.

* * *

Despite having an incredibly busy work day, Mackenzie felt like her Wednesday had dragged on. All day she could only think about one thing - she might be meeting her sister that night.

Well, sort of.

Sure, she had already sat down and had a thorough discussion with Maya Porter, the NYU student. But now after work she was meeting Maya Peron.

Mackenzie headed towards the village after work, agreeing to meet Maya at a little coffee shop. She looked around as she headed inside and was relieved to know she had arrived first. She ordered a latte and tucked into a booth at the back.

She texted Nate while she waited: ' _Okay this is happening. Pray for me!'_

He replied not long after. ' _It's gonna be okay. Text me if you need an emergency phone call to get you out of there early'_

Mackenzie took a deep breath and tried to remain calm.

She scanned through her work emails and paused when she saw a Thank You message from Caroline Baizen-Shaw, expressing her gratitude for the donation to Hope Harvest. They had made the donation and visited their warehouse for a photo earlier that afternoon. It was the best part of the job for Mackenzie - seeing how the foundation can help people on the ground level.

Carter had been in attendance for the event, too.

" _Hey Humphrey, how are you holding up?" Mackenzie turned her attention to Carter as the small event was wrapping up. Chuck was across the building getting a tour from the Hope Harvest volunteers._

" _I'm still standing," Mackenzie replied, sighing. She looked around for a moment then lowered her voice. "I'm meeting her after work today."_

_Carter tilted his head, nodding. "I'd offer you some advice but I have no idea what you're dealing with."_

_She smiled. "Well, thanks for nothing, Baizen."_

_He reached out and put his hand on her arm for a brief moment. "Good luck."_

Mackenzie was trying to keep her friendship with Carter at bay, for the sake of her relationship with Nate and to stop condoning what Viv and Drew were doing. Nate's comment about considering it from Drew's girlfriends point of view made her feel worse about the whole thing and she didn't have the capacity to waste her energy on it currently.

"Mackenzie?"

She looked up to see Maya standing in front of her, hands gripped on her backpack. Suddenly, she looked so young. Mackenzie couldn't help by analyzing the girl: frizzy brown hair, anxious eyes, round face, tall long legs.

"Maya, hi," Mackenzie replied quickly, motioning for her to sit.

"Thank you for meeting me," Maya started, letting out a breath. "I've been really wrestling over this for months. I don't even know where to start."

Mackenzie opened her mouth to reply but didn't know what to say. She didn't know where to start either.

"I know this is a lot, but…" Maya launched into her story right away. Mackenzie just listened as she talked: she was just 19 years old, she grew up in the Albany area, she was an only child. Her parents were split up and she spent most of her life growing up with her mom.

"The thing is, well, my dad died a few months ago. Stage 4 pancreatic cancer." Mackenzie felt her heart drop when she heard those words. Not only was Luc Peron potentially her biological father, but she wouldn't even get the chance to speak to him if it was true?

"I'm so sorry," she sputtered out, taking a few deep breaths.

"Thanks. It's strange - we spent more time together in his last few months than we have the last few years. We weren't that close but… it's been a big change." Maya paused. "When I was cleaning out his apartment, I found these."

Maya reached into her bag and pulled out a stack of half a dozen envelopes. Letters.

"There is one from your mom," Maya said slowly. "Then a bunch from my dad that he never sent." She offered them to Mackenzie who flipped through them quickly. She opened the one her mom sent.

Even seeing her mom's handwriting sent a wave of sadness through every inch of her body. She scanned the letter quickly.

_...beautiful girl… I can't wait for you to meet her… I'll always be so grateful to have had you in my life, Luc …_

A baby picture of Mackenzie was tucked into the envelope too.

"Mackenzie, I'm sorry this is a lot to take in. If you want to hold onto those, feel free. I really don't have much to say about my dad but I just wanted to at least make this connection and meet you. I've always wanted a sister and -

"Maya, I'm sorry. But this letter doesn't really mean anything. My dad did a paternity test years ago. It tore our family apart but it showed he was my dad, genetically."

"Those tests aren't always accurate."

Mackenzie shook her head.

"Mackenzie, please. My dad must have held onto these for a reason! He thought you were his all along and your mom wouldn't let him -

"Please don't mention my mom in this. Please." Mackenzie took a deep breath and shook her head again.

"Is there really something so wrong with the fact that I could be your sister?"

Mackenzie's eyes shot open and she stood up quickly. "I know you're dealing with a lot after your dad's death, but this changes my life, too, Maya. We don't know each other, okay? You couldn't have expected me to just go along with this and believe you and walk out of here arm in arm smiling." Her tone was sharp and she could tell her words were hurting the young girl. But she couldn't find it in her to care.

Maya just purses her lips and stood up, too. "Just read these, okay? Please. You know how to get a hold of me." She left the letters on the table and hurried out of the cafe.

Mackenzie sat back down at the table and tried not to cry. She wasn't sure how this was supposed to go but she felt like she could have tried to handle it better.

_What did she expect? What am I supposed to do?_

At least the worst of it was over. Or so she hoped. Mackenzie grabbed her phone and called Nate.

"Hey, how did it go?"

Mackenzie sighed. "Not great. It just made everything more of a mess. I'm just heading home and -

"I'm sending John to pick you up. Henry is here with Chuck and is asking about you. Then we can talk about all this, okay?"

Mackenzie paused. She didn't really want to be social but she couldn't deny seeing little Henry.

John was prompt to pick her up and soon enough she was heading into Nate's office, happily greeted by Henry holding a scribbled picture he had drawn for her. Nate and Chuck were sitting at the table in the corner.

"Thanks Hen," she said to him as she crouched down to hug him. "This is just what I needed."

"How's your thumb?" Henry asked next, grabbing for her hands.

"I have a scar now," Mackenzie said to him, showing her thumb to him.

"Cool!"

"We still have to be careful with sharp things, right son? Even if they leave interesting scars."

Mackenzie stood up and rolled her eyes at Chuck's comment as she sat down with the two. Henry joined them by climbing on Chuck's lap.

"So, how's the new sis?" Chuck asked, tilting his head.

"You told him?" Mackenzie shot a look at Nate.

"Sorry, I'm just worried about the whole thing," Nate replied, reaching out to grab her hand.

"I won't say anything." Chuck paused. "So tell us, how did it go."

Mackenzie sighed. She knew Nate had good intentions but she preferred to be in control of sensitive information that relates to her life. She briefly explained the whole meeting and pulled the letters out of her purse.

"We searched the entire loft and couldn't find the first paternity test. And since Luc passed away, maybe we'll never really have an answer."

Nate and Chuck looked over the letters for a few moments. They both seemed stumped.

"Wait. Jenny had that genetic testing done a while ago, right?" Nate asked, turning to Mackenzie.

She nodded.

"Well, wouldn't that tell us something? If you had it done? Wouldn't some of your DNA match?"

"Siblings do share a substantial amount of genetic information," Chuck added in.

Mackenzie paused. That plan actually made some sense. And it would at least give her some peace of mind until she found the paternity test.

"Okay. Well, I guess I'm making an appointment with a geneticist then."

* * *

_Pushing your feelings away can only lead to eruption, you know._


	13. Chapter 13

Mackenzie learned a long time ago there were plenty of unintended benefits to dating Nate Archibald. From fancy events and a car service, to easy dinner reservations and overly polite wait staff. But Thursday morning she was relieved Nate could make a few phone calls and get her in with a geneticist that afternoon.

It was a painless process - really, it was four cheek swabs and a blood test. Mackenzie signed some paperwork and went on her way, with the assurance the test results would come in just two weeks.

_Two more weeks to panic and stress. That's easy._

Luckily, she took the entire afternoon off. She left the doctor's office and proceeded to her weekly appointment with Simone. Although, she felt she really might need more than an hour this time.

Simone just nodded along in a calm understanding way as Mackenzie spilled about Maya and the uncertain paternity questions swirling around in her head.

"Mackenzie, you're angry about all this. I want to know why."

"I'm not angry," Mackenzie replied, defending herself to her therapist. She paused. "Okay. Maybe I am."

Simone motioned for her to continue.

"Because if this is true, if I figure out my genes match Maya and we determine this was all the honest truth, the foundation of my life shatters. It's been teetering since I was a kid but this would really push it over the edge. It means my mom lied and my dad was right. It would justify his shitty actions from my childhood."

"What do you mean?"

Mackenzie took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "It's like he only ever loved me at 75%. He questioned my mom's fidelity to him for years at my sake. There was like this wall for so long and even now, he hardly makes an effort. So I don't either. I know that's not very mature but it's taken me a long time to feel okay about his lack of affection. And now? What if he was right the whole time anyway? He gets to have this 'I told you so' moment while I get to lose a dad. It's all really confusing."

"It certainly is. But if you've been having these resentful feelings for so long, why haven't you brought it up with him?"

"There was never a right time. And even now isn't the time either. I don't know. I truly don't know what to do."

"Mackenzie, this is difficult. I don't think there's an easy solution. My advice would be to resolve this indifference you feel towards your dad, towards Rufus. Whether or not he is your biological father, you must both have some unresolved feelings that have been gestating for a very long time. It may be cathartic to-

"To yell at him?"

"To have an honest conversation." Simone leaned forward on her desk. "In a controlled environment. Where you feel safe and comfortable. I don't recommend yelling per se, but it might help make you feel better."

* * *

' _Good luck with everything today! Don't worry about me - just worry about the election tracking. I just want to say thank you for being such a support system for me - i would be so much more of a mess without you, Nate. thank god we found each other again finally. love.'_

As Nate went through his day, re-reading his early morning message from Mackenzie was more than enough motivation to do good work. Commandeering his staff throughout the senate election had taken a lot out of him and working through this weird father issue with Mackenzie was weighing on him too. Truly, he was looking forward to celebrating a win with Moira Meyer and taking his team out to the NY Islanders game on Saturday.

He worried about Mackenzie - more than he liked to admit to her. He knew she was strong and capable but he also knew she had a tendency to hide away, even from him. The current state of their relationship was solid - they were honest, they were a team. They were making it through.

There was a dull moment of calm in the middle of the afternoon. Until polls closed, there was going to be a lot of waiting.

Nate and Leo were entertaining themselves in Nate's office - he had a child's basketball hoop installed on the far wall and they were taking turns shooting the ball across the room.

"Hey, did I tell you I met Mackenzie's sister at that sustainability event you bailed on?"

Nate paused to throw the basketball then turned his head to Leo. "And you thought it would be boring."

"Oh, it was boring. You can only listen to someone talk about the climate crisis for so long without feeling like the world is going to end tomorrow." Leo laughed. "But Jenny was lots of fun."

Nate raised an eyebrow and smiled at his comment.

"Dude, come on. She was the only interesting person there. Don't overthink this."

"You're the one obsessively checking your phone, Leo."

"Yeah, for...poll updates," Leo trailed off, glancing down at his phone again. He looked back up at Nate with a smile on his face. "Just shut up."

They two continued their trivial basketball sport until Marie interrupted them with news that dinner had arrived and that their cars to take them to Moira's election night event would be at the building soon.

A team of staff were going to the election night events at Moira's offices, doing ground level reporting and well, for Nate, it was an opportunity to network and stay within the action.

Despite Cunningham's indiscretions and the scandal that unfolded, he had a large following and the race wasn't over yet. If anything, this election process was solidifying what Nate had already been learning: some Republican candidates could get away with anything. But The Spectator and many other news outlets were predicting a win for Moira Meyer. Now, they just needed the polls to prove them right.

"So who's coming with us to the event?" Nate sat down at his desk to scan over the latest posts and reports online.

"Becker, Ross, Wells and Pat."

"No, Ross is staying in and manning the comment sections. After that shit he pulled with the misquote yesterday, he gets comment duty all weekend."

"Wow, iron fist Mr. Archibald." Leo paused to think. "What about Wheeler? She can run socials with Wells."

Nate nodded. "Good call. Let's round up the troops and head out."

As he gathered his things, he sent a text to Mackenzie: ' _hey! Remember that I love you and can't wait to see you tomorrow night.'_

* * *

Mackenzie was sitting cross legged on the floor of Jenny's apartment, flipping through fabric swatches and dress designs. She was so grateful to have her sister in the city - their rocky moments were few and far between when they lived together in London and frankly, Mack missed her a lot now that they didn't get to spend a lot of time together.

Jenny came in from the kitchen carrying a tray of veggies and other snacks for them, while her phone was nestled between her ear and shoulder.

"Yes, dad, I'm fine." Jenny rolled her eyes as she plopped down on the couch, getting a laugh from Mackenzie. "Joseph is entirely moved out and maybe even halfway home to London now. I don't care anymore. I'm fine." She paused. "This conversation is only going to continue if you want to talk about my new line." Jenny laughed and looked over to her sister. "Kenzie is here actually - do you want to talk to her?"

Mackenzie rolled her eyes when her dad clearly responded 'no' to Jenny on the phone, finding an excuse to end the conversation. She sat up and joined her sister on the couch, picking at the food on the coffee table.

"He had to run to a meeting," Jenny said awkwardly as she put her phone down.

"Sure, of course," Mackenzie replied, shrugging. It wasn't the first or last time her dad avoided talking to her. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Jen, I need to tell you something."

Jenny popped a slice of cucumber into her mouth and turned to her sister. "What's up?"

"What I am about to say cannot be repeated. Especially to dad or Dan. Promise?" Mackenzie extended her hand out to her sister, sticking up her pinky finger.

"A pinky promise? This must be serious," Jenny said, smirking. She extended her hand and locked her pinky with Mackenzie's. "What's going on?"

"This is serious. No telling Eric either!"

"Okay, okay." Jenny placed her hand over her chest. "Just tell me."

Mackenzie took a deep breath then spilled everything about her last week about Maya Peron and her existential crisis over their dad. Jenny listened with wide eyes and before she said anything, ran to her kitchen to grab a bottle of liquor and a pair of shot glasses.

"We should have started with this," Jenny mumbled out, pouring out a few ounces for each of them. "How is this even possible?"

Mackenzie squeezed her eyes shut as she poured the amber coloured liquid down her throat, shaking her head rapidly as it burned on the way down.

"I don't know if it is. That's why I'm waiting on those genetic testing results."

"At least this finally motivated you to do that," Jenny nudged her sister in the arm. "Kenz, you've gotta tell Dan."

"No way," Mackenzie replied, shaking her head aggressively. "He'll blow this whole thing out of proportion."

"You might be right. And he would call Dad right away," Jenny mumbled out, agreeing with her sister. "Are you okay?" Jenny reached out and grabbed her sister's arm, looking into her eyes. "Really. Are you? This is a lot."

"I think I've let myself become a bit numb to it right now, honestly." Mackenzie let out a sigh. "Once I have those test results, I can move onto whatever else this might mean. For the time being, she is not my sister."

"Are you sure you want to sit here and watch the election results all night? We could watch some bad movie or go out for ice cream or -

"This is really important to Nate!" Mackenzie motioned towards the TV screen across the room that was rolling through live election coverage from CNN. "I want to try and at least educate myself."

Jenny tilted her head then leaned over to pour another shot for each of them. "Okay, well, whatever. I'm looking this Maya girl up on Facebook. Do you two look alike?"

"Stop it," Mackenzie rolled her eyes and grabbed the shot glass from her sister, taking a slow sip this time. "Hey, also, weren't you at that sustainability event last weekend? Did you meet Leo? From The Spectator?"

Mackenzie watched her sister smile then quickly shrug. "Yeah, I think I did. Tall, dark hair italian? Skinny tie and purposely wearing a suit jacket that was a bit too small for his bulging arms? Rings a bell."

"Oh my god," Mackenzie gave her sister a skeptical look.

"Okay, yes. We met. We exchanged numbers. Now let's move on! Let's cheer on some senator or whatever it is this election is about."

—

"She doesn't look anything like you anyway," Jenny rambled on later that night. The two sisters were lounging on the couch on their laptops, occasionally watching the news updates on TV. The local New York news outlets were occasionally streaming Moira Meyer's campaign wrap party and Mackenzie kept watching to see if she could spot Nate in the crowds.

"Yeah, well, Scott hardly looks like any of us either. Aside from his shaggy Rufus-like hair, he does not look related at all," Mackenzie replied to her sister. They had spent a lot of the evening talking about Maya and if the whole situation was even possible.

They had both cried at some point as they talked about their mom but regardless of that, Mackenzie was happy to have someone aside from Nate to talk to about it. Not that he wasn't incredibly helpful and patient and understanding, it was just easier with Jen. She knew their mom better, she remembered how their dad was growing up.

It was hard for them both to consider a potential truth - that Alison did chest on Rufus. It was a reminder that their mom made mistakes, like any human being did. Even if everyone ended up happy, for the most part, there was a lot of pain along the way. The three Humphrey children had a very loving childhood overall - there wasn't too much lacking, aside from some gaps in affection. The divorce was hard but they all managed. But that didn't stop the layers of drama from continuing as they grew up.

Mackenzie glanced down at her phone as Jenny continued on about Scott and the web of their family. She had a missed call from Viv and a few message: ' _are you ignoring me? You left so quick last week! Just want to make sure everything is okay. I think we are going out to the Oakroom tonight if you want to come for a drink!'_

' _We means me and Drew and probably Carter and some other people from Thrive'_

' _Carter always asks about you, you know!'_

Mackenzie just dismissed the messages. She didn't want to deal with that. Ever since her discussion with Nate last weekend, she was having mixed feelings over supporting her friends continued actions. And she wanted to keep her distance from Carter - not that she had any interest in the guy beyond a platonic friendship, it was clear Nate was bothered by him and she respected his feelings above anything else.

"Please tell me this is almost over," Jenny complained, pointing up at the TV screen. "Clearly Moira is going to win."

"And it's monumental! The first female democratic senator in New York State. It's huge."

"It's cute how you are trying to really care about this whole thing," Jenny said with a smirk.

Mackenzie just rolled her eyes and smiled as she messaged Nate: ' _watching this live! How excited are you right now?'_

She didn't get a response but she didn't mind. She knew the entire Spectator staff would be tracking and updating their site with the news as the polls came in.

Mackenzie and Jenny both turned their attention to the TV as the broadcast shifted to Moira's campaign party, with the crowds cheering loudly as the majority of polls closed announcing her the winner.

That's when something strange happened.

As they panned over the cheering crowd, Mackenzie spotted Nate and the team from The Spectator. Just as the camera swept past them, with a caption announcing the win, Nate was wrapped in a hug with some blonde woman. It was a brief moment and as the view of the camera moved, Mackenzie felt her chest tighten. She looked over at Jenny who had her head down looking at her phone.

Mackenzie did her very best to rationalize what she saw. She tried not to derail or spiral. She and Nate were very secure and in a good place. There was no cause for concern.

 _A hug doesn't mean anything. That could have been a campaign sponsor or just a coworker celebrating the occasion! It's just a hug._ _Right?_

* * *

Nate was _exhausted_ Friday morning. The campaign wrap up party and celebrations for Moira had kept their staff out and busy until late. And most staff came in early for debrief and post election news reporting, too.

He was just happy it was all wrapping up and life could get back to normal for a few months. The holiday season was approaching which typically meant a slower political news cycle. Then, of course, soon enough it was going to be time for his own political campaign. Luckily it was still far enough in the future that he was not stressing yet but he knew spring would come soon enough.

All he could think about was the near future. Incredibly near - later that night, specifically. Mackenzie was coming over for a night in and hopefully they could just relax and enjoy the hot tub and enjoy each other.

Between this election and Mackenzie's sudden surprise potential sister, they had both been feeling stressed out and really needed a break. And hopefully some mutually beneficial physical relief.

His train of thought was distracted by a knock on his office door. He looked up to see Taylor standing there with a stack of documents.

"Hey Nate," she said as he waved her in. "Just handing off all the analytics from our traffic last night. Huge spikes after the win and we gained an increase of 45% with the new daily mail subscribers."

Nate grabbed them from her and smiled. "Thanks."

"No, thank you. Again. For letting me come to the event last night! It was so exciting to be in the thick of everything."

"Of course," Nate looked up from the documents and smiled. "You've been working hard so I'm happy you got to enjoy the win with us."

Taylor had stayed close behind Nate and Leo for most of the night at the event, strategically pulling quotes and photos for The Spectator's Twitter feed. She was even front and center with them when Moira announced her win, celebrating with the crowd as confetti fell and balloons dropped.

Taylor returned the smile to him, running a hand through her hair and adjusting her glasses. "I also wanted to say thanks for the other advice, about that guy I was seeing. I know it was a strange question but I figured I needed to hear something from a guy's perspective."

Nate just put a hand up and shook his head, laughing. "No worries. I mean it sucks, but if a guy wants to spend time with you he'll make an effort. Don't waste your time otherwise." He paused. "Also, you're young in New York City. Don't worry about some random dude you met online. There's a huge network of people in this journalism world who would be better suited for you, I'm sure."

Before Taylor could respond, Nate's phone started to buzz. Mackenzie.

"I've gotta take this," Nate said to Taylor. She turned and left the office, closing the door.

"Hey you," Nate said as he answered the call.

"Hi," Mackenzie replied. "I just forgot what your voice sounded like so I wanted to call and say hello."

Nate smiled. "How's your day going?"

"Good! Although this morning I stopped for a coffee on my way to work and I ran into Maya. Which I suppose was just a coincidence but -

"That's still weird," Nate finished her sentence. "What did she say?"

"I didn't stay very long but she asked if I had changed my mind or if I wanted to talk more. I just kind of rambled on about how I had to get to work and ran away."

"Very smooth," Nate replied, laughing.

"Don't be mean! I'm trying to just consider it a weird one off thing but I don't know. I mean, it's just a random coffee shop."

"Try not to worry about it, Mack."

"Trying not to." Mackenzie sighed. "I'm looking forward to tonight. You can fill me in about last night!"

"I appreciate you pretending to be interested in my work," Nate said, laughing again. "We don't have to talk about it."

"I watched it all just so I had some talking points! So, it can be our hot tub talk until we both get too distracted."

Mackenzie was interrupted by a knock on her door. She looked up to see Kathy standing there.

"Nate, one sec," she said, pulling the phone away from her ear. She turned to Kathy. "What's up?"

"There's someone here to talk to you, in a suit? He didn't give a name."

Mackenzie just nodded and said to give her a minute.

"Hey Nate, I've gotta go. I'll see you tonight."

Mackenzie put down her phone as Nate said goodbye and stood up to greet whomever the guest was who was coming into see her. It wasn't the first time they had people drop in to make donations.

She was surprised when an older gentleman walked in, with styled white hair and a half smile on his face. Mackenzie recognized him from somewhere but she couldn't place it.

"Hello Mackenzie," the man said, extending his hand out to hers. "It's nice to finally meet you. I'm William Vanderbilt."

Mackenzie's stomach knotted up immediately when she figured it out. Nate's grandfather. After all this time, they had never met in person but she had heard a lot about him. She learned enough to know for certain that him dropping by to meet her was not a social call.

Mackenzie extended her hand to shake his and walked around to shut the door behind him. He unbuttoned his coat and sat down across from her desk.

Mackenzie had a vision of who William Vanderbilt was. He was a family man at heart but he had deep political ties and goals, especially for his grandchildren. Nate was really his Golden Boy. After Tripp's messy congress campaign, his focus was directed at his dear Nathaniel instead. And luckily, Nate was interested and engaged enough to be headstrong and independent. All that to say - his popping in to meet Mackenzie must have some reasoning behind it.

She tried to keep a calm, open mind but the entire situation was only increasing her anxiety. As she sat at her chair, she tangled her hands together, spinning her ring around on her finger. _Deep breaths._

"It's nice to meet you, too. What brings you to the neighbourhood Mr. -

She watched as he crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. "Please, call me William."

Mackenzie swallowed hard and nodded. "William."

"I got an unusual phone call this morning from a friend of mine at Gracie Square about a last minute appointment request. And when I heard it was made by Nathaniel, I wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay."

Mackenzie nodded. So much for doctor patient confidentiality. "Everything is fine. Just some preventative testing for me. I didn't ask Nate to pull in any favours for me, I actually insisted he didn't call at all and -

"Mackenzie," William held up a hand to cut her off, a smile on his face. "Please, don't stress. I know you're important to my grandson and I want to ensure we have a positive relationship."

Mackenzie nodded.

"But," William paused. "I also want to make sure there isn't something questionable brewing behind the scenes that may jeopardize his future." He talked slowly, with a pointed purpose. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Mackenzie leaned back in her chair this time, taking in a few short breaths. "Honestly William, I don't think I do. I really don't think anything going on in my life would have any cause or eff-

"I don't think you're in any position to say what may affect my grandson's life." William leaned forward in his chair and smiled at her. "These next few months are vital to the success of his campaign. Most people don't get genetic testing as a routine appointment, or want to see the results rushed. So, what I'm requesting of you is discretion and nothing that needs to be swept under the rug, Miss Humphrey. Or your future with Nathaniel may be in question. I try not to have strong opinions on who he dates so I don't say anything more." He stood up and buttoned up his coat again. "But it was so nice to finally cross paths. I'll meet you at Thanksgiving, I'm sure."

And as quick as he arrived, William briskly exited from her office, saying polite goodbyes to the rest of the office staff.

Mackenzie just sat frozen in her chair, stunned. She wished she had had the courage to argue with him. He had no right leaving her with such a veiled threat - if it could even be called that.

The last thing she wanted to do was have any negative effect on Nate's career and future. Having some questionable paternity come up out of nowhere shouldn't make any impact. It was hardly news to anyone, if the information ever left her family. It was a non-issue, period. But why was she all of a sudden feeling so nervous about the whole thing?

* * *

Mackenzie decided against telling Nate about his grandfather's visit. She would tell him eventually, but between the election and everything else going on, it could wait until a better time. She just wanted to enjoy a night in with him - it felt like it had been so long since they could both just ignore their phones and just spend time together.

Mackenzie could easily push William Vanderbilt to the back of her mind but it wasn't so easy once her anxiety was ramped up. She was nervous - her relationship with Nate had already caused a rift between him and his mother. Now, what if it caused even more of a problem with his extended family? She knew what he would say, that none of that mattered. That she had nothing to worry about. But she also knew family was important to Nate, not just keeping up appearances. But the love and trust of his family was valuable. Mackenzie knew he had spoken further with Anne and she had apologized but Mackenzie feared a fight with his grandfather would be much harder to repair.

So, it was easier to push that whole episode away. Forget it even happened. Try to ignore his pointed words. _I'll meet you at Thanksgiving._ Meaning their chat was to stay between the two of them.

_Or your future with Nathaniel may be in question..._

She felt on edge all day and even a glass of wine wasn't helping calm her down at all. She had hardly eaten at dinner, just picking at her food while Nate continued on about the election and his upcoming meetings with Moira's team.

Nate took a quick phone call following dinner while Mackenzie changed and climbed into the hot tub. She finally felt some peace of mind as she dropped into the warm water and gazed out at the city from Nate's outdoor space.

This is where she wanted to be - living a life with Nate. She knew it wasn't going to be easy but damn if she didn't realize it would be this complicated.

Nate met her out at the hot tub a few moments later, with a towel draped over his neck and the rest of their wine and wine glasses.

"You'll never guess what that phone call was about," Nate said to her, an excited smile on his face.

She matched his smile and raised her eyebrows. "More election news?"

He shook his head and took a few steps into the hot tub, pausing to adjust to the heat. Mackenzie stared up at him as the mist from the water landed on his chest.

"Hey, my eyes are up here, Humphrey," Nate joked as he continued in, taking a seat beside her.

She just giggled then motioned for him to continue.

"A little while back Leo apparently nominated me for an award with the Manhattan Business Association and I won! It's the Top 20 Under 30 awards, I don't really know all the details or what it was for specifically but there's a fancy dinner at the beginning of December that we'll get to go to."

"Nate, that's incredible," she slid over and wrapped her arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his lips. "I'm so proud of you."

He smiled wide as she pulled away. "Thanks Mack. I'm glad to have you by my side for all this."

They sat and talked about the election and the upcoming holidays and everything else in between. It was nice to just _be_ and catch up.

Mackenzie was still feeling waves and waves of anxiety as her brain flipped between focusing on Nate and the other disruptions to her life in the past few weeks. She was trying so hard to talk herself through it all, think of silver linings and positives but things were just weighing her down.

When Nate leaned in to kiss her, and let his hands roam even further all over her, she found herself freezing up. As he moved down to kiss her neck and reach to untie her swimsuit, she put her hands on his shoulder to stop him.

She squeezed her eyes shut and avoided looking at him as he pulled away from her.

"Sorry, I just don't think we should do this tonight…" She trailed off.

"You know I don't care if you're on your -

"No, no," she shook her head, eyes still closed. "It's not that. I'm sorry, I just. I don't know."

"Is something wrong? Are you okay?"

Mackenzie hated this. The intimacy she had with Nate was one of the most special things in the world to her. It felt like she was disappointing him saying no.

"I'm sorry," she whispered out. She couldn't fight past her anxiety this time.

"Mack," Nate said quietly, reaching a hand up to caress her face. "We don't have to have sex all the time. It's okay. I'm not an animal."

"I just don't want you to be upset with me about -

"Hey, stop," he cut her off and pulled her in closer to him, kissing her forehead. "Mackenzie, I'm not going to be upset if you aren't in the mood to have sex. That is not what this is about. It's never been like that." He paused and squeezed her tightly. "It's been a stressful few weeks. I know you've been out of sorts over all this stuff with Maya and work is busy and we've hardly seen each other. Let's just go inside and cuddle on the couch, you can fall asleep to whatever movie we decide on, like you usually do." He pulled at her earlobe and kissed her forehead, finally hearing her let out a small laugh.

Mackenzie sighed, grateful for Nate and that she managed to fight back her tears.

"You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?" Nate asked her as he helped her out of the hot tub, enveloping her in a towel.

She nodded. "Of course. I'm just feeling off today, for some reason."

"Okay. Well, let's fix that then. How do we feel about _Caddyshack_?"

* * *

If Nate was being completely honest with himself, he had been hoping Mackenzie would be feeling better when they woke up in bed Saturday. There was something so honest and raw abut morning sex, sleepy ramblings and messy hair. But he didn't press and it didn't escalate to their normal intense romp between the sheets like he had hoped. He found his own relief in the shower after she left but it certainly wasn't the same.

Mackenzie didn't stay long Saturday morning anyway. She was volunteering at a sports day at the Haven Youth Center but would be joining Nate and his staff at the NY Islanders game that night. She didn't care much for hockey but she knew Nate really wanted to throw a big Thank You event for his staff after their hard work over election season and watching a hockey game from the executive suites was not a terrible way to spend Saturday night.

Mackenzie had a few more messages from Viv and some from Maya. She ignored them all.

Late Saturday afternoon she got a text from Carter, too: ' _yo Mackenzie, just checking in and making sure you haven't fallen off the end of the Earth'_

She rolled her eyes and smiled. ' _The earth is round so I don't think I'd be able to fall off, really. The Earth never ends.'_

' _There it is. Glad you're alive, dork. Any news on your parentage?'_

' _I don't wanna talk about it!'_

' _Well, if you need to get good and drunk to forget the world, I'm all yours.'_

Mackenzie smiled again at his messages. Carter was nice, that was it. She didn't understand Nate's issues but she let it all go, conceding that a friendship with him was a non-issue.

She was relieved to run into Tripp as she made her way into the hockey stadium, feeling especially important riding upstairs to the executive box suites with security guiding their way.

"This is your future, you know," Tripp commented to her as the security led them to their location.

Mackenzie shot him a confused glance.

"Security teams, luxury, the public eye," Tripp laughed and threw an arm over her shoulder as they headed inside. "As the future Mayor's wife."

_I wish everyone would stop saying that._

She wanted to argue with Tripp but bit her tongue. All of a sudden, Nate's run for Mayor was at the top of everyone's conversations. He had impressed a lot of big businesses with his coverage of the senate election and the rumblings about his candidacy were getting louder and louder.

Mackenzie just smiled at Tripp and paused to smooth out her skirt. She didn't really know what to wear to a hockey game, but Jenny has talked her into leggings, a miniskirt and a vintage Islanders t-shirt, under a black blazer. It was a perfect mix of business and pleasure. She ran a hand through her hair, which was currently pin straight, and followed Tripp further into the suite.

She found Nate standing back near the bar, eyes on his phone. She snaked a hand around his back, causing him to turn to her. "Hey you."

He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her. "Hi. I'm so glad you're here. Look who else is." Nate smirked and motioned down the room, to where Jenny was standing with Leo.

"Oh my god. I called her three times about my outfit and she failed to mention she would be there," Mackenzie laughed, eyes wide. A moment later Nate was handing her a cocktail and she headed towards her sister.

Jenny gave her a coy smirk as she approached. They headed to sit in some chairs near the front of the suite to talk as Leo and Nate mingled with their staff.

"You weren't going to mention to me you were coming tonight with Leo?"

Jenny just shrugged but Mackenzie could see she was blushing. "Listen, I dated Joseph on and off for a long time so I have no idea what's going on with Leo. But he invited me and he's so attractive, I couldn't say no. Also, free cocktails!"

Mackenzie laughed and grabbed her hand. "Thank god you're here, though. The only person on Nate's staff I actually like is Marie and she's not coming." Frankly, Mackenzie was just intimidated by some of Nate's staff. They were so well versed in the political landscape and Mackenzie felt clueless most of the time.

"Solidarity," Jenny said to her quietly, nudging her sister's arm, laughing.

Truly, Mackenzie was happy to have Jenny there. Nate didn't have a lot of time to spend at her side, considering the event was a Thank You for his staff, he was making every effort to talk to everyone there and show his appreciation. It was a true trait of Nate's to be grateful - he knew the success of The Spectator would not be possible without his team.

She spent most of the evening with her sister, Leo and occasionally Tripp and his new girlfriend, Melanie Wells, who was one of Nate's reporters. And it was nice. Fun, even.

Around the second period of the game, Mackenzie did a quick look around the room trying to locate Nate. She finally spotted him standing at a tall table talking to one of his staff members. Mackenzie recognized her as the same young blonde he was hugging the night of Moira's win. She paused and watched them for a moment then flagged down Melanie as she walked by.

"Hey, who's that talking to Nate?"

"Taylor Wheeler, she works in research. She's been doing a lot with Nate the last few weeks - well her and the whole research team." Melanie smiled. "She's been a huge help."

Mackenzie just nodded and smiled, finally putting a name to the face. She tried really hard not to feel hot with jealousy as Nate talked and laughed with her. Suddenly, all Mackenzie could do was analyze and compare. Taylor was petite, put together, blonde, personable, and worked alongside Nate. She probably knew so much about their current political agenda and clearly she got along with Nate.

_Uhm, Earth to Mackenzie. Nate loves you, you idiot. Stop worrying about some little thing he works with. This isn't a competition. It's a workplace._

Mackenzie shook her head when she heard Nate calling her name to wave her over to where he and Taylor were standing.

"Taylor, this is Mackenzie," he said with a smile. "And Mack, this is Taylor."

"It's so nice to meet you!"

Mackenzie smiled as Taylor extended her hand.

"Hi, it's -

"Nate was saying you went to Columbia? For your Masters program? I would love to hear about it sometime."

Mackenzie could hardly get out a response before the girl zipped away, a smile still on her face. It was a short interaction and she seemed nice enough. But deep down, something didn't feel right. Maybe it was the way she had glanced at Mackenzie, maybe it was her perfect smile.

"She seems nice," Mackenzie said simply, as Nate extended his arm around her waist for a moment. He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"Can I get you another drink?"

"I can do that. You go make your rounds, Mr. Archibald," she paused to give him a kiss before heading towards the bar at the back. She stood a few feet away from it while some people ahead of her grabbed their own drinks.

She glanced down at her phone to see yet another message from Maya. She sighed again as she dismissed it.

Then, without intending to, Mackenzie overhead the two girls ahead of her talking. They were trying, but failing, to whisper. It didn't take long for her to realize it was Taylor Wheeler and another younger girl from the office.

Taylor rapped her hand on the bar as she waited. "I don't know, I think it's too risky. But they haven't been dating for that long."

"The way I see it, if there is no ring on his finger, he's fair game."

"I just feel connected to him. He's so helpful and, fuck, so hot."

"There's no way they have anything in common, anyway. I think you should go for it."

Taylor paused to thank the bartender. "He did imply he's okay with crossing lines so we'll see what happens." She smirked and raised her glass to her friend, gentling knocking them together. Before they could turn around or continue their conversation, the room erupted in a loud cheer as the Islanders finally managed to score.

Mackenzie took a quick step back to avoid the girls as they hurried over towards the front of the suite to see the action unfolding on the ice. She wasn't sure how to absorb the information she had just heard.

She didn't want to overreact. Especially because Taylor hadn't said any particular name out loud. It was insane to assume she was talking about Nate, right?

After the cheers subsided, Mackenzie went to the bar and got a double whisky on ice. She really needed to take the edge off.

As she meandered through the room to find her sister, she watched Taylor closely. She stayed a far reach from Nate. That settled some of Mackenzie's nerves.

She sat down on one of the plush chairs at the front beside Jenny, taking a long drink.

"You okay?" Jenny asked her with a smirk.

"Yes, just calming down my brain. I'm not sure I'll ever really get used to being Nate Archibald's girlfriend."

Jenny raised an eyebrow at her sister. "Well, one day soon that won't matter. You'll get to be Nate Archibald's fiancée, instead."

Mackenzie's eyes grew wide. "Soon? What do you know, Jennifer?"

Jenny just smirked and pretending to lock her lips, throwing away an invisible key.

As the word fiancée ran through Mackenzie's mind over and over again, she was surprised to feel more calm then she had all night long. Despite her anxiety and Nate's busy schedule, they felt stronger than ever.

She had no reason to be concerned - they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

And nothing, or no other person, was going to get in the way of that.

That was all she could hope for.

* * *

_Well, while we patiently wait for test results, we have a friend dinner and a family dinner approaching. Oh, and it's Thanksgiving. Which is special for Nate-enzie, but what will it really mean for the future of their relationship?_


	14. Chapter 14

Life was not slated to slow down after the election for Nate. Well, sure, professionally at work, post-election reporting was not as entertaining or traffic driven. But his social calendar continued to fill as the holidays approached.

Thursday morning he left for Washington to check in on the office in DC, then attend the White House Correspondents' Association Fall Gala. The event wasn't as pivotal as their annual dinner with the president, but it gave the opportunity for all the major news outlets and publications to come together following the fall political season and network.

Network in expensive suits and gowns, that is.

The Spectator had paid for an entire table and Mackenzie and Nate were both going to be in attendance on Saturday evening. Mackenzie was flying to Washington on her own Friday afternoon to meet up with Nate.

But before that, they had an even more pressing social event: Blair's birthday dinner.

Wednesday evening everyone ventured into the city to meet up for dinner at The Plaza's Scarlet Room, to toast and celebrate Blair Waldorf.

Mackenzie and Nate were running behind. He headed to the loft afterwork to collect her but found her upstairs half dressed just finishing her hair and make-up.

"Mack, if we're going to be on time we need to leave in 15 minutes," Nate said to her, a frown on his face as he glanced down at his watch.

Mackenzie sighed, pausing her hurrying to stop and kiss him. "I know. I'm about to make magic happen." She rushed into her bedroom, pushing into her closet door. "Also, last time we all went for dinner Blair and Chuck were late so…"

"Blair is allowed to be late on her birthday," Nate called back to her. "As she will remind us, her guests are not."

"Okay, okay," Mackenzie called back to him as she dug in her closet for a pair of shoes. She grabbed a pair of lace up leather ankle boots and came back to the kitchen where Nate was leaning on the island. "Does this look okay?"

She motioned to her outfit. She was wearing a plain navy v-neck dress with long sheer sleeves, her hair flowing down her back.

"I think it would look better on my floor later," Nate smirked, taking a step towards her to plant a kiss on her lips. "You look beautiful."

"Sometimes I think you say that just to get me hot and bothered, Archibald," she replied, blushing. She went to sit on the couch to put her shoes on.

Nate shook his head and smiled, watching her from the kitchen. "I think you always look beautiful."

She smiled gratefully then her face fell. "Oh. I meant to tell you. Maya showed up at my office today."

Nate raised his eyebrows then frowned again. "Unannounced?"

"Yeah, I guess. I've been avoiding all her communication so she may have forewarned me." Mackenzie quickly laced up her boots then paused to think. "She seems really lost about this whole thing."

"Well, I understand that. It's a lot for her but it's also impacting your life, Mack. She messages you all the time and I mean, you don't even know her. She shouldn't just be dropping by your office when you told her you would be in touch when you had more info."

"I think she's scared. I don't know. She's young, I feel for her." Mackenzie stood up.

"Last week you didn't even want to think about her." Nate was trying not to argue. _Trying_. He couldn't really wrap his head around what Mackenzie was feeling about this possible sister and father situation and he was trying his best to be understanding and patient. _Trying_.

"It's all my brain seems to be thinking about lately." Mackenzie replied quietly. It was all really confusing for her. She was constantly flip flopping between the two sides of the situation: Luc Peron was her dad and Maya was her sister or Rufus was her dad and their relationship was damaged for no reason. "She said she wanted to just have dinner and chat. Obviously I wasn't going to do that, then she asked me for money to grab the subway back to -

"What? She asked you for money?" Nate crossed his arms, tilting his head in confusion. "Don't tell me you gave her anything."

Mackenzie's eyes grew wide at his reaction. "I gave her an old Metro card that had some money left on it. Nate, she just needed a bit of help."

"Mack, c'mon. You don't know anything about this girl. Something about this doesn't feel right."

Mackenzie just shook her head at his comments. "She lost her dad a few months ago. Her whole life has been turned around. I think she's just looking for someone to talk to or I don't know. I mean, if she is my sister, shouldn't I try to help?"

"But you don't _know_ if she is your sister, Mackenzie. Frankly, this whole thing has a ton of unanswered questions and red flags. I get that you try to see the good in people, I do too but I really don't like this."

"What don't you like?" Mackenzie paused as she grabbed her coat, giving him an irritated glance. She didn't want to admit his tone was annoying her, but, well, it was.

"I just don't think you're thinking this through. You have a high profile job, connected to famous family members and dating me puts you in the public eye. Who knows what this Maya girl really wants from you?" Nate sighed as they headed out of the loft, to where John was waiting for them outside.

Mackenzie just shook her head as Nate held the door open for her. "You're being ridiculous."

Nate slid in after her, closing the door before John started to drive. "You're being naive."

"Oh my god," she groaned, shaking her head. "You're seriously calling me naive. This girl comes to me claiming to be my sister, with a letter in my mom's handwriting and a baby picture, and a tiny part of me believes it could be true. And a tiny part of me wants to give this girl a shred of kindness and you think that makes me naive? Are you serious?"

"I just don't want anything to happen to you, Mack," Nate reached for her hand but she pulled it away.

Mackenzie just shook her head, uncertain of what to say next. She wasn't annoyed anymore, she was downright frustrated. "How is it still like this after all this time? I'm not some delicate little flower. I'm perfectly capable of talking to another human and deciphering whether or not to trust them or if they're making me unsafe or uncomfortable. What do I need to do for you to stop worrying? What next - are you going to, like, hire security to make sure I'm okay all the time?"

"Mack, you are really overreacting to this-

"Don't tell me I'm overreacting." Mackenzie rolled her eyes and turned away from Nate to look out the window. "Can we pause this whole discussion and just go enjoy dinner with our friends?"

"Fine."

"Fine."

* * *

Nate and Mackenzie were on time, early even, after all. They exited the car silently, with Mackenzie's hands tucked into the pockets of her coat and Nate hesitantly helping guide her into the restaurant with an arm around her back. She smiled politely as he took off her coat and handed it off with his to the coat check employee, then dropped her face back into a frown. Their discussion in the car had ended abruptly and neither of them said anything else as they travelled the final seven blocks to the restaurant.

A hostess walked them through the Todd English hall to the room in the back. The Scarlet Room was decked out for Blair's birthday, with grand floral accents flowing across the long banquet tables and sparkling lights draped from the ceiling. For a middle of the week affair, it was perfectly fitting for a dinner with friends and family.

As they walked in, Nate turned to Mackenzie, "Can I get you a drink?"

Mackenzie shook her head and started to walk away, "I'm going to talk to Jenny."

Nate just sighed as she walked away. He hated this feeling - uncomfortable tension. But he was genuine in his concern and he was not going to back down. He had seen enough people, himself included, burned by people who say they are one person and they turn out to be someone else. He wanted to be supportive of Mackenzie's quest to figure out this whole sister thing but he wasn't going to encourage her letting a stranger into her life.

He got his own drink at the bar then headed towards the long table to sit down beside Chuck. Blair was on the other side of the room chatting with Serena and her mother.

"No Henry tonight?" Nate said with a smile as he greeted his friend. Chuck looked up from his phone and returned the smirk to Nate.

"No, he's feeling a bit under the weather this week so he's at home with the nanny," Chuck replied with a nod. He paused to take a sip of his drink. Nate turned his head to watch Mackenzie across the room chatting with her sister. They met eyes for a brief moment and Mackenzie just turned her head away.

"That felt cold," Chuck commented, looking across the room to Mackenzie then back to Nate.

"We're in the middle of a fight, I guess," Nate said, as if revealing a weight on his shoulders.

Chuck raised an eyebrow at his friend. "What did you do?"

Nate let out a dry laugh. "Why do you assume I started this?" He paused to collect his thoughts and lowered his voice. "I'm having serious doubts about Mack's new ' _sister'_ and it isn't sitting well with either of us."

Chuck nodded and looked across the room to Mackenzie again, then back to Nate. "I know you're coming from a place of concern but sometimes you come across a bit self-righteous, Nathaniel. Take it from someone who went through the ringer trying to figure out who my family was, it can really flare up some unwanted emotions."

Nate rolled his eyes at the _self-righteous_ comment. "Listen, I get that. And sure, I really don't know what's going on in her head." He paused. "This girl originally said she was a student interviewing Mackenzie. So now she knows Mack's entire background and where she works and god knows what else. And we don't know anything about her. It makes me uncomfortable. Like, she even asked Mack for money today."

Chuck pursed his lips and tilted his head slightly. "I will agree that is a bit of a cause for concern." Chuck pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. "Andrew is just one phone call away, if you want to do some digging. If I was in your position, I would."

Nate glanced from Chuck to his phone, then across the room to Mackenzie again. She was heading towards the bar with Dan.

"If anything, finding out some information should give you both peace of mind," Chuck continued, pulling Nate back to their conversation.

"You're right." Nate paused. He knew Mackenzie would not be okay with this, especially after their talk on the way to the restaurant. But if there was something to be concerned about with Maya, he wanted to get ahead of it. "Okay, call Andrew. But this stays between us."

—

Mackenzie pivoted away from Jenny and Eric - mainly to avoid the continued conversation about their current dating life. Jenny was still taking things incredibly slow with Leo and Eric has recently reconnected with someone from high school. Mackenzie was all for love, especially new exciting first dates and text message exchanges, but her argument with Nate earlier had soured her mood. She put on a smile as they talked but was grateful to grab the arm of her brother as he headed to the bar.

"Dad called me yesterday," Mackenzie said to Dan after he ordered a drink for himself and a seltzer for Serena.

"About dinner next week?" Dan asked, leaning against the bar.

"Yes, he wants to do it at the loft. And he wants to discuss real estate plans for the spring," Mackenzie replied. She turned to the bartender. "Just a seltzer with grapefruit, please."

"Yeah, he mentioned he wanted to sell. I mean, he's going to make a huge profit considering the cost of living in DUMBO right now. So what are you and Nate going to do?"

Mackenzie sighed. She loved the idea of planning her future with Nate but in that very moment, she couldn't even bring herself to dream about what moving in with him would be like.

"We haven't discussed it in a while. There's just a lot going on."

"Is everything okay?"

Mackenzie looked up at her brother and bit her tongue. She wanted to just spill everything to him - despite his pretentious Dan attitude, he still was a good voice of reason for her. And he knew Nate well. Not that he ever picked sides, but Mackenzie knew her brother would always support her and look out for her. But getting into things about Maya was too risky, still.

"Mack?" Dan put his arm out to grab hers, trying to get her attention. "What's going on?"

She shook her head and grabbed her drink, thanking the bartender with a smile. "I'm fine, sorry. Just distracted today. I'm not feeling 100%."

Dan grabbed his drinks and they headed back towards the table. "Well, maybe you can actually relax this weekend in Washington. I mean, aside from the fancy dinner. You two deserve a break."

Mackenzie smiled and nodded, grateful for the gesture of support from her brother.

"Thank you for this," Serena said to Dan as he handed her the drink. Serena and Blair were standing near a table at the front of the room. "Hey Mack, how did the dress fitting go?"

Mackenzie rolled her eyes and put her drink down, pulling out her phone.

For a moment she was distracted by a message from Carter: ' _I'm going to keep inviting you out for drinks you know. I think we're going back to the oak room for cocktails!'_

Mackenzie quickly responded: ' _another pass from me! Sorry. We're out for dinner at the plaza already though so we may cross paths'_

She shook her head and turned back to the girls.

Earlier that morning she had spent her lunch break at a boutique downtown trying on gowns for the gala in DC. It had been arranged by someone on Nate's planning team and Mackenzie did not enjoy the experience.

"It was terrible, like she didn't even acknowledge anything I said about sizing or preference," Mackenzie sighed and showed her phone to Serena, letting her scroll through the dress pictures. "That red one didn't even do up in the back and Miranda had the nerve to suggest I give up carbs for the rest of the week to fit into it."

"Wow," Serena gave her an awkward smile. "This feels like intentionally bad. How could they let anyone wear a dress like this?" Serena turned the phone to Blair.

"My god," Blair's eyes shot open. "That is unacceptable."

"The only designer piece she pulled was from Tanya Taylor's line last year, which was beautiful but I can't do pink florals beside Nate in a tux."

"Not in November," Blair agreed. She paused then a coy smile grew on her face. "I know you want to branch out but you need to wear Waldorf."

Mackenzie smiled hesitantly. "Blair, I appreciate that but you know I'm not a size six."

Blair rolled her eyes and handed her phone back. "I will figure something out. Anything will be better than that neon garbage bag. Drop by anytime tomorrow!"

She appreciated Blair's assistance. The idea of going to this very important dinner with Nate was giving her added anxiety as it was. She knew she just needed to dress up and be there, but she felt an enormous amount of pressure to look perfect. She wanted to be impressive - for Nate.

They were all seated for dinner shortly after. Mackenzie chose to sit across from Nate, between Serena and Jenny.

"What are you guys doing for Thanksgiving?" Serena asked as their food arrived, pointing between Mackenzie and Nate. "Vanderbilts? Archibalds?"

"I actually don't know," Mackenzie said quickly, pausing to let Nate answer instead.

"Vanderbilts on Thursday. Archibalds over the weekend, I think," he said shortly.

Mackenzie just shrugged and turned her attention back to Serena. "Is Lily doing the grand feast this year?"

"She is, solo though. My dad has been in Miami for a few weeks for work so I'm not sure he'll be back anytime soon. I think mom invited Rufus and Lisa, actually. So you two are both welcome to come by if you need to escape William Vanderbilt," Serena laughed, nudging Mackenzie on the arm.

"Hey, c'mon, my grandfather isn't that awful," Nate added in. "Mack hasn't even met him yet so don't scare her off."

Mackenzie opened her mouth to reply then closed it, shaking her head. She saw Nate give her a confused glance but luckily they were both interrupted by Blair, tapping on her glass to get everyone's attention, thanking them for attending and continuing on and on about the holiday season approaching.

By the end of the meal, Mackenzie was pretty checked out. She was happy to be around all the people she loved but she really needed some space.

As she picked at her dessert, Dan slid into the seat beside Nate across from them. Serena turned her body towards Mackenzie and Jenny, as most of the other people got up from the table.

"Since we have all of you here, Dan and I wanted to talk to you about baby names," Serena started, a big smile on her face. She placed a hand on her stomach. "Now, we don't know the baby's sex yet but Dan didn't want us deciding on any family names without discussing it with you."

"I think Nathaniel is a strong name. Or Natalie, for a girl," Nate said, nudging Dan.

"Ha, ha," Dan rolled his eyes then looked towards his sisters. "We just don't want to step on any toes if you had names picked out for your future kids. Whether or not that's going to happen at all or anytime soon. I mean, neither of you are married. Not that you have to be married to have a kid or -

"Dan, you're drowning," Jenny commented, holding a hand up to stop him from continuing.

Mackenzie did not want to have this conversation. She looked down at her plate and picked at her chocolate tart. She knew Nate was watching her from across the table.

"We aren't set on any names or anything really, aside from a few hard no's," Serena laughed. "Like Ernest or Bronte."

"Like I said, there are a lot of other literary names I can pitch," Dan said, waving a hand.

"What names were you thinking?" Jenny asked.

Mackenzie leaned back in her chair and watched as everyone talked. She continued to stare at her plate.

_Why why why do we have to talk about this? Just leave the table, Mackenzie. It's okay. Don't do this to yourself. Just because you didn't get to name your baby before does not mean you won't get to in the future and -_

"Well, for a boy, possibly Noah or Luca or maybe Sawyer or Samson," Serena riddled off a list of names.

"But for a girl," Dan continued. "Maybe Cecilia or Allison."

"Or even Alice!"

Mackenzie almost choked when she heard Dan include their mother's name on their list. Of course they had every right to use that name, as a legacy and homage to their mom. But it stung Mackenzie just the same. She wanted to protest and scream but what right did she have to stop them from using a family name? It felt incredibly selfish to want to hold onto it for when she and Nate had kids. Not that it was a guarantee they would have a girl.

Or get pregnant again at all.

As Jenny excitedly chatted with them about name combinations, Mackenzie slid her chair out and excused herself from the table, a small smile plastered on her face. She headed out of the room to find the washroom. She passed by the ones nearby and continued on, worried that someone from that conversation would be following her. She just needed to collect herself in private before dealing with it.

She splashed some cool water on her face before exiting the bathroom and took a few controlled breaths. She could deal with it.

She desperately wanted a drink but she was trying to rely less on alcohol, especially when feeling under duress. She was starting to think it was a combination of her anxiety medication, birth control and sometimes alcohol affecting her moods. And her libido. She and Nate had been far from intimate lately and she was worried it was weighing on him. She wanted to _want it_ but lately she just seemed empty.

Mackenzie took her time meandering through the hotel on her way back to the dinner. She paused in the lobby and took a few more deep breaths as she gazed around the room.

"Mackenzie!" She turned her head to see Carter Baizen walking towards her, tucking his cellphone into his jacket pocket.

Mackenzie gave him a small smile as she crossed her arms. "Hey Carter."

"Do you have time for a drink?" He motioned to the entrance to the Oak Room. "I know Viv really wants to see you."

"I don't actually," she replied, turning her head towards the other direction. "And I'm trying to avoid drinking my feelings right now anyway." She put a smile on. "Tell them I say hi, though."

"Yeah, I'm not going to do that. Viv will flip her lid if I saw you and you didn't come say hello. She thinks you're avoiding her."

"Well, to be frank, I am. I think she and Drew are trapped in a messy place and it's not fair to anyone involved."

Carter just rolled his eyes. "That's a bit preachy."

Mackenzie just shrugged. "Well, it's true. I want them to be happy, of course. But it shouldn't come at the expense of someone innocent."

"Okay, well, morally speaking, what if Drew's girlfriend was cheating on him, too?"

"Oh my god," Mackenzie rolled her eyes and smirked. "We're not debating this."

Before Carter could get another quip in, she heard someone else saying her name. "Mack?"

She turned her head to see Nate heading into the lobby. Obviously he had been looking for her after she left.

"Baizen," Nate said shortly as he approached them.

"Archibald," Carter countered, "How are you, man? It's been a while."

Nate just raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Not long enough."

"Well, I guess that's the end of this. See you around, Mackenzie." Carter offered her one last half smile and took a few steps backwards, then waved and turned on his heels to head into the bar.

"What was that?" Nate asked as they headed back to the Scarlet Room.

"I literally just ran into him in the lobby," Mackenzie replied. "They frequent The Oak Room."

Nate didn't say anything else, even though he wanted to. He reached down and grabbed her hand, then stopped to turn to her. "Are you okay after that whole baby name discussion?"

Mackenzie took a deep breath and looked down.

"Because it caught me off guard, too."

Mackenzie looked up to meet his eyes. She didn't even know what to say. Obviously talking about using her mother's name was really impacting her but deep down, the concept of trying to have a baby in the future was even more frightening. And of course that didn't just affect her - Nate was feeling it, as well.

_How could I be so selfish? This isn't just about me anymore._

Mackenzie reached for her other hand and squeezed. "I'm sorry."

She didn't really know what she was apologizing for. Their argument, walking away from the table, losing their baby…

"Mack," Nate pulled his hand away and cradled her face. "You're going to make an incredible mother one day. However that may look."

She squeezed her eyes shut, holding back tears. She wasn't sure just how he managed to tap into all her fears and anxieties, things she didn't even say out loud, and put her at ease. Despite their distance over dinner and their stupid arguments in the car, he was still _there._

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Nate continued, closing in the distance between them and planting a kiss on her lips. "Let's go finish dessert."

* * *

Mackenzie spent a few hours working from home Friday morning as she finished packing for her weekend in Washington. Nate flew out the previous morning on The Spectator's plane and Mackenzie was heading out that afternoon with Leo.

She was eternally grateful to Blair for helping her find a dress. She wound up digging into the Waldorf archives and found her the perfect vintage gown - a deep plum coloured strapless sweetheart neckline that swept down to the floor. It made Mackenzie feel so beautiful which really helped her mood pick up after the last few weeks.

And what helped even more, is that she and Nate felt closer than ever.

_Following dinner at The Scarlet Room, Mackenzie and Nate both seemed determined to fix whatever was causing their tension._

" _I just don't think it's fair for you to be upset that I care about you," Nate started._

" _Nate, I know you care about me. It's just that sometimes it comes across as you not believing in me. Like you're doubting my ability to be careful. Like I'm just going to dive into something reckless."_

" _Mack, if something were to happen to you and I could have helped stop that, I wouldn't be able to deal with it."_

" _Maya is a scared 19-year-old, not some lunatic luring me into his van."_

_Nate sighed. He couldn't explain it out loud but he still had residual feelings from when he had almost lost her before. He often had flashbacks to Mitch Watson yielding a gun trying to pull her out of the room._

" _Nate," Mackenzie shifted in the back of the car and grabbed his hand. "It wasn't fair of me to get upset over your worry. That's not how this should work and I'm sorry. But I want you to trust me - trust that I'm capable of handling this. And if I need any help, you're the first person I will call. Okay?"_

_Nate sighed. Maybe that was the best they were going to get._

" _Okay. But you have to promise to tell me if you're going to meet her or if she shows up at your office again. Because this is really toeing the line of harassment."_

_Mackenzie nodded. "That's only fair."_

_He pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "Or I seriously will hire a bodyguard for you."_

" _Can that bodyguard be Chris Hemsworth?"_

Mackenzie packed her laptop into her bag and pulled on her coat as she checked her phone for the time. John would be outside waiting to take her to JFK any moment.

As she headed down the stairs and outside to wait on the sidewalk, she was surprised to see Maya standing outside.

Mackenzie let out a slow breath and smiled as she approached her. "Maya, what are you doing here?"

Mackenzie could not think of a rational reason why this girl was outside her apartment. In fact, it made her feel incredibly uneasy to find her outside her home. It was one thing to run into her at a coffee shop near her work, or have her stop by the office, but this was something else.

"Mackenzie, hi," Maya started, anxiously grabbing the straps of her backpack. "I was just in the area and I was wondering if you wanted to go for lunch."

Mackenzie shook her head. "Don't you have class during the day? We're a bit far from NYU." She paused. "I'm just waiting for a ride."

"Oh." Maya's face fell. "I don't have class on Fridays. Where are you going?" She glanced at Mackenzie's bags.

"Just a short weekend trip," Mackenzie said simply, unsure whether she should mention anything else.

"I take it you still haven't heard about your test results, huh. I know you said you'd tell me when you find out but I'm just getting so nervous about the whole thing. I really hope I'm not coming on strong here Mackenzie but I think, I really think, this is a real thing. Like, I feel that we're connected somehow." Maya motioned between herself and Mackenzie.

Mackenzie had never been so grateful to see John approaching. She was even more at ease when Leo stepped out of the car to help with her bags.

"Sorry Maya, I've gotta go," Mackenzie said quickly, mouthing a _thank you_ to Leo as he put her bags in the trunk.

She slid into the back of the car and kept an eye on Maya as they drove away. She stayed in front of the building and glanced from the car as it left back to the door to go upstairs.

Mackenzie let out a sigh and closed her eyes, sending a text to Nate: ' _on my way to the airport! See you tonight. :)'_ She didn't want to worry him about the Maya thing but she also didn't want to keep it from him either. ' _Okay don't panic but Maya was outside the loft as I was leaving today. Nothing weird happened though.'_

She was surprised to see him respond so quickly: ' _that in itself is weird! Wtf. I don't like that, Mack.'_

' _I know. We can talk about it later. Shouldn't you be paying attention to whatever meeting you're in?'_

' _I've been playing Tetris on my phone for 15 minutes so my attention is shot anyway. But I'll see you tonight. Have a good flight :)'_

Leo and Mackenzie weren't taking the private plane but they were flying first class. Even though it was a short flight over to Washington, Mackenzie indulged in a drink or two. She was trying not to be concerned about Maya showing up at the loft. _Trying._ She did her best to take her mind off the whole thing.

"So, how are things going with Jenny?" Mackenzie leaned over towards Leo and raised her eyebrows. "She said she invited you to our family dinner next week."

Leo looked up from the newspaper he was reading and smirked at Mackenzie. "Your sister is awesome." He shrugged. "We're taking it very slow but I'm sure I can manage one dinner with your dad."

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh. "You'll survive. And Nate will be there too." She paused to sip her drink. "Just be kind to Jenny, okay?"

Leo just smiled at her and nodded. "You have my word, Mack."

* * *

Nate usually stayed in a rental when he was in Washington for more than a few days but for this occasion, he had insisted on getting a suite at a fancy hotel. Mackenzie truly didn't care where they slept for the weekend but when she was escorted up to their suite at The Continental, she was blown away. A huge jacuzzi tub, large balcony, two bedrooms, fully stocked bar.

As she walked further into the suite, she was taken aback even more. Her dress from Waldorf had been delivered and hung in the master bedroom, complete with a brand new pair of Jimmy Choos and a matching clutch. If this was a glimpse into her future with Nate as his career grew, she could really get used to it.

She flopped down onto the bed and called Nate.

"Hey you," he said on the other end as he picked up. "I take it you've arrived safely."

"I have," she replied, hearing him smile through the phone. "When do I get to see you?"

"My last meeting goes until six," he paused. "But in the meantime, if you head down to the spa, they're expecting you."

"Spa?" Mackenzie sat up on the bed.

"Yeah, I just booked you a chunk of time for the afternoon. Nails, hair, massage. Whatever you want."

"Nate, you didn't have to do that."

"But I wanted to. This way you can truly not worry about work for the rest of the day and just relax." He paused. "If you get a full body massage, I want pictures."

"Mr. Archibald," Mackenzie fake gasped. "I'll see what I can do."

Mackenzie had an incredibly relaxing afternoon at the spa - she got a manicure and a pedicure, plus a deep tissue massage. Admittedly, it was exactly what she needed to finally relax. No worries about work or family drama or baby names or coworkers.

She was back up at their suite and dressed by six. She didn't know when to expect Nate exactly but she figured she may as well be ready to go if he wanted to maybe go out for dinner. By 6:30, she still hadn't heard from him. Around 7, she finally got a phone call from Nate.

"Mack, hi,"

"Hey, where are you?" She could hear voices in the background.

"I am really sorry," he paused. "Michelle didn't tell me she had planned a staff night out to celebrate after the election. She wanted me to be here, too. Can I send a car to come get you? We're at some taco place, there's unlimited guacamole."

"Nate, stop," Mackenzie laughed as he rambled on. It was evident he was already a few drinks in. "Would it offend you if I just opted to stay here? Because there's a jacuzzi tub in this suite I want to try."

"Okay but what if I want to join you in there?"

"We have lots of time for that, babe," she said slowly.

"I don't want you to be upset that I'm out while you're at the hotel."

"Nate, there is a huge room service menu and champagne. I'll be fine. Have fun and be safe. But this means I get to pick my side of the bed."

"We both know you'll take my side of the bed by morning anyway, Mack." He paused to say something away from the phone. "I won't be late. I love you."

Mackenzie was happy to change into more comfortable clothes and order room service. She was already nervous about the big dinner happening Saturday so it was easier to really just relax for the night leading up to it instead. She started to draw a bath in the large tub and was interrupted by her phone ringing.

It was Viv. The least she could do was answer it, since there was no way she could join them for a night out if she was in Washington.

"Hey," she said excitedly as she answered. "Viv, how are you?"

"You slept with Carter!? How did you never tell me?"

Mackenzie's eyes went wide for a moment. She was not expecting that. "Who told you that?"

"Drew made some offhand comment then told me."

Mackenzie wasn't sure how to decipher Viv's tone. "Honestly I haven't told anyone because there is nothing to tell. We had sex once and I asked him to stay quiet about it which didn't happen. It doesn't even matter - it didn't mean anything, it was basically a one night stand except I guess we're friends now."

"Please come over and tell me all about it! I really miss you."

Mackenzie sighed. She missed her friend too - it wasn't fair to shut her out without an explanation. "I would but I'm in Washington with Nate this weekend."

"Okay, just tell me one thing. Who's better? Carter or Archibald?"

"Oh my god," Mackenzie groaned with a laugh. "Nate, definitely. But I will admit Carter knew what he was doing. Also, please keep in mind this whole thing happened just before Nate and I got back together. I was, like, in desperate need for _someone."_

"Baizen really likes you, Mack," Viv continued on.

Mackenzie just shook her head as Viv talked. "That's not true. We're just friends. He can't think it's anything else." This was not something she was going to debate. "Honestly I think he only wants to be my friend to annoy Nate, anyway." She sighed and turned off the running water.

"Yeah well, drunk Carter thinks otherwise. Call me when you get home and we're getting drinks, no excuses."

Mackenzie put her phone down after the call and shook her head again. That was not a conversation she thought she would be having and she didn't want to touch it ever again. Maybe it was time to put even more distance between her and Carter Baizen.

The jacuzzi tub and champagne did help her feel even more relaxed, thankfully.

She happily spent the rest of the night sipping bubbly and indulging in snacks from room service. She found _Sixteen Candles_ on some movie network and lounged on the big lucious bed. It was almost perfect - aside from the lack of company from Nate.

Just before midnight, Leo texted her to say they were on their way back to the hotel. He ended his text message with ' _good luck lol'_ which was a call for concern. Not long after, there was loud knocking at the door.

Mackenzie made her way to the door and opened it to find Nate being held up by Leo, who wasn't standing very straight himself.

"That restaurant has seven different types of tequila," Leo announced as they stumbled through the door.

"Mack, I missed you," Nate muttered out as he left Leo's side, grabbing onto Mackenzie instead.

"Did we decide to try all the tequilas ourselves?" Mackenzie glanced at Nate who was smiling wide at her, glossy eyed.

"No," Nate shook his head. "Well, someone challenged me."

"Okay, that's not fair. You're all talk, Archibald." Leo pointed at Mackenzie. "I'm really sorry about this. But we cancelled his meetings for tomorrow so hopefully he can pull himself together by dinner."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes as Leo headed to the door to find his own room.

"You're so beautiful," Nate said slowly, leaning his head on her shoulder as they sat down on the couch. "How was your night?"

"Maybe not as fun as yours. Did you drink any water in between the tequila and everything else?"

Nate lifted his head up to think. "There was lots of ice in the margaritas."

"Okay, not the same," she replied to him with a smile. "One second." She grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fridge and opened it for him. "Drink."

"C'mere, please," Nate grabbed the bottle and promptly put it down on the table, patting the couch so she would sit with him again.

"Water first," Mackenzie crossed her arms and pointed to the water bottle. "Because I do not want you throwing up all night."

"Fine," he grumbled out like a toddler, grabbing the bottle of water and taking a big sip. He then glanced up at her then motioned his head to encourage her to sit with him. She just smiled and dropped down beside him.

He shifted in his seat and turned to her, grabbing her hands. "I love you Mackenzie Lilacs Rose."

"Lilas," she corrected him, smirking.

"I said that. Lilacs."

She laughed again. "Close enough. I love you, too, Nate."

He gave her a look as if to encourage her to keep going. "Nathaniel Fitz-

"I love you, too, Nathaniel Fitzwilliam."

He beamed at her happily, squeezing her hands. Suddenly, his face fell.

"Are you okay?" she asked as he closed his eyes. "Room spinning?"

"My heart is spinning," he said quietly. She couldn't help but laugh again. "Mack, I'm scared sometimes."

"Scared about what?" Mackenzie released his hands and lifted one to his face, gently stroking his cheek. "Tell me all your troubles, drunk boyfriend."

He leaned into her hand. "I don't want to lose you again."

"Nate," she said quietly. "Please don't worry about that."

"I should have followed you to London," he replied, his words coming out in pieces. "We would have avoided so much pain."

"Sure. But then we wouldn't be right here at this very moment right now." She leaned in and kissed his forehead. "You're not going to lose me. I'm not going anywhere."

"But what about the outside forces? Like the Mitch Watsons and Carter Baizens of the world getting in our way?"

Mackenzie paused before she replied to him. She knew Nate's worries came from a place of insecurity and fear but she had never heard him say it out loud before. It threw her off even more to hear him say Mitch Watson's name out loud. And clearly his insecurities about Carter were still festering. "Nate."

"It's not worth it without you by my side, Mack. All of this. Everything."

"C'mon," she smiled again and stood up, extending her arm to help him up. "You need to sleep this off."

"How was the tub?" Nate grabbed her hand as they stood up, letting her lead him to the bedroom. "Big enough for two?" He stopped and turned her around, his hands landing on her waist. He kissed her, hard.

Mackenzie had to admit even when he was sloppy drunk, he was a good kisser.

"We both know _you_ will not work as effectively as you want right now," Mackenzie said breathlessly as she pulled away. "And you're likely to pass out on top of me, again."

"Okay, you promised not to throw Amsterdam back in my face like that," Nate pouted at her, reaching to pull off his tie and shirt.

Mackenzie chuckled and let him continue to undress while she searched for clothes for him to wear in bed. She rummaged through his suitcase and found what she needed. When she came back to the bed, he was asleep in just his boxers.

She just smiled again and did her best to share the blankets as she climbed in beside him. She had a feeling it was going to have a rough morning.

—

Nate woke up in the morning feeling like he was hit by a truck. He groaned as he rolled over in bed, opening up one eye to see Mackenzie sitting beside him. He smiled at the sight of her - oversized T-shirt, hair on top of her head in a bun, glasses on, newspaper on her lap.

"Have you always worn glasses?" He raised his head to look up at her then dropped back down on the pillow with a groan.

"Just for reading sometimes, although I've managed to hide them for this long," she said, pulling them down off her face. "How are you feeling?"

"The glasses make you look even cuter," he said into his pillow, groaning again.

"I ordered breakfast for us. Well, I ordered plain toast and a Powerade for you. And something called a detox smoothie?" Mackenzie reached her hand over and gently ran it through his hair.

Nate slowly pulled himself up and sat up against the headboard beside her.

"Thanks for putting up with me," he said quietly as he squeezed his eyes shut. "This isn't how I pictured our weekend."

"I like quiet mornings in bed together," Mackenzie replied to him, grabbing his hand. "You need to bounce back by like 4PM today anyway, Mr. Spectator."

"I know, I know," he said leaning onto her shoulder. "Never let me near tequila again."

"I hope you had fun, at least." Mackenzie leaned over and laid a kiss on top of his head. "And I'm sure all your staff appreciated seeing this fun side of you.

"I do remember enjoying myself," Nate sighed. "But I also remember being able to _bounce back_ better than this."

"Hate to break it to you, Archibald. But you're growing up. A hangover is like a sucker punch now." Mackenzie moved the newspaper off her lap onto the side table. "Think you can make it to the shower?"

"I'm not sure," Nate replied with a smirk. "I'm probably going to need your help."

Mackenzie just sighed and smiled at him, reaching up to pull her hair out of the bun. "If you throw up in the shower, you're on your own."

* * *

Nate grabbed Mackenzie's hand as the exited the car on the airport runway, with an umbrella in his other hand the shelter then from the sudden rain. It was Sunday afternoon and they were on their way back to New York. Mackenzie was regretting her outfit choice - skirt, cable knit sweater, leather jacket. It wasn't great for the rain but at least they'd be inside the plane soon enough.

The White House Correspondents' Fall Gala the night before had gone surprisingly well. Nate knew Mackenzie had been incredibly anxious about the whole event but he was proud of how she held herself throughout the night. It helped that she already knew Leo but she quickly got to know the rest of The Spectator staff at their table and even met a few other media connections Nate had throughout the evening.

_Mackenzie stared at herself in the mirror in the bathroom of their hotel suite. She had just gotten her hair blown out and finished off on her makeup. There she stood, beautiful gown, flawless makeup and something felt off._

" _Nate," she called out into the bedroom. "Can you grab that dress bag from Blair?"_

_He appeared at the doorway a few moments later with the empty garment bag. Mackenzie paused to take him in - dressed in a sharp black tux and black tie, fiddling with his cuff links. He looked absolutely delectable._

_She smiled as he caught her staring then grabbed the bag. Empty._

" _I forgot to bring any jewelry," Mackenzie said with a panic. "And Blair didn't send anything. Not that she was supposed to but I was hoping..."_

" _I told her not to," Nate said with a coy smile. "Just a second."_

_He came back to the doorway with a flat, crushed black velvet box. Mackenzie's eyes went wide when she saw what was in his hands. "Nate…"_

_He just stood there with a giddy smile on his face as he opened the box, revealing a pair of circle cut earrings and a silver chain with a diamond encrusted sunflower charm hanging from it._

" _I don't know what to say," Mackenzie muttered out quietly, her eyes darting from the sparkling jewels back to Nate. "You didn't have to…"_

" _I know. But I wanted to. I've actually had this tucked in my closet for weeks now. Here." He motioned for her to turn around, moving her hair out of the way to clasp the necklace on._

" _Thank you," she said in a whisper as she touched the necklace gently. "I love it."_

" _And I love you, Humphrey. Trust me, a necklace is the least I could do, especially after you had to put up with my hungover ass all day."_

" _You rallied pretty well, Archibald. But maybe take it easy tonight. Don't want to embarrass yourself in front of the Vice President."_

Mackenzie took a seat as they climbed onto The Spectator's plane, looking around anxiously as Nate stopped to talk with the pilots. A few moments later he joined Mackenzie on the white leather seats, reviewing some messages on his phone.

"Hey, my mom said you looked stunning last night. She said the purple looked really nice on you," Nate showed his phone to Mackenzie, displaying a series of messages from Anne Archibald.

"She's really trying, huh," Mackenzie replied with a smile. "That's nice of her."

"Well, she's right. You did look stunning."

Mackenzie just blushed and pulled her legs up on the seat, tucking her legs under her. "Where's Leo?"

"He's staying in Washington until Tuesday so it's just us," Nate replied to her, glancing back at his phone.

"Just us and the pilots?" Mackenzie confirmed, glancing up and down the plane.

Nate nodded. "Usually I have someone stewarding too but it wasn't needed today. Easy trip."

Mackenzie nodded too, shifting in her seat to face Nate. "Do they leave that door open when we're flying?"

"No, they'll close it. And lock it, I think. Safety precaution." Nate continued to type something out on his phone.

Mackenzie glanced down towards the cockpit as one of the pilots locked the cabin and fiddled with some buttons near the door, then told Nate they were preparing to take off. The pilot headed into the front cabin and closed the door.

"Okay. One more question: how soundproof are their headsets?"

Nate finally looked up from his phone to see Mackenzie standing up to kick off her heels, eyes wide. Before he could reply, he also watched her reach down and slide her underwear down and step out of it.

"Good lord, Humphrey." Nate dropped his phone down beside him and glanced up towards the cockpit. He looked back to her with eyes like a kid on Christmas morning. "They usually leave me alone until just before we land."

Truthfully, it had been a few weeks since they had sex and the idea of doing it in his plane was going to send him over the edge.

"Good." Mackenzie shook her hair out and moved to straddle him. "I've always wanted to do this on a plane."

"They told me there might be a lot of turbulence today because of the rain," Nate replied to her as she leaned in to kiss his neck. "So we need to be careful."

"Oh. Well, we don't have to do this."

Nate reached his arms around her and pulled her in close to his chest. "No, no," He was quick to reply. "I think you're more than worth the risk, Humphrey."

* * *

_Why yes, dearest Nathaniel and Mackenzie just joined the Mile High Club. A fitting way to prepare for the week ahead. What's a few roadblocks on the way to happiness? What's a family dinner without unpacking old trauma and resentment?_


	15. Chapter 15

"So, what really brings you down to Lower Manhattan?" Mackenzie offered her brother a smirk as she paused to take a sip of her latte. "Not that I don't mind a break from the office."

Dan rolled his eyes and matched her smirk, adjusting to unbutton his coat as he sat across from his sister. It was Monday afternoon and he had just dropped by her office - offering her a breath of fresh air and a coffee. "I have an interview with The New Yorker in a few hours. And what, am I not allowed to just want to have a catch up with my sister?"

Mackenzie's face softened at his sentiment. After her weekend away with Nate, she had started her workweek headstrong and tried to stay relaxed. Even with only days to wait for her testing results and a family dinner approaching. She knew she didn't have to be worried all the time. Well, of course she knew that. Admittedly,

what was helping the most was an increase on her medication dosage. It was a trial, really. Simone thought it might help. And so far, everything seemed to feel okay. Although Mackenzie's biggest fear was losing her feelings all together.

"How was the big fancy gala at The White House?" Dan continued on, raising an eyebrow at Mackenzie. "A glimpse into the future?"

Mackenzie let out a laugh. "I feel like I was a bit unprepared, really. Tons of important people who all look the same or similar with greying hair and pretty wives. But Nate really shines when he's talking about The Spectator and his plans for its growth. It was really the best part of it."

Dan smiled at her honesty, then swallowed hard. Mackenzie saw his face fall.

"What's that face for?" Mackenzie raised her eyebrows at him, letting out a long breath. Was she ready for a Daniel Humphrey lecture? Never. Was it coming to her anyway? Probably.

"I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing with all this," Dan said slowly, as if choosing his words delicately. He waved his hands around as if trying to motion to something big, like the universe as a whole.

Mackenzie didn't reply to him on purpose. She hoped her confused face was enough to bait him to continue rambling about whatever was on his mind. She took another sip of her coffee, gently placing it back on the table and running her fingers up and down the side of the ceramic mug.

"I know your relationship with Nate is going well and I'm so happy for you two. And I know this whole world you've been wrapped into with him isn't new but Mack, is this what you want? I guess what I'm trying to do is check in and make sure you're not ignoring anything for Nate and _his_ future." Dan paused and ran a hand through his hair. "Nate is one of my best friends but that doesn't mean I don't see his focus and work ethic. I don't want you to be pushed to the side for Nate's career and political goals."

Mackenzie just swallowed hard as she took in Dan's words. Frankly, she hadn't really considered her own goals lately. Not beyond some serious short term things like getting her _brain_ under control. She liked that she worked for a charity that was doing good work. She still got to flex her mind and challenge herself with financial analytics and get involved in the community. But Dan had a point - she could speak years into the future about what Nate was going to do but she wasn't really sure what _Mackenzie_ was going to be doing in five or ten years.

But she didn't really have a problem with that. She didn't need to have a plan beyond next week if she didn't want to.

"Dan, I appreciate your concern, really. But where is this coming from?"

Dan just shrugged, then tilted his head slightly. "I don't know. Serena and I have been talking a lot about our new little family and the future and how we grew up. And I remember this version of you when we were kids and I just hope this path you're on now is what little Mackenzie wanted, too." His face finally broke into a small smile. "Sorry, I really didn't want to pull you into a bad mood. I know you and Nate are still fresh again and figuring it all out. But I saw that picture of you in that gown and jewelry and I just had this urge to make sure you were okay. You didn't get thrust into this world the same way me and Jen did with dad. It can be a huge shift from the Brooklyn life into high society and I just want you to know you're not alone in all this."

Mackenzie felt like this was a lot for her brother to be digging into after just seeing a picture of her and Nate from their weekend in Washington. But she also knew her brother was also going through a transitional time in his life - newly married, first child on the way. It was fair for him to be projecting his concerns and really, while it was teetering on the edge of annoying and preachy, she did appreciate how he cared.

Mackenzie smiled at her brother and squeezed his hand for a moment across the table. "I think there are a lot of discussions Nate and I are going to have to have before the spring. I will say that. But Dan, I've never really known what my plan was for the future. Things just seemed to happen as I went along. I don't know, things would be different if I hadn't stayed in London or if I didn't decide to live in Australia for a year before college. But here I am now and I'm figuring it out. I don't know if I want to work for The Bass Foundation forever but for the time being, I'm enjoying it. And I want to support Nate and I know he would support me in whatever I wanted to do in the future, too. Plus, c'mon, I think you know me well enough - the last thing I would do is let a boy dismiss my own goals for his. Nate and I are a team, you know."

Before Dan could reply, Mackenzie's phone started to ring. It was Chuck.

"Sorry, it's the boss," she smirked at her brother as she took the call. "Hey Chuck."

"Miss Humphrey," Chuck said warmly on the line. "Are you available for a meeting this afternoon? Say in about an hour. I can send a car."

Mackenzie knew last minute meetings with Chuck weren't something to dismiss. Chuck asking if she was available was more of a request to make herself available if she wasn't.

"Sure. Anything I need to know ahead of time?" She glanced down at her watch to see what kind of timeline she was working with. Her coffee date with Dan was definitely going to be cut short.

"Bass Industries is having some bad press in Australia. You'll hear more soon. But we need to do some -

"Damage control?" Mackenzie finished his sentence, letting out a sigh.

"Precisely. I'll see you soon."

Mackenzie tucked her phone away and grabbed her coffee to finish it quickly. "Sorry, I've gotta go."

Dan nodded his head, understanding. "All good. Mack, just one more thing."

Mackenzie paused as she stood. "Yeah?"

"Just be careful, okay? This life can be dramatic, it's easy to get lost and hurt."

"Dan, Nate and I -

"I don't just mean with Nate."

Mackenzie just gave her brother one more grateful smile and waved as she left the coffee shop, hurrying back to the office. She barely had time to process everything Dan has just spewed out at her as she wrapped up a few tasks, getting ready to head over to Bass Industries. She wasn't sure why she was being asked to meet about something happening with the Bass Australia team, whatever mess was happening would really need to be handled by their PR division. But when Chuck requested her by personal phone call, she went.

She nervously swept her hair over her shoulder as she stepped out of the car, thanking the driver and hurrying into the Bass Industries building. Even though it was years ago, Mackenzie still got a shiver of bad memories at times when she entered the office. She had grown immensely since she was doing her internship hours at BI, but it wasn't always easy to shake off.

She met Chuck and a few others in one of the board rooms upstairs, shaking off her coat and throwing it over her chair. She looked down the long wooden table at Chuck who was messaging frantically on his phone. She gazed at the other faces in the room - an unusually stoic Jack Bass, Lydia from the finance team and a few others Mackenzie could only assume were from Human Resources and Marketing. Clearly something needed fixing.

"Mackenzie, thanks for getting here so quickly," Chuck started, offering her a small smile. For the first time in a while, she saw a tense stressful look on Chuck's face. "Jack, want to get everyone up to speed?"

Mackenzie's eyes moved over to Jack Bass, who was leaning back in his chair, looking much more casual than his nephew. "So, one of our subsidiary companies in Sydney made a big mistake last week and it only came to our attention today." He outlined what exactly happened - a team of construction workers broke land on a protected park, caused significant damage to a wildlife ecosystem and in the midst of it, started a small brush fire. And the entire situation was being shared around various news and social outlets across Australia. It was a bad look for Bass Australia, there was no denying it.

The entire team broke into plans for saving the situation - ranging from reprimanding the team from the construction company to a public apology.

"And of course, we're donating a significant chunk of change to whatever wildlife conservation group willing to help fix the environmental damage," Jack concluded, shrugging. "They just take their greenery so seriously so it may be hard to bounce back."

Mackenzie finally spoke up once Jack finished. "I mean, it is in the Bass Industries mission statement to strive for eco-friendly business practices so I think we should be taking their _greenery_ seriously, too."

"Precisely why I wanted you here, Miss Humphrey," Chuck said after her, pointing down the table. "I've been considering it for some time but maybe now it's more important than ever. I want to expand the Foundation to Australia."

Before Mackenzie could reply, Chuck continued. "I know it's a big undertaking and to get the charitable licensing and all the information sorted will not be easy from this hemisphere but I hope you're up for the challenge. We may need you to spend a few weeks there in January to help organize staff and make sure things are operating but that's a conversation we can have on our own."

Mackenzie just nodded as he continued to talk to the group. Sure, okay. Like she could just jump on a plane and spend a few weeks on the other side of the globe. Although she did dream of returning to Australia one day, she hoped it would be for pleasure and maybe with Nate by her side. Not to fix a work crisis alongside Jack Bass.

* * *

Nate felt like he was still riding on a wave of positivity when he was back in the office on Monday. Despite his awful hangover on Saturday, his time in Washington had been exactly what he needed. He got to spend time with his DC staff, dress up with his girlfriend, meet tons of promising new connections and have sex while thousands of feet up in the air.

Well, that last part was just an added bonus but it was _awesome_ nonetheless.

But back in the New York office, things were busy. He knew that once they were into January, his campaign planning would ramp up again. In fact, he knew he owed content to Kenneth about some of his platform goals and he had been putting it off.

And he had to finish his next few weekly columns, too.

He leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms above his head, glancing from his computer screen to his phone. Despite his workload and busy weekend, he was still patiently waiting for information from Chuck's investigator about Maya Peron. Mackenzie managed to skirt around the topic all weekend and a part of Nate was relieved they could ignore it for a few days. But he still remained sceptical and guarded about the situation.

"Hey Nate?"

Nate turned his head to see Taylor knocking on his door.

"We're going to review a few of those new recap reels Gio was putting together, if you wanted to join us in the boardroom."

Nate thought for a moment then nodded, standing up at his desk and shaking off his suit jacket. "Anything to avoid this blank screen." He smirked at Taylor and followed her out of the office.

"Hey, I officially met your cousin this weekend," Nate said to her as they made their way past the bullpen of cubicles.

"Graham?" Taylor turned her head to him, rolling her eyes behind her glasses. "Lucky for you."

"Yeah, he was a bit of a dick, if I'm being honest," Nate said frankly, getting a laugh out of her. "And he also told me you're a Red Sox fan and I've gotta be honest, it made me rethink our decision to hire you."

Taylor's mouth dropped open, quickly realizing Nate was simply joking. "Listen, the Red Sox have an incredible team. You're loyal to the Yankees on the sole basis that -

"They have the best track record in MLB history?" He cut her off as he slid into a chair at the end of the table in the boardroom.

"Oh my god," Taylor laughed and rolled her eyes. "Are you going to spout to me about their 26 World Series championships now, too?"

Nate gave her a half smile. "27."

"Can we get back to politics?" Taylor gave him another smile and slid into the chair beside him, motioning towards the TV at the end of the room.

Nate was intensely proud of The Spectator and it's growth over the past five years. From a dozen staff to nearly sixty between the two offices, the news outlet had really grown from its original tabloid roots to being authentic and honest in its reporting. After the election closed off, people were lining up to advertise on their website and their biweekly print edition was selling out after each print. Nate was being lauded for his determination and passion for the honest integrity of news reporting and he was eager for more. He and Leo had big plans for the next ten years - expanding to Chicago and Seattle, growing the website, increased staffing, specialists and overseas reporting. Of course, his run for Mayor was derailing some timelines but he knew he couldn't be at the helm of the ship forever.

But he was passionate about politics - more than he ever dreamed. Growing up, Nate knew his grandfather had plenty of important relationships as with politicians. He spent many Easter's on the White House lawn, running around with the other political children and grandchildren. And as he became more educated on the things that mattered, he really hoped he could make a difference.

"Hey boss, a bunch of us are going out for Happy Hour - you in?"

Nate closed his laptop and glanced at his watch. It was well past happy hour now and he was grateful for his hard working staff. But, he was also exhausted.

"I'll pass! Have fun." The group of reporters shuffled away, pulling on their jackets as they headed out of the office.

It had been a long Monday and he was looking forward to changing out of his suit. He wanted to have dinner with Mackenzie but she said she was working late and might have a busy week at work. With Thanksgiving approaching, he wanted to finalize all their final family plans and figure out the best way to prepare her for a holiday with the Vanderbilts. It was another topic they had been avoiding.

He tapped his hands on his desk and let out a long breath, conceding that maybe it was just best to venture home and order a pizza. He had just spent the weekend with Mackenzie but he truly missed her on the days when he didn't see her.

He was looking forward to the days when going home meant going home to her. Although that was yet another conversation they had yet to broach.

He shut off his office lights and grabbed his bag as he headed out, buttoning up his coat and messaging John to see if he was nearby. As he headed towards the elevator, he paused to look around the quiet office. His thoughts were interrupted as he heard a door fly open, followed by the sound of someone sniffling, crying. He turned his head down the hall and saw Taylor emerging from the washroom, eyes wide, trying to wipe her tears.

"Oh my god, Nate," she mumbled out, pointing her head down to avoid looking at him. "Sorry, I was just leaving."

"Are you okay?" Nate turned toward where she was standing, a cautious frown on her face.

"No, I've just had a really shitty afternoon, but I'll be fine," she replied, trying to plaster a smile on her face.

"Are you sure? Did something happen here? Because you can tell me if -

"No, no, it's fine," she continued on, cutting me off. "It's just a dumb personal thing, not work."

Nate glanced down at his phone, getting a delayed message from John saying he was a few blocks away.

"I'm really sorry to distract you on your way out. Trust me, I'm fine. I prefer not to break down and cry at work so let's forget this happened, okay?" Taylor smiled at him and slipped away, hurrying back to her desk, disappearing from Nate's sight. He let out a breath and shook his head. Before he could think about turning around and trying to talk to her, if that was even appropriate or helpful, his phone started to ring. He sighed when he saw his mother on his caller ID.

"Mom, hi," Nate brought his phone up to his ear as he stepped into the elevator, already rolling his eyes as Anne spoke. "No, no. We haven't even finalized Thanksgiving yet, let alone talked about Christmas."

* * *

Tuesday was a long day. Mackenzie was working late again, this time in another meeting with Jack and Chuck, plus a team of executives from Bass Australia via video conference. The time difference was the biggest issue they were running into - evening in New York was early morning in Sydney the next day, so they were struggling to get plans into motion.

Chuck sent Mackenzie home in one of the company cars after their meeting finally let out and she was grateful for the quick transportation home. On the one hand, she could appreciate having a busy day at work because it kept her mind off of everything else: Maya, upcoming family dinners, the holidays, her mom's birthday, _everything._ But busy days also kept her from Nate - their correspondence had dropped off and even though they both had the best intentions to get dinner or grab a drink after work that Tuesday night, meetings just got in the way.

Mackenzie thanked the driver as he opened her door, pulling her coat tightly as the November wind howled. She hurried inside and climbed her way up to the loft, slowly scrolling through emails and her social media feeds. She paused when she reached the door, quickly keying in her door code. The lock mechanism flashed red and she tried again. Red.

"Shit," she said under her breath. She figured she must have keyed in the wrong number in her distracted state. She fished through her bag for the key, the easiest way to override the fancy lock system and finally got inside.

But when she did, something felt off.

Admittedly, it had been a _long_ day and Mackenzie didn't entirely remember what everything looked like when she left that morning. But between a few scuff marks on the floor near the door and the couch pillows being piled on the floor, something felt wrong.

Mackenzie took a deep breath, waiting for her mind to over react and freak out but she managed to remain calm. Maybe her medication was helping her more than she thought. She walked around to explore the loft and finally called Nate. She wasn't sure what to do next but there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Hey you," she heard his voice on the other side of the phone, as he broke away from laughter about something.

"Hi," she said quietly in response. "Is this a bad time?"

"Never a bad time," Nate replied. "Are you okay?"

Mackenzie was always impressed when he could read a simple shift in her mood, even after only one sentence.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got to the loft and something is wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, really. Like this might sound crazy but it feels like someone has been in here? I'm just getting a really uncomfortable vibe and I'm not sure what to do."

"Can you wait there for me? I'm on my way right now."

Nate ended the call and tucked his phone into his pocket, suddenly feeling worried. He glanced across his desk to Leo, who was typing something out on his phone as they caught up about their weekend in Washington.

"Everything okay?" Leo asked, watching as Nate collected his things to leave.

"I hope so," Nate replied. "Sorry to cut this short."

"All good, boss," Leo said with a smirk. "Just to keep you updated they sent the plane in for an inspection, by the way - normal for our mileage the past six months."

"Thanks." Nate nodded as he headed out, placing a hand on Leo's shoulder. "Oh and to answer your question from earlier, Rufus Humphrey prefers red wine but try not to kiss his ass, especially if you've only just started to date his daughter."

"I don't even know if we're dating, man! But a family dinner invite is serious, right?" Nate just chuckled as he let Leo spiral behind him.

He was climbing the stairs to the loft half an hour later. He pushed the door open and found Mackenzie pacing around with her phone up to her ear.

"He just got here now, I'll let you know what happens. And yes, I'll let dad know, too," Mackenzie rolled her eyes as she hung up the phone.

"Hey," Nate said as he approached her, planting a quick kiss on her lips.

She smiled for a moment, already comforted just by the sight of him. Then her face fell. "So, I talked to Jen and Dan and they both didn't come by here at all today. And Rufus is still in LA for a few days. Maybe I'm overreacting. But Dan did say he stopped by Saturday morning to grab some books but he's certain he locked the door so I don't know."

"Is there anything missing?" Nate started to wander around, looking at the windows as he moved from room to room.

"Not that I can tell. I keep all my important stuff in a lock box under my bed and that was exactly where I left it." Mackenzie sighed and dropped down onto the couch. "I just got a weird vibe when I walked in."

"Well, you shouldn't ignore your gut feelings," Nate replied to her as he came back into the living room. He knew Mackenzie had a lot on her plate and even though she didn't like to talk about it, she still had some lingering fears after the break in a few months ago. There could be nothing wrong or different about the loft but it may not be easy to convince her anxiety of that fact.

"What do you think I should do?"

"Well, reset everyone's door codes. And then pack a bag and come home with me." Nate extended his hand to help her stand up off the couch. "It's only a quick fix to your worries but I know you won't sleep if you stay here tonight. And I won't either. So." Once she was on her feet he pulled her into her arms, planting a kiss on the top of her head as she held onto him.

"You know, I didn't even hyperventilate once during this whole situation," Mackenzie said proudly as she pulled away from him, a small half smile on her face.

Nate smiled down at her, running his hands up and down her back. "Way to go, Humphrey."

—

Nate always considered his bedroom a sanctuary. Even though he grew up as an only child and never really had to fight for alone time or his own space, his bedroom was the only place he was actually allowed to exist as himself. And that had carried onto his own apartment, too. While he didn't have much of an eye for design nor did he care really for which curtains best complimented his living room rug, his bedroom was his own.

Upgrading to a king size bed was unnecessary as a bachelor but he was always grateful for it when it came to sharing a bed. During the gap of time between Mackenzie staying in London and her return, Nate had a lot of temporary nights with dates and he didn't often encourage them to stay over. To him, waking up beside someone, taking them in during a raw, vulnerable morning, hair messy and unkempt, was personal. It was real. And after he lost having Mackenzie on the other side of the bed, none of it was real anymore.

But now, laying in bed with Mackenzie laying on his chest, he still had to convince himself it wasn't a dream again.

They had gone from the loft, to eating in at Thai Kitchen and back to his apartment. And now, as it was dark and cold with the wind howling outside, his bedroom was quiet and warm. There was a soft glow coming from his bedside lamps and his open curtains allowed a view over his balcony, with towering buildings shining light in. Max was curled up at their feet and everything was calm.

It was nice. It was the way Nate always wanted to end his nights.

Mackenzie was lying curled up onto his shoulder, humming softly and running her hands across his bare chest. Nate had his arms circled around her, still managing to reply to emails and scroll through his phone with her resting halfway on top of him.

"Hey, I finally got all the shots back from my campaign photo shoot. Wanna see?" Nate leaned down and kissed her forehead as she adjusted to look at his phone with him. He held his phone in one hand and kept the other wrapped around her, scrolling through the pictures.

"I still think you should have gone with the charcoal suit," Mackenzie commented as he swiped through the pictures.

"Ken and Miranda said navy is more democratic," he replied to her. "Whatever that means."

"Oh, that one." Mackenzie reached up to point at his phone. "I like that one." She pulled his phone down to get a closer look. The picture was probably just an outtake, since Nate wasn't even looking at the camera. But his smile was so genuine, the small creases around his eyes turned up and his eyes themselves were so very blue. "I want a copy of this, please."

"Only because you said please," Nate replied, saving the picture to send to her.

"You look great in all of these though," Mackenzie commented as he kept scrolling. "Not to inflate your ego or anything."

"Listen, I'm well aware of the effect my chiseled jawline has on you," Nate smirked, squeezing her tightly.

"Okay, forget I said anything. Every single picture is terrible," she joked back, dramatically rolling her eyes as he looked through them. Suddenly as they were both watching his screen a text from Chuck popped up: ' _Andrew just dropped off an envelope at my house for you. Call me.'_

Nate quickly dismissed the message.

"Who's Andrew?" Mackenzie asked curiously. She thought she had heard Chuck mention the name before but she wasn't sure.

"Just someone Chuck knows. He's helping me find some information about the warehouse accident last month," Nate said quickly. He hated to lie to her but it's not like he could explain he was investigating her _maybe sister_ Maya.

"Oh, I didn't realize that was anything beyond an accident," Mackenzie said with a shrug. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, definitely no cause for concern," Nate continued, moving his phone to the side table and wrapping his arms around her tightly, leaning in to kiss her neck. It was an attempt to change the topic or distract her, at least.

He pulled away from her as her laughter filled his ears and he couldn't help but stop and watch her.

"You're staring, Archibald," she said as her cheeks turned red, burying her face into his shoulder again.

"Mack, I want you to move in with me," he said quietly, running his hands up and down her back. "Seriously."

"Nate." Mackenzie lifted her head up and turned to look at him.

"I'm not saying this because of what happened tonight or because of the break in," he continued on, trying to combat the doubts he assumed were creeping into her mind. "Although, I'm still worried about all that."

"You don't think it's too soon?" She squeezed her eyes shut as she leaned onto his chest, continuing to graze her fingers along it. "We've really only been dating for a few months."

"I know but I don't see it that way. Like, I know we weren't together for two years but there was still something between us, Mack. So getting back together in September was new again but it wasn't really, in a way."

Mackenzie pursed her lips together then let out a breath. "I know what you're saying but…" She paused, then pulled herself off of him, shifting to sit cross legged facing him instead. "The last time I lived with a boyfriend was so long ago. And it didn't work out very well." She took a deep breath as her brain flashed back to her time in Australia. "Although Luke was just an awful person in the first place and I know living with you would not be like how it was with him - a waking nightmare."

"Mack, hey, slow down." Nate sat up and mirrored her position, reaching out to grab her hands. "I want to wake up beside you every morning and have coffee and kiss you goodbye. And I want to come home and complain about our days together and enjoy the hot tub and cook and have you steal my blankets all night." He paused again. "And honestly, I've never done this before. The closest thing I've ever had to living with a girlfriend was when I lived in the penthouse suite at The Empire with Chuck. But I think it's safe to say I'll enjoy sharing a shower with you more than him."

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh at his last statement.

"That came out wrong," Nate laughed with her, relaxing his shoulders. "It doesn't have to be tomorrow or next week or anything, but if Rufus is going to sell the loft in the spring anyway, I think we should make a plan."

Mackenzie closed her eyes then squeezed Nate's hands. "Okay. Let's do this." She opened her eyes again and saw his bright eyes sparkling with excitement.

Everything Nate said from waking up to crawling into bed together was enough to squash most of Mackenzie's fears. In reality, they were two years behind in moving in together. As much as she wished she could go back and do things differently, she had to focus on this. She had to focus on now. She had to focus on the next steps.

Like moving in with Nate Archibald.

"But you know we're going to have to do something about your closet, right? I mean, it is your fault I'm so obsessed with adding to my Louboutin collection now."

Nate smirked then leaped towards her, gently tackling her onto her back, sending her into a fit of laughter as he grabbed at her hips. "Okay. New apartment rule: we're wrestling for closet space."

* * *

Nate stopped by the Bass Industries office first thing Wednesday morning. He was feeling conflicted about involving Andrew to find out more about Maya - especially since doing so meant he kept it from Mackenzie. They were usually so good about talking about the _uncomfortable_ things

But there was something about the entire situation that still didn't sit comfortably.

He made his way to the upper floors and headed into Chuck's office.

"Hey," Nate announced himself as he walked in, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from Chuck's desk. "Sorry I didn't call you last night about this. Mackenzie was over and -

"Say no more," Chuck said with a smirk, reaching into one of the drawers on the side of the desk.

Nate just rolled his eyes. "I just don't want her to know about this, especially if there is nothing to know. If that makes sense."

"Well, I didn't open it so I'm not sure what's in store," Chuck replied, handing the envelope across to Nate. "But you know well enough that sometimes things like this can really make things worse. I would tread carefully."

Nate just nodded, clutching the envelope in his hand. "Thank you. And send me Andrew's invoice."

Chuck just waved his hand, shaking his head. "Don't be silly. The man is on a retainer, I'll cover this." He paused. "The well being of Miss Kenzie is important to me, too, you know."

Nate smiled at his friend across the desk and let out a breath. He glanced down at the envelope and flipped it over in his hands a few times, contemplating.

"Will you be suffering through the big Thanksgiving dinner at the Van Der Woodsen's next week?" Chuck asked as Nate stood up to leave. "I thought we would be off to Paris but somehow Blair rearranged our holiday plans. As much as I care for Lily, I find these big holiday dinners to be a bit too dramatic for my liking."

Nate tilted his head, letting out a laugh. "I think our plan is Vanderbilts for brunch then Lily's for dinner. So, at least we'll have each other, man."

Chuck gave him a small grateful smile.

Nate gave him another nod and lifted up the envelope in his hand. "And thanks again, Chuck. Really."

* * *

Despite the long days at work and the uncertainty about the loft, Mackenzie was feeling incredibly well rested on Wednesday. She was surprised at herself - her chat with Nate about moving in was so easy and she didn't feel like freaking out just yet. She felt perfectly okay about it all. The idea made the most sense, really. Even if Rufus wasn't going to sell his Brooklyn real estate, she spent half of her nights at Nate's and he spent half of his at the loft. It made more sense to live together.

She glanced away from her computer screen as her phone buzzed. It was a message from Viv: ' _can we get a drink after work, please? I'm having a big Drew problem and I need your advice. And a strong martini.'_

Mackenzie sighed. She owed it to her friend to finally get together. And if the topic was Drew, it was more than likely it would only be the two of them for the evening anyway, which was her preference. Mackenzie texted her back right away: ' _I'm in. Let's do Attaboy for 7?"_

By the end of her workday, Mackenzie needed a drink, too. Dealing with business licenses and charitable applications in another country was more challenging than she anticipated. Chuck was continuing to apply some pressure about possible travel plans to help get things launched in the new year and she didn't want to think about it just yet.

She found Viv tucked into a side booth sipping a heavily armed martini, staring at a string of long messages on her phone.

"Oh god Mack, this is a mess," Viv cried out quietly as Mackenzie slid into the seat across from her. She quickly ordered her own drink while Viv filled her in on what was going on - Drew's girlfriend found out about what was going on and had given him an ultimatum.

"If he stays with her, we can't even be friends anymore," Viv carried on, brushing her straight blonde locks out of her face. "That's like losing my best friend."

"Have you told him how you felt?" Mackenzie prodded. "What makes you think he doesn't feel the same way?"

"I don't know. Carter thinks it's a bad move. That I'll scare him off."

"Carter's an idiot, Viv." Mackenzie rolled her eyes, thanking the waiter as he dropped off her cocktail. She took a long sip and shook her head. "That's garbage advice. To me, Drew doesn't love that girl anymore. Not the way he once did. Whatever this is between you two has been more than just sleeping together. Sounds like he has to make a hard decision and he doesn't want to."

Mackenzie watched as her friend poured the rest of her drink down her throat.

"Carter also said I should just date someone else, make Drew jealous. Get him on my side."

"You need to stop listening to Carter Baizen," Mackenzie replied, rolling her eyes. "Viv, you're such a catch. You're smart, employed, super hot, incredibly fun to be around - if Drew is really having such a struggle, it's his loss."

Viv finally smiled and Mackenzie was so grateful for it.

"Speaking of Carter," Viv continued, sitting up straight and motioning to a nearby waiter she wanted another drink. "As previously stated, the guy is into you."

Mackenzie sighed. "I don't believe that and it doesn't make a difference to my life. I'm honestly hardly even friends with the guy. I don't know why his interest in me peaked and I don't want to hurt his feelings -

"That boy does not have feelings," Viv interjected.

"Then he doesn't really have an interest in me. I think he just likes the thrill of a chase, like he wants what he can't have." Mackenzie just shrugged. "He and I will remain casual acquaintances and that's it. Nate does not even like the idea of our friendship anyway, so I'm okay if it just fizzles out."

"I never took you as the type to let a boyfriend tell you who you can be friends with," Viv responded to her.

"Nate didn't tell me I can't be his friend. It's just a decision I'm making on my own and that's okay."

"Well, if there's no more Drew, there's no more Carter anyway," Viv concluded, slowly nodding. She raised her martini to Mackenzie. "Thanks for being a friend, Mack."

* * *

' _Dinner at the loft at six! You may as well remind Leo, too.'_

Nate smiled at the message from Mackenzie as it popped up on his phone. He quickly replied: ' _We'll be on time, don't worry. Also, Humphrey! Make sure you remove those handcuffs from your bed frame before your dad shows up.'_

He knew that message would send her into a small spiral but he just laughed picturing her panicked face. He glanced down at his desk and ran his hand over the mysterious Maya envelope. He still couldn't bring himself to open it.

"Hey Nate?" He looked up as he heard a knock at the door.

"Hey Wheeler, what's up?"

Taylor walked in and handed off a stack of papers to him. "This is the rest of the hard copies of that pile of research you wanted, about the election statistics."

"Thank you." He grabbed the pile and flipped through it quickly.

"Nate, sorry, this is awkward. I just wanted to apologize about the other night. I try really hard to leave my personal baggage at home and not let it affect my work and the last thing I want is you to think I break down and cry here and -

"Taylor, hey, take it easy," Nate cut her off, motioning for her to take a seat across from his desk. He could tell she was getting worked up. "It's okay. I wanted to check in yesterday and see how you were, so I'm sorry."

"Oh," Taylor was quiet in her response, and taken aback. She let out a sigh, running a hand through her hair. "That's nice of you. I mean, thank you. I'm fine. It's just some stupid relationship stuff."

"Well, dating in this city is a real nightmare," Nate replied to her with a smile. "But I'm glad you're feeling better."

Taylor smiled back at him. "Thank you, Nate." She paused. "Can I ask you about that envelope you've been staring at all day? Potential for bad news?"

Nate glanced from her to the envelope on his desk, grabbing it and quickly tucking it away into a drawer.

"Oh I'm sorry, that was overstepping. I just.. Sorry."

"No, no. It's okay. It's been distracting me. Just avoiding finding out some information." Nate sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I'm just stuck fighting off my morals. Just opening that envelope could help put myself at ease but it could also hurt someone I care about. But if I don't open it, I'll just never know."

"You're stuck in a weird grey area," Taylor concluded for him, nodding. "I get it. Like you might cross a line and the risk may not be worth it."

"Yeah, that's exactly it." Nate just shook his head. "But nevermind. Thanks for these reports, I appreciate it." He motioned to the papers she brought in, then his eyes darted back to his computer screen.

"For what it's worth, Nate," Taylor said as she stood up, "You probably already know what you need to do with that envelope."

* * *

"Well, that went better than I expected," Jenny mumbled to her sister as she cleared up dishes in the sink. Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh. It was a fair sentiment. She turned her head to look back towards the table where Rufus, Leo, Nate, Dan and Serena were still sitting, caught up in conversation.

"It definitely helps that Leo is so passionate about music. Dad seems much more engaged about that then hearing about what we're doing with the Foundation." Mackenzie replied, turning back to Jenny. She didn't expect any less from Rufus but it was still annoying. "Is this serious? With Leo?"

"What does serious even mean?" Jenny replied with a smirk. "I have no clue. But he's incredibly kind and I like spending time with him, so. We'll see. As much as I like the idea of being single and able to date whoever I want, I feel really comfortable with Leo even though it's been so quick. So maybe I don't need to be single."

Mackenzie just smiled again and carried on clearing up in the kitchen with her sister. As far as family dinners went, this one was smooth. Admittedly it was nice to catch up with everyone at once. It wasn't often all three kids and their partners would be available to have dinner with Rufus, who was in town without Lisa for a few days. But he would be back for Thanksgiving. Mackenzie was opting to stay with Nate for the weekend to let Rufus stay at the loft solo.

"Hey, when do you hear back?"

"About the test results?" Mackenzie paused and turned to her sister again. Suddenly, Dan showed up beside them with more dishes.

"What test results?" Dan asked as he stood between them, starting to rinse off the dishes. He glanced from Mackenzie to Jenny. "Are one of you pregnant?"

"Oh my god," Jenny groaned out, rolling her eyes.

"You can't just ask people stuff like that, you goon," Mackenzie said, swatting him on the arm.

"Hey, what's going on over there?" All three of the Humphrey siblings turned back towards the sound of their dad's voice.

Mackenzie shared a glance with her sister.

"Just Dan being Dan," Jenny responded with a half smile. They turned back to the sink and turned to each other again.

"It was a fair question - you didn't have any wine at dinner and you had a decaf latte the other day and -

Mackenzie swatted his arm again. "I went to get that genetic testing done," Mackenzie filled Dan in on what test results she was waiting for. Mainly to see her DNA breakdown to compare to Jenny's but she planned on telling Dan about all that when this Maya stuff was dealt with. She lowered her voice. "I get the results on Monday."

"Oh. That's good. I'm glad you're figuring all that out. But why are we whispering about it?"

"Because I don't need the whole world to know all these details about my life, Daniel."

"Ouch. I hate when you hit with me the full name, _Mackenzie._ " She just smirked and nudged him in the arm.

"You three should just leave the dishes. C'mon. We haven't had this many people available for board games in a while. How do we feel about Pictionary? Or Balderdash?"

"Oh, I'm down for Pictionary," Leo jumped in, rubbing his hands together.

"Dude, don't," Nate said to him, shaking his head. He stood up from the table and went to meet Mackenzie near the island.

"Nate, you have to let him experience this Humphrey tradition," Serena said with a smile, moving from the table towards the couch. "Or he'll never learn."

Rufus carried on with Leo about something or other. Mackenzie wasn't listening really, distracted by Nate appearing at her side.

"Well, that wasn't too bad," Nate snaked his arm around her back as they stood side by side. He was comfortable with the Humphrey family but he was still worried about how these events may play out. Maybe it was because he was used to volatile dramatics with his own family or he knew there was lingering animosity with Mackenzie and her dad. But it has been pretty pleasant.

Mackenzie nodded in agreement with him. As the time she spent waiting for her testing results was coming to a close, she knew soon she would have to deal with whatever that testing told her. And likely have a difficult conversation with her dad. At least she had a few days of a buffer still before she really had to cross that bridge. "Luckily you've been a part of this family for a long time, in a way," she said to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Now we just have to tackle Thanksgiving with my family."

Mackenzie had talked with Nate about his family and what she needed to know before meeting most of them. He was treating it pretty casually but she was still feeling pretty anxious overall. Especially to see his grandfather again. To meet him, officially.

Nate leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Don't look so nervous, Humphrey. They're going to love you."

* * *

_A brunch with the Archibalds. Dinner with the Van Der Humphreys. It's a walk in the park, right? What's Thanksgiving without secrets spilling out and hysteric crying?_


	16. Chapter 16

It was a 23 and a half minute cab ride from the Bass Foundation office to Gracie Square. Not that Mackenzie was intentionally counting down the moments until her appointment with the geneticist to finally get her test results. She was just keenly aware she was about to find out some information she may not want.

Mackenzie slowly paced around the lobby, her heels echoing into the grand empty space as she waited for her sister. Jenny agreed without question to come to the appointment with her and Mackenzie was grateful she would have someone's hand to squeeze if needed.

She glanced down at her phone to see a message that Jenny was close by. A sigh escaped Mackenzie's mouth and she double checked the time. Triple checked. She ran a hand through her hair and pushed it to one side of her shoulders, continuing to pace around.

"I'm so sorry I'm almost late! Hope you weren't panicking."

Mackenzie paused and turned to see Jenny walking in, a smirk on her face and oversized purse on her shoulder.

"Is this really my sister Mackenzie wearing Burberry?" Jenny continued, reaching out to analyze the trench Mackenzie was wearing.

"Oh, stop," Mackenzie pushed her sister's hand away. "I've been leaning into some of the suggestions from Nate's styling team and I liked this coat enough to keep it."

Jenny just rolled her eyes and linked onto her sister's arm. "You look great. Although I do remember you complaining a lot about the girls in London wearing tan coats and trying too hard."

"Which is why I insisted on this slate grey and the real thing, not a cheap knock off. And please just let me live, it's one coat."

"And one new pair of Valentino booties," Jenny replied, glancing down at her feet.

Mackenzie just let out a dramatic groan and steered them towards the elevator to head upstairs.

Okay, the studded black boots had been a real indulgence. If Mackenzie was being completely honest, she wasn't used to having disposable income the way she did now as a full time employee for the Bass Foundation. Not that she needed expensive designer clothes but she was surrounded by it. Between meetings with deep pocketed donors and events with Nate, dressing the part had become an essential part of her day to day life. It was nice to play dress up and Jenny always reminded her it was smarter to invest in certain pieces that would last a long time in her closet. Plus, looking put together really helped Mackenzie feel like she knew what she was doing. And letting Nate buy her one pair of shoes had really escalated.

As they walked into the doctor's office, Mackenzie's brain went from her fashion worries to what was really more important: her genetic makeup. She had to put her thoughts into two different silos - she was going to find out how her genetics matched her sister and beyond that, she was also going to find out if she potentially had that same marker in her DNA that could lead to the same issues their mom died from. In all this worry about Maya, that was pushed far into the back of her mind. There were two ideal solutions she was waiting for.

She was hesitant about returning to the doctor who had leaked out her information to William Vanderbilt, too. But her pained curiosity helped her get beyond that issue.

Mackenzie and Jenny sat quietly in the small meeting room of the doctor's office. Jenny mumbled quietly to herself about design mockups as she scrolled through her emails. Mackenzie tangled her hands together, enduring a mental battle over her most rational and irrational thoughts.

Mackenzie glanced at her own phone for a few moments. She smiled at the encouraging messages from Nate. Then her face fell as she moved past a long conversation with Maya, which was mostly one-sided. She wasn't sure what was going to happen.

Her thoughts were derailed when the doctor finally came into the office. She had chatted with him briefly before the initial testing and felt him to be pleasant enough. After brief introductions, he opened the folder.

"So, Mackenzie. It's easy enough. You don't have the genetic marker that matched your mother." Mackenzie let out a sigh of relief as Jenny grabbed her hand, a small smile growing on her face.

"Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?"

Mackenzie glanced from her doctor to Jenny, then reached to grab a copy of her paperwork.

"This is all confidential, right?" Mackenzie asked him.

She watched him let out a breath and remove his glasses. He gave her a weak smile. "Of course."

"I'm wondering if you could just help determine something else for us. If you could even compare my results with my sister's test results. What on here indicates we're related?"

Jenny grabbed some papers out of her purse and laid them on the table.

"Well, let's take a look," the man continued, grabbing Jenny's paperwork. "Siblings that share the same two parents usually have a DNA match of 50%. So you would share half your DNA, because each of you would share half with your parents. Does that make sense?"

Mackenzie just nodded. She appreciated him explaining it in a language she understood - math and percentages.

"But if you only shared one parent, your DNA match likely wouldn't exceed 25%."

"Can you tell that from those tests?"

He glanced down at the papers in front of him, taking a few moments to compare a few different statistics between the two. To Mackenzie, it was agonizing. She wanted to scream at him to do this faster, to tell her what she needed to hear so she could just deal. She took a few long deep breaths to try and remain calm as he looked at the numbers.

"This would be a lot easier if you had both gone to the same doctor, so let's see if we can get a digital copy of this," he said to them shortly, grabbing Jenny's file. "Do you mind if I call your doctors office? This shouldn't take long."

Jenny just nodded. "Yes. We can wait."

Mackenzie collapsed onto the table as the doctor exited.

"Well, that was one piece of good news so far," Jenny said quietly, gently patting her sister on the back as she laid her head on the table.

"Yes. Let's just hope we can go two for two here, Mackenzie muttered out. She sat up and pulled her phone out as she started to feel it buzzing in the pocket of her jeans.

She glanced down at the screen as it continued to vibrate with a phone call.

Jenny looked over at it, too. "Why is Carter Baizen calling you?"

Mackenzie just shrugged and dismissed the call. She was not in the headspace to deal with Carter. Admittedly, she didn't mind having Carter as a friend. They got along well enough and he was always a nice challenge in conversation. But after talking to Viv about him, she had been having serious doubts about his intentions. She didn't take Carter Baizen as the type to have a lot of girls he was _just friends_ with. Perhaps she was being judgemental but she knew enough about the male species to keep her guard up. She thought she had been perfectly platonic with people before only to have them have different intentions. And truly it wasn't fair to anyone involved.

When she didn't take his call, a text from Carter came in next: ' _Mackenzie! You free tonight? Call me back, doll.'_

She just rolled her eyes and dismissed the message.

A few moments later, the doctor returned with a laptop. He returned to his seat and smiled at both the girls.

"Okay, so. Our basic algorithm is just finishing off running a comparison between your DNA breakdowns and it will give us an answer to your question." He paused and looked back to the screen. Mackenzie clutched her hands together and watched as his eyes moved.

"So your DNA data can be reduced down to this: this tracks what are called centiMorgans, which is just like a unit of measurement. Full siblings and half siblings can share a range of these, making up your percentages. The information I'm going to give you isn't 100% accurate but should give you some peace of mind. You two share over 3,000 of these centiMorgans which is a huge amount for full siblings and if you were to compare it to -

Jenny's eyes flew open. "So, that means we share the same parents?"

"I will say with nearly 100% certainty you do. The only way to guarantee would be to test your parents too but that wouldn't be possible anymore for you both, of course." The doctor paused and smiled at them. "But I hope this answers any questions or concerns you may have had. I'll print the report for you to take home." He gave them a final nod then stood to leave.

Mackenzie let out a sigh and reached over to Jenny, wrapping her halfway into a hug. "Oh my god, what a relief."

Jenny clutched onto her sister. "Okay, before you lose it about what to do next, let's go get dinner or at least a glass of wine."

"It's like you read my mind."

* * *

Much to her excitement, Chuck advised Mackenzie to let the Bass Foundation have a half day the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. She spent her afternoon tidying up at the loft and packing an overnight bag to stay at Nate's. She then promptly left to avoid running into her dad who was to be staying there for the long weekend.

After the news Monday, Mackenzie felt a serious sense of relief over the _paternity_ situation. But she knew she probably owed her father a serious, honest conversation. She wasn't sure how to start that and while she desperately wanted to just text him, she knew it had to be in person. It was a face to face topic and she had to be an adult about it. She just didn't want to deal with it yet. She also had to figure out what to do about Maya. She ended up explaining she got her results and despite the data, Maya was still insisting they get together and talk about it. Mackenzie was uncertain that was a good idea. So she was avoiding her, too.

She ran a few errands before heading to Nate's late Wednesday afternoon. He was still going to be at work for a few more hours and Mackenzie was looking forward to doing a bit of _nothing_ until he got home.

Mackenzie wanted nothing to mean catching up on bad television or reading but it turned into napping on the couch. She didn't realize how tired she was.

She didn't even stir until she heard the door opening when Nate came home.

"Hey," Nate said softly as he walked over to the couch as she lifted her head off the pillow. "I guess this explains why you didn't text me back." He leaned down and kissed her forehead, then pulled away to take off his coat.

"This is not what I wanted to do this afternoon but apparently I was exhausted," she replied as she pulled herself up into a sitting position, still draped in a blanket. "You managed to escape the office on time?"

"Earlier than I thought, even," Nate said as he moved a few bags onto the kitchen island. "You hungry?"

Mackenzie just nodded and moved over towards him in the kitchen, taking a seat at one of the stools at the island. She peered into one of the bags curiously.

"I'm gonna go change," Nate said as he unpacked some of the groceries. "Dan dropped off some records for me today if you want to pick one out while we cook dinner."

"We?" Mackenzie gave him a sly smile.

"Yes, this is a team effort, Humphrey." Nate smirked at her and leaned in, gently joining his lips with hers. "Plus, we're celebrating, you know."

Before Mackenzie could question him, he kissed her quickly again and disappeared down the hallway.

She just smiled to herself, now even more curious about what he meant by his statement. Celebrating the long weekend? The Spectator's recent growth? The answer to Mackenzie's genetic woes?

She dug into the bag of records from Dan and flipped through the choices. She paused at an old Ella Fitzgerald compilation that had a sticky note attached: _Mom's fave._

Mackenzie couldn't help but smile at Dan's written commentary and went over to set up Nate's record player. She stood there for a few moments as the scratching noises turned to soft jazz and melodic voices.

It took Nate's arms wrapping around her from behind to break her away from the music. She clutched onto his arms as he held onto her.

"So, what are we celebrating?" Mackenzie said as she leaned her head back onto his shoulder.

Nate brushed her hair away and kissed her neck, laughing. "It's kind of silly."

Mackenzie spun around as Nate's hands stayed locked around her, resting on her lower back. She raised her eyebrows at him. "Try me."

"Well, it was this day three years ago now when a particularly bad ice storm stranded me in Brooklyn." Nate released his hands as a smile grew on her face. He led her towards the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge as she sat back on the stool.

"So, we're celebrating my ex-boyfriend breaking up with me?" Mackenzie smirked as he handed her a glass of wine.

She remembered that night quite fondly. Nate Archibald showing up at her door, a knight in shining armour donning a soaking wet suit. Crying her eyes out on the kitchen floor. Getting drunk. Falling asleep beside Nate. Everything changing.

"We're celebrating the series of events that lead to us finally being honest with each other. It didn't help that I couldn't resist flirting with you for weeks leading up to your break up."

"Yeah. Well, the universe really wanted you to make things right with Jackie Humphrey after all."

Nate let out a groan and smiled at her. "You know, I wanted this celebration to be romantic."

Mackenzie just laughed then let out a breath. "Nate, trust me when I say this: you changed my life three years ago. This day will always be special to me. To us."

"I love you, Mack."

Mackenzie turned to face him as he stood beside her, tilting her head up to kiss him. "Remember how I wouldn't even let you kiss me the next day?"

"Oh, I remember. I think you're the first girl to ever resist me like that." He smirked at her, staying close enough to rest his forehead against hers.

"Good thing I'll always be here to keep your ego in check, Archibald."

Nate kissed her again, a smile spreading across his face.

"C'mere," he said quietly, taking her hand and pulling her to stand up. "Why did you pick this album?" He directed her into his tiny kitchen and tucked an arm behind her back, starting to sway with her. He hummed along to the Louis Armstrong duet flowing through their ears.

Mackenzie just laughed, blushing at his actions as they started to dance in his kitchen.

_God, I love this man._

"My mom went through a big jazz phase when we were kids," she replied. "Well, an Ella phase at least." She rested her head on his shoulder as they swayed around. "Not Rufus' favourite but he did buy her this record, if my memory is correct."

"Not my favourite either," Nate replied with a laugh. "But I see the appeal." He ran his hand up and down her back as they moved to the music.

"I like this." Mackenzie said quietly, closing her eyes. "This moment. Can we just stay right here forever?"

"Yes, yes we can."

—

Reminiscing about their night three years ago lead to reminiscing about their _first time_ together so after dinner, they found themselves back in the hot tub then quickly horizontal on Nate's bed.

Afterwards, Mackenzie was sitting in bed, draped in just a T-shirt and her underwear, texting with Jenny about Thanksgiving. It was bound to be a long day. Really, a long weekend.

Nate and Mackenzie were heading to brunch with the Vanderbilt family in the morning followed by dinner with everyone at Lily's. And a drive out to Albany Saturday for dinner with the Archibald's. Frankly, it was overwhelming. But at least she'd have Nate by her side the whole time.

"Found it." Mackenzie looked up to see Nate heading back into the room, dressed in just a pair of plaid pajama pants. She smiled at the sight of him. There was something about his casual, vulnerable bedtime appearance that warmed her heart. He joined her on the bed, holding a framed photo in his hands. "This is from the Vanderbilt reunion years ago."

"Are you all wearing matching suit jackets?" Mackenzie looked down at the photo to analyze. It was exactly how she pictured Nate's family to look - stoic and elegant, all at the same time. She knew his family had a legacy - it wasn't hard to learn the history of the Vanderbilts in New York City. But all of a sudden, the idea of diving in headfirst and being a part of it all seemed overwhelming.

"Yes, with the family crest," Nate replied to her, almost embarrassed by the entire concept. "It's just tradition."

"Is this where we're going tomorrow?"

Nate shook his head. "This is at the family estate. We'll be there for Christmas. But my uncle William is hosting Thanksgiving at their place tomorrow. Tripp's parents' place."

Mackenzie nodded then her eyes went wide. "Oh my god. Your hair." She narrowed in on Nate in the family photo. "Okay, Justin Beiber."

"Oh, come on. That's not fair," Nate laughed. "I can't be blamed for my 16 year old hairstyles."

"So who can we blame? Blair?"

"No, we were broken up around this time," Nate shrugged. "Actually, it was your brother and Vanessa who came to the family reunion with me."

"That's right. You dated Vanessa, too," Mackenzie said, turning to smirk at him. "That's cute, actually."

"Okay, enough about my past relationships," Nate smiled and rolled his eyes. "Let's see." He scanned over the photo and started to point out his family members. "That's Grandfather. Easy enough. Family patriarch, high standards, hard to please. But he's the one who taught me to love sailing and has pushed me to take a lot of steps in life."

Mackenzie just nodded, biting her tongue. She was apprehensive about _meeting_ William Vanderbilt again. The day he visited her office was still burned into her mind. She knew she would be civil but she was worried for how it may play out.

Nate continued on about his family. "And of course my grandmother, we just call her Cherry. Obviously Tripp will be there and his dad William, and his mom, my aunt Patricia. My great aunt and her family will be there too, the Hathaway's. My uncle Robert and aunt Genevieve and their kids. There's my cousins Bronson and Bryant and Gracie." Mackenzie nodded as he spoke. "And my mom's sister Emily and her husband my uncle Tobias, the Burke's. And my cousins Eliza, Louisa and TJ." He paused and looked over at Mackenzie. "You following along here?"

"Not even a little bit. You lost me at Grandma Cherry." Mackenzie shrugged and gave him a coy smile.

Nate just laughed and put the photo down on the side table. "Well, I'll guide you along. It's going to be painless."

"I hope so," Mackenzie replied, sighing.

"Do you want tea? I picked up some of that hibiscus stuff you like," Nate asked as he turned towards her and kissed her forehead.

"I would love that," she said with a grateful smile. "Thank you."

Nate kissed her again then stood up, heading to the kitchen.

Mackenzie leaned back onto the headboard as she watched him walk away, happily letting Max rest in her lap after jumping up on the bed. She started to feel something buzzing and she looked to Nate's side of the bed to see his phone ringing.

"Nate!" She called out. "Your phone is ringing!"

She didn't mean to look at it any further, though she couldn't help but notice it was Taylor Wheeler's name coming up on the caller ID. The call ended moments later. Nate didn't hurry back from the kitchen so it must have not been important.

Mackenzie tried not to think about why Taylor Wheeler might be calling Nate at nearly midnight on a Wednesday. Especially before a holiday. She tried not to over analyze or let her mind go off track. And she certainly didn't want to look at his phone as a message popped up on his screen too. But she did. She shouldn't have looked but she leaned over and looked anyway.

The message was from Taylor: ' _thanks for the recommendation! My parents loved the restaurant. And you were right, the crab cakes were unreal lol :)'_

Mackenzie shook her head and returned to her position sitting up right. That was harmless. But she was still bothered by Nate's young female coworker messaging him well beyond normal working hours.

_You wouldn't be bothered if it was Leo, Mackenzie. Let it go._

She took a few deep breaths and tried not to worry. This was not a big deal. This was one text message. There were more important things to worry about.

_Let it go._

* * *

Mackenzie knew the Vanderbilt family had money but it hit her even harder at specific moments. Like pulling up to the five story recovered family brownstone on East 79th street. Gentrification aside, it was a beautiful home and easily worth more money than Mackenzie could even wrap her head around.

She clutched onto Nate's hand as they exited the cab and climbed the front stairs to the door. Nate squeezed her hand as he knocked, giving her a supportive smile.

She found out that morning that Tripp was bringing his girlfriend over for their first big family event, too. So she took so comfort in knowing she likely wasn't alone in her anxiety about meeting the whole family. She was nervous about everything - from her navy blue skirt and black halter neck blouse ("Nate, are you sure this looks okay?") to not bringing anything as a gift ("We could pick up some florals on the way?") to _meeting_ William Vanderbilt again ("Mack, he's going to love you.")

But once that door swung open, all Mackenzie could do was dive in.

"Nathaniel, hello! Happy Thanksgiving."

Mackenzie was surprised when Nate's uncle pulled her into a hug as they met. It put her at ease for a brief moment before the headed further into the house.

Despite having dated for half a year before, Mackenzie had managed to avoid all of Nate's family functions. She had been out of the country for Christmas and Easter had been soon after the gala incident and they had chosen to lay low. Then their relationship ended and it was as if this girl Nate had been talking about for months never existed.

But he was elated to be showing her off now. He hasn't brought a girlfriend to Thanksgiving events in a long time. Maybe since Blair. He was serious about Mackenzie and hoped it would be clear to his family.

They made their way around the house, saying hello and meeting any family member they came across.

Mackenzie was quick to sort his family into categories: stiff and, well, less stiff. She was happy to see Tripp and made sympathetic eyes with Monica who was in the same situation as her. But, she was making it through.

As if on cue, the last person Mackenzie met as they got deeper into the house was William Vanderbilt himself. He extended his hand out and offered Mackenzie a warm smile as Nate made introductions.

"It's so wonderful to finally meet you, Mackenzie," William said to her, clasping her hands in his. "Nathaniel has spoken so highly about you."

"I've heard so many things about you, too, William," she replied, doing her best to keep a genuine smile on her face. Before they could continue, he turned to Nate.

"Can I borrow you for a moment?"

Nate glanced over at Mackenzie who just waved her hand. "You go ahead." He gave her a glance as if to ask: _are you sure?_

She just smiled at him and nodded.

She could hear William say the word _campaign plan_ as they headed towards the back of the house. Before Mackenzie could get very far, she felt an arm cross over her shoulders. She turned to see Howard, holding a flute of bubbling juice.

"I thought you might need this," he said to her with a smirk. "Champagne with a splash of orange juice."

"It's like you read my mind," Mackenzie said with a laugh.

"They're not all so bad," Howard continued as they walked through to the formal living room. Most of Nate's cousins were gathered there, feet kicked up on the coffee table and watching the parade repeat on the mounted television. They paused behind the couch and Howard released her from his arm. "But we still have an entire meal to suffer through."

—

Mackenzie made it through brunch. Not without some help.

It turns out, there was some solidarity between all the family members who married into the Vanderbilt tree. And they were especially helpful to both Monica and Mackenzie to make it through the meal. Anthony, the husband to Nate's cousin Louisa, was really helpful. Well, his flask that never seemed to empty was helpful.

It was right after they finished eating that Mackenzie found herself meandering through a small hallway exiting the powder room off the kitchen. And she ran right into Nate's grandfather. It wasn't a surprise she needed the assistance of Anthony's secret flask after she spoke with William.

" _It was so nice to have you here with us today, Mackenzie," William said flatly. "And I appreciate you keeping our first meeting to yourself."_

_Mackenzie just swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded._

" _I have a lot of high hopes for Nathaniel's future," William continued. "And I'm really hoping the next couple of months go smoothly."_

" _So do I," she finally muttered out, crossing her arms. She didn't want to show her discomfort but she felt her heart rate pick up as he looked at her._

" _How did your appointments at Gracie Square work out?" William paused and narrowed his eyes. "You don't have to go into details with me. As long as whatever is happening can be swept away." He continued before she could say anything else. "And I've been doing some research about the medication sertraline. Have you heard of it? Apparently increased doses can have uncomfortable side effects. Especially paired with alcohol. So I do hope you're taking care of yourself." He put his hand on her shoulder for a brief moment then smiled and walked away._

_As she stood there alone, her brain raced. Clearly there were no boundaries anymore. How on earth could Nate's grandfather know about her anxiety medication? She knew at that moment this wasn't going to be easy for her. If her future involved marrying into the family, it was going to be challenging at times. And she knew that shouldn't have driven her to drink more, but it seemed like the only answer._

Nate was not impressed to find Mackenzie drunk by the time he had called a cab to take them to the Van Der Woodsen's. It was unintentional but Nate spent most of the day in his uncle's study, discussing his campaign with his grandfather and uncles. He didn't intend to leave Mackenzie on her own for so long after they ate but when he realized she had found some solace with his cousins, he knew she would be okay.

Until he realized that meant his cousin's husband helping her self medicate with a flask of whisky.

"Nate, I handle my alcohols very well, I'm sure no one noticed. Plus, your entire family clan was just going on-and-on-and-on about how Tripp brought home someone _not white_ so," Mackenzie said to him as he climbed into the cab beside her.

"You can't battle my aunt's racism with alcohol, Mackenzie," Nate replied to her, rolling his eyes.

"You left me alone all afternoon! I had to fend for myself." Mackenzie sighed then closed her eyes. "Your grandmother said I have good child bearing hips. And your mother, Queen Anne, agreed with a laugh."

"Mack," Nate shifted and grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spend so much time locked away today. It was just.. there's a lot of complicated stuff behind the scenes of a political campaign and I've been avoiding it for a while." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "But I'm still cutting you off. No wine tonight."

She sighed and opened her eyes to look over at him. "I'msorry for overindulging." She wanted to tell him about her conversation with William but couldn't muster the courage. "Is everything okay? With the champagne? Sorry. Campaign. The word is campaign. I know that."

Nate glanced over at her, forcing a smile on his face.

" _So, I was reading over your campaign plan and I couldn't help but make some notes about some of these policies."_

" _Do we have to do this today?" Nate plunked down onto the couch across from his Grandfather in his uncle's study. "It's still a draft."_

" _I'm aware. That's very clear. I thought Kenneth would be giving you more guidance here." William flipped through the stacks of paper and paused. "I think it would be better for you to remain more neutral about some of these far left ideas. Especially surrounding gun control policies. This is an incredulous take for an exaggerated municipal campaign."_

_Nate grabbed the paperwork from his grandfather and glanced at the notes. "You think this is too extreme?"_

" _Nathaniel. You've got to consider who you want to back this campaign financially. Many of them won't agree if they've got their investments with other organizations too." William sighed and took a sip of his drink. "I was really hoping by now you would have changed your mind about the Kennedy offer."_

_Nate rolled his eyes and stood up, walking towards the back row of bookcases lining the wall. "I'm not talking to you about this again. You can't just offer me up as a pawn to Christopher Kennedy. I'm not interested in Cassandra and frankly, your insistence is starting to offend me."_

" _Hey now, I'm just trying to help you. This is the big leagues, Nathaniel. You've built a great foundation with the public but this is about to get more serious. Our family name will only get you so far without the proper backing forces. You need to seriously consider these options before you. And amending these policies. Sometimes a soft approach is a better place to start."_

_Nate let out another breath and just nodded to appease his grandfather. As much as he wanted to avoid it, he knew guidance from his politically inclined family and their friends was vital to help his campaign. He just wished it didn't come at the potential cost of sacrificing his personal relationships or morals._

"Yes, everything is okay with the campaign. Grandfather is just seriously opinionated and I was hoping that might change as I grew up but it was wishful thinking." He extended his arm over her shoulders and pulled her close. "Now, are you gonna make it through the night, you lush?"

As they rode up the elevator to the Van Der Woodsen's penthouse, Mackenzie leaned into Nate. "Okay, I am regretting these heels and the whisky and only nibbling at my food earlier…"

"Well, let's just make it through round two then you can pass out in my bed," Nate laughed, planting a kiss on her head. "C'mon." As the elevator dinged, he took her hand and led her inside.

"Hey, also, your cousin Bryant told me Anderson Cooper is one of your distant cousins? You didn't point him out in your family photo?" Mackenzie rambled on as they walked into the apartment. Nate just rolled his eyes as he took her coat.

He tucked his arm around her back and walked with her into the living room. "Can we talk about the family tree later?"

Mackenzie paused and turned towards Nate, grabbing his arm. "Yes. Especially _Grandfather_ William Vanderbilt. I think I should tell you that-"

Mackenzie was cut off by her sister appearing in front of them. "I'm so glad you're finally here!" She pulled her sister into a hug then turned to smile at Nate. "Wine?"

"No, she needs a cup of coffee," Nate jumped in, giving Mackenzie a curious look as she mentioned his grandfather.

"I had a bit too much to drink this afternoon," Mackenzie admitted, pursing her lips together to hold back a smile. "I don't think Archibald is happy about it."

"Okay, well, I'm going to go figure out Lily's fancy coffee machine if you can be responsible for her," Nate said to Jenny, letting go of Mackenzie and heading off towards the kitchen.

"Was it really that bad?" Jenny hooked her arm with her sister's and laughed as they headed further into the apartment. As usual, Lily has committed to the full Thanksgiving decor with beautiful autumnal fabrics and elaborate centrepieces. A long family style table was set, encompassing the dining room and a rearranged living room.

"No, it was fine. They're mainly all lovely people," Mackenzie stammered out, holding on to Jenny's arm. "You know I just get into my head."

"Miss Kenzie!"

Mackenzie turned to see Henry bounding towards her, dressed in a perfect little suit with matching maroon bow tie. He had a stuffed dinosaur tucked under his arm.

"Hey Henry," Mackenzie replied to him with a smile.

"Will you come play with me?" He reached for Mackenzie's free hand to tug her away from Jenny.

"Of course," Mackenzie said with a smile, pulling away from her sister. She glanced around the room quickly, taking an inventory of who was there. "Is dad here alone?"

Jenny nodded. "Apparently Lisa is in Seattle with her family."

"Kenzie, come on," Henry repeated.

"Okay, take it easy on her, Hen," Jenny called after them as Henry led Mackenzie towards the couch near the fireplace.

Nate ventured into the kitchen to find something to try and help Mackenzie return to a normal sober state of mind. Their day had already felt so long yet he knew they still had to sit through a four course Thanksgiving feast Lily had prepared. Or, paid catering to prepare. He shuffled behind the catering staff and paused in front of the espresso machine on the counter, fiddling with a few buttons.

He saw Lily hurry into the kitchen and he gave her a warm smile.

"Nate, hi," Lily said, extending an arm out to give him a quick half hug. "I'm so glad you and Mackenzie made it."

He smiled in response and watched as espresso poured into a coffee cup. "Thanks for having us."

Lily dismissed his words with a smile. "Of course, it went without question to include you both." She paused and glanced around the kitchen. "And right on time. I think we're nearly ready to go here."

Lily gave Nate another gentle pat on the shoulder then turned away, muttering something about the desserts.

Nate grabbed the coffee cup and went back into the dining room, scanning around to find Mackenzie. He was quickly intercepted by Chuck.

"I figured you'd need something stronger than that today," Chuck commented, motioning to the mug in Nate's hand.

"This is for my drunk girlfriend, actually," Nate said with a smirk.

"I see she handled the Vanderbilts appropriately."

Nate just rolled his eyes. "I mean, I don't blame her. Grandfather stole me away for most of the day and my cousins can be a lot to take in."

"Hey. I meant to ask. Did anything come from that digging? About the prodigal sister?"

Nate shook his head. "I didn't even open the envelope, if I'm being honest. Mackenzie's results came back and she's a full Humphrey so I've just let the whole thing go."

"Huh." Chuck paused to take a sip from his drink. "Andrew doesn't always follow up but he had messaged me about it the other day. Said the whole thing was a lot juicer than he would have thought and was curious to see what happened."

Nate tilted his head as he listened to his friend. Maybe he should read the envelope anyway. It didn't make much of a difference now. "Well, hopefully none of that matters. I think Mack drew the line in the sand with Maya so that chapter can be closed now."

"Well, you should probably go deliver that before Miss Kenzie slurs more words with my son." Chuck just laughed as he motioned across the room to Mackenzie and Henry sitting on the couch, laughing about whatever the young boy was rambling on about with his toys.

—

By the time dinner was over, Mackenzie was feeling worse and worse. She hadn't been day drunk in a while so being day _hungover_ was not especially great. She was hiding out in the kitchen as the catering crew finished cleaning up, picking at the remains of a pecan pie with Eric and Jenny.

"So, how are things with Elliot going?" Mackenzie asked Eric, nudging him with her arm.

"Incredibly well. Mainly because we are taking it one date at a time and keeping it quiet from most people in our life. Which means you two are the only one who know." Eric gave them each a hard glance. "Not that anyone in this mixed up family holds onto secrets very well."

"Speaking of secrets," Jenny's face flushed red as she turned to her sister. "I have a confession."

Mackenzie's face fell as she looked at Jenny.

"I told Eric the news."

"Happy to hear there's no extra love child causing a family rift," Eric said quietly, taking another bite of the pie.

"Why do I trust you with any information, Jen?" Mackenzie rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Please don't be mad." Jenny paused and quickly glanced around the room. "I also told Dan."

"Oh my god, Jennifer." Mackenzie put down the cutlery she was holding and threw her hands up. "Honestly. Why do you think that was a good idea?"

—

"Hey Nate, can I talk to you for a second?" Dan slid into the chair beside his friend near the end of the table, as most people dispersed after dinner.

Nate tucked his phone away and shifted in his chair to face Dan. "What's up?"

"Jen just told me about the situation with this Maya girl. What happened?"

Nate sighed. He really wanted this to be wrapped up, chapter closed. But he had a funny feeling that wasn't going to happen. "Listen, don't be mad if Mack didn't want to tell you."

"I'm not mad. I'm more concerned, I guess. And a little bothered she kept this to herself instead of, you know, telling her actual family."

"You know how she gets in her head." Nate sighed. "I think it's all done, now. I mean, I was worried about how legitimate this girl was but now that Mack had the testing done, none of that matters anymore. Maya can just be a thing of the past."

"Did you just say Maya?" Nate and Dan both turned to face Rufus who was suddenly standing behind them. "Someone named Maya showed up at the loft looking for Mackenzie late last night."

Nate's eyes opened wide. "Really?"

Rufus nodded, then shrugged. "She seemed a little anxious but I just turned her away. I was going to mention it to Mack."

Nate stood up. "Excuse me a second." He hurried towards the kitchen and found Mackenzie in the middle of a heated argument with Jenny.

"That wasn't your information to tell, Jen."

"Well, you weren't going to say anything about it so I thought it was only fair to share now that it's all over."

"Mack," Nate paused on the far side of the island and peered over at his girlfriend. "Maya showed up at the loft last night. I thought you cut things off with her."

"Are you serious?" Jenny turned to Nate then back to Mackenzie. "That's super weird."

"I did…" Mackenzie trailed off, shaking her head.

"Who's Maya?" Rufus stood beside Nate and looked between everyone. "Am I missing something here?"

"Mack, you need to tell him," Jenny urged her sister. "Come on. It doesn't matter now."

"Tell me what?"

Mackenzie let out a sigh and walked out of the kitchen. She didn't _need_ to do anything. She paused and looked around the room. Lily, Serena, Chuck and Blair were tucked into the couches in the corner but all were turned to look towards Mackenzie. She stood a few feet away from Rufus, who was leaning against the island with his arms crossed.

Nate stood a few feet away from her, eyes darting between Mackenzie and Rufus.

"Mackenzie, what's going on?"

"Listen, I don't want to do this right now," she said quietly, running a hand through her hair.

"He deserves to know, Mack," Dan said with a sigh, motioning to Rufus.

"Fine." Mackenzie threw her hands up then crossed her arms to match her dad's pose.

"About a month ago, this girl, Maya, showed up at my office. Long story short, well, her name is Maya Peron. She said she was my sister." Mackenzie let out a breath then summarized everything else that happened, wrapping up with the genetic testing results.

"I was going to tell you," she said to Rufus, "and Dan and everyone else. When I felt it was best. This isn't how you were supposed to find out."

This time Rufus threw his hands up. "You didn't think you should talk to me about this directly? At no point in the last three weeks you could have told me you were questioning your parentage?"

Mackenzie took a deep breath and shrugged, doing her best to control her heart rate. "You know this whole thing is really complicated for me."

"I'm your father, Mackenzie. Can't you see how this whole thing hurts me?"

She felt Nate put a hand on her shoulder. Preventatively. He knew she wouldn't like what Rufus just said.

"Are you joking? Is this really happening? You're making this all about you?" She shook Nate's hand away.

"Mack," Dan took a step towards his sister.

Mackenzie whipped her head around to look at her brother. "Don't." She paused. "You always take his side, Dan."

Rufus shook his head then rubbed his face, confused and frustrated. "I'm not making this all about me. And there's no sides here! This is about our family, Mack. How could you go behind our backs all this time and look into this stranger's claims? Just because she tells you a story about her father and your mom."

"You know, you're treating me like a bad guy when _you_ started this."

Rufus pursed his lips, holding back a reactive comment.

"You're the one who ripped this open years ago. Do you know how it felt to come across that old buried paternity test? And that letter you wrote mom?"

"Mackenzie, I have apologized for that so many times."

Mackenzie tried hard to listen to her dad's words but she had a hard time believing him.

"You know, actions speak louder than words." She closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath. "I have so many clear memories from childhood that have left a huge void. This void." She motioned between herself and Rufus. "I remember you coming home from some weekend away when we were kids. It was after school one day you showed up. Jen rushed up to you and you wrapped her in a hug. You went up to Dan and ruffled his hair, asked him about his music class. And I was sitting at the table doing homework and you just smiled at me and moved on. It felt like I was in third place. Always in third place."

"Mackenzie, I-

"You didn't even hug me! The worst part is that you didn't try. You didn't even bother to try." She took a deep breath. "Third place."

"He can't turn back time, Mack," Dan added in, crossing his arms and glancing between her and their father.

"Dan, stay out of it," Jenny called to her brother.

"All my life there have been these wild double standards of the way you treat me compared to Dan and Jen. And literally the only difference is that at one point you must have made some sort of conscious decision to treat me as a second class citizen." Mackenzie ran a hand through her hair, pacing in a small circle. "You hold all these things against me - like how I live in the loft for free or how you helped pay my tuition or -

"That's not fair," Rufus cut her off, visibly frustrated. His tone of voice was growing louder.

Nate took a step forward to place himself between Mackenzie and her father.

"You've taken this one indiscretion, this one seed of doubt I had, and blown it out of proportion. You don't know what your mother and I went through. What we struggled through. How we tried so hard to fix it but it was broken. Because she cheated on me, emotionally and physically and -

"Leave mom out of this!" Mackenzie was shouting back. "You know, at least she was always _honest_ with me. And to think she used to apologize for your behaviour. You didn't deserve that. You say you've apologized but for what? For having doubts in mom, sure. But you never apologized for the distance you put between us. God forbid you actually call me and see how things are going instead of asking Dan or Jen."

"Just because I show how I care in different ways than you want doesn't make me a villain, Mackenzie. And you're one to talk. You've been calling me Rufus and not _dad_ since you left for college. You built a wall to keep me out."

"Because I had to!" Mackenzie could feel herself shaking. She didn't want to do this anymore. "You're not even listening to me right now. The whole reason I even thought this Maya girl could be telling the truth is that it would give me some sort of explanation for why you treated me like shit. I wanted to give you an excuse. Do you understand that? Yes, you think I'm being selfish and that this is all about me - because, well, for once it is. Maya had some sort of relationship with her dad and I was so deeply jealous because I didn't have one with mine." She just shook her head and looked over at Rufus. "Sorry, I don't. I don't have a relationship with my dad."

She could feel a well of tears reach her eyes. Nate appeared beside her with their coats.

"Mack, lets go get some air."

Rufus opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out.

Mackenzie gave her father one last look, then let Nate help her slip on her coat. He took her hand and led her towards the elevator.

As the doors shut in front of them, Mackenzie collapsed into Nate's shoulder, sobbing. Everything was out in the open so what was she going to do now?

* * *

_We all know the wholesome Humphries have dealt with a complicated history below the surface. But what happens now that everything is on the table? Resolutions aren't just for the new year._


	17. Chapter 17

It wasn't the first time the Humphrey family displayed such dramatics and it likely wouldn't be the last. But it had been so long since Mackenzie had let herself _feel_ that much about her dad and as cathartic as it was to finally let everything out, all she could think about afterwards was that it had happened in front of _everyone_. She really felt her emotions were out of sync with her brain lately and even though her anxiety was mostly kept at bay, after this episode, she was still reeling from it.

Nate was so patient with her and she couldn't express her gratitude enough. Actually, she couldn't express her gratitude at all. All she could do was hyperventilate and sob, from the elevator to the cab to the journey upwards to Nate's apartment. She cried, cried, cried. And Nate rubbed her back, made her a tea, held her, and planted kisses on the top of her head.

She eventually passed out. It was a familiar sleep - her head only hitting the pillow because of the exhaustion winning over her anxiety.

Nate was proud of Mackenzie for being so honest but watching her crumble in his arms afterwards was not worth it for him. He racked his brain again and again for words to say to comfort her, to help her through it, but he wasn't sure anything he said would be helpful. He just laid with her and rubbed her back, cooing supportive phrases into her ears as she eventually fell asleep. He hadn't seen her fall apart in such a way in a long time. The last time he had seen such tears streaming down her face was Allison's funeral. He hated seeing her in pain.

He knew the relationship Mackenzie had with Rufus was complicated. She didn't talk about it in detail very often, probably because it was easier to just keep at bay, but there were layers to it. And during all this drama with Maya, he knew it would all come to a head eventually. Nothing really prepares a person for how to deal with unpacking years of guilt, resentment and repressed emotions. He guessed Mackenzie hadn't dealt with the situation on a surface level in a long time. So, it was like everything happened all at once.

Nate was awoken early the following morning, his phone buzzing off the side table. He slipped out of bed and walked slowly down the hall to answer it.

He was surprised to find Leo on the other end of his call.

"Hey man, what's up?"

"Sorry to wake you on a Friday off Nate, but I just got a message from Marie. She fell and smashed her knee yesterday. You know, red wine and slippery steps"

"What? Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she ended up in the ER and she's in a cast for a few weeks. I think she's gonna be off until the New Year. We may need to figure out an interim office manager and assistant for you. I just wanted to give you a heads up before you checked anything."

"Well, thanks for letting me know. Maybe we can send her a fruit basket or something on Monday? Or is that stupid?"

Leo laughed on the other end of the call. "No, I think that's a good idea. I'll get Lindsay to send something next week. Oh. And we need to be in DC next week, too. Did Marie already set us up?"

"I think it was all in my calendar but we can figure that out on Monday. Thanks dude. Enjoy the long weekend."

Nate sighed and glanced down at the clock on his phone. It was still early but he was awake. He knew the night before had taken a lot out of Mackenzie and truthfully, even he was having a hard time wrapping his head around everything that had happened. He wanted to do everything in his power to protect her but when it came to these deep rooted issues with her dad, it wasn't easy for him to understand.

What he really wanted to do was go for a run. Clear his own head. Come out on the other side of The Lake with some clarity or at least a bit less fog in his mind.

He headed back into his bedroom and watched as Mackenzie stirred under the blankets. He walked around to her side of the bed and crouched down, reaching his hand out to brush stray strands of hair off of her face.

She leaned into his hand. "Everything okay?"

"Yes, just work stuff." He kissed her forehead. "I'm gonna go for a run. Wanna join me?"

"My boyfriend, the comedian," she mumbled out with a yawn.

Nate just laughed and kissed her again. "I'll be back in a bit."

While Nate was responsible for his own busy life schedule, he was always grateful to get out by himself. He could blast a ridiculous running playlist composed of terrible 90s hip hop music and just _run._ It was refreshing. It was satisfying.

He swept through Central Park, dodging small frozen puddles and early morning walkers. He breathed in deeply, taking in the change in scenery as fall was turning to winter. Thanksgiving was always an immediate turning point in the seasons - as if winter finally had permission to exist. Soon enough, these morning runs would transition to the fitness center in his building when the temperature got the best of him. But for the time being, he would be happy to run outside.

Just as he was slowing down to head home, his phone rang again. He was surprised to see Jenny's name flashing on his phone screen.

He pulled out his headphones and brought the phone up to his ear. "Hey Jen."

"Hey, 'morning," Jenny replied to him. "Mack's phone is going straight to voicemail. I just wanted to see if she's ignoring just me or everyone."

Nate let out a dry laugh. "Well, she's still asleep. Or she was when I left the apartment an hour ago."

Jenny sighed. "Fair, I guess. I just wanted to talk to her about last night. And see if she was still gonna come meet us at the Brooklyn Flea. Although I probably know the answer to that."

"I'll get her to call you." Nate paused as he reached the edge of the park, pulling his leg up with his free hand to stretch. "I feel like she's going to just roll her eyes at that idea now, though. I know she was looking forward to that Humphrey family tradition.."

"But.." Jenny sighed again. "I know. What a mess. Dad stormed out of Lily's not long after you guys left last night. And don't even get me started on my brother." She paused. "Well, if you can just get her to call me when she's up for it. Thanks Nate."

When Nate got back to the apartment, he found Mackenzie still laying in bed. She was awake, staring at the ceiling. Max was curled up in the crook of her arm, purring softly.

"How was your run?" Mackenzie asked, eyes remaining glued to the ceiling. Her tone was flat.

"Refreshing, I guess," he replied to her, standing at the foot of the bed. "You okay?"

Mackenzie shook her head.

"You need a distraction. Come shower with me," Nate said quietly, grabbing at one of her feet through the blanket.

Mackenzie just laughed, finally tilting her head forward to meet his eyes. "You're not going to let me just mope in bed all day, are you?"

Nate shook his head then smirked. He reached to pull off his shirt. "C'mon, Humphrey. It's just a shower"

Despite her low mood, Mackenzie couldn't resist Nate's kindness and, well, his naked torso.

"I think we both know it's not just a shower."

She hesitantly nudged Max to move off her shoulder and slid out of the bed, following Nate into his ensuite.

After he had left for his run, Mackenzie had glanced briefly at her phone. She had a missed call and half a dozen messages from her sister. And a series of preachy messages from her brother. But nothing from her dad. She wasn't sure what she expected. It wasn't in Rufus' nature to call her at all, let alone try to find a solution if she was upset. Not that they had really fought recently. But part of her really thought this time it would be different - she had laid it all on the table at least. She had been honest. She knew he was upset and embarrassed about the way it had happened, in front of their family and friends at a holiday event. Truthfully, Mackenzie was embarrassed about it, too. But she thought maybe, just maybe, this time her dad could take the initiative and try to fix it.

Instead of replying angrily to her brother or crying over the phone to her sister, Mackenzie had turned her phone off entirely.

She was allowed to give herself space from them. She knew that's what Simone would tell her.

Mackenzie also knew they would all be heading out to the Brooklyn Flea Market. It was the oldest of their silly family traditions. And considering how she and Jenny had been in London for the last few Thanksgivings, they were all looking forward to walking through the vintage stalls and brainstorming Christmas gifts for each other.

But there was just no way Mackenzie was going to join them now. At least they could go without her and try to enjoy it.

She slowly peeled off her t-shirt and stepped out of her underwear, pulling her hair out of the messy bun on the top of her head. The bathroom was already full of steam from Nate's shower. She watched him for a few moments through the glass doors, her eyes tracing over every inch of his body as the hot water seared his skin.

"The view is better in here." Nate's voice broke her away from her thoughts, as he slid one of the doors open and stuck his head out.

Mackenzie just smiled and shook out her hair. She had to give Nate credit - she knew he just wanted her to feel better, to know he was there to support her through what happened.

She followed him into the shower and slid the door closed again. The grey subway tiles were dripping with moisture and the scent of Nate's shampoo filled the air - some silly manly autumnwood scent. It captivated Mackenzie right away, closing her eyes as Nate's arms grabbed her waist, pulling her close to him underneath the waterfall showerhead.

"See? There's no need for me to come for the run when all I enjoy is the shower afterwards," Mackenzie said as he started to kiss her neck. Under normal circumstances, when her mood was feeling so heavy, her body wouldn't let her warm up to Nate like this. But, she was eager for his comfort and every inch of her was drawn to every inch of him.

"Cardio is good for you," Nate sputtered out as his lips left her neck. His hands moved down her body, slippery from the water. "It makes your heart race."

"You make my heart race," she whispered as he pushed her back against the wall. She gripped onto his shoulders as he continued to kiss her. His hands continued to wander across her body and she couldn't help but gasp as parted her thighs.

"Ohhh," Mackenzie stuttered out as his fingers started to explore.

Nate pulled away from her neck and watched as she closed her eyes and bit her lip. He took smug satisfaction in knowing it wasn't just his steam shower making her so…

"Nate," she leaned her head backwards as he dove back in to kiss her collarbone. "Thank you."

He just laughed and went back to kiss her lips, his hand continuing to press between her legs. "We haven't even got to the best part yet, Mack."

"I know, but…" she paused as her breath hitched and Nate increased his speed. "Thank you. For taking care of me."

Nate and Mackenzie shared a quiet afternoon in the apartment. He worked on his laptop from the couch while she stretched out beside him, powering through old reruns of Friends. Every now and then Mackenzie's phone buzzed and she picked it up, glanced at it for a few moments then put it back down.

Sometimes she grabbed it when it didn't make any sound. Just in case maybe she missed a notification or…

"Mack," Nate closed his laptop and placed it down on the coffee table, shifting to look over at her. "You've got to stop checking your phone."

She sighed and curled her legs up to her chest. "I just thought maybe he would reach out to me." She shook her head, tilting it slightly as she stared over at Nate. "Maybe I approached this wrong."

"If I can be honest here," Nate started slowly, watching for a reaction for her. She just nodded as if to tell him to _go ahead._

"Your approach probably wasn't ideal." He paused. "But, I can't see you having done it any other way. It's not like you were ever going to invite him to go for coffee and tell him how you feel. You would have sooner hired, like, a carrier pigeon to deliver him a handwritten note than tried to actually confront him about all those feelings."

Mackenzie laughed at his comment. "Do carrier pigeons even exist anymore?"

"All I'm saying is.. I'm proud of you for bringing all that up with Rufus finally. You've been holding it in for a long time and hopefully he can recognize what he needs to do now."

Mackenzie sunk down into the couch, covering her face up with her hands. "But.. what if he doesn't do anything? What if this is it?"

"Mack, c'mon," Nate leaned over and tried to pull her hands away from her eyes. "You both need some time to sort through this." He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Now, I know you don't want to talk about this or think of it anymore. So how about another family history lesson? Since you get to meet the Archibalds tomorrow."

Mackenzie groaned and pulled a pillow up to her face. "As long as you promise me it's not as complicated as the Vanderbilt tree."

Nate just laughed and stood up off the couch.

"I can make this whole process much easier if you want."

Mackenzie pulled the pillow away from her face and watched Nate disappear down the hallway. She sat up and stretched out her arms. She was grateful to have a lazy holiday Friday in the apartment with him. Even on a day she would usually have spent with her family members, she relished in any day she got to spend entirely with Nate.

Nate bounded back into the living room and Mackenzie immediately knew what he was about to propose. In his hand was a familiar small jar and as he popped the lid open, he revealed a small bag housing a few joints.

"Will there be a point in time where Nate Archibald, potential future Mayor of New York, can't hide weed in his apartment anymore?" Mackenzie joked as he rejoined her on the couch.

"I mean, Governor Reynolds wants to legalize marijuana anyway so who knows," Nate said with a shrug. "Although I definitely don't buy my own weed anymore. Chuck's guy has been helping me out for years so it's not like there's ever a hand off in the middle of Central Park." He turned his head and glanced over at her. "So, what do you say?"

"Yes, please," Mackenzie replied, eagerly nodding. "I feel like maybe we should have started the day this way."

"Hey, I thought everything that happened in the shower was a pretty good distraction," Nate said, pouting. He stood up and extended his hand for her to grab, leading them through the doors to his terrace.

The late afternoon sun beamed down on them as they stood outside in the cool air. Mackenzie leaned up against the railing and looked out towards the city as Nate lit up a joint for them.

When they went back inside, Mackenzie quickly scavenged the apartment for blankets and piled them onto the living room floor. Nate laughed as she pulled on his hand so he would join her in the nest of blankets. She sprawled out on her back, laying her head on his chest.

The weed was good. Understandably. She figured Chuck Bass only procured the best of the best. She remembered back to silly college nights where her friends picked up whatever they could find - some green smooth and calming, the others questionably nerve wracking. Not that she was feeling any ounce of anxiety as she laid with Nate - everything seemed to be melting away by the second as her body felt lighter and lighter.

She squeezed her eyes shut and listened to Nate's heart.

"Tell me about the first time you got high," Nate said slowly, running his hands through Mackenzie's hair.

"Oh god," Mackenzie replied to him. "If I can remember." She paused. "It was around Thanksgiving. I was in like, tenth grade I think. My mom was visiting Brooklyn but I fought with her and Rufus to let me stay up in Hudson with a friend's family. Leanne Mitchell. We were both on the lacrosse team. Her older brother Buzz let us hit his bong in the garage after dinner. I was pretty messed up for hours afterwards." Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh. "In fact, I think Jenny called me because something happened over dinner at the loft with our parents and I was just out of it. Like, I have no clue how I managed to get through that conversation."

"Can you tell me more about your friend's brother Buzz?" Nate replied to her as he laughed.

"I honestly think he's a school teacher or something," Mackenzie replied, closing her eyes. "What about you?"

"Uhm," Nate wrestled with his thoughts. "Fuck. The first time I recall ever smoking weed… it was summer. Up at our house in the Hamptons. My cousin Bryant talked me into it. I was like twelve or thirteen probably. It gave me something to do, honestly." He paused. "It was always fun until Grandfather caught us and lectured us about disgracing the family or something."

Mackenzie let out an awkward laugh and scoffed. "Why am I not surprised."

"You don't like him, do you? My grandfather."

Mackenzie lifted herself off of Nate and shifted to lay beside him. She let out a long breath and turned to face him. She loved every inch of Nate's expressive face and as she laid there, looking into his eyes, she knew she couldn't lie.

"I think he's too controlling and puts too much pressure on you," Mackenzie said slowly, scrunching up her face to think.

"He means well," Nate replied, sighing. "He'll grow on you. I mean, you only met him yesterday and -

"Yeah, about that." Mackenzie reached down and grabbed onto Nate's hand, closing her eyes. "Your grandfather ambushed me at the office a few weeks ago."

"What?" Nate pushed himself up and looked over at her. "What do you mean?"

Mackenzie let out a dry laugh and shrugged. "Exactly what it sounds like? He just like, showed up at my office and made some vague empty threats about -

"Threats?"

"Nate, he knew I was getting genetic testing done and then yesterday -

"You're kidding." Nate swore under his breath and returned to laying on his back, squeezing her hand.

"Then yesterday he made some offhand comment about my anxiety medication and-

"Fuck." Nate shook his head, letting out another long breath. "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"Well, yesterday I was a bit too drunk to care by the time we left." Mackenzie laughed and tried to lighten the mood. Nate just stared up at the ceiling. Stoic.

"And a few weeks ago?"

"I don't know. I had already caused you to fight with your mom. I didn't want to be responsible for any other family drama for you."

"Mack," Nate sat up again, pulling his hand away from hers and running one through his hair. "My family has no right to make you feel uncomfortable or scared or I don't know, threatened. The last thing I want is for them to have you keeping these things from me, too. Fuck."

"Hey," Mackenzie sat up and faced him, grabbing onto his hands. "I'm sorry. I should have just told you -

"This isn't your fault. My grandfather has no right to speak to you like that or know any of your medical information. What a jackass."

"I still should have told you," Mackenzie said quietly, extending out one of her hands to caress Nate's cheek.

"You should have," Nate replied, the tone of his voice matching hers. "But you should have never been put in the position in the first place." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I'll deal with him on Monday. At least you do not have to worry about anything like this happening with the Archibalds tomorrow."

"Maybe we should have a safeword just in case, though," Mackenzie joked, leaning in to kiss him. "What was it before? Peaches?"

"I mean, the worst thing that could happen is my cousin Megan very well might try to convert you to veganism," Nate's sullen frown turned into a smile as he pulled away from Mackenzie's kiss. "But okay, safeword instated. Let's just hope we don't have to use it."

Both Nate and Mackenzie turned their heads to the coffee table when one of their phones made a buzzing noise. She reached to grab her phone but Nate grabbed her hand and pulled it back.

"No more phones today," Nate said, the smile growing on his face. He leaned in to kiss her again and pushed her into her back on the pile of blankets. "We haven't done this in a while."

Mackenzie just laughed as his mouth started to explore her neck. "Nate, we had sex in the shower like seven hours ago."

"Time is but a concept," Nate replied to her with a smirk as he pulled away from her neck, squeezing her hips with his hands. "What I am trying to say is I am baked and suddenly really want to fuck you in the living room of our apartment."

Mackenzie reached up and pulled him back, biting at his lips. "Nathaniel. So vulgar." She pulled away to smile. "The living room of _our_ apartment, huh? Okay, I'm in."

* * *

On Saturday, Nate and Mackenzie drove up to Albany for dinner with the Archibald family. Considering how dramatic their Thursday had been, the Archibalds were a breath of fresh air.

Mackenzie really liked Howard's family - especially his twin sister and her husband, Nate's aunt Heather and uncle Peter. They were wholesome - classically All-American with a large colonial house, manicured lawn, oak trees, two kids. Nate's cousin and his wife had a sweet baby girl. His other cousin was just out of college, progressive, defiant and especially playful with Nate. The best part out of meeting them was Mackenzie actually felt _relaxed._ Like these people weren't judging or critical or looking to dig up information about each other.

It was a nice break and a perfect finish to their tumultuous holiday weekend.

But Monday came soon enough. Thanksgiving was over and life was returning to normal for a few weeks before Christmas and New Years would approach.

They managed to avoid talking about Rufus for the rest of the weekend. Although, from the sounds of Mackenzie's sighs and the frustrated phone calls Nate overheard, it was clear Dan was siding with their dad and Jenny was supporting her sister.

Nate hated to admit it but he was looking forward to a few days in Washington, just to get away from life in Manhattan. Especially after his early Monday morning phone call with William Vanderbilt himself. His grandfather vehemently denied sourcing out any information about Mackenzie and did his best to spin the situation into _worry_ and _concern_ about Nate's future. The phone call didn't end well and he knew that wasn't going to be the end of William's meddling.

He had to worry about work instead. Or try to.

Truthfully, he didn't like leaving Mackenzie in the city when she was feeling so lost and alone.

"So," Leo leaned forward in his chair across from Nate's desk and held out a few sheets of paper. "We have a plan for helping cover Marie." He glanced over the papers and pointed to the first page. "Lindsay said she would take over the interim office administration things, supply orders, invoicing, etc. She will spearhead the rest of the holiday party planning, too. That's next Saturday, as a reminder."

Nate nodded along as Leo spoke. "Right. Washington this week until Friday. Awards dinner on Wednesday night next week and Holiday Party next Saturday. Got it."

"No, the awards dinner is Thursday. See? This is why you need Marie," Leo said with a sigh.

"So, what's the solution there?"

"Well, we have two options. We hire you a temp from outside or ask someone internally to help. Someone who has been working alongside you lately and knows what's going on anyway. My suggestion would be Wheeler or Ross."

Nate sighed. He hated to admit that Marie was his right-hand woman at work, even if it was just keeping him aware of his own schedule.

"Definitely not Ross. He's hardly proved his worth since the election," Nate replied, grabbing the sheets of paper from Leo. He ran a hand through his hair. "I guess Taylor could do it for a few weeks. I mean, she wants to be a reporter though. I'm not sure this is something that would interest her."

"Honestly, she sort of volunteered. She heard me and Lindsay discussing it when she came in this morning. She said she did a summer internship as an executive assistant in the federal parks department a few years ago and she enjoyed it." Leo just shrugged. "I think it's the best option. You have a lot of shit going on this month and you need someone to keep you on track. And it can't be me."

"C'mon man, don't you miss getting me coffees every morning?" Nate said with a laugh. He looked around his desk at the piles of paperwork and folders already piling up. Usually Marie helped him out with filing but he was feeling lost, and it was only Monday afternoon. "Okay. Well, if Wheeler is on board, she can be my assistant for the month."

* * *

Thursday night, after a long frustrating weekend, Mackenzie headed downtown to meet up with Viv at The Oak Room.

Her week at work had been completely fine. It was peak outreach season - meaning the entire Bass Foundation team was working hard to coordinate Christmas season donations to food banks, toy drives and charitable holiday events. But outside of work, things were still messy.

On top of her leftover anger from her blowout with Rufus, her and Nate had gotten into a stupid argument before he left for Washington on Wednesday morning. She had started it - maybe she was projecting her feelings onto Nate, maybe in some way she didn't want him to leave her, even just for a few days.

But things were still uncomfortable and she was disappointed in herself because of it. During a time when she was already feeling isolated and lost with her family, she needed Nate. She had apologized and they seemed to be back on track, at least his tone over the phone indicated he understood where she was coming from, but she kept replaying the situation in her head over and over again.

_Mackenzie was laying on Nate's bed Tuesday night, leaning up against the headboard. She had been spending all her time there since the weekend - even though she knew Rufus was back in Los Angeles. She didn't see the point of being all the way in Brooklyn at the loft when she could be at Nate's. It was her future home, afterall._

_He was packing up his suitcase to head out to Washington for the rest of the week._

" _Which ties?" Nate stepped out of the closet and held his arm out, where a multitude of ties were draped._

" _Uhm, the red one, the striped one and the green one. Oh, and that one with the yellow stripe just in case you're feeling expressive," Mackenzie said with a smile. Nate just nodded and smiled back at her before turning back to the closet._

" _So, how's Marie?" Mackenzie asked._

" _In a lot of pain apparently. She may need surgery on her knee after all this is done," Nate replied as he came back towards the bed. "Taylor has been filling in this week though and she's off to a good start."_

_Mackenzie pursed her lips. She really didn't want to be bothered by the fact that the young, eager wannabe report in Nate's office was playing assistant to him while Marie was gone._

" _That's good."_

_Nate glanced up at her as he zipped up his bag. "Tell me how you really feel, Mack."_

_Mackenzie crossed her arms at his comment. "What does that mean?"_

" _Your forehead kind of creases whenever I mention Taylor. It's subtle but don't think I haven't picked up on it."_

_She rolled her eyes. "I don't understand why Taylor is accompanying you to Washington. Marie never did that as your assistant."_

" _Because Marie has a husband and kids in the city, Mackenzie. And Taylor asked to come and shadow me for the week to make sure she knew what to do as my assistant. Plus, she knows the Washington team."_

_Mackenzie opened her mouth to reply then closed it._

" _Mackenzie. What's the issue?"_

" _Forgive me for playing the crazy girlfriend right now but I don't like this. I'm sorry. You can see where I'm coming from, right? This girl not only asked to be your personal assistant to cover Marie's job indefinitely, but she also asked to travel closely with you? Travel on the private jet and stay in a hotel room down the hall from you? None of that seems unusual?"_

" _No. It doesn't." Nate gave her an irritated look and stood at the end of the bed, crossing his arms. "What do you think is going to happen?"_

" _I don't know, Nate! But you're incredibly handsome and some girls will do -_

" _Hey, remember when you started working for Bass Industries and you travelled with Mitch Watson and got mad at me for having these exact same thoughts?"_

" _And look what happened in my situation. If you need me to remind you, that guy ended up hitting on me and assaulting me."_

" _Mackenzie, are you listening to yourself? Where is this coming from all of a sudden? Do you not trust me?"_

" _It's not about you. It's about her."_

" _We're not talking about this any further." Nate climbed into the bed beside her and shut off his lamp. "I have given you no reason to not trust me and Taylor has given no sign that she is interested in anything more than just a working relationship and job experience. It would be different if you saw me flirting with her or something ridiculous. Like you and Mitch Watson. At least my hesitation before was based on something instead of just unwarranted paranoia."_

_Mackenzie's mouth dropped open as he finished his sentence. "Are you serious?"_

" _Yeah, and it wasn't about you, Mack. It was about him."_

" _What the fuck, Nate."_

_She stormed out of Nate's bedroom after his attempt at ending their argument. She knew both of them had said regrettable things and she needed some space. Despite her desire to leave, she knew that was irrational and there was no way Nate would let her travel home to Brooklyn at midnight. So she stormed directly into the second bedroom, now Nate's home office, and tried to sleep on the daybed in there._

_It wasn't long before there was a soft knocking on the door._

" _Come back to bed, please."_

_She ignored his pleas and hugged the pillow beside her._

" _Mack. Don't make me bust down this door."_

_Next she heard a meow._

" _You're breaking Max's heart, babe."_

_Mackenzie sighed and finally got up to unlock the door. There stood Nate with a worried look on his face._

" _I'm sorry. Can we start this entire discussion again? Can we go back to picking out ties?"_

_She gave him a half smile and took his hand in hers. He led her back down the hall to his bedroom and they crawled into bed. Mackenzie rested her head on his chest and Nate held her tightly._

" _I shouldn't have brought up that Australian demon," Nate started, slowly running his hands over her back. "That wasn't fair."_

" _And I'm sorry for going on about Taylor. I don't really know where that's coming from. I guess I just don't want you to leave me, even just for a few days."_

Nate held her throughout the night and kissed her countless times before leaving on Wednesday morning. Things still didn't feel completely solved but Mackenzie was doing her best to work through her anxiety and worry about the situation.

_Nate loves you, Mackenzie. You have nothing to worry about._

It didn't take many drinks at The Oak Room to escalate into both Viv and Mackenzie complaining about their romantic lives. Viv was still having a lot of doubts about Drew and how they ended things. And Mackenzie was nervous about her last discussion with Nate. Not to mention how things felt with her father.

"From my perspective Mack, Nate could be approached by the most beautiful person in the world, like Gisele Bundchen, and he wouldn't even be phased. I hardly know the guy but I know he's head over heels in love with you." Viv paused to finish off her martini. "If you weren't my friend, I would tell you how nauseating it is."

"You tell me that all the time anyway," Mackenzie replied with a laugh, taking a sip of her own cocktail. She ran a hand through her hair and pushed it over to the side, feeling her face flush as she thought about Nate. As much as she liked catching up with Viv, she missed having Nate as an excuse to stay home on his weeks away.

"All I'm saying is there is going to be more Taylor Wheelers in your lifetime so you've gotta pick your battles."

"That is a valid point," Mackenzie said. She felt her phone buzzing in her jeans pockets and pulled it out.

She had a new message from Carter.

"Viv," Mackenzie said slowly. "Why does Carter know we're out for drinks tonight? And why is he letting me know his ETA."

Viv pursed her lips for a moment then let out a quiet groan. She leaned down onto the table, her hair spilling over her arms.

"Because I told him we'd be here and I tried to convince him to bring Drew so I could… run into him. Please don't be mad."

"Viv! You were literally just telling me how you were moving on and ready to experience someone new."

"Well, I lied." She flagged down the waitress as she walked by. "Another round, please."

Mackenzie sighed and finished off her own drink. Why was it so hard to hope for a night out with just a girlfriend? Her life was complicated enough without having to worry about her friendship, or lack thereof, with Carter Baizen. If Drew showed up, it was absolutely inevitable Viv would pull him off to talk and leave her with Carter.

And that is exactly what happened. The moment the boys showed up, Viv convinced Mackenzie to wave them over, as if she was unaware they were going to be in the same place. It felt juvenile. It didn't take long before Drew initiated an exit with Viv, hoping to talk privately in the lobby. Mackenzie knew that was code for getting undressed in The Oak Room bathroom.

That left Carter and Mackenzie face to face in the booth. She wanted to leave but in case things somehow went south, she didn't want to leave Viv vulnerable and alone. She figured she could wait it out for a bit.

"So Baizen, how's your love life?"

Carter just laughed and cocked his head to the side. "I don't have one." He raised an eyebrow at Mackenzie. "How's yours?"

"It's going well, actually." Mackenzie narrowed her eyes to counter his dominant glance. "Nate's in Washington for a few days but we had a nice Thanksgiving." She wasn't sure what she was trying to prove to Carter but she rambled on about their dinners and how _wonderful_ things were.

"You know, the more you try to prove how great things are, the more cracks start to appear in your tone, Mackenzie."

She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink. She glanced at her phone, hopeful for a message from Viv but nothing arrived.

She leaned back in the booth and crossed her arms. "So, do you and Drew ever talk about your feelings? Does he actually care about Viv or is it just sex for him?"

Carter laughed and tilted his head again to consider her question. "Honestly? I have no clue. I didn't think he was actually interested in her. I thought it was one sided. Like she caught feelings and he didn't. But I also know things have not been great for him and Miss Strone."

"Well, I don't think it's fair if he is just stringing Viv along."

"Oh come on, Mackenzie. You don't know if that's what's going on. Sex can be complicated if you let it. He may have drawn a line before and she just decided to suffer through her feelings to still be close to him." Carter shrugged. "Shocking, really. Drew is a bit dull overall."

"Yeah, well, the way I see it - Drew got his and hurt Viv along the way. She's in pain and he still goes home to his girlfriend. Then he just indulges her in times like this. And you help!"

"They're both adults, sweetheart." Carter shifted in his seat, edging his hands across the table with his drink. "Sometimes things don't work out. Not everyone has chemistry inside _and_ outside the bedroom."

Mackenzie let out a sigh, holding back the urge to roll her eyes. She glanced down at her phone to check the time. It was getting late. Mackenzie was desperate for her head to meet a pillow.

"I think this has been enough for me," she replied to Carter simply, reaching down and grabbing her glass. She tipped it into her mouth, letting the last cold sips of watered down whiskey cross her lips. She paused and looked at Carter. He was staring at her, his eyes shining with curiosity.

"You know, our night together still crosses my mind," Carter said as he leaned across the table, his voice low. She opened her mouth to reply but wasn't sure how to respond. "I haven't even been able to bring anyone home since that night."

Mackenzie couldn't help but roll her eyes. "I find that hard to believe. You, Carter Baizen, have gone three months without sex?"

He shook his head with a smirk. "Of course not. But honestly no one has compared or been worthy enough to grace my bedsheets."

"Am I supposed to be impressed by that? Don't tell me girls actually believe that kind of bullshit line." Mackenzie looked up at him. Carter was handsome. And alluring. But she didn't like where their conversation was going. "I need to go."

"I was hoping that you'd stay," Carter said in his low sensual voice. She watched as he took another sip and licked his lips. He reached his hand out to hers as it laid on the table. "You haven't had a late night these past few months where I crossed your mind after a few? I think we could be the lucky ones here - chemistry inside and outside the bedroom, sweetheart."

"Carter," she started.

"Mackenzie, please. Just indulge me for a moment."

"I am in a very happy committed relationship." Mackenzie pulled her hand off the table and crossed her arms. "I'm not sure what you're getting at here."

"What I'm getting at is," Carter tipped his own drink in one gulp, stretching his neck then leaning back in towards her. "We've seen this firsthand with our friends Drew and Viv. Every time they're alone together, we wind up together too. So, why not give in. People cheat all the time. It's very likely your politician boyfriend has a side piece in Washington anyway."

"Okay, that's enough. I don't know why you are saying all this but I am absolutely not interested in cheating on Nate with you. And it's incredibly immature of you to plant doubts about our relationship to try and entice me into it." Mackenzie slid down the booth to plan her exit.

"Oh, take a breath, Mackenzie." Carter slid down his side of the booth across from her, standing up and adjusting his tie. "You can't tell me you didn't enjoy what happened between us."

"Carter, that was months ago. You can't possibly think I've been pining over you and wishing for more." She stood up and pulled on her coat. "I can't believe I've given you any kind of impression of anything otherwise."

"Listen, I'm sorry," Carter took a step in and grabbed her forearm and she paused in front of him. "But you need to know this isn't uncommon in the Upper East Side. People blur the lines every day. Or just cross the lines entirely. Happy committed relationships only mean so much." He paused, pointing a finger at her. "Hell, you found out even your mom slept around, considering that whole sister mess."

Mackenzie's eyes flew open as he words came out of Carter's mouth. She wasn't even thinking but her arm reached up and slapped him as he looked down at her. Her chest started to move up and down quickly as she breathed in.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Mackenzie wanted to scream at him but she managed to control her volume.

Carter raised his hand up and grabbed his cheek, continuing to smirk at Mackenzie. "Doll, the angry bitch thing works for me."

"You're so obscene. I'm done with whatever this friendship was, Carter."

"You think this was a friendship, Humphrey? All you did was argue with me and complain about your life and secrets for the past weeks. If I didn't finally make a move tonight, I would just be wasting even more time here."

"What? Were you just waiting for me to sleep with you again? God, you disgust me." She hurried away from him, not even bothering to give him any more attention.

She heard him calling out behind her as she walked away. "Have fun talking to your therapist about me, Mackenzie!"

* * *

The trip to Washington had been busy. It was likely Nate's last trip before the New Year and he tried his best to capitalize on every meeting he could, especially with a few of his political mentors leading up to the spring campaign launch.

Some days he was still in utter shock he was going to be running to be Mayor of New York City. Even with a team encouraging him and all the statistics on his side, it was something that made him incredibly nervous. His life could look very differently in only a years time and sometimes it scared the shit out of him.

"You kept up pretty well this week," Nate said to Taylor as the plane started to take off. She was seated across from him, typing away on her laptop. He was telling the truth - Taylor had quickly picked up on Nate's schedule and did a great job keeping him on track for the week. She truly could give Marie a run for her money.

"Well, thanks," Taylor replied to him with a smile. "I mean, if only you knew how to set your own alarm on your phone to wake up on time."

Nate just laughed and rolled his eyes. "In my defense, that was a one time thing." He thought back to Thursday morning when he woke up to Taylor banging on his hotel room door.

He watched as Taylor closed her laptop and pulled her glasses off, a coy smile appearing on her face. She opened her mouth to say something then closed it quickly.

Nate shot her a confused glance. "What?"

"Nothing. I just.. The Spectator pays for an entire two bedroom apartment suite rental when you're in Washington. I could just stay in the second bedroom next time. I mean, it would save a bit of money and I would always ensure you don't run late." She let out a breath and shook her head after. "Sorry. Maybe that's a dumb idea."

Nate wasn't sure how to reply to her. Admittedly, all week his mind kept racing back to Mackenzie's comments and their argument the night before he left. He thought maybe she was just being overdramatic but there were some instances, though subtle, that he picked up on during the week that indicated maybe she wasn't entirely wrong.

Not that he ever consciously projected any unwarranted feelings towards Taylor. But Nate knew he was friendly with his staff.

"I'm just gonna go to the washroom," Taylor said, interrupting his thoughts as she stood up and headed down the length of the plane.

' _Hey folks. Just want to remind you to have your seat belts on. We're about to hit a weird system before Philadelphia...'_

Nate glanced out the window at the grey clouds and put his seat belt on. The plane started to shake a bit and he grabbed onto his bottle of water before it fell off the table.

"Woah," Taylor's voice returning made Nate turn his head. She grabbed onto the seat as the plane shook and she fell into the seat beside Nate. "Sorry, I'll just.." She tried to stand again to move across from him then immediately fell back into her chair.

"Just get that seat belt on," Nate said to her, grabbing onto the armrest. She nodded and quickly buckled in, leaning back on the chair.

Turbulence on small planes wasn't uncommon but as the plane shook and fell in small instances, Nate's stomach churned. This was more than he was used to on this normal route.

He turned his head over to Taylor who was squeezing her eyes shut. "You okay?"

"I don't love flying. I should have told you that before. Usually I just pop an Ativan and hope for the best when I travel, that's what I did when we left Wednesday morning. But I ran out this week. So. I'm just trying to not cry." She let out a small yelp then laughed. "Sorry."

"Yeah, you definitely should have mentioned that." He laughed and shook his head. "You're gonna be okay."

"I know, I know," she said quietly.

' _Nate, we're going to have to make an emergency landing in Philly.'_

The plane shook and they dropped again.

Taylor let out another low scream and gripped her hand onto Nate's knee.

' _...the masks are about to fall as a precaution and we recommend you strapping them on...'_

The plane shook again as the oxygen masks fell from the ceiling. They both scrambled to secure them on and leaned back in their chairs.

Taylor's hand landed on Nate's knee again as the plane started to descend, continuing to shake as it slowly fell.

Nate grabbed onto her hand and squeezed it tight as he shut his eyes.

' _...this might be bumpy landing, folks…'_


	18. Chapter 18

For Mackenzie, Friday was dragging on.

The night before, after she disappeared from Carter Baizen at The Oak Room, she went home to Brooklyn and felt incredibly lonely at the loft. She had been getting used to waking up in Nate's bed and suddenly her previous safe haven was feeling unnatural and cold. Maybe it was because there were traces of her dad _everywhere_ in the loft. Maybe it was because she still felt a sense of uncertainty being there completely alone after the break in. Regardless of the cause, she struggled to fall asleep and felt like she was out of her body for all of Friday.

She woke up to a bit of good news, in a way. She had a text from Viv announcing that Drew had stayed the night with her and revealed he had broken up with his girlfriend _finally._ Mackenzie tried her best to feel happy for her friend but she was mainly relieved she didn't have to play therapist anymore. Although, she did worry this meant she might not be able to avoid Carter very long.

Despite the frustration she felt over her interactions with Carter and having to field texts from Vivienne about how _in love_ she was, Mackenzie was just looking forward to Nate coming home from Washington. His flight was supposed to come in after dinner and she was feeling impatient. They had barely talked on the phone all week due to his busy schedule. She was understanding, of course. This was his job, The Spectator was his pride and joy. And she knew he wouldn't be making as many trips to his Washington office come spring. But she wanted all his time. It was selfish, sure, but she slept better and felt better when she knew Nate was safe in the city with her.

Mackenzie leaned back in her chair and shut her laptop, reaching to pull her hair out of the tight ponytail on top of her head. She wasn't sure if she should head back to the loft and wait to hear from Nate or go to the Upper West Side and let herself into his apartment instead.

Before she could really weigh her options, her phone started to vibrate. She grabbed it from under a pile of papers on her desk and saw Chuck's name flashing.

They had met earlier that day to discuss strategy about the Bass Foundation's new Australia Chapter. Maybe he had some follow up questions. But Friday afternoons weren't usually the most productive business hours for Chuck.

"Hey Chuck," she answered, tilting her neck back and forth to stretch from her seat.

"Mackenzie. Are you at the office still?" His tone was somber.

"Yeah, I was about to head out. What's up?"

There was a long pause.

"Are you sitting down?"

Mackenzie paused and leaned forward onto the desk, her breaths increasing as she listened to him. "Chuck, what's going on?"

"I didn't want you to hear this from anyone else. But something happened to The Spectator's plane as they were heading home and…"

Suddenly Chuck's words vanished into thin air as Mackenzie fell back into her chair.

_Something happened to The Spectator's plane… the plane Nate was in. The plane the love of her life was travelling home in. Mackenzie, stop panicking. Stop worrying. This doesn't mean anything bad has happened. Sometimes planes have to make emergency landings and this doesn't mean the worst has happened. This doesn't mean anything happened to Nate. This doesn't mean.._

"Mackenzie! Mackenzie. Hello?"

Chuck's voice yelling through the phone brought her back to the present.

"Did you hear me? We're a few blocks from the office, I'm coming to pick you up."

Mackenzie admittedly didn't remember packing up her things and putting on her coat and hurrying out of the office. But by the time her feet hit the pavement outside, Chuck's limo was in clear view and she was thanking Arthur for holding the door open for her as she climbed inside. She was frantically looking at her phone, waiting desperately to hear something, _anything_ , from Nate.

Chuck raised his hand when she slid in beside him. "Before you ramble, let me just tell you everything I know."

Mackenzie just nodded.

"After the plane hit some less than friendly weather, they suffered some system issues. The plane didn't crash, thankfully. But the pilots had to do some manual overrides to safely land and it caused the cabin pressure system to malfunction." Chuck paused and glanced down at his phone, then turned back to Mackenzie. "They were just a few minutes from a small airport northeast of Philadelphia and landed safely, yet with a very quick descent. And -

"Chuck. Is Nate okay?"

"I think so, but I haven't heard from him directly. An ambulance met them on site when they landed." He paused again. "I know one of the pilots suffered a head injury. As for Nathaniel, well, I think there were some issues with the oxygen. When the plane finally landed, he had passed out."

"Oh my god," Mackenzie squeezed her eyes shut and did her best to take slow, controlled breaths. She felt Chuck's hand on her shoulder.

"Mild hypoxia isn't uncommon, Mackenzie. His oxygen loss would not have been for long, I'm sure he'll be okay. They were landed within minutes of the system issues."

She swallowed hard and nodded. She knew Chuck's words were intended to be a comfort to her, but until she heard _something_ from Nate, there was no peace of mind.

"Wait. How do you know all this?"

"My pilot gets a lot of information first hand from a friend at ATC." Chuck sighed. "I know you're going to worry until you hear from Nathaniel directly." He paused. "Frankly, we're in the same boat."

Mackenzie looked over and watched as Chuck looked down at his phone again. For a moment, she let herself feel gratitude for her relationship with Chuck. She could barely remember how intimidated she used to feel by him - considering now, sitting beside him in the back of his limo, she could see his honest side. He was concerned about his best friend. And to Mackenzie, it filled her heart with an indescribable sense of comfort.

Chuck cleared his throat and sat up straight, recomposing himself. "Henry would love for you to watch Finding Nemo with him." Mackenzie looked out the window and realized they were en route to the Bass-Waldorf brownstone on Park Avenue.

She let out a long exhale and gave Chuck a grateful smile. Nothing else had to be said. Chuck wanted her to wait at their house until everyone knew Nate was okay.

Chuck turned his head and smirked at her as the vehicle came to a stop. "And don't worry, we have plenty of options to take the edge off while you wait."

* * *

' _...the masks are about to fall as a precaution and we recommend you strapping them on...'_

The plane shook again as the oxygen masks fell from the ceiling. Nate and Taylor both scrambled to secure them on and leaned back in their chairs.

Taylor's hand landed on Nate's knee again as the plane started to descend, continuing to shake as it slowly fell.

Nate grabbed onto her hand and squeezed it tight as he shut his eyes.

' _...this might be a bumpy landing, folks…'_

It had been a long time since Nate had felt sheer panic zooming through his body. It felt like a poorly designed thrill ride at a theme park - faint overhead announcements, the feeling of a quick descent, holding on for dear life. Only at a theme park, the ride safely came to an end and riders exited through a gift shop. In those moments as Nate's hand gripped with Taylor's, all he could think about was the ending.

The ending of the descent.

The ending of being on a plane, any plane. Of being on any moving piece of metal.

The ending of…

As he pushed his body onto his chair, his brain continuously came back to one thing, one constant steady broadcast at the front of his mind: Mackenzie Lilas Rose Humphrey. He couldn't even remember their phone conversation from the night before. She had been on her way out and he had been between meetings. It had been short and half-hearted. They were saving their stories for their Friday evening reunion. Now, more than anything, Nate regretted not staying on the line for a few extra minutes just to hear her voice.

What if this was it?

_No, this can't be it._

Suddenly, Nate felt Taylor's hand release from his. He could hear her jumbling out something and he turned his head to see her better.

"My mask, something is wrong.."

"No, don't," Nate tried to stop her from pulling it off her face. "They said we'll be landed soon but the pressure keeps dropping."

"Nothing is happening," Taylor said, eyes wide. She started to gasp. Nate wasn't sure if that was her body's panicked reaction to the situation or if the air was feeling that thin to her.

He took one last deep breath and pulled his own mask off, extending it to her. "Here."

"No, Nate-

"Taylor, please," he said calmly, pulling off her mask and securing the one hanging above him onto her face instead. "We're gonna be okay."

He leaned back in his chair agai and Taylor did the same. She grabbed for his hand once more.

_We're going to be okay._

* * *

Blair insisted Mackenzie eat dinner with them.

Well, actually, Mackenzie was basically forced into the chair by Henry. He was going on and on about what he had done at school that day and Mackenzie did her best to smile along with the boy. She had a few bites of the pasta meal in front of her and sipped on a glass of wine.

Mackenzie nearly fell over in her chair when her phone finally rang with Nate's face flashing on the screen. She had been watching it like a hawk, avoiding a plethora of messages from everyone else in her life asking about Nate and the plane. News of the emergency landing was scrolling across breaking news screens and gaining traction online.

All she could reply was she didn't have any information yet and she hadn't heard from Nate. Until now. Finally.

Mackenzie pushed back on her chair and muttered out an 'excuse me' as she hurried away from the kitchen, finally bringing her phone up to her ear.

"Hello? Nate?"

"Mackenzie," Nate's voice sounded on the other end of the phone. Mackenzie took a seat down on the bottom of the staircase in the front parlour to save herself from fainting. "God, I'm so happy to hear your voice."

"You're telling me," she replied. "Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm still sitting in the back of this ambulance on the tarmac. They told me I can only talk for a few minutes since my oxygen levels are still low." He paused to take a breath. "Those were the worst twenty minutes of my life and I just.. I love you, Mack. I love you."

"I love you, too. Please tell me you get to come home tonight."

"I think Leo got us on the last train out." Another pause. "But I'll see you as soon as I can."

"I'll be waiting at your apartment."

" _Our_ apartment." Pause. She heard Nate take a deep breath. "Where are you now?"

Mackenzie felt like crying, she just wanted to be with him. She shook her head and tried to remain composed. "Just at Chuck and Blair's. I think he's holding me hostage to make sure I didn't spiral waiting to hear from you."

"Oh good. As long as you're not alone." Nate paused again. Mackenzie felt bad he was wasting all his breath on her. "Can you put Chuck on?"

"Sure." Mackenzie made her way back to the kitchen, receiving curious stares from all three of the family members around the table. "Chuck, Nate wants to talk to you."

Mackenzie handed her phone off to Chuck, who dropped his cloth napkin down as he stood up. He gave a small head nod to Mackenzie as he started to exit the kitchen. "Of course. I mean, she's as much a part of this family as you are. I'll make sure she gets home safely later…"

As Chuck's voice faded away, Mackenzie felt her entire body relax with relief. Nate was okay. She was okay. Things were okay. She reached for her glass of wine and finished it off, then took a bite of her cold dinner.

"Is uncle Nate okay?" Henry asked, his eyes darting from Mackenzie to his mother.

Blair smiled at Mackenzie then reached to grab Henry's hand. "Of course, sweetie."

"Good," the young boy exclaimed, pulling his hand away and shifting in his chair to look at Mackenzie. "Miss Kenzie, are you going to stay and watch a movie with me then?"

"I would love to," Mackenzie replied, shifting her glance to Blair. "If that's okay."

"As long as I don't have to watch Finding Nemo again myself," Blair replied, smirking. "Although, we usually don't make it past the sharks before we change our mind."

Chuck came back to the table a few minutes later and handed the phone back to Mackenzie. "Nathaniel insisted I tell you he loves you. And he mumbled something else about a sunflower. But that's all I will relay."

Mackenzie just let out a laugh and smiled. "Thank you." She let out a long sigh and turned to Henry again. "Movie time?"

Henry fell asleep halfway through the movie, though well past the sharks. After Blair came to collect her sleeping son, Mackenzie ventured through the house to find Chuck.

She knocked on the open door of his office, watching as he typed away on his laptop. He looked up and gave her a small smile, waving her in.

Chuck's home office felt similar to his office at the Bass Industries tower. Large dark bookcases filled the wall, back lit to highlight awards and photos of his family. It was cozy and Mackenzie felt safe there, like it was a small cave hidden from the rest of the world. She pulled her oversized cardigan tight across her chest and fell onto a chair across from Chuck.

"Did you enjoy the cinematic Pixar masterpiece?"

Mackenzie laughed in response. "I did. Well, I liked hearing Henry's thoughts on it, at least." She watched as Chuck smirked then stood up, walking over to the corner of the room where a small cocktail bar was set up. He gave her a questioning glance as he grabbed a glass and dropped some cubes of ice into it.

"Yes, please," she replied, pulling her legs up to sit cross legged on the large plush chair. He returned to his desk and placed a rocks glass in front of her, filled with about an inch of amber liquid. She took a sip and sighed.

"So Nathaniel will be back around midnight."

"The train gets in at 12:09. Well, it should. If it's running on schedule." She glanced down at her phone, constantly waiting for updates from Leo.

Chuck couldn't help but laugh. "Enough about Nathaniel. How are things with Rufus?"

Mackenzie exhaled and shook her head. "There is no way you really care about that."

"I'm truly curious. I'll admit, he's the least interesting Humphrey to me. But, a yelling match that cannot be contained, that occurs at a family gathering no less, keeps me intrigued." Chuck paused and leaned back in his chair. "If I can offer you some advice.."

"Go ahead."

"The relationship I had with my father was incredibly damaged and well, he did a lot of terrible things. Things I could never forgive or forget. And above anything else, there was a severe lack of love between us. I think about Henry and the joy I feel when I think about him, his smile, his laugh." Chuck paused again, as if he was feeling regret about revealing his feelings in such an honest way. "What I'm trying to say is.. Your father loves you, despite his misgivings."

Mackenzie laughed, taking another sip from her glass and leaving it on the desk between them. "It is difficult to see the love at such a great distance." Her voice was quiet, as if she needed to contemplate the words. Saying them out loud was hard enough. "I mean, I know he loves me. I can get that. But to _show_ love is different." She shut her eyes then shook her head again. "Thank you though, I appreciate the perspective. And for what it's worth, you're a wonderful father to Henry."

Chuck gave her a half smile and raised his glass to her, as if to say thank you. "And it's really over with your non-sister, too?"

"It seems like it. She did ask me to get lunch this week, she said it would be as a thank you or to show her appreciation for being so intense over the last month."

"That seems a little unusual."

"I definitely don't disagree with that." Mackenzie sighed and ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back past her shoulders. "I think I just feel bad for her, despite everything."

"That's your biggest downfall you know. All of you Humphrey's. You care too much."

Mackenzie grabbed her drink and finished it, raising her glass to him. "It's a curse I have to live with for the rest of my life, sadly."

Just before midnight and after another drink, Chuck sent Mackenzie on her way to the West Side. Mackenzie couldn't sit still once she got inside. She paced around, she played with Max, she did anything to busy herself and stop watching the clock. She contemplated taking a cab to the train station to meet them there or even waiting in the lobby of the building. She just needed to see Nate, in person, in the flesh. She needed solid proof, factual evidence that he was okay.

Leo had been giving her updates as the night went along. He was going to meet them at the train station and deal with everything else. He was going to send Nate home in a cab. She wasn't supposed to worry. It was Nate talking through Leo, really. She was grateful but anxious.

When she finally heard the faint beeping of the door's lock system, she bounded off the couch and rushed to the door. Nate was barely inside before she was throwing her arms around him.

"Hey hey, at least let me close the door so Max doesn't escape?" Nate smiled as he pulled away from her, taking a few steps and shutting the door behind him. He shook off his coat and turned back to see an eager Mackenzie, who was looking at him with worried eyes. "Hey, I'm okay."

She closed in the space between them and brought her hands up to his face, gently rubbing her thumbs along his cheeks. "I'm just so happy to see you."

"Me too," he replied softly, closing his eyes. He reached his hands down and roped his arms around her waist. He so badly wanted to spill out every thought running through his head about his fears but somehow, in that moment, as Mackenzie stood cradling his face, clearly holding back tears, it was as if every inch of his body calmed.

They hardly spoke any other words to each other as they quietly walked down the hall to Nate's bedroom. Mackenzie waited for him on the bed as he changed, then Nate climbed in beside her. He laid down in bed, under his sheets, as Mackenzie held onto him. She rested her head on his shoulder and squeezed him tightly, as if he might float away in the middle of the night.

"I don't know what I would do without you." Mackenzie finally spoke, her words coming out like a whisper.

"I'm sorry you were so scared tonight."

"You don't have to apologize. It's just.. well, exactly that, scary. You always tell me how you worry about me but I worry about you, too. Especially when you travel. It's usually just my anxiety making my brain run wild but then things like this happen and.."

Nate ran his hand up and down her back as she trailed off. "I know, I know." He kissed the top of her head and sighed. "But I'm here with you right now and that's all that matters."

* * *

"Mom, I'll say it again - I'm fine. It was completely unpredictable. You know better than to believe what the post is running as truth." Nate paused and listened to his mother continue to ramble on about his well being and the number of calls she was fielding from her social circle.

He appreciated her concern but he was swamped with work and he couldn't let her eat up any more of his workday.

"Listen, I'll talk to Mack and we'll come over for dinner next week, okay? I'll call you later this week. Love you."

Nate dropped his phone back down onto his desk and sighed, leaning back in his chair. It was Tuesday morning and he was still exhausted. Leo was doing everything possible to lighten Nate's workload for the week but even with some things taken off his plate, Nate couldn't focus.

He spent the weekend with Mackenzie, dreaming about how they could adapt the apartment when she moved in.

He avoided talking about the plane, even when Mackenzie very gently asked about it. He didn't want to admit how it was leaving an effect on him. How he was awake for hours every night reliving it and continuously waiting for answers.

He also spent time fielding some text messages from a panicked Taylor Wheeler. She messaged him dozens of times, profusely thanking him again and again for giving up his oxygen mask. He assured her it wasn't a big deal, that he was doing the right thing and he was glad she was okay. He insisted she take Monday off from work as a mental health day.

After his call with his mom ended, he knew he had work to do. He sighed and headed out of his office in search of Leo. As he stepped out the door, he saw Taylor sitting at Marie's desk, typing away on the keyboard.

"Hey Taylor," Nate said slowly, pausing in front of the desk. "How are you feeling?"

She looked up and shrugged, letting out a long breath. "I'm fine, I guess. I'm not really sleeping all that well."

"I get that," Nate replied, nodding. "Listen, I'm sorry all that happened. I don't want you to feel unsafe working here, that should not have happened and -

"Nate," Taylor interrupted him, "I know that plane stuff was a huge emergency accident and is not a normal part of the job. Please, don't make yourself feel any worse." She closed her eyes and shook her head. It looked like she may cry. "You saved my life and -

"No, Taylor, please," Nate held a hand up to stop her. "All that matters is no one was hurt. And hopefully we can get some good PR out of this."

She just nodded, letting out another breath. "I'm just going to put all my brain power into the holiday party and try not to think about it. We sent out the details about rescheduling, by the way. Lindsay is on board with rearranging everything for next Saturday. And adding in the extra support for the Common Pantry was a great idea. I think people can deal with a date change if it's for a good cause." She closed her eyes for a brief moment. "But, I just can't thank you enough."

"Well, I'm here if you need to talk, okay?" Nate gave her a small smile. "Have you seen Leo?"

* * *

It wasn't a secret to Mackenzie that Nate was having trouble sleeping. Ever since his return back to the city on Friday night, he had been noticeably restless and the bags under his eyes were growing day after day. By Tuesday, when she rolled over to find him staring at the ceiling before his early 6AM alarm went off, she was growing concerned. She asked him, gently, if he was okay. And he always assured her he was but said nothing more. She hated to pry but seeing him struggling was making her nervous.

She was so used to Nate Archibald, headstrong and compassionate, coming to her rescue. But this time, she had to show up for him.

After work Tuesday, she headed towards the Upper East Side. She had an outstanding appointment with the Van Der Woodsen siblings to catch up on The Bachelor. She was looking forward to a few hours to distract her from everything else. Nate had a late Tuesday meeting, so she figured the best thing she could do was indulge in some reality TV and try not to worry about how he was doing.

She stepped out of the elevator into the penthouse and shook off her coat. As she headed further inwards, Eric popped out of the kitchen.

"So, good news, bad news," he started, pausing to finish chewing whatever was in his mouth. "Serena can't make it."

"Why is that good news?"

"It's not," Eric replied, motioning for her to follow him into the kitchen. "The good news is without Serena, I could order sushi."

Mackenzie just smirked at Eric and glanced over his array of sashimi laid out across the counter. He offered a plate to Mackenzie and she slid a few rolls onto it.

"Serena didn't bail because Dan and I aren't talking, did she?" Mackenzie sat down on the big leather sectional and turned to face Eric who was sitting opposite her.

When Rufus and Lily were married, Mackenzie had a strained relationship with her step-family. It didn't help that she lived upstate, then in Australia then Boston. She wasn't always there for family functions or games nights. But she was still happy to have a friendship with both Eric and Serena. Although there were still times she felt on the outside. Jen and Eric had a solid friendship, Dan and Serena had, well, each other. During her summer breaks, Mackenzie stayed in the city with her dad for a few weeks. There had even been an instance where Dan, Serena and Jenny came out to Hudson for a long weekend.

She wasn't always feeling isolated. But it still happened.

Now, living in the city full time with both her siblings and her ex-step-siblings turned friend and sister-in-law, she felt a lot less removed. She was especially grateful for Eric's friendship - she valued his opinions and appreciated his humour during all their dramatic situations.

"Come on Mack, you know she's not like that," Eric said with a shrug. "She's just been working long hours coming up to the holidays. Tourist season, Christmas events, whatever."

Mackenzie popped another piece of sushi into her mouth and nodded. That made sense.

"You and Dan aren't talking at all though?"

"I mean, we've had a pretty stilted conversation going for a while." She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and grabbed her phone, pulling up her most recent text conversation with her brother. She handed her phone to Eric for him to scroll through.

"Yikes." Eric's eyes scanned over the messages, pausing to read small sections at a time. "He's really laying the guilt on thick."

"Right?" Mackenzie pulled her legs up onto the couch, crossing them as she leaned back into the cognac furniture. "I mean, didn't you know Daniel Humphrey lives on a different plane of existence where everything is solved by revealing truths via publication? He seriously thinks the ball is in my court here."

"I guess he's just trying to keep the peace."

"I'm trying out this thing where I just kind of accept I don't have a relationship of any kind with my dad."

"Rufus really hasn't said anything to you?"

Mackenzie shook her head. It had been over a week now without any word from her father. She had been hopeful at first, then disappointed. And now, well, acceptance was the next stage.

Eric sighed and reached his hand to place on her shoulder. "Not everyone has a comfortable relationship with their parents."

"Speaking of parents," Mackenzie glanced around the room. "Where are yours?"

"My mother is likely out shopping, it's been her escape lately. She's either overspending on Christmas gifts or buying _more_ baby stuff for Serena and Dan. And, well, Doctor William has been in Miami since before Thanksgiving."

Mackenzie shot him a confused glance.

"I'm just as lost about it as you are," Eric shrugged. "I wouldn't be surprised if they were calling it quits again. As far as dads go, I could live without William."

Nothing more needed to be said. It was always clear Eric did not happily let William back into his life the way Serena and his mother had.

"Well," Mackenzie picked up her chopsticks and reached for a piece of sushi, raising it up as if to toast. "To our confusing relationships with our dads, Eric."

He laughed along with her and raised his chopsticks the same way. "May we always be blessed with bottles of wine in their presence."

Mackenzie just smiled, slowly pushing away the feelings coming forward again and again: okay, what if she didn't figure things out with her dad. What if there was always going to be two stages to family gatherings now, where one person left before the other to avoid the awkwardness?

Before she could continue to spiral, Eric interrupted her. "Hey, how's Nate? I read his article this morning going over the plane incident. I commend his ability to turn a minor crisis into a political selling point."

"Well, he was right to sing his praise for the air traffic control team and the paramedics on sight. And he's always supported their unions, it's not all political. Although, I can definitely hear William Vanderbilt getting excited about Nate winning over the blue-collar voters."

"BUt he's okay?"

Mackenzie sighed. She really wasn't sure how she should answer that. "I think so. I mean, physically he just can't do cardio for seven days to make sure his oxygen levels have returned to normal. Mentally, god knows." She paused. "Eric, Nate takes care of me all the time and the minute I have to try and support him instead, I feel especially lost. I'm seriously a terrible partner."

"Oh, come on Mack, I doubt that." Eric shook his head and got up from the couch, heading back towards the kitchen. "Just being there for him when he needs you is all that matters."

"I know, I know." She sighed again, tugging at the bottom hem of her sweater nervously. "He won't even talk to me about it."

"Well, that's fair." Eric came back with the rest of the sushi and a bottle of sparkling wine. "Nate's a bit of a strong, silent type. While I would argue he's always been a bit broody, he's not one to publicise how he's feeling all the time. I'm sure he'll talk about it when he feels ready."

"Aren't you wise." She grabbed the wine and popped it open, grabbing a set of flutes from Eric as he came back from the kitchen again.

"Enough about feelings. Can we talk about holiday looks? Do you think I can pull off a green suit for The Spectator's Holiday party? Which by the way I am so excited was moved by a week so Elliot can join me."

"You know I'm not the fashion forward Humphrey, right?"

"I know, but Jen will disagree regardless."

"Okay, well, are we talking forest green or emerald green? Because with your current hair, you might end up looking like the Wizard of Oz."

* * *

"You almost ready?"

Nate popped his head into his ensuite, gazing at Mackenzie as she finished off putting on her lipstick. He couldn't help but let a smile wash across his face as he took her in. While he would argue she looked good in everything, seeing her dressed up in a gown and heels did _something_ to him. The top of her dress was black lace and fell off her shoulders, while the rest of it swept down to the ground. Her hair cascaded to one side in waves of curls, revealing the unmistakable shine of diamonds on her ears and draped across her neck.

She looked delectable. He was already dreaming of peeling the dress off of her in the back of the limo after the awards evening was finished.

He caught her eye in the mirror as she smirked at him, her cheeks turning a familiar shade of red.

"Can you help me with these?"

Mackenzie turned around to face him, smiling as he fumbled with the bottom of his sleeves. She noticed he was holding a pair of cufflinks in his hand.

"Oh. That reminds me. I have something for you." She paused to put her hand up to his cheek for a brief moment then hurried past him back into the bedroom. He took a quick glance into the mirror to adjust his black tie, then followed her.

He watched as she rummaged through her weekender bag, pulling out a small Tiffany's box.

"Shouldn't it be me presenting little blue boxes like this to you?" Nate said with a smirk.

Mackenzie closed in the space between them and grabbed the cufflinks from his hand, exchanging them for the box. "You're hard enough to shop for as it is, Archibald. So let me have this one."

Nate slowly opened up the box, revealing a set of sterling silver cufflinks.

"Mack," he said quietly, picking one up. Etched into the shining silver was the outline of a sunflower.

"I know it's kind of lame," she said quickly. "And maybe the whole sunflower thing escalated from a dumb comment you made but-"

Nate looked up and quieted her by pressing his lips onto hers, feeling a smile appear on her face.

"I love them."

Mackenzie pulled away and looked as his eyes gazed over the small silver links. Considering how their morning had started, she was so happy and relieved to see the joy on his face.

_It was well into the night when Nate was startled awake by his own brain, again. Night after night since the plane incident, his sleeps had become restless. He tried to conceal his consistent nightmares by rolling over in bed and trying to control his breathing, but this time, he was even more startled when he felt Mackenzie grab his hand._

" _Hey, what's going on?" Her voice was soft as she sat up in the bed, turning to face him. She let go of his hand and reached over to turn on the lamp._

" _It's nothing," he muttered out in response, closing his eyes and falling back onto his pillow._

" _Nate, you can't keep hiding this from me."_

_He scoffed quietly. "Hiding what from you, Mackenzie?" He didn't mean to snap at her. He knew that wasn't fair._

_She took his change of tone in stride, powering through softly without getting frustrated. "You're not sleeping. You won't talk to me. Everytime I bring up what happened on the plane you change the subject."_

_He sighed and reached for her hand. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to explain it."_

" _Well, try me."_

Mackenzie was so relieved he finally really _talked_ to her about what was going on in his head.

He told her how it felt for the plane to drop. How he gave his oxygen mask to Taylor. How scared and out of control he felt the whole time. How all he could think about was her. How he kept replaying it again and again in his mind. How they were investigating the company who services his plane.

How _stupid_ he felt when he wasn't even hurt yet all he could think about was how it could have been worse.

Mackenzie had never seen him come so close to crying before. If she was being completely honest, it scared her, too. But at the end of the day, as she held onto him and rubbed his back until he fell asleep, they had each other. They were okay. That was what mattered the most.

"Will you.." Nate motioned to his loose cuffs and gave her his classic Archibald smile. She nodded her head and took the cufflinks from his hand, securing his sleeves safely.

"You know, there is something about seeing you dressed to the nines in a tuxedo that just makes me…" Mackenzie trailed off, biting her lip as she took a step back to drink all of him in.

"If you're going to ruin your lipstick like that, at least let me help," Nate responded smoothly, closing in the distance between them and snaking his arms around her back. He kissed her lips roughly at first, trailing off towards her neck and exposed shoulders. He bit at them gently, closing his eyes as he breathed in whatever scent was lingering on her - peppermint, lavender shampoo, a sweet citrus perfume. Before things escalated too far, they could both feel his phone vibrating in his front pocket.

"I think the car is here," he said as he pulled away, leaving one last kiss on her collarbone.

Mackenzie took a deep breath then let it out slowly to compose herself, trying hard not to think about the other part of Nate she felt in the front of his dress pants. She paused for a moment to fix her hair then took his hand as he led her towards the door.

"So," she paused as he helped her put on her coat, "Are you worried about Chuck doing the intro speech for you?"

Nate just laughed as he buttoned up his own coat. He shrugged as he opened the door, following her down towards the elevator and grabbing her hand to hold. "Right now, I can safely say I'm not worried about anything."

* * *

"Listen, Mackenzie, Nate sacrificing his own oxygen mask for that little blonde assistant of his is classic Archibald. He has a bit of a hero complex, always has."

Mackenzie felt somewhat comforted by Blair's reaction about the situation. The moment she had time alone with her thoughts, all Mackenzie could think about was Nate's grand sacrifice while he thought his plane was going down. She was confused about the whole thing - was she mad? She couldn't be mad, he risked his life to save someone else. But something about the situation made her even more irritated by the presence of Taylor Wheeler in Nate's professional life.

It was absurd. Her feelings were absolutely irrational. She knew that. But she just _had_ to say them out loud to someone. And thankfully, Blair and Chuck were both attending the Business awards and Mackenzie could ramble out all her feelings while Chuck and Nate were off getting drinks at the bar.

"I think your worry is cute but you know Nate would have made a grand sacrifice for anyone sitting beside him on the plane," Blair placed her hand on Mackenzie's for a second. "You're the one who goes home to bed with Nate, you're the one he wants to spend his life with. You cannot worry about the interactions he has with every other woman. Trust me. It's not worth the forehead creases." Blair gave Mackenzie's hand a friendly tap, as if her summary was the best advice she could give. "Oh, excuse me. I have to go say hello to that woman over there or I'll never hear the end of it."

Mackenzie watched as Blair stood up from her seat at the table and plastered a faux smile on her face, walking briskly towards a white haired woman down the room.

Mackenzie sighed and brought her hands together in her lap, glancing around the room. The rest of the table was empty still, to be filled by a few of Nate's investors before dinner began. The room was filled with prominent players from various sectors of business in the city and truthfully, Mackenzie was overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. She knew this was normal now - large events, seas of important people, tuxedos and gowns, glasses of champagne. Yet, it still gave her a sense of unease.

She was grateful she took an extra dose of her anxiety medication that afternoon. It seemed to be keeping her nerves at bay.

She felt someone land in the chair beside her and she turned with a smile, expecting to see Nate return with a drink for her. She was greeted by Carter Baizen sitting in Nate's chair, instead.

"Miss Humphrey," he said with a smirk.

"Carter. What a surprise."

She had received an apology message from him over the weekend but chose not to reply. After his words and actions during their night at The Oak Room, she had absolutely no interest in humouring him with any kind of communication anymore.

"I know you're unhappy with me," Carter started, shaking his head. "And for good reason. You don't have to say anything, but I wanted to apologize in person."

"Why are you even here tonight? Don't tell me the association found you worthy of an award."

Carter opened his mouth to reply, then stopped himself. "I guess I deserve that." He let out a breath and smiled again. "My father is on the MBA Board of Directors and always buys the family a table at this event."

Mackenzie just nodded, raising her eyebrows at the idea of Carter spending a night out with his _family._

"YOu don't have to say anything here, or accept my apology, but I wanted to plead my case."

Mackenzie glanced around the room again. Nate was still far off at the bar talking to some older gentleman she didn't recognize, although he looked elated to be engrossed in the conversation She knew she could escape and send Carter away, but looking over at him, she saw something in his eyes. Whether it was remorse or regret, she wasn't sure. But something urged her to let him speak.

"Fine. Go ahead."

"I had a truly terrible day last Thursday. I lost a big account, which meant a huge profit loss for my main investor. It carried over into my evening and the way I treated you, what I said to you, that was coming from a .. stupid, dark place. I have a weird desire for destruction, I don't know where that comes from."

"Sounds like you need a therapist."

"You're right. Maybe I do." Carter paused again and looked down. "I just… I'm sorry. All those things I said, or implied. It wasn't fair or appropriate."

"Well. Thanks for your honesty." Mackenzie just nodded, her hands remaining tangled together on her lap. Something still didn't feel right about his words.

"So, I hope you can accept my apology."

"Sure. I can do that, Carter," she replied simply, glancing over at him as he raised his head back up. A smirk returned to his face.

"And I want us to, you know, still be friends." It was a small gesture and right away, as the word _friends_ rolled off his tongue, Carter's left hand found a home on Mackenzie's knee. "But my offer still stands." Before Mackenzie even realized what he was saying, his hand moved just inches further up her thigh.

"Fuck off, Carter." She grabbed his hand and threw it away, her head darting around wildly. "Is this a game to you? You can keep your sob story about your hard day at work and your hard life." She stood up quickly and crossed her arms.

He matched her pose, standing up and rolling his eyes. "It was a joke, doll."

Mackenzie just shook her head, swearing under her breath. "Don't ever touch me again. Rather, don't ever talk to me again."

Luckily, Carter just turned on his heel and walked away without saying anything else. Nate headed back to the table, nearly bumping shoulders with Carter. Neither acknowledged each other.

Nate handed Mackenzie a cocktail and looked her up and down quickly. "Are you okay? What was that about?"

"Trust me, it was nothing." She took a big gulp of her drink and plastered a smile on her face. "Who were you talking to over there?"

Nate couldn't help but smile as he sat back down with her. "It was, uhm, David Rockefeller. I'm truly blown away.. He wants to bankroll my entire campaign. On my accord. He said he loves my platform and can't wait to have dinner with me, well, with us, at Gracie Mansion this time next year."

Mackenzie couldn't help but beam. She wasn't entirely sure what David Rockefeller did but she did know that name meant _old money._ And to have such a name tied to Nate's mayoral campaign - he could be well on his way to winning.

She just watched as he continued on about their conversation, excitedly explaining how he invited them all to the holiday party next week and his old friendship with the man's granddaughter. If there was one thing she loved about Nate, it was his passion. And watching him light up about his campaign and the future truly helped her forget about everything else - Taylor Wheeler, Carter Baizen, her father.

She suddenly felt so very thankful for this moment with Nate.

She was ready to be by his side for everything.

* * *

" _I am honoured to be standing up here tonight to introduce the winner of the Manhattan Business Association's Top 20 Under 30 Propserity Award. While this award annually goes to a member whose business has thrived under changing economic waves and hardship, my focus today isn't on the numbers._

_I've known Nathaniel Archibald for, well, years. Since we were in elementary school. I have seen him grow in character - from a young, absent minded adolescent to a headstrong, results driven leader of the people._

_What sets him apart from his peers is not his age or his background, but his character._

_It is in his day to day business operations that his true self shines through._

_This award is going to a business owner who saw potential in a new printing warehouse, ensuring dozens of staff kept their jobs in a dying industry and turning a profit within six months of operations._

_This award is going to a man who reports with compassion, covering news around the north east with integrity and honesty._

_Someone who cares more about the people than the bottom line. Someone who managed to expand into a political hot zone in Washington and proved his investors wrong again and again, showing that the small voices can be the loudest in the crowd._

_Someone who took a dangerous incident with his own company plane, where he sacrificed his own safety for his coworker, and spun it into optimism and hope for change._

_Nathaniel Archibald is here tonight, collecting this award, not because he owns a thriving unbiased political news website and publication, but because he cares about this city and honest reporting. I am proud to call this man my friend and I'm constantly impressed by his growth as a business leader and force in our community._

_Ladies and gentleman, let's raise a glass and welcome the stage, the Manhattan Business Association Prosperity Award Winner, editor-in-chief of The Spectator, Nathaniel Archibald."_

* * *

"Congrats on the award, Nate," Carter said with a smirk, raising his glass as Nate walked up to the bar. "Honestly, what you've done with The Spectator is impressive."

Nate let out a breath after he ordered his drink and turned to Carter, matching his pose as they leaned against the counter. Nate was blown away not only by Chuck's speech, but by the continued response to his win. "Thanks." He swallowed the lump in his throat _and_ his pride as he remembered what Mackenzie had said previously about Carter: he was her friend, he was nice, he was not the same as before. "How are things going at, uh.. Thrive? I didn't take you as the type to be working in the venture capital world."

Carter sipped his drink and shrugged. "It's fine. But it can be lacking. I think I need something that's a bit more thrilling." His entire face remained emotionless as he replied.

"Well, good luck with that, man," Nate replied with a nod, reaching out to pat Carter's shoulder.

"Hey," Carter grabbed his wrist for a second, narrowing in on his cufflinks. "Aren't those cute. Sunflowers."

Nate pulled his hand away and gave him a confused look. "Good eye. And yeah, they were a gift from Mackenzie."

Carter just nodded, a smirk growing on his face. "Oh. I get it. It's your thing. Sunflowers. Like Mackenzie's tattoo."

Nate nodded and took a few steps away then stopped in his tracks, turning back around to face Carter. "What did you just say?"

"Her tattoo," Carter repeated, tapping on the centre of his chest. "The sunflower."

Nate took a step closer to Carter, then paused to take a long sip from his glass. "How the hell do you know about that?"

"Well, I've seen it in the flesh," Carter said with a half smile, putting his glass down on the bar and taking a step towards Nate. "Actually, I guess I've seen all her tattoos. She has...one on the thigh and one on her back, too, right?"

Nate could feel a heat rising inside him. From the pit of his stomach up to his throat. He was struggling to piece together what Carter was saying. Why was he aware of all of Mackenzie's tattoos - especially the one exclusively hidden on her chest? Did that mean… had they… no. No, that couldn't be it. Maybe she showed him a picture or...

Nate bit his tongue then shook his head. He had to remove himself from the situation before he said something regrettable. He slammed back the rest of his drink and turned away from the chuckling Carter Baizen standing in front of him. He moved through the crowd and tables, finally spotting Mackenzie walking out of the room with Blair.

"Honestly, I tried to talk Lily out of it a thousand times but she's insisting. It's too soon for the baby shower so I think she just wants to do something and -

Nate cut off Blair's half of the conversation as he stopped beside them in the hall outside the ballroom. "Mackenzie, we need to talk."

"Well, I'll leave you two alone," Blair said as she raised her eyebrows at Nate. "Good luck with him, Mackenzie." Blair looked over at Nate but his eyes weren't leaving Mackenzie.

Mackenzie turned to see Nate's furrowed brow and flushed face. "Can this wait just a few minutes? I wanted to go freshen up and -

Nate grabbed her wrist as she started to walk away, then released it. "Did you sleep with Carter Baizen?!"

Mackenzie's eyes shot open. She swallowed hard, tangling her hands together. She twisted her ring around on her finger. She knew this truth was bound to come out sometime but she didn't want it to be like this.

"On second thought, maybe I'll stay," Blair said quietly, crossing her arms as her eyes darted between the two standing in front of her.

"Nate, listen," Mackenzie started to piece together a response as she looked at him. She had never seen him look so angry before. She really didn't like it.

"Did you sleep with Carter?"

"Who told you that -

"It's a yes or no question, Mackenzie."

Mackenzie swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yes, we slept together once."

She could hear Blair gasp.

Nate's eyes grew wide. "You cheated on me?"

"What?" Mackenzie shook her head rapidly. "No! How could you think that? This was before we got back together."

In the midst of their discussion, neither of them realized Carter Baizen himself had approached and was standing a few feet away from Blair. He had unbuttoned his suit jacket and was staring, his eyes darting between Mackenzie and Nate. A smirk never left his face.

Nate was breathing heavily as he looked at her. "Why would you lie to me about this for so long? You told me he took you to dinner and you never spoke again. How am I supposed to believe that this was a one-time thing when you see the guy all the time?" Nate shook his head. "Not to mention you hang around your piece of shit friends who are cheating on their partners, too."

Mackenzie didn't know what to say. All at once, she felt the weight of regret land on her chest. She should have been honest with him months ago. She opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. As if on cue, her lungs seemed to start shrinking as her breath got more and more shallow.

"Nate, please…"

"Archibald," Carter piped in as he took a step forward towards them, "If it makes you feel better, I can tell you it only happened once, not due to lack of trying on my part."

"Carter," Mackenzie hissed out his name. "For the love of God, stay out of this." She could see Nate's hands balling into fists at his side. She took a step towards him. "Nate, don't. Please. C'mon, can we just go find somewhere to talk about this privately?"

Nate rolled his eyes. "I don't want to talk to you at all." He turned away from her and back towards Carter.

"Honestly, Nate," Carter spoke slowly, as if to pronounce each individual syllable as a smarmy smile grew on his face. "If it makes you feel any better, she was definitely thinking about you the whole time. Like, I kissed that one delicate spot on her neck - _you know the one_ \- and it was your name she called out."

Before Mackenzie could even shout out Carter's name so he would _shut the fuck up_ , Nate's fist was flying towards Carter's face. Mackenzie tried to take a step towards him but Blair pulled her back. Carter stumbled back and fell onto the carpet as Nate swore under his breath. A few people down the hall from them started chattering and moving towards them.

"Nate," Mackenzie took a step towards him as he started to walk away from them, shaking his hand out.

"Mackenzie, don't. I'm done here." Nate didn't even bother turning around as he headed down the hall towards the exit.

Mackenzie could feel her heart collapsing as he walked away. This is not how their night was supposed to go. She didn't mean for it to happen this way - a night of celebration for Nate, full of many congratulations and accolades, crushed by her lack of transparency.

_No, your dishonesty. You should have just told him the truth. Why didn't you just tell him this months ago? Idiot. Look what you've done._

"What's going on?" Chuck hurried out of the ballroom and looked at Carter pulling himself up, then over to Blair and Mackenzie.

Blair simply motioned for him to follow Nate then she grabbed Mackenzie's hand.

"Well, Chuck and I were just lamenting over how dull things were getting in this group," Blair said with a weak smile as Mackenzie looked over at her, eyes welled with tears. "C'mon, lets go get some air."

Mackenzie pulled away from Blair's side and rushed towards Carter. "What the fuck is wrong you with?"

"I don't have to be your secret keeper anymore, sweetheart," Carter spat out at her, rubbing his jaw. "We aren't even friends, right? So what does it matter?"

Mackenzie felt a sudden urge to lunge at him, to pummel him with her fists. She needed to lay blame somewhere, on someone. But deep down, she knew it wasn't worth it.

Even moreso, she knew this was her fault.

"You're really a piece of work, Carter," she said quietly as she shook her head. "Thanks for nothing."

Blair took her hand and pulled her away, mumbling advice about not wasting anymore time on him.

Mackenzie tore her eyes away from Carter and looked down the far end of the hall, her eyes darting around to see if she could see Nate or Chuck. In the sea of tuxedos, everyone suddenly looked the same. She could feel the waves of terrified anxiety moving through her and she tried hard to focus on where Blair was leading her, to an outside terrace across from the ballroom.

The night air hit them like a wall as they stood outside. Mackenzie held onto the cool stone balcony and tried to take deep breaths.

All she could hear were Nate's words playing again and again in her mind: " _I'm done here."_

* * *

_They say when it rains, it pours._


	19. Chapter 19

For the first time that she could remember, Mackenzie Humphrey called in sick.

A long time ago Mackenzie had mastered the ability to compartmentalize her anxiety - she could press it deep down into her stomach and ignore it, mostly, and fight through her most nervous days. She barely missed a day of school over the years because she taught herself to let her anxiety manifest in less obvious ways. Instead of crying, she would rip at her nails. She replaced hyperventilating with counting floor tiles or tapping each brick she passed by or naming her dad's songs alphabetically.

There were, of course, exceptions. After the shooting at Northeastern, her anxiety would go from zero to panic attack in seconds. She had come so far since then, with the support of her therapist and new coping techniques, and well, Nate.

But when the latest cause of her breakdown was a fight with Nate himself, she didn't know who she could turn to. And after calling him endlessly after he stormed out of the awards dinner, he finally messaged her and asked her to stop and give him space.

She felt like she was drowning. She sobbed in the cab all the way home. She cried more in the shower. She laid in bed all night, barely getting a wink of sleep. It couldn't have come as a surprise to Chuck when she called in sick to work Friday. She was embarrassed about it, but her mental health was already hanging on by a thread.

She respected his wishes and refrained from messaging Nate. That was the hardest part. She wanted to fix it right away, even though she knew that wasn't possible.

Mackenzie sat up in bed and grimaced at the sun shining through the windows. The one time she longed for rain, or snow, or grey to suit her mood, the yellow, warm rays of light swept through the loft instead. She subconsciously reached for her phone, gazing over the messages waiting unread.

There was nothing from Nate so she ignored everything else.

She spent her morning going through the motions, checking her work email, stretching out on the living room floor, sipping on coffee. It felt like time was crawling by. She thought about going for a walk or calling Jenny or _something_ but found herself lying lifelessly on the couch instead, her laptop propped up on the coffee table, playing through some mindless sitcom reruns. She wanted to laugh but couldn't.

The more she tried to distract herself, the more her brain kept circling back to one thing. Again and again and again. Why didn't she just tell him months ago? What was so hard about revealing the truth, ripping off the bandage and moving on?

It had been a dumb mistake.

She knew _why_ he was so mad. It wasn't that she had sex with Carter. Well, maybe it was a little bit about that. But it was because she didn't tell him. She was the one who had been so incessant on going over their dating histories from their time apart. She had been feeling so insecure and threatened by the idea of Nate spending time with his exes or any female, for that matter.

Really, she was defeated by her own insecurities. Even after all this time. Even though time and time again, Nate provided love to her in so many ways.

Early in the afternoon, while she was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, she heard knocking at the door. She sat up and grabbed her phone, in case she had a message indicating someone was coming by.

The knock was followed by the sound of the keypad, then the door itself swung open. Mackenzie was surprised to see her brother walk in.

"Mack?" Dan quickly darted his eyes around the apartment, closing the large door behind him.

"Hey," she replied to him, calling his attention to the far side of the room. "What are you doing here?"

He gave her a small smile as he walked over and sat in the armchair. "Well, admittedly, I wanted to talk to you and this was the only way to do it without you ignoring my texts or hanging up on me."

Mackenzie was ready to fire back an irritated response to her brother but couldn't find the energy. She just sighed and nodded her head. "How did you know I was here and not at work though?"

"Oh. Uh. Yeah, we have a group chat about you and Nate. Since you came back to town."

"We?"

"Just me and Chuck and Blair. And Serena and Jenny.. And Eric." He paused, laughing to himself. "Funny, we actually haven't used it in a few months but then last night.."

Mackenzie covered her eyes with her hands and groaned. "You know, I feel like I should be mad about that. Or annoyed. But, considering I'm already channeling my anger into so many other things related to you, I should let that go."

Dan raised his hand for a second, like he was about to protest. Then he just sighed and leaned back into the chair. "Yeah, oka, that's fair. Listen, Mack, I know you think I'm difficult and unfair sometimes-

"Dan, I don't think that. I know that."

"Whatever." He let out a deep breath. "We're not supposed to get along all the time. We've never gotten along _all the time_. May I remind you about the piggy bank incident of 1999."

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh. "I thought we vowed to never mention that again."

"I only bring it up to prove a point. I know you're upset with dad and me, for how I reacted. And maybe I'm a bit mad too, but I also can't just sit back and let you self-destruct out here alone."

She let out a long breath and sat up moreso on the couch. She tossed the blanket to the side and nodded. "Well, thank you. I just..don't want to talk about it."

"Well, would you rather talk about the other elephant in the room otherwise known as our father?"

Mackenzie ran a hand through her hair and pushed it back, shaking her head. "Not really."

Dan watched her carefully as she tried to start a new sentence, backtracking again and again. "Have you eaten today?" He looked over towards the kitchen.

"Uhm, I've had a full pot of coffee. I was going to scavenge the freezer for something later." Mackenzie sighed and closed her eyes. Despite her attempts at cooking at home, she knew the fridge was pretty empty. Mainly because she was spending most of her time at Nate's. And when she was at the loft, it was easier to order in.

"Okay, compromise. Let's go out into the world, get some fresh air. Maybe we can grab a bagel at Cranberry's. Then, a deep dive into last night." Dan raised his eyebrows as he presented the offer to her. "Although, I will give you ten minutes to shower because you kind of look like shit."

Mackenzie scoffed as she rolled her eyes. "I'm taking full offense to that. But fine."

She hated to admit it, but showering, going outside and sitting down in the small shop with a fresh bagel made her feel a lot carried her comfort into leggings, an oversized sweatshirt and leather bomber, doing her best to hide as much of herself from the world.

"So," Dan started as they sat at a small table near the window. He finished chewing the last of his bagel and turned to his sister. "What happened?"

"Since I've had so much time to overanalyze, I can sum it up pretty quickly." Mackenzie let out a breath. "I had the opportunity to tell Nate something months ago, but I didn't. And he found out in the worst way."

"That's really vague. How do I offer sage wisdom without the real details?"

Mackenzie scoffed. "Blair didn't mention it in the group chat?"

Dan shook his head.

Mackenzie groaned and looked down. "Fine. I went out with Carter Baizen before Nate and I got back together."

"And Nate's mad about that?"

"No, he's mad because I didn't tell him, uh... I said we just went to dinner and parted ways. But, uh, we actually had sex."

Dan shook his body, as if hearing his sister say the word _sex_ was the worst thing in the world.

"Oh grow up, Daniel."

Dan put a hand up and shook his head. "Sorry. That was involuntary. I liked to pretend you...aren't a sexual being or.."

"Oh-kay. Please stop." Mackenzie laughed and closed her eyes.

Dan paused to take a sip of his coffee and nodded again. "So, you had sex with him. But this was before you and Nate reunited?"

"Yes! Of course. I would never cheat on Nate. It was just a one time thing and I guess I was just hoping he would never find out."

Before Dan could unload his brotherly wisdom, they were interrupted.

"Wow, running into two Humphrey's in Brooklyn. This doesn't seem likely anymore."

Both Dan and Mackenzie turned their heads to look at the body standing beside their table.

"Vanessa, hey!" Dan shook his head as a smile appeared on his face. He stood and pulled her into a hug.

Mackenzie shot Vanessa a soft smile then sighed to herself. She never really knew what had happened with Vanessa, Dan and their friends. She knew it was dramatic and vengeful, dripping in bitter feelings and no forgiveness. She could probably read up about it on Gossip Girl but she didn't have it in her to care. Vanessa Abrams had disappeared to Europe and it seemed everyone lost track of her, or lost interest entirely.

But last year at Allison's funeral, Vanessa and her parents showed up. It sparked a reconciliation for her and Dan, at least.

Mackenzie hardly remembered talking to her at the funeral, but she knew she must have. She still had Vanessa on Facebook and Instagram, so she could easily see what she was up to. But mostly, Mackenzie didn't have a lot of interest.

Vanessa was always _Dan's friend._ Even back when they were kids, she was dominant and aggressive, often intentionally leaving Mackenzie out of whatever they were playing. But then she would swoop in and baby little Jenny. It always irritated Mackenzie that Vanessa so forcefully made herself part of their family.

Mackenzie was _so_ relieved to have been living out of the city when she and Dan tried to date.

"So, how are you guys? How's Rufus?"

Mackenzie kept the smile on her face as Dan invited Vanessa to join them at the table.

"Oh, he's good. Yeah. Still splitting his time out in LA and in the city," Dan answered quickly, taking a sip of his coffee and looking across the table to his sister. Mackenzie met his eyes and gave him a grateful look for trying his best to sweep past that topic.

"Is he in town now? I would love to see him. He emailed me a few weeks ago actually, wanted to see how my dad was doing. And I'm happy to report he's in remission, which is great. And he's feeling well enough to apparently dance up a storm at Ruby's wedding tomorrow."

_Of course my dad can keep up communication with Vanessa, his non-daughter. But won't even have a fucking conversation with me right now and -_

"Enough about me though! Mack, how are you? I feel like we haven't talked in so long."

Mackenzie let out a breath as she looked at Vanessa across the table. She was still so very Vanessa - oversized copper jewelry, curly black hair, vintage army jacket. She wished so desperately she could send a telepathic message to her brother and ask why he thought it was the right time to have a catch up session when she was in the middle of an emotional crisis.

"I'm fine," Mackenzie said simply, "Uhm, living at the loft. I'm running the Bass Foundation. Nate and I are back together and -

"Right, that's right," Vanessa nodded as she spoke. "You and Nate. Dan told me about that. That's so cute."

Mackenzie wasn't sure why, but for some reason hearing Vanessa call her relationship _cute_ made her want to scream.

Vanessa turned and nudged Dan on the arm, "Man, Nate really did make his way around your social and family circle, huh."

Mackenzie was almost certain if she was able to transform into a She-Hulk, she would have in that moment.

"Uh," Dan looked from Vanessa over to Mackenzie. He reached out and wiggled the coffee mug out of his sister's hands, eyes wide, silently screaming at her to _calm down_. "Nate's grown up quite a bit. So, if there was ever a time I wanted him to be courting my sister, it would be now."

"Listen, this has been great. But uh, I'm gonna head back to the loft. I think I suddenly have a migraine." Mackenzie pushed her chair back and let out a long breath. "It was, uh, nice to see you, Nessie. I mean, Vanessa."

Dan tried to encourage her to stay but she just smiled and headed towards the door. She was hoping her brother might help her reflect on what to do next with Nate but instead, she was left feeling even more insecure about the whole thing.

* * *

When Nate arrived at The Spectator offices on Friday morning, he was surprised to see a catered breakfast celebration and his entire team waiting for him in the boardroom. Usually he would be incredibly grateful to celebrate something like his award with his team, but considering the dark circles under his eyes and the storm cloud above his head, he had a difficult time putting on a smile. He sipped his coffee and thanked the whole team for their contributions then sunk into his office with the door closed.

Again and again and again, all his brain could do was think about what had transpired the night before. He especially couldn't get Carter fucking Baizen's smug face out of his mind.

He didn't want to be bothered by Mackenzie having slept with someone before they got back together. In fact, it was easier just to not think about at all.

But knowing her last date before their reunion was with Carter. And finding out they actually slept together... he wanted to erase it from his mind altogether.

The hardest part was trying to figure out just why Mackenzie had kept it from him. The more he thought about it, the more irritated he got that she was likely just never going to tell him. Wasn't honesty and talking about all that _uncomfortable shit_ their thing?

Clearly it wasn't working.

He kept his door closed most of the day and kept his phone at bay, only answering the occasional email and replying to anyone else through Taylor popping her head in to talk to him.

By the end of the day, someone finally came through the door to talk to him.

"I've been warned not to _poke the bear_."

Nate looked up from his laptop and saw Tripp walking into his office, shutting the door behind him and dropping onto the chair across from his desk.

Nate let out a laugh and closed his laptop. "I'm not an angry tyrant. Just..keeping my distance from the world today."

Tripp unbuttoned his suit jacket and crossed his legs as he leaned back in the chair. "Well, honey, do you want to talk about it?"

Nate just smirked and shook his head. "I really don't. It's just..a fight with Mackenzie, I guess."

"That seems out of character."

"Yeah." Nate paused to let out a long breath. "As much as I want us to paint a picture of this wholesome relationship, I knew there was bound to be some road bumps."

"So, if you don't want to talk about it, how can I help? Dinner at _Romans?_ Basketball game? Shooting range?"

Nate contemplated the options Tripp was presenting to him. Logically, he knew he should just swallow his pride and call Mackenzie. They should just really try to deal with it. ALthough, he assumed it would just lead to yelling and frustration. It could also potentially lead to make up sex…

Sex.

Like Mackenzie had with Carter Baizen merely days before he was kissing her in that elevator.

He swore under his breath and leaned forward onto his desk. "How about getting me super drunk?"

Tripp just laughed and nodded his head. "That I can do. Are we thinking casual beer drunk or boys-trip Scotch drunk?"

"I was thinking high-school-party whisky drunk, actually."

Tripp raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. "Well, I guess I'll arrange a car. Oh, and I think Bronson is solo this weekend. I'm sure he'd be down."

Nate glanced down at his phone. Part of him was hoping for Mackenzie to reach out and break the silence. The silence he forced onto her. But she respected his wishes and laid off. He didn't even listen after her first voicemail last night.

But he wanted to know how her day went and what she was doing for dinner and…

Nate stood up at his desk and stretched his arms out. "I guess we're doing this. I probably need a Red Bull or two before we get started."

"I think we're in for a wild night, cousin."

Nate and Tripp walked out of his office not long after, with a loose plan for their evening and a growing guestlist of friends to join them.

Nate felt guilty, in a way. Avoiding his feelings to go out and drink until he couldn't feel them anymore was not a good idea. In fact, he could already hear Kenneth advising against it in case things got out of hand and pictures appeared online. One tiny misstep could derail his reputation and put his campaign into jeopardy before it even started.

But his frustration and sadness was overpowering his guilt.

He had intentionally dismissed a phone call from Dan earlier, and one from Blair too. Leave it to those two - both of them trying to be a voice of reason for his relationship. It was crazy to think he had come so far with Blair. From young lovers to lifelong friends, he respected her opinions but knew she'd talk him out of having a wild night out. And Dan. Well, he'd vouch for his sister, despite his attempts to be neutral when it came to their relationship.

Nate was just hurting. Things had been going so well for him and Mackenzie and this pain and doubt hit him harder than he anticipated. He didn't want to deal with it yet.

They hadn't made it very far out of the office. Tripp was stopped to talk to Monica as she leaned onto Marie's desk. Well, Taylor's desk. The two girls were engrossed in some sort of chatter as they approached.

"So, since you're having a girls night, turns out we're having a boys night," Tripp commented with a smirk.

"Well, maybe we'll meet up with you guys downtown later," Monica replied with a matching smirk, turning her head to glance at Taylor. "If this lightweight can pace herself on the champagne this time."

Taylor just shook her head, crossing her arms. "Rude. I can hold my own."

"Then we'll see you later, ladies," Tripp continued, leaning in to lay a kiss on Monica's lips. "Stay away from the vodka, Wells."

Nate smiled as they headed out. Considering the amount of horrendous drama Tripp had wrapped himself up with when he was with Maureen, it was nice to see him happy in a relationship again. And despite their own troubled relationship as cousins, continuously fighting over the affection of their grandfather growing up, Nate was happy their friendship had finally resolved itself into something genuine. He could count on Tripp to be there for him and he was grateful for it.

They ended up hopping between a few bars in Midtown and Nate was pleasantly intoxicated. It wasn't that he was _falling over drunk_ but he was feeling a lot less feelings. And that was exactly his plan.

Their next stop was at The Plaza, specifically The Oak Room.

Nate gripped his rocks glass as he fell back onto one of the booth couches. Most of their group seemed to have disappeared into the bar and he didn't much care. He continued to watch his phone for _something_ for Mackenzie and decided maybe it was just in his best interest to reach out to her directly.

So what if they were going to fight. The sooner they fought it out, the sooner they could move past it. He just wanted to know _why why why_ she lied to him. Was that going to be so hard?

Just as he was about to dial her number, someone was pulling up a chair to sit at the end of the booth beside him.

"Hey! It's Nate, right?"

He looked up from his phone to see a familiar looking blonde sitting beside him, a warm smile on her face. He watched as she tucked some of her hair behind her ear and tilted her head. "Where's Mack?"

He narrowed his eyes. "What? Do I know you?"

The blonde let out a laugh and rolled her eyes. "It's Vivienne. I'm a friend of your girlfriends?"

Nate nodded. Right. Vivienne. Her friend who worked at Bass Industries. One of the threads tying Mack and Carter Baizen together, somehow.

"Sorry, yeah, hi. I know we've met before. Viv. How are you?" Nate finally responded to her, pausing to take a sip of his drink.

"Good, yeah. Where's Mack? I invited her out tonight but she said she was having dinner with you. So if you're here, she must not be far behind."

Nate rolled his eyes and let out a laugh, looking away from her. "Yeah, she's not here. I don't know where she is. Turns out, she has this new thing she does where she doesn't always tell the truth. So that dinner thing...was a lie." He just nodded again and again, to get his point across.

Viv gave him a confused look. "Uh. Alright. Are you guys okay?"

Nate rubbed a hand across his jaw and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. So, is your boyfriend here tonight too? Or is he out with his real girlfriend?"

Before Viv could reply to him, they were both saved by Tripp popping up beside him. "Hey! Monica said they're at The Penrose. Bronson's calling a cab."

Nate poured the rest of his drink into his mouth quickly and wiped his mouth, sliding out of the booth. "Great catching up, Viv."

He took a few steps away and felt his phone vibrating in his hand. He smiled when he saw the caller ID. "Hey, I've been meaning to call you."

* * *

The last thing Mackenzie wanted to wake up to on Saturday morning was a slew of messages about a picture on Page Six.

After she had left the coffee shop, leaving her brother to catch up with his vintage best friend, she locked herself in the loft for the rest of the evening. She didn't even look at her phone, aside from ordering in tacos and making a half-ass margarita, which was admittedly mostly just tequila and as much lime juice she could squeeze from the leftover produce in the fridge.

It had been a real pity party. Before she went to bed, she got a text from her brother that helped her a bit: " _Hey, here's my delayed advice. Give him some space, he'll come around. And only let yourself be sad for one day. I'll call you tomorrow to make sure you're not still wallowing. Love you, Mack.'_

It wasn't what she wanted to hear, but maybe it's what she needed. So, she vowed that Saturday she would try to talk to Nate and _deal with it._

But that plan was derailed when she finally looked at Page Six:

_**Manhattan's Young and Elite captured leaving The Penrose** _

_With the holidays approaching, it appears most of the young socialites from Upper Manhattan have returned home and reunited with old friends. Pictured here climbing into a limo is Tripp Vanderbilt and date, Cassandra Kennedy, Nate Archibald, Cortney 'Coco' Rockefeller, Isabel Coates and Dave Franco. This must have been the end of the night for the group because it seems both Vanderbilt and Archibald couldn't stand very straight as they exited The Penrose._

Mackenzie wasn't sure if she wanted to scream, cry or throw up. She didn't really understand why Nate wanting some space translated to _a night out_ with Tripp and Cassandra Kennedy and whoever else was involved. But it made her sick to her stomach to think about.

She was even more offended when she called Nate and it went straight to voicemail.

_Out of all the people in this goddamn city, he had to be seen with Cassandra Kennedy. I figured needing space meant video games and scotch at home, not falling down drunk downtown. God, what if he took her home? No, Mackenzie, don't be irrational and crazy. He would never do that. Don't spiral, don't spiral._

Instead of agonizing even more, she tore herself out of bed and decided it would be in her best interest to channel her feelings into a boxing class. She put her hair into a messy bun on top of her head, put her phone into airplane mode and headed to the gym.

Much to her dismay, the class didn't help. Sure, she felt refreshed physically. But mentally, it was a wash. Her mind continued to race about that stupid picture.

Thanks to the strangely tolerable late fall weather, it was warm enough to walk home. Outside the loft, she was surprised to see someone waiting for her.

"Mackenzie, hi."

"Hey Maya," Mackenzie replied as she paused outside the building. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just in the area and wanted to see if you would grab lunch with me."

Mackenzie swallowed the lump in her throat and crossed her arms. She was conflicted. She was supposed to be done with Maya. Genetics couldn't lie - they simply weren't related and she didn't owe this girl anything. But looking at her, standing anxiously on the sidewalk, hands twisted together and hair pulled into a tight ponytail. She suddenly looked so young.

_You don't owe this girl anything. But, maybe she just needs some closure. And it beats going crazy in the loft for another day._

Mackenzie just smiled and motioned up the block. "Sure. I could go for a sandwich at Mick's."

She hated to admit it, but after everything she had gone through with Maya's intensity and the genetic testing, she actually didn't mind her company. They swapped some stories about their Thanksgivings (Maya had spent it with a friend's family) and talked about Christmas.

"Can I ask you something? My dad said you showed up at the loft looking for me. I was just wondering how you even knew where I lived in the first place." Mackenzie remembered running into her outside before she had left for her weekend in Washington with Nate.

Maya closed her eyes for a second and pivoted her head down. "I know this is going to sound crazy, but I've just.. There was just a lot I wanted to talk to you about and you were avoiding me and.. Well. There was this old map still on the Gossip Girl website - of course you know about Gossip Girl, and I kind of used some data on the back of the website coding to figure out the coordinates."

"Oh, you must be pretty good with computers," Mackenzie nodded. That made sense, sure.

"Again, I'm sorry for coming on so strong here, Mackenzie. I really truly believed we might be sisters and I didn't want to lose that.. And. I know I've been a lot. I've always been this way." Maya paused again. "Thank you for having lunch. But really, I want to pay. It's the least I can do for all this trouble I caused." She tucked her credit card into the billfold and handed it to the waitress as she returned.

Mackenzie smiled at her and nodded. "Well, I will admit it's helped unpack some old feelings but at the end of the day, I think it'll make my family stronger." She wasn't sure how true that was but if saying that out loud to Maya gave her peace of mind, so be it.

"My dad dying was really hard. I didn't really get to have him in my life at all growing up, and even though being his only next of kin kind of left me with a huge financial mess," Maya paused again, shaking her head. "I mean, that's an entirely different issue. But despite that, I'm glad I got to have some time to get to know him before I lost that chance entirely. At least you have your dad! And your brother and sister. That's more than I have now."

Mackenzie wasn't sure how to respond to the girl. It was strangely baiting, everything she was saying. She wanted sympathy, maybe. But she needed support. Truthfully, Mackenzie couldn't do it. She was looking forward to really parting ways with Maya. It was more added drama than she needed at that point.

The waitress appeared at their table again, a frown on her face. "Miss, I'm sorry but this card declined."

Maya's eyes shot open and she stuttered over her words trying to reply. "Are you sure? I'm certain there is room on that card but-

"Maya, it's fine. I'll get it. Seriously." Mackenzie reached into her bag and pulled out her wallet. She took a few bills out and handed them to the waitress. "No change needed. Thanks."

"Oh my god," Maya sunk her head onto her arms crossed over on the table. "I'm so sorry. The one time I try to do something nice and.."

"Maya, it's okay. It's really not a big deal." Mackenzie stood up, hesitating as she contemplated whether or not to extend any additional comfort to the girl. It was hard seeing someone in such duress and anxiety. But Mackenzie really wanted to end whatever this friendship was. She quickly said goodbye again and headed outside, walking back to the loft.

Maya's words kept flying through Mackenzie's mind as she returned home: _At least you have your dad! At least you have your dad…_

She didn't, really. At that moment in time, Mackenzie didn't have her dad nor did she have her boyfriend. The hole in her heart seemed to be getting bigger and bigger as time ticked forward.

If her conversation with her brother the day before hadn't been interrupted by Vanessa, maybe he would have given her some advice about their dad, too.

Dan and Rufus were very similar and while Dan was known to side with their dad more often than not, Mackenzie knew her brother still had her best interests at heart. Maybe a phone call was the next best thing to happen with her dad - no yelling or awkward eye contact involved. Just voices and the opportunity to hang up if needed.

It seemed easy enough but why was it so hard to take that step?

She fell onto the couch and looked down at her phone. She wanted to talk to Nate more than anything, but considering her earlier attempt ending in his voicemail message, she wasn't sure if she should try again.

Instead, she did the next bravest thing she could think of. If she wasn't going to figure things out with Nate, maybe it was time to wave a white flag to Rufus Humphrey.

So, Mackenzie let out a long breath and called her dad.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, after his Friday night out, Saturday hangover and Sunday recovery day, Nate managed to feel even worse Monday morning.

He was silent as Leo led the team meeting in the morning and barely made a sound or moved for the rest of the morning as he sat at his desk with his office lights dimmed.

He felt like an idiot for a lot of things, including going so hard on Friday night. Then the picture appeared Saturday morning. He ignored a call from Mackenzie that morning and again on Sunday. On top of their initial problem, he was now facing another one. He knew she would be upset about that picture. Or, confused. Or angry. Either way, it was something else they needed to iron out.

He wasn't sure how much longer he could take not talking to her. It wasn't worth the empty, sad feeling anymore. They could be mad at each other and still have dinner, right? Or be upset and still share his bed?

He sighed and sunk his head into his hands as he broke away from his computer screen.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," he called out, trying to regain his appearance as the door opened. Taylor walked in with a smirk on her face and a cup of coffee in her hand.

She placed the mug down on his desk then turned to shut the door. She sat on the chair across from his desk and smiled as he sipped at his coffee.

"How are you feeling?"

"Just as terrible as I've felt all weekend," he muttered out. "Thank you for this."

Taylor tangled her hands together in her lap as she looked over at him, then sighed. "And I want to say thanks for last night."

"Taylor," Nate started, trying to cut her off before she continued. "It's okay."

_Nate was sprawled out on his couch, watching the highlights from the college basketball circuit on ESPN. Or, at least he was pretending to watch them. Truly, he felt like he was staring off into space. He was grateful to have Max, so he didn't feel entirely alone. His wild weekend had left him feeling emptier than ever and despite his hopeful attitude, he couldn't bring himself to call Mackenzie._

_He scratched behind Max's ears as the grey tabby laid on his chest._

" _At least one of us is having a good time, buddy," he said quietly, smiling as Max nuzzled into his hand._

_Their cuddling was cut short when Nate's phone started to buzz on the coffee table. A startled Max jumped off his chest and scurried away. Nate sat up and grabbed for his phone, desperately hoping it might be Mackenzie. He was surprised to see Taylor Wheeler's name on the caller ID._

" _Hey Taylor," Nate spoke as he answered. It wasn't late, really. But he wasn't expecting any kind of work questions on a Sunday evening. "What's up?"_

" _Hey Nate," Taylor started to reply. "Listen, I know you were pretty drunk when we saw each other on Friday night and I kind of disappeared. But I just.. I need someone to talk to. Do you have a second?"_

_Nate squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't really remember talking to Taylor at all Friday. But as he listened to her on the other end of the phone, something sounded off._

" _Uhm, yeah, sure. Did you want to get a cup of coffee or…"_

" _Maybe, yeah. I'm just leaving a friend's place on West 99th.."_

" _Oh, that's close to me. You're welcome to just come over and we can talk, if you want?"_

_Taylor showed up at Nate's door about half an hour later. She declined his offer of a cup of coffee, so instead they sipped on seltzer water as they sat on opposite ends of the couch. She sat quite still, nervously playing with the chain around her neck, tucking and untucking her hair behind her pink diamond studded ears._

" _Nate. I just don't really know who else to talk to about this and I'm sorry for bothering you but…"_

" _Taylor, are you okay?"_

" _I just.. I keep thinking about the plane. Every time I close my eyes, I see that facemask dropping in front of me and the pilot's voice overhead and… I can't sleep."_

_Nate just nodded as she talked, a bit surprised she was unloading all of this on him. She seemed fine at work most of the week, aside from a few late starts and tired mornings. Not that looking fine meant she was handling it internally. He knew firsthand that it could be easy for some people to mask their fears and anxieties. It took him a long time to read that in Mackenzie, who was an expert at such a thing._

" _I guess I just want to know.. How are you handling this? I can't shake it." Taylor sipped her water then placed it down on the table. Nate watched as she crossed her arms tightly, pulling her sweater close._

" _Uhm, I guess I've just been trying to talk it out. With Mackenzie, mainly. She's been my biggest support through this, she can tell how it's affected me and…" He trailed off. God, he missed Mackenzie._

" _I just.. I wish I had someone like that." Taylor looked over at Nate. "I just.. I wish I had someone who really could understand what I've gone through." She let out a breath and shifted her weight, moving slightly closer towards Nate. "Where do I find someone like you?"_

_Nate shook his head quickly then stood, grabbing his glass off the table. "Uhm, could I get you anything else to drink?" He headed back towards his kitchen. "You know, our HR team could probably give you some resources. There are people you can talk to if you're feeling anxious or.."_

_He left his empty glass on the counter in the kitchen and turned back as he heard Taylor begin to cry on the couch. He felt conflicted, suddenly. Clearly, she needed someone to lean on but he knew that was not his responsibility, especially since he was her boss. Inviting her over was probably a bad idea in the first place._

" _Taylor, hey," he walked back over slowly. "It's going to be okay. You've just got to take this a day at a time and remember that you're alive and safe and what you're experiencing is a normal reaction…" He trailed off as he watched her stand up. She closed in the space between herself and Nate, then suddenly wrapped her arms around him._

" _I'm just so scared," she repeated into his chest as she sobbed._

_Nate sighed and hugged her back, still feeling especially uncomfortable but he couldn't just let her cry. It just wasn't in his nature._

" _You're going to be okay, I promise."_

Taylor shook her head and let out a breath. "I just really needed someone to care. And .. I mean, thank you is hardly enough."

Nate put his hand up to stop her. "I really think you need to talk to someone else about this, like a professional. If you don't, it could really get worse. Mackenzie sees a great therapist I could recommend.."

Nate felt it was in his best interest to continuously bring up his girlfriend now when he talked to Taylor. He knew last night shouldn't have happened, even if it was just friendly and supportive. He still felt somehow guilty about the whole thing.

There was a knock at the door.

Nate had never been so grateful for the interruption.

The door opened slowly and he was surprised to see Vanessa Abrams standing there.

"Vanessa Abrams, hey," Nate said with a small smile. Taylor took his greeting as an opportunity to leave, so she quickly slipped out the door.

"Hey, I kind of lied to your receptionist downstairs. If anyone asks, I work for CNN," Vanessa said as she walked in. She paused in front of his desk and looked around the space. "This is a pretty impressive operation."

"Thanks. It's been a lot of hard work." He motioned for her to sit. "What are you doing in the city? Dan said you were in Chicago or something?"

Nate always had a soft spot for Vanessa, even after all the fighting and stupid vengeance years ago. He barely even remembered most of what went down. He knew she always did the right thing, even if it came at the expense of someone she cared about and that was always difficult to understand. That being said, he didn't have any hard feelings. Vanessa removed herself from their world and didn't look back. He knew she had been doing video journalism for networks throughout Europe for years and worked freelance for news agencies across the country. In fact, she had even provided Nate some footage and a few tips before.

"Yeah. Chicago is closer to my parents. Uhm, my sister just got married over the weekend so I had a few days to catch up with people." Vanessa paused as a small smirk grew on her face. "I ran into Dan and _your girlfriend_ on Friday."

Nate managed to avoid sighing as she mentioned Mackenzie.

"You two make a lot of sense," Vanessa continued. "She's got a good heart and so do you."

"Uh, thanks. We've hit a bit of a rough patch lately, actually." He wasn't sure why he said that out loud.

"Mackenzie and I didn't really get along when we were kids. In fact, I'm not sure we would get along really well now."

"Really?" He leaned forward on his desk. Frankly, he loved hearing stories about Mack as she grew up. There was something about picturing a stubborn, button nosed Mackenzie that made his heart warm.

"Oh yeah. I think it bothered her that Dan and I were so close. I had an aunt who used to call me Nessie and I _hated_ it. And the minute Mack heard that, it's literally all she has called me for years. I mean, it's harmless really, a very gentle form of being mean but she always has a tendency to stick to things. Although I can't imagine her calling me anything else now. I guess that's being stubborn."

It made Nate laugh picturing a young, irritated Mackenzie trying to be spiteful to a young, irritated Vanessa.

"All that to say," Vanessa continued. "Whatever rough patch you're going through, I'm sure you'll come out on the other side even stronger. Between the two of you, both humans who have a tendency to really go hard and commit to things, it sounds like you're in it for the long haul."

Nate let his shoulders relax as he sighed. "Well, thanks. I'm sure you didn't come here to give me advice but I appreciate it, Vanessa."

"Well, now you can do me a favour. Or, what I'm trying to say is I have some information that just might be beneficial for both of us." Vanessa paused and looked around the room quickly. She got up and shut the door. "What do you know about Congressman Peterson?"

Nate narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. "What do _you_ know?"

Richard Peterson was a member of Congress for New York State. Nate knew him well enough - but not in a positive way.

"I published some news about him last year and he sued The Spectator."

Vanessa nodded her head like she just got the information she needed, like the last puzzle piece put into place. "I think whatever you reported was true. If it's the same information I just found out. I was just on a contract for The Huffington Post and some interns from his office crossed my path. I found some stuff but I don't know what to do with it. I was hoping we might be able to work together."

Nate tilted his head to the side. That was a can of worms he wasn't sure he was prepared to open. But, he wasn't the type to turn down a lead. "Do you want to go and talk about this over lunch?"

* * *

' _Would you come over tonight? Please. 7 o'clock?'_

' _Sure'_

Nate rolled his eyes at Mackenzie's response: _Sure._

As frustrated as he was feeling, he knew they had to get ahead of whatever this fight was. For both of their sakes. His afternoon had gotten completely off track, considering the information from Vanessa was overwhelming, and all he wanted to do was have dinner with Mackenzie and catch up on their days.

And hopefully they would do that, once they were past the fighting part.

Around seven, there was a knock at his door. Nate sat up from his spot at the table, laptop open and papers spilled out, and opened it to reveal Mackenzie standing there, buttoned up in a long coat, hair falling down to one side, arms crossed.

"Did you lose your key?" Nate smirked as she walked in, quickly closing the door behind her.

"Felt weird just…walking in, I guess," Mackenzie replied. She took off her coat and kicked off her boots. The weather had really shifted from unseasonably warm to winter chill in the last few days.

Nate watched Mackenzie as she walked into the living room, anxiously tugging at her sweatshirt and running her hands through her hair. He hated seeing her so uncomfortable but as much as he wanted to rush over to her and caress her cheeks or hold her hand, he knew they had to talk before anything else.

"You look -

"Like shit?" Mackenzie cut him off, as she took a seat at the end of the couch. Nate planted himself on the other end, shifting to face her.

"I was going to say tired," he said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, well, I haven't slept much since Thursday."

"Yeah."

They both sat in silence for a few moments.

Nate sighed, "So, how was your weekend?"

She laughed in response and tangled her hands in her lap. "Uh. Fine, I guess. Dan came by Friday and we had lunch. We ran into Vanessa." She paused to sigh. "Uhm, I called my dad the other day, too."

"Really? How did that go?" He was surprised she had taken that step. Although, he could already tell it must not have gone well.

She let out a dry laugh and rolled her eyes. "Terribly. I mean, it actually started out okay but...I called him selfish, he called _me_ selfish. The whole thing blew up in like six minutes." She paused and looked down at her hands. "I don't know. Maybe it's unfixable."

Nate desperately wanted to slide down the couch and take her hands in his and assure her that no, it's fixable. Of course it's fixable. Everything is fixable.

But he seemed to be frozen where he was.

She looked up at him and shook her head, crossing her arms. "What about your weekend?"

"I assume you saw that picture…"

"Of course I saw that picture. Like a dozen people sent it to me." Mackenzie paused. "Please tell me you didn't.."

"Didn't what?"

"I don't know, go home with Cassandra?"

"What? Of course not. Mack, come on. We're not broken up. I just.. I was really upset Friday and thought a night out would help or at least distract me."

"It's good to know Cassandra Kennedy is a distraction for you."

"That's not fair." Nate rolled his eyes. "It wasn't the best way to try and fix my mood and I've felt like shit for like three days since then. So, we all ended up hanging out, shared the Rockefeller limo and I came home and passed out. I could hardly function all weekend, I was wholed up in the apartment by myself."

It was evident he was paying for his night out. Mackenzie just nodded and bit her lip. "You could have at least called me back yesterday."

"Yeah. I could have, I guess. I just..didn't know what to say."

A silence fell between them.

"I'm sorry, you know," Mackenzie finally sighed. "For not telling you the whole truth about Carter."

"Mack, I just can't figure out why. This dishonesty thing..it's new for us and I don't like it. You asked for my detailed dating history but decided to leave out that certain _one-time thing_. And I had to hear about it from Baizen himself. Do you understand how that made me feel?"

"Nate, when I told you I had dinner with him, you nearly imploded. How was I supposed to tell you I also woke up in his bed? We had just gotten back together, I didn't want to risk losing that, losing _you_ again." She looked down. "Not telling you was a mistake."

"No, it was a choice."

She hated his tone. Even if it was a fair statement. She fought back the urge to roll her eyes and let out a long breath.

"I just keep thinking about.. Him. Kissing you. I just.. I hate the idea of anyone being that close to you, _especially him_."

"So, are you mad because I slept with Carter Baizen or because I lied about it? Because if it was _any_ other guy, I doubt you'd be looking at me with such disgust. I don't know him like you do Nate, you can't sit there and scold me for that. I don't know what your history is with him that you can't seem to let go of, but that's not my fault."

It was Nate's turn to sigh. This was just going to keep going in circles unless he swallowed his pride.

"I couldn't care less about him. I just don't like that you lied to me about it. Were you just never going to tell me?"

Mackenzie took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Honestly, yes. I was hoping you would never find out."

"What? Why?"

"Because it doesn't _matter_ , Nate. None of that matters. Yes, I shouldn't have withheld that information from you. That was...immature and I should really have more confidence in us. It turns out my trying to avoid upsetting you just led to hurting us both and that sucks and it's my fault. So I really hope you can forgive me. But please, you've gotta understand I was just really anxious about you and me."

Nate just stared at her from his end of the couch.

"I'm still anxious about this all the time, Nate. I'm really trying but I just can't help but think I could do worse and you could do way better. You have Kennedys and Rockefellers and all these other options available to you and for months now, deep down, all I can worry about is when you'll figure it out and move up."

"Mack, c'mon. How am I supposed to be mad at you when you say heartbreaking stuff like that?" He slid over on the couch. "Come here."

"I don't like fighting with you." Her voice was soft as she leaned into him. "I'm really sorry I didn't tell you that whole story."

"It's okay." He rubbed her arm gently, laying a kiss on top of her head as she held onto him.

_Forgiveness._

They stayed in that position for a little while longer. Mackenzie rested her head on his chest as Nate ran his hands through her hair, pressing small kisses onto her forehead.

"Hey I ran into Viv on Friday night," Nate said as she sat up, turning to face him.

"Oh yeah. She texted me about that. She said you were, and I quote, _drunk and rude and out of character._ "

"I'll apologize next time I see her, I really was a mess on Friday."

"Well, clear skies ahead, babe," she replied with a smirk, leaning into his lips.

Nate pulled away from him, a classic Archibald smile plastered on his face. "Are you hungry? Pizza?"

Mackenzie nodded her head and stood up off the couch. "Thin crust, please. And no olives, you psycho."

Nate stood up too, his head tilted back slightly as he laughed. "Okay." He wrapped his arms around her before she walked away from him. Having her in front of him, eyes twinkling with laughter, nose scrunched up, his heart felt so perfectly full.

"And a back rub later?"

"I would love a back rub, thank you."

She swatted at his chest as he pulled her close. "If you rub my back, I will rub _anything_ you want, Archibald."

"Do you need a cold shower? Let me buy you dinner first, Humphrey. I'll need some stamina for make-up sex."

She kissed him once more then broke away from his embrace. "I'm just going to change out of these leg prisons, then."

Nate laughed and smacked her ass as she turned away and headed down the hall.

Even though she hadn't officially moved in, a large amount of Mackenzie's clothes had found a new home in Nate's closet. She walked into the bedroom and ducked into the bathroom quickly. She glanced in the mirror and ran a hand through her hair, pushing it to one side of her shoulder.

Her whole body felt so relaxed - finally. After days of worrying about their relationship, all they needed was an honest conversation. She felt better having climbed over the mountain that was her fight with Nate. Next, maybe her dad would get his head out of his ass and -

Mackenzie's train of thought derailed when she noticed something shining on the corner of Nate's bathroom counter. Her eyes narrowed as she swept her hands over the side of the sink, grabbing the … earring.

_Who.. did this belong to. Why was it in Nate's bathroom? It wasn't hers. Maybe.. No, he wouldn't have lied about Cassandra._

She took it in her hand and analyzed quickly. A pink diamond studded earring. She felt her heart rate skyrocket as she rushed through the bedroom and back to the living room. The thoughts coursing through her mind were not irrational and she knew there had to be a reasonable explanation for the…

"Hey, pizza should be here in -

"Nate, what the.. What is this?"

Nate took a step toward her as she paced in front of the kitchen. She was swearing under her breath.

"Mack, stop. What are you talking about?" Nate cut her off as she turned and put his hands on her shoulders. She squeezed her eyes shut and stuck her hand out.

"Whose earring is this?"

"What?" He took the small piece of gold jewelry from her and fixed his eyes on it.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, letting out a frustrated sigh. Last night…

_Once Taylor calmed down, Nate implied heavily he was tired and needed to sleep, explaining he would see her at work the next day. She pulled herself off the couch and glanced down at her phone._

" _I'll grab a cab," she said quietly. She ran a hand through her hair and smiled at Nate. "I'll see you in the morning." As she walked toward the door, Nate smiled and returned to sit at his table, organizing all the papers laid out with his laptop. "Do you mind if I just use your bathroom before I go?"_

" _Yeah, of course. Just down the hall on the right."_

Mackenzie shook Nate's other hand off her shoulder and headed towards the door, reaching for her coat.

Nate looked from his hand then up to her as she hurried away. "Where are you going?"

"I just feel like whatever you're about to explain is going to send me straight into a panic attack so I'm trying to get ahead of it." She stopped and turned around. "Actually, no. Who does that belong to? Was your mom here? Did she lose an earring in your ensuite bathroom?" She watched as Nate thought about what to say next. As if he was contemplating his next move.

He opened his mouth to reply, paused, then opened it again. "I think it must be Taylor's. She came over last night, she was -

"I'm sorry, what? Taylor? Was here last night? You slept with her?"

"What? No, Mack. I didn't fucking sleep with her." He sighed and crossed his arms. "She called me freaking out. She's having some mental health issues I guess, after the plane incident." Mackenzie just stared at him blankly. "I have no idea how her earring wound up in my bathroom, honestly. We were in the living room all night. She just used the bathroom before she left, I thought she'd use the one in the hallway and -

Mackenzie just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, mocking his pose. "You told me you stayed home all day yesterday, shut off from the world. You couldn't even find it in you to call me back but you could take her call? And invite her over? You're the only person in the world who can comfort _Taylor Wheeler_ through her trauma?"

"Mack, you need to calm down." He reached to grab her hand but she pulled away, taking a step back towards the door again. "She was crying on the phone. What was I supposed to do?"

"Not take her phone call at all? Maybe refer her to a therapist? Not invite her to our apartment!" Mackenzie felt tears forming behind her eyes. "Your apartment. Listen, I'm just gonna go."

"Please, just stay. Let's talk about this." Nate watched as she pulled on her coat and stepped back into her boots. He could tell she was spiraling. It took all of him not to tackle her to the ground at the door to stop her from leaving. He couldn't stand the idea of her crying her way back to Brooklyn, back to the empty loft, hyperventilating until she fell asleep. "Mack, please. I don't think you should be alone right now."

She grasped the door handle and paused. She felt his hand on her shoulder.

"Mack."

She shook it off and turned the handle. She let out a sigh and turned back to him before stepping into the hallway. Her voice was quiet, sober. "I don't like fighting with you, Nate."

* * *

_One step forward, two steps back. Hurt is inevitable, isn't that what they always say? But how are they going to dig themselves out of this one._


	20. Chapter 20

**Saturday, 11:45 PM - Brooklyn**

Mackenzie stumbled towards the door of her apartment building, cursing to herself about the stupid heels Jenny convinced her were so perfect for her outfit.

Her outfit, which she only wore to ensure she would coordinate with Nate at the Spectator Holiday party. The party she didn't even end up going to. The party she couldn't even _get into_ because, despite their half-assed attempt at making up, Nate had removed her from the guest list. She leaned against the railing on the stairwell once she was inside, reaching down and yanking the heels off her feet.

She balanced the heels in her right hand as she started up the stairs, fishing around in her small purse for her buzzing phone. She pulled it out, hoping to see Nate's name but instead, it was her sister.

"Hey Jen," she mumbled as she tucked the phone between her ear and shoulder. "I'm finally home."

"What took you so long? You left here three hours ago. I really laid it into Nate about the guest list, by the way, although he was playing dumb about the whole thing."

"If he was really concerned, he could call me," Mackenzie said simply, slowly getting up to the top landing and waiting outside the loft door. "I met up with Viv for a bit. She soothed my pain with a few cocktails."

"Are you okay?" Jenny's voice was laced with concern at her sister's tone. "I'm worried about you, Mack."

"I'll be fine. I just.." She reached for the door and keyed in her code, only to twist it and find the door still open. "Shit. How did I not lock this before we left earlier?" Mackenzie sighed and pushed open the door, dropping her heels to the ground as she glanced around the room.

"What the fuck?" Mackenzie's eyes grew wide when she saw someone across the apartment. "Jen, let me call you back."

"Mack, what's going on?"

"There's s-

Mackenzie looked down at her phone as the call seemed to suddenly drop. She looked back up and found herself face to face with the intruder, standing opposite her at the edge of Mackenzie's bedroom door. Her arms were full of Mackenzie's things, eyes wide.

"Maya, what are you doing in here?"

* * *

_**Five days earlier (Monday Night) - Upper West Side** _

_The minute Mackenzie slipped into the backseat of a cab outside of Nate's apartment building, a wave of regret washed over her. Maybe she had overreacted about the earring. It truly wasn't in Nate's nature to betray her in any way. But she couldn't get over how he omitted the fact that Taylor had been over at his apartment in the first place._

_Maybe it was female intuition but Mackenzie had felt uncomfortable about Taylor for a long time. She hated playing the jealous girlfriend but what else was she supposed to do?_

_And the shit he said in the hallway..._

_She muttered her address out to the cab driver just as her phone was buzzing with a call from Nate. She sent him straight to her voicemail and squeezed her eyes shut. Maybe she shouldn't have rushed away and maybe she should hear Nate out. But the more and more she thought about those options, the more her brain raced. It felt like the world around her was somehow moving in slow motion and hyperspeed at the same time._

_By the time she got back to the loft, exhaustion hit her. She cried herself to sleep, yet again. And part of her started to wonder: was this whole thing with Nate worth it if they couldn't be honest with each other anymore?_

_Nate followed Mackenzie down towards the elevator, trying to reason with her. He laid out an apology over and over, anger slowly building as all Mackeznie did was shake her head and press the elevator button again and again._

" _Mackenzie, please, listen to me. Just don't go, we can figure this out," he pleaded, reaching for her hand. "I just forgave you for all that Carter shit so can you please just understand this isn't what it looks like."_

" _This isn't about me and the Carter situation anymore, Nate," she snapped back at him, pulling her hand away as the elevator doors finally opened. "You know how I feel about her and you still chose not to tell me she was here last night. I really don't care that she was upset and crying. Why do you have to play the white knight all the time? You clearly blurred the lines with this girl and I'm left feeling like an idiot because of it."_

_Nate rolled his eyes, clenching his teeth. "It's not like that. You know that." He stuck his hand out to stop the doors from closing as she got into the elevator. "I think you're picking a fight with me on purpose."_

" _Oh, yeah, that must be it, Nate." Her words came out like icicles hitting him in the chest. "What a rich idea."_

" _Well, I was mad at you last week and now there's some part of you who wants to get mad at me, make this even or something, I don't know." He threw his hands up in the air, as if his whole body was shrugging._

" _Are you kidding me? You think I like feeling this way? Like I want to be upset about this?" Mackenzie clutched at her chest, closing her eyes. "It's really fucked up you would think I'd do something like that, Nate." Her voice came out low, timid. "Please, move your hand and let me go."_

_He did as she said, meeting her eyes as the doors closed between them. He couldn't hold back once they did, letting out a loud, frustrated groan in the hallway._

_He leaned against the kitchen counter, scrubbing his hands down his face. "Fuck." He sat up, shaking his head. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and immediately tried to call Mackenzie, even though he knew she wouldn't answer. He left a voicemail anyway, even though he knew she wouldn't listen to it._

_After, he went to his kitchen and grabbed a rocks glass from his cupboard. Next, it was filled with two fingers worth of bourbon. He quickly emptied it into his mouth, reaching a hand into his pocket. He pulled out that stupid fucking earring, letting out a huff._

_A pink fucking diamond earring._

_How could one tacky piece of jewelry blow up into such a heated fight with Mackenzie?_

_His chest grew hotter and hotter as he stared at it. He hated fighting with Mackenzie. This wasn't what they did. They had dumb arguments and made up a little bit later, laughing into each other's lips, hands sliding across their skin. But now, he was filled with regret and doubts and residual pain knowing that he hurt the person he loved more than anything else in the world._

_He grabbed his glass again, tipping the remaining droplets of the bourbon into his mouth. Then, he let out a howling string of curse words and threw it across the apartment, hearing it shatter across his living room wall._

* * *

**Saturday, 11:29 PM - The NY Spectator Annual Holiday Party**

Nate was trying not to be irritated by how his night played out. After their conversation that morning, he really thought he and Mackenzie were on their way to sorting things out.

' _I miss you too much to be mad anymore, Nate.'_

He didn't anticipate she would completely bail on his party. He wanted to argue about how keeping up appearances at these events were important to his upcoming political campaign but truthfully, that didn't matter to him.

What mattered to him was making things right with Mackenzie, kissing her, holding her hand, letting his hands run down her back as they danced. He wanted them to be okay again, he wanted to beg for her understanding and forgiveness for everything he said.

Yet, she was nowhere to be seen.

Despite all that, the night was going well enough. Taylor had given him space, keeping everything completely professional whenever she interacted with him. She stayed close by throughout the night, reminding him of the names of some of his guests when required and held onto his phone when he asked so he wouldn't get distracted.

He leaned against one of the tall tables to the right of the bar, finally having a moment to take a breath. He had spent the last hour locked in a conversation with J.D. Rockefeller about his campaign plans, narrowing in specifically on tax levies and added support for international business growth in Manhattan. It had taken a lot out of him to keep up with his energy but with the promise of a business lunch with him in the New Year, Nate knew it was well worth it.

He swept past the bar to grab a drink then spotted Jenny a few tables away, mid conversation with someone. He unbuttoned his suit jacket and headed that way.

"Jenny, hey," Nate started, giving her a smile.

"There's Mr. Spectator himself," the other woman started. Nate turned his attention to his right, a smile crossing his face.

"Odette! Hey." He extended his hand to pull her into a side hug. "Your dad just talked my ear off about his plans to double his revenue in the New Year."

"Of course he did." Odette replied with a smirk. "Nothing says Christmas like a thorough lecture about the stock market." While Nate hadn't talked with Odette Rockefeller in years, he was comforted in their familiar rapport. That's what happens when a friendship remains close to intact from kindergarten to adulthood. Odette had been a facet of their high school circle, often battling with Blair over her asinine _rulings_ at Constance but she always stood her ground. The stubbornness she displayed was balanced with a fair heart, and in a lot of ways, it reminded Nate of Mackenzie.

"Hey, Jen said you're dating her sister. Do I get to meet her?"

"I don't know where she is, actually," Nate said with a shrug. "She didn't even bother showing up tonight."

Jenny, who had been standing silently beside the two of them, eyes glaring into Nate's head, let out a dry laugh. "Says the guy who chose to remove her from the guest list."

"What?" Nate's head snapped from Odette back towards Jenny. "What are you talking about?"

"We came together but your tight-ass receptionist downstairs insisted she wasn't allowed in since you had authorized her name to be removed from the guest list." Jenny rolled her eyes. "In true Mackenzie fashion, she conceded and left to go home hours ago."

"Jenny, I swear I had nothing to do with that. Mackenzie's my girlfriend, why would I not let her come to this party?"

"I don't know, Nate," Jenny took a sip of her drink, face tense. "But I'm getting really tired of seeing my sister tear up over you."

"Damn," Odette said with a smirk, glancing between the two of them, waving to someone across the room. "Sounds like you've got some shit to figure out, Nate. It was nice to see you. You too, Jen. Call me about that dress, okay?"

Nate tipped the rest of his drink into his mouth and turned back to Jenny. "Honestly, Jen, please. I don't know what's going on here but I'm going to figure it out and I'm going to fix it."

Jenny just shrugged at him blankly, giving him a small nod of approval as he darted away from her.

Nate swept through the crowd, darting his eyes around to look for Taylor. He narrowed in on her at the front of the room, standing near the door with Lindsay. Nate didn't want to deal with either of them at that point but he had to figure out what was going on.

"Nate, hey," Taylor said as he approached. She stood up straight off of the table she had been leaning on, adjusting the hem of her dress. She ran a hand through her hair and tilted her head with a smile. "What do you need?"

"My phone, now," he said, his lips turned into a straight line. He held his hand out as she pulled his phone out of the pocket of her blazer. He scanned the notifications, seeing messages and a few missed calls from Mackenzie. "Why didn't you tell me I had so many phone calls?"

Before she could spit out an answer, as his anger grew, he turned to Lindsay. "And can either of you explain why Mackenzie Humphrey was removed from the guest list tonight?"

* * *

_**Four days earlier (Tuesday afternoon) - The Spectator Offices, The Haven Youth Centre** _

_Unsurprisingly, Nate hardly slept and felt like a zombie when he got to the office Tuesday morning. He grunted a hello to Lindsay at the front desk as he walked in, sunglasses still on. He took the back staircase and slipped into his office through the side door, slumping down into his desk._

_Once he composed himself, he swung open the door to his office and shot a glance to Taylor, who was typing away at Marie's desk._

" _Taylor," he called her name out, drawing her attention._

" _Nate, I didn't even see you come in," she replied, her eyebrows raised indicating her surprise. "Do you need a coffee or anything?"_

" _We need to talk," he said curtly, motioning for her to come into his office. She stood slowly, grabbing a notebook and pen and heading into his office behind him._

_She sat across from him as he returned to his chair. "What's up, boss?"_

_Nate swallowed the lump in his throat, then reached into the inside pocket of his suit._

" _Can you explain this to me?" He reached across the desk and left her earring on the edge, shining in the morning sun. He watched as she opened her mouth into a surprised gasp, grabbing it quickly._

" _Wow, thanks. I didn't even realize until I got home Sunday that I must have dropped this at your place. I thought I lost it in the cab." She shot him a smile. "Thanks, Nate. I know I al-_

" _Taylor, after the party wraps up this week, you're off my desk." He let out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression here but leaving this in my bathroom, whatever your intention might be, we are not on the same page."_

 _Taylor's expression quickly changed from one of gratitude to one of shame. Then, it dropped into a hard, angry frown. "I don't know what you're implying, Nate." She sat up straight in the chair, closing her eyes for a moment. "I didn't_ leave _this in your bathroom."_

" _Well, that's where Mackenzie found it." Nate didn't need to explain anything to this girl and his irritation with her was growing the more they talked._

" _Listen, I don't know what issues you're having in your relationship Nate, but I'm offended you think so little of me that I would hide a piece of my jewelry in your home." Her lips turned into a smirk. "Frankly, I think what you're saying really toes the line of harassment. Just because you're in a position of power and asked me to be your assistant, you think I have some sort of -_

" _Taylor," Nate put his hand up to cut her off. "I'm not talking about this any further. You can go."_

_Later that morning, Nate met with Leo, Taylor, Lindsay and a few of his other junior staff to discuss the details for the holiday party approaching._

" _Lindsay will send you the final guestlist to go over," Leo said to Nate._

" _And the DJ and catering company will be in at four to set up. So, I think we're on track." Taylor added in._

" _Thank you," Nate replied, nodding as they continued to give him details. Leo carried on about who was going to be there from Nate's Board of Directors and the team from Common Pantry who would be attending to collect the donations._

_Frankly, Nate didn't have it in him to go through with the party. He wanted to cancel or just make an appearance. But he knew this was important, especially to schmooze with his investors. The cost of an open bar and over the top gift bags was enough to keep his team happy._

_As they all departed from the board room, Taylor stopped Nate outside his office._

" _What?" He knew his tone was unnecessary with her but he had a hard time reigning in his frustrations, still._

" _Just wanted to remind you the car will be here in half an hour to take you to the Toys for Tots luncheon," Taylor responded to him with the same level of anger, rolling her eyes as she returned to the desk across from his door._

_Nate sighed. He hadn't even looked at his calendar and it was too late to bail now. The luncheon was a culmination of the fundraising efforts for the Toys for Tots christmas toy drive and The Spectator had made a sizable donation. Among the other donors was The Bass Foundation._

_Considering the fact that Mackenzie was ignoring him entirely, he was not looking forward to it._

_Mackenzie managed to keep a low profile at the Toys for Tots luncheon. Chuck was speaking on behalf of The Bass Foundation so she stayed at the back of the room with Miguel, taking notes about the event and ironing out their plan for the press release._

_As she applauded through the final donation totals being announced, she spotted the table Nate and Leo were sitting at. They were tucked into the corner of the room, large smiles on their faces as they celebrated the overwhelming success of the annual toy drive. The Spectator had made a generous donation and covered the cost for all the media aligned with the campaign. Mackenzie had been so elated to be working alongside Nate's company but now, when there was about to be a photo op off all the large donors, she was feeling sick to her stomach._

_She wanted to make up with Nate, she truly did. The time spent apart from him was elevating her anxiety more and more as the hours ticked by. But she was really feeling hurt. The words he had thrown at her outside of the elevator really sent a wave through her and she was feeling something she had never before with Nate: doubt._

_Maybe their morals weren't as aligned as they had been before. Maybe this second go at their relationship had finally moved past the honeymoon stage. Maybe, foundationally, they had made the wrong choices all along._

_It wasn't fair. She didn't want to do this anymore - have an internal battle over what was best and what was right, especially when it came to Nate. She had come so far getting past this mental anguish but it was coming right back again._

" _So," she heard a pair of hands clap at her side. "Did you and Nathaniel kiss and make up?"_

_Mackenzie plastered a smile on her face as she turned to Chuck. She melted at the sight of his attire - a normal fitted suit but it was accented by a seasonal tie featuring an array of evergreen trees. "Oh my god, your tie."_

_She could have sworn she saw Chuck's cheek flush pink but he brushed her off with a wave of his hand. "It was suggested by Henry that I dress in something Christmas-y." A soft smile grew on his lips._

" _Well, that's the cutest thing I've ever heard," Mackenzie replied, patting Chuck on the arm as they headed to the front of the room for the photos. "And to answer your question, no. In fact, instead of making up, we got into an ever bigger fight."_

_She saw Chuck's face fall and, for some reason, it made her feel guilty. She didn't want to drag their friends into whatever fight she and Nate were facing._

" _I can talk some sense into him, if required," Chuck said quietly as they approached the crowd of donors. "I'm not kidding, Mackenzie."_

" _Thanks Chuck," she replied, clutching onto his arm as they crowded onto one end of the group for the photo. "But that's not necessary. I just need some time to figure my brain out but then maybe we can figure it out."_

" _Consider how you'll crush Henry's dreams of being Nate's best man at your future wedding."_

" _Best man? Really?"_

" _I'd gladly offer the position to my son, if that made him happy."_

_After the photo-op, despite Nate making his way towards her with a hopeful look on his face, Mackenzie darted in the opposite direction. She ducked into the women's washroom down the hall and leaned against the counter to catch her breath._

" _Mackenzie, hello. The Board was so happy with the donation from The Bass Foundation, you're really helping do some great things."_

_She turned to her right to see Lily drying off her hands, a warm smile on her face. Mackenzie was actually kind of comforted by the sight of her. In the last few weeks, while wrestling with guilt over fighting with her dad and the sting of her fighting with Nate, she had been really missing her own mother._

_Seeing Lily in this moment she was feeling on the vulnerable side almost brought tears to her eyes._

" _Darling, are you okay?" Lily twisted to face Mackenzie, gently placing a hand on her forearm._

_Mackenzie let out a long exhale and closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She shook her head._

_No, she was not okay._

* * *

**Saturday, 11:52 PM - The Humphrey Loft, Brooklyn**

Mackenzie had been pleasantly drunk when she left the bar on her way back to Brooklyn. And now, standing face to face with Maya _inside the loft_ , she really regretted any of the alcohol she had consumed.

"How did you get in here?" Mackenzie's eyes darted around the loft. She was trying to stay calm, she really, truly was. But this was the last thing she expected to come home to. Her mind was racing thinking about some explanation why Maya was there.

Maybe she..needed somewhere safe to be. But why would she come to the loft? And break in? And go through all Mackenzie's things?

She looked down towards her phone, uncertain if she should call the police or Nate or -

Maya dropped all the things in her arms and charged towards Mackenzie, easily pulling the phone out of her hands. "I can explain, please."

"Maya, give me my phone." Mackenzie took a deep breath. "I don't know why or how you got in here but you need to leave, right now. This is trespassing and-

"Stop, just stop." Maya's voice came out like a loud screech, holding a hand up to cut Mackenzie off. "Let me explain."

Mackenzie inhaled sharply and took a step back from the girl. The version of Maya she had met before, insecure, awkward, uncertain was still there but there was an intensity in her eyes Mackenzie hadn't seen before. She thought back to all the moments she had spent with the girl so far - the initial interview, the awkward reveal of potential shared DNA, the continuous follow-ups, their lunch date the week before.

Everything had felt so strange and Mackenzie should have listened to her instincts and not humoured her. But now, she was standing face to face with her. Maya was dressed in dark clothes, just jeans and a hoodie and her hair was tucked into a low bun. She looked tired, really tired.

Mackenzie took another step back and landed on one of the stools at the island, looking towards the living room. Spread out on the table was a laptop and more things from around the apartment. The lockbox Mackenzie kept under her bed was there, pried open. Spilling out was all her jewelry, passport, some cash, important paperwork, photos.

The remainder of the gowns she had tried on earlier that week were piled on the couch, one of her duffle bags was on the floor, full of shoes.

"How did you even get in here?"

Maya's eyes narrowed towards the door. "All those high-security lock systems have a system override code. The code is unique to each keypad but I found a lead on an algorithm that could decode it." She let out a laugh. "Literally the only benefit from my half-assed education was figuring out digital security loopholes.."

She let out a long breath when she was finished rambling and turned to Mackenzie. "I know this looks crazy," Maya started slowly, motioning around the room. "But I'm not crazy, honestly. I just.. Mackenzie, I made some bad decisions. And I sort of fucked up on some agreements. And I was hoping that maybe if this sister thing was true, _if you were my sister for real,_ you could have helped me out." A frustrated groan left her mouth as she muttered a few more things to herself.

"Helped you out with what, Maya?" Mackenzie did not understand what she was rambling on about and quite frankly, found her energy incredibly unsettling. All she could think of to do was remain as calm as possible and _talk to her_.

"I owe..some people money. A lot of money. And I was hoping you had some and you'd be willing to help me out."

Mackenzie's eyes flew open. That's what this has been about? Money? Maya was robbing her..to pawn her stuff? For _money?_

"When my dad died, he had tons of debt. And then there was his leftover medical bills for his palliative care. And it was all stuck on me because I'm his only living relative."

"Listen, Maya, I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. Truly. But you can't just fucking break in here and rob me. There's gotta be another way to figure this out. You know, there are debt support teams through a lot of major banks and -

"No." Maya's words came out quickly and her tone was sharp. "You don't understand, Mackenzie. I need a lot of money. _A lot_. I borrowed some already from a friend of a friend and …" She trailed off, closing her eyes. "I've been given a deadline and if I don't pay him back.."

Mackenzie closed her eyes. She was truly too drunk to be dealing with this. Why why _why_ was this happening? She was starting to believe it would have been easier to not show up and intercept her.

"I can't let you leave with all my stuff, Maya."

"Well, this is only a start." Maya crossed her arms and let out a huff. "If you hadn't shown up, this would have been it. But now that you're here, I'm feeling a bit desperate. You had way less shit that I anticipated. You're dating Nate Archibald and your dad is a retired rock musician yet all you keep on hand is like $500 cash?" Her breath picked up and she started to nod aggressively. "I need your help, Mackenzie. Or I don't know what I'll do."

"What do you expect me to do?"

Maya looked hesitant. She took a few deep breaths and crossed her arms, pointing at Mackenzie. "You need to figure out a way to get me $50,000."

"You can't be serious." Mackenzie shook her head, eyes wide. "I don't have that kind of money."

"Yeah, but your boyfriend does. Or that foundation you work for. You must have access to something."

"Maya, are you hearing yourself?" Mackenzie brought a hand up to her face, scrubbing it across her jaw. "I can't just launder money from a national charitable foundation because you made some bad decisions. I'm sorry but you've gotta figure something else out and leave before I call.."

That's right. She didn't even have her phone. Mackenzie was doing her best to keep control of the situation unfolding in front of her. Maybe it was adrenaline or the alcohol but her anxiety seemed to be staying at bay. That was the only fraction of a silver lining.

"Listen, Maya. Why don't you just take what you want and leave? Then we can just..move on from this. I'll let you walk away, I won't call the cops or anything like that." The idea of parting with all the material items from her life strewn on the table was trivial in comparison to peace of mind that this psychotic girl was out of the loft.

Maya shook her head a few times, her lips drawing into a straight line. "No, there's no way. If you're here, you're going to figure something out for me."

Mackenzie was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable as Maya stared at her. She couldn't believe this was happening and the worst part was, it seemed like Maya believed this was the only option. And what was Mackenzie supposed to do?

"No, I'm not."

Maya let out a huff and moved to drop down on the couch, pulling up a backpack she had left beside the couch. She reached her hand in to grab something. She paused and looked up at Mackenzie before closing her eyes, as if hesitating. Her hand pulled out as her eyes opened again, revealing a small black pistol.

"Yes, you are."

Mackenzie's eyes grew wide as her stomach dropped. Why why _why_ was it always guns? She did her best to breathe slowly but she could feel her chest tightening as her brain raced. This was not the time for a panic attack.

Why couldn't she have just been on that stupid party guest list? Why couldn't she just be making up with Nate, feeling his hands wrapped around her, safe in his arms?

* * *

_**Three days earlier (Wednesday night)** _

_By Wednesday evening, when Nate got home to his apartment, he was feeling especially defeated. He was easily distracted at work, busying himself in reports, data, writing, editing. But the in-between moments where he glanced at his phone or had a thought he just really wanted to share with Mack, he felt a pain in his heart._

_After tearing off his suit, he sank onto his couch and scrolled through their conversation on his phone. It was especially one sided. But, he thought he would try again._

_He hit dial on the conversation and held the phone up to his ear, hoping that maybe, just maybe, she would pick up this time._

" _Hey Nate.."_

_He nearly dropped his phone when he heard her voice. He quickly sat up and leaned forward on the couch, taking a deep breath. "Mackenzie."_

_She didn't say anything else but he knew she was still there._

" _I really want to fix this, Mack." He paused. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, I should have just told you about everything, including Taylor coming over on the weekend."_

" _Why didn't you tell me?"_

_He exhaled and squeezed his eyes. "I got in my head, I guess."_

_She let out a laugh. "Well, you know I understand that."_

_Hearing her laugh, even if it was..awkward, made him feel better. "It's really nice to hear your voice."_

" _Nate." There was a heavy pause. "I'm having a hard time. How did we get to this point?"_

" _Can I come over? Please."_

" _No, I'm not..ready for that. I still need some time."_

" _Time for what, Mackenzie?"_

" _To think, Nate! I don't want to fight anymore."_

" _Well, don't you think it's worth the fight? Please, Mack."_

" _Listen, I've gotta go. Jen's bringing me some dresses to try on. I'll..I'lll see you Saturday."_

_Mackenzie ended her phone call with Nate suddenly, tossing her phone down onto the coffee table in front of her._

_She was dreading going to The Spectator's holiday party but she knew, deep in her heart, that her and Nate would fix this by then. And until then, she would just keep trying to make it through the week. Luckily, work was very distracting. It was peak donation season and it seemed like they had an event to be at every day._

_It was refreshing to be distracted._

_A few minutes after she hung up on Nate, she heard Jenny climbing up the stairs. Mackenzie opened up the door for her and helped her in, her small frame overwhelmed by the stack of dresses she was slinging over her arms._

" _You're my favourite sibling, I hope you know that," Mackenzie said with a smirk, laying the dresses out on the couch._

" _I should hope so," Jenny replied as she pulled off her coat, shaking her blonde head. "Considering my clothing hookups, I should always be ahead of Dan in rank."_

" _He and Serena aren't even coming Saturday," Mackenzie said as she headed towards the fridge. She had promised Jenny wine if she helped procure some dresses for her._

_Mackenzie had been flipflopping on the party for a while but she knew how important it was to Nate. Fight or not, she wanted to be there for him. And she wanted to look good. She really felt her self-esteem take a dive recently, especially thinking about Nate's dumb assistant pining over him. It shouldn't matter, of course. But Mackenzie knew feeling good about what she was wearing made a huge difference to her self confidence._

" _I think Serena is having a hard time with her baby body," Jenny added, accepting a glass of rose from Mackenzie. "And Dan is always happy to skip these social events anyway."_

_Jenny had one of her interns at work zip around the city that morning to pick up some outfit options for Mackenzie._

_A Siriano gown, a skirt set from David Meister, a vintage Waldorf dress…_

_They settled on a strapless tube dress with a long pleated skirt. It was black but had a shimmering detail to the fabric. Jenny forced her into a pair of forest green stilettos and clapped with excitement._

" _Hair up or down, this is hot," Jenny said proudly. "I'll bring some shiny jewelry for you, too."_

_Mackenzie walked towards her room and looked at herself in her full length mirror. The dress fell just above her ankles and flowed as she twirled. It was more than what she pictured she should wear, especially the heels. But, Jenny was the expert and admittedly, she knew Nate would probably love the generous amount of cleavage she had on display._

_She didn't realize it, of course. But as she walked back towards her sister, Jenny had her phone up, snapping pictures. She sent out to Nate with a short message: 'I'm not sure what you're wearing Saturday but plan to match this.'_

_His reply came back immediately: 'Thanks Jen, she looks incredible.'_

_Mackenzie quickly moved all the dresses into Dan's old room and changed into a pair of leggings and a hoodie, falling onto the couch. Jenny followed suit, clinking their wine glasses together._

" _So, are you going to tell me what's going on?" Jenny turned her head towards Mackenzie, leaving her wine glass on the table in front of them. "I thought you guys would have solved this by now."_

_Mackenzie sighed. "Me too. And honestly, we kind of did. But then it blew up again." She tipped the rest of her wine glass into her mouth and closed her eyes. "I don't know how to do this, Jen. Aside from our break up, Nate and I have only had one really bad fight before."_

" _You know he's only human, right? And you, too." Jenny reached her hand out and squeezed her sister's knee. "People fight, it's normal. Don't you remember mom and dad growing up?"_

" _Should I remind you about their separation and follow up divorce, Jen?"_

" _Before all that, Kenzie. They fought over some stupid stuff. Same with Dan and Serena. Chuck and Blair are always in the middle of something stupid. But what matters most in the end is.. If you love him. And you do. And he loves you. So, you just have to deal with the hard stuff."_

" _But I don't want tooooo." Mackenzie laughed, letting out an overdramatic whine._

" _Well, too bad," Jenny gave her arm a nudge. "Welcome back to your adult relationship."_

* * *

**Sunday, 12:22 AM - The Humphrey Loft, Brooklyn**

Mackenzie knew that complying and being patient with Maya was the only way she could possibly get an upperhand. She didn't want to, but she cooperated when Maya told her to stand up and turn around.

She also didn't fight when she felt the gun pressing against her back as Maya secured her wrists with a heavy industrial tape.

It was evident to Mackenzie that this plan was being made up as she went along and she was hoping her own mind could figure something out quicker. She thought about the time spent in her kickboxing classes and how some of those moves could be used for self defence. Yet every time she thought she might have the upper hand she remembered the searing pain of a bullet hitting her leg years ago and her body tensed up.

The biggest issue, of course, was Maya kept reaching for that stupid gun whenever she felt a need to be in control again.

"We're going to text Nate," Maya had been crouched down at the coffee table, keying something into her laptop. "He's got to have enough liquid cash on hand or accessible."

"It's his holiday party tonight," Mackenzie said slowly, staring at Maya from where she sat her down on the couch. "He hasn't been answering me."

Maya waved Mackenzie's phone in her face. There were half a dozen missed calls from Nate and tons of messages. He _was_ reaching out to her now. This was the only thing that made Mackenzie feel even slightly okay about how this whole thing had escalated.

She did her best to send any kind of message into the universe, through her mind. It was stupid but she kept thinking again and again and again about how much she needed Nate.

Maybe the universe would have some way of getting that message to him.

"So you want me to tell him you're holding me hostage or something?"

"No," Maya snapped her head to look at Mackenzie as she stood up. "You're not a hostage, Mackenzie. Don't be silly. This is just..you're..collateral or something." It was clear Maya did not mean for this situation to have played out this way. Her voice shook as she spoke. "Now, tell me your passcode."

Maya stared down at the phone, typing and erasing a series of messages. She paused and turned to Mackenzie with a smirk. "Seems a pretty one-sided conversation here. Lots of apologies from him and you then you just ignoring them."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes. The last thing she needed to talk to Maya about - _Maya, the psychotic 20 year old holding her at gunpoint_ \- was her relationship issues.

Maya let out a frustrated yelp, clutching her fists together tightly. "I don't know what to say."

"Let me just.." Mackenzie was slow to speak, an idea forming in her mind. She knew that no matter what was going on with her and Nate, he would always _always_ ensure her safety. But, how could she convey what was going on without _telling him_ what was going on? "I can get him here. Alone."

Maya huffed and glanced from the phone back to Mackenzie. "Fine. Tell me what to write."

Mackenzie took a deep breath. "Type this exactly: Hey peaches, having issues with my sister. Need you at the loft, please. I don't want to fight."

Maya typed as Mackenzie spoke. "Your... sister?"

"Yeah, my real sister, remember? I had a fight with her before the party. That's why I didn't end up going."

This wasn't true, of course.

Mackenzie knew Nate. Or at least, she hoped she still knew him well enough to assume he would come save her.

* * *

**Saturday, 8:40 PM - The NY Spectator Annual Holiday Party**

Mackenzie swallowed hard as she climbed out of the cab outside The Spectator offices. Their annual holiday party was in full swing upstairs on the top floor of the building, just like it had been when Mackenzie first attended years ago.

Her and Nate had hardly even started to date then. In fact, their relationship had still been a secret tryst at the time. The memory was warm and another reminder that their history, everything they had been through, was well worth it.

Mackenzie was ready to get upstairs and wrap her arms around Nate, whispering all her apologies into his ear. This time apart had been painful, even if it was at her own hand. She couldn't wait to see Nate dressed up in his best suit, that Archibald smile on his face. She wanted to breathe him in and feel his hands caressing her back.

She wanted Nate again and for the rest of their lives. It was just Nate. She needed Nate.

"You ready?" Jenny hooked her arm with her sister's as she followed her out of the cab, leading them up the stairs into the building.

There was a short line waiting to get through the security checkpoint and guest list. Mackenzie grabbed her phone and sent Nate a message: ' _can't wait to see you - can we talk right away? :)'_

She didn't get a reply and she didn't expect one, really. He was probably busy but she was certain she could steal him away for a few minutes, at least.

They had texted a bit throughout the week. Not like they used to, but a few thoughts back and forth. It was _something_.

Then that morning, when Mackenzie woke up alone in her bed _again_ , she was tired of everything. She missed him _so much_. It was time to just let everything else go and decide what was more important than worrying about assistants and past one night stands and all that mess. It was about the two of them.

She texted him right away when she woke up: ' _I miss you too much to be mad anymore, Nate.'_

Mackenzie knew he must have been relieved because he sent her a dozen messages after, apologizing again and again. Especially about how he couldn't just come see her right then and there. He said he was counting down the hours to the party to finally kiss her again.

She could hardly wait.

She and Jenny approached the security guard and breezed through after having their bags checked. But, the trouble started when they were stopped by Lindsay, the office receptionist who was guarding her clipboard guestlist like it was tethered to her hand.

"Name?" The young brunette girl tilted her head at them both and Mackenzie nearly let out a series of expletives. But, she stayed calm and gave her a smile.

"Lindsay, you know who I am," Mackenzie said slowly. "Mackenzie Humphrey."

"Hmm," Lindsay flipped over a few sheets of paper on her clipboard then pursed her lips into a pout. "I have a Jennifer Humphrey but no Mackenzie. Sorry."

"What?" Mackenzie arched her eyebrows. "Are you kidding?"

"Nope," Lindsay continued. "Actually, your name might have been on here but it looks like it was removed." She tilted the paper and indicated to a large black line in the middle of the page. "I'm sorry, I can't let you go upstairs. We have strict rules."

"Lindsay, Nate's my boyfriend, this is absurd," Mackenzie took a deep breath. "Let me call him."

Jenny and her took a step to the side and she quickly dialed Nate. Of course, he didn't pick up.

Mackenzie did swear, that time.

"Hey, I can call Leo and just -

"No, don't bother him." Mackenzie sighed. "You know what, I'll just..I'll just go."

All her positive build up, all the surges of love and good feelings she had, seemed to dissolve. How did she read this all so wrong? What had changed between that morning and now? Did Nate have a change of heart?

"Can you just wait down here? I'll find Nate when I get upstairs and -

"No, Jen, it's fine. He can just..call me, I guess. I'm gonna go." Mackenzie crossed her arms and turned around, not even bothering to look back towards her sister of Lindsay. She squeezed her way past the new crowd gathering to come in and outside into the cool evening air.

While almost every part of her knew this had to have been a mistake, there was one nagging voice in her head that was growing louder and louder. _Maybe he left me off that list on purpose. Maybe this wasn't going to be fixed. Maybe he needed space this time. Maybe..missing each other didn't matter._

She took in a few long breaths outside before raising her hand to hail a cab. She took out her phone and called Viv. She needed a drink. Or four or five.

* * *

**Sunday, 12:39 AM - The NY Spectator Annual Holiday Party**

After retrieving his phone and having it out with both his former temporary assistant and front desk receptionist, Nate messaged Mackenzie again and again. He called her a few times, too, but she didn't pick up.

He couldn't stand going back to the party and continuing to put on a smile with his investors but he did just that. It was all he could do to calm his mind until he settled on his next move. He'd go to Brooklyn after the party - he'd surprise her at the loft, they'd finish this stupid fight and finally make up. He couldn't do this anymore. All night long, he wished she had been there at his side.

Why didn't he follow up with her earlier when he first realized she wasn't at the party? Idiot.

As he paused at the bar for another cocktail, his phone buzzed. Mackenzie, _finally_.

He opened the message so quickly he nearly dropped his phone: ' _Hey peaches, having issues with my sister. Need you at the loft, please. I don't want to fight.'_

He read it over three times, shaking his head in confusion. Jenny didn't mention any issues they were having. And why was she calling him peaches? When it finally clicked, his chest suddenly felt hollow. Peaches. It was a joke they used a few times now, about a codeword in case of emergency.

_"I was joking about that but for peace of mind, the codeword can be peaches."_

" _Maybe we should have a safeword just in case, though. What was it before? Peaches?"_

Nate tipped his cocktail into his mouth and hit dial on his phone, hoping she would answer her phone this time.

His chest felt tight.

Something was wrong.

He was so relieved when she answered.

"Mackenzie, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"Nate, I'm fine. I just..I really miss you. I don't want to fight anymore. Please. Can you come to the loft?" Something was off about the way she talked. He couldn't put a finger on it. Her voice sounded more tense than usual, like it did when she was lying to him about having a panic attack.

"I'll be there right away. Just remember to breathe, okay? I love you, Mack. More than anything."

There was a pause. "I love you too, Nate." Her voice cracked as she said his name. "See you soon."

The minute the call dropped Nate rushed out towards the hallway. He desperately hoped Jenny hadn't left. He sprinted down the hall when he spotted her and Leo, mid-conversation.

"Jenny!" He stopped in front of them, darting his eyes from Leo to the blonde. "When did you last talk to Mackenzie?"

Jenny's eyes grew wide, eyebrows arched at his aggressive approach. "Just before midnight, I called her to check in. She had just got back to the loft. Although, it was weird. She dropped our call really quick, like something caught her off guard."

Nate swore under his breath, shaking his head. "Were you guys fighting?"

"Nate, what's going on?" Jenny turned to him, grabbing onto his forearm. "We definitely weren't fighting. I mean, she was a bit of a mess when we parted ways earlier but her and I are on good terms."

He shook his head again. Why did she say she was fighting with her sister? Unless..

Nate closed his eyes and swore once more.

"What's going on, boss?" Leo titled his head, glancing between Nate and Jenny. He hadn't seen Nate worked up like this before.

"I have to go figure something out." He ran a hand through his hair, then down across his face. "Jenny, if Mack calls you, please call me."

Before Jenny even had the opportunity to reply, Nate was slipping away from them and darting through the rest of the patrons crowding the hall.

The elevator door opened as he headed towards the staircase and he paused for a moment as Chuck stepped out.

"Nathaniel, where's the fire?" Chuck read his face quickly as Nate continued on, motioning for him to follow.

"I was hoping to catch J.D. for a chat now that Blair has gone home," Chuck called to Nate as they hurried down the staircase. "What's going on?"

"I think..I think Mackenzie is in trouble." Nate started to surmise all the information he could to Chuck as he headed towards his office. In all this chaos, as his mind raced about how to decipher the message from Mackenzie, he was worried it was one specific thing causing whatever this unfolding situation was. Or, rather, one specific person.

Once he was inside his office, he pulled open his bottom drawer and pulled out the large manila envelope he had received from Chuck's P.I. weeks ago. Written on top was the name _Maya Peron._

"You haven't opened that yet?" Chuck's eyes were wide as he hovered over his friend's shoulder.

Nate spilled out the contents of the envelope, grabbing the sheet of paper on top with Andrew's notes.

_Maya Peron...expelled from New York City College of Technology...'Ms. Peron manipulated grades of her classmates in exchange for payment, plead not-guilty to the disciplinary committee'_

Nate's eyes scanned over the document. She had a few misdemeanors scrubbed from her record as a teenager, a nullified arrest from a break & enter, and -

"Nathaniel.." Chuck reached down and grabbed one of the documents laying in the pile. It was a voluntary discharge report from somewhere called Northbrook Behavioural Health Centre. There were a few notes about her recommended stay and a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. A line underneath indicated recommendations for medication and anger management assistance.

"Where is Mackenzie?" Chuck asked, putting his hand onto Nate's shoulder.

"Fuck," Nate shook his head. Why hadn't he read this before? He knew Mackenzie should have cut this girl off weeks ago. What if she was seriously in trouble now?

"The loft, I'm going there now."

"I'm coming with you."

"No, I need to go alone."

"Then I'll wait in the car." Chuck's tone was stern. "Arthur is outside still. Let's go."

Nate wasn't going to protest. He just needed to get to Brooklyn as quickly as possible.

* * *

**Sunday, 1:02 AM - The Humphrey Loft, Brooklyn**

It was clear that as time ticked on, Maya was becoming more and more erratic.

Mackenzie didn't instigate anymore conversations with her as she sat and waited for Nate to show up. She just kept trying to remain as calm as she possibly could, controlling her breath as best as possible. Maya continued to pace through the apartment, muttering to herself. The gun remained in her hand.

As she sat on the couch, Mackenzie tried to wiggle her hands out of the tape around her wrists. It was a losing battle, but she hoped that maybe if she had enough slack on one side, she could rip it apart. She sighed and leaned back, her arms feeling strained in the position.

"Maya," Mackenzie spoke slowly, trying to get the girl's attention from across the room. "You know, this isn't too far gone. You can still just leave before Nate gets here. I won't say anything."

Maya shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. She walked over and plunked down beside Mackenzie, leaving the gun on the coffee table beside her laptop. "I need the money, Mackenzie. I don't give a shit about anything else. If I can't pay these guys off..I just..what's the point.."

Suddenly, there was a noise at the door. Knocking.

"Mack?"

Mackenzie had never been so relieved to hear Nate's voice.

"The door's unlocked," Mackenzie called back.

As the door pushed open, Maya stood up and headed towards it, already putting herself between Nate and Mackenzie.

Nate didn't know what to expect when he got to the loft. All he could think about, _pray_ for, was Mackenzie being unharmed. If something had happened to her, he..well, he couldn't even bear to think about it. He had bounded up the stairs two at a time, asking Chuck to wait for at least half an hour.

If he didn't hear from Nate in that time window, then he needed to get extra help.

Chuck agreed, although he didn't want to.

Nate knocked on the door and pushed it open after hearing Mackenzie's voice. He braced himself for the worst, whatever that could be, and stopped after taking a few steps in. His eyes darted around, landing on the young girl standing in front of him, then to Mackenzie sitting on the couch.

He was so relieved to see she was okay as he met her eyes. They were glossy, as if she might cry. But even sitting there, face flushed red, black gown ruffled up on her lap, a mix of gratitude and unease in her eyes, she was as beautiful as ever.

"You must be Nate," Maya's voice broke through his thoughts. "I'm Maya."

"Mack, are you okay?"

"She's fine," Maya answered quickly.

Mackenzie just nodded when he met her eyes again. She was fine, really. Freaked out, finally sobering up, nervous about the gun sitting across from her. But, she was okay. Nate was there. This whole thing was going to be over soon, it had to be.

It was funny - all the nerves building up in her body over the last hour, watching Maya pace and unravel, they seemed to lessen when she saw Nate. There he stood, dressed in a dark grey suit with forest green tie, eyes full of love and worry. How had she gone the last few weeks without getting to see him every day? How could she have ever had doubts about her feelings for him, or his feelings for her, when here he was, bounding into the loft to protect her?

Their eyes locked again and she nodded once more. ' _I'm fine'_ she mouthed to him. Her eyes went wide for a minute and she moved them quickly to the coffee table then back to him.

Nate inhaled sharply when he followed her eyes and saw the small handgun.

What was going on?

"Listen, I'm going to make this really simple. I need some money then I promise I'll leave Mackenzie alone forever. I didn't want this to happen, trust me. I just..I just don't know what else to do."

Nate swallowed hard as he listened to Maya talk. He wasn't sure he could take her that seriously, considering she looked like a teenager. But, he remembered everything written in that file and he figured this wasn't the time for doubts.

"How much do you need?"

Maya swallowed as she looked at Nate, shifting to cross her arms. "I need $75,000."

"What?" Mackenzie shifted to look at Maya, face furrowed in anger. "You told me it was 50."

Her head snapped around to look at Mackenzie directly. "Well, it's 75 now."

"Okay, fine." Nate took in a short breath. "That's fine, Maya."

"Nate, no," Mackenzie shook her head.

"Mack, please," Nate took a step towards the couch to look at her. He pursed his lips together and met her eyes. He reached into his pocket, slowly, and looked over at Maya. "I can transfer you $10,000 right now and get the rest of it for you tomorrow. Would that be okay?"

"Like I'd give you my bank information," Maya spat. "I want cash."

Nate took a deep breath and sighed. "I don't think you understand how this works, Maya. Most people don't just have thousands of dollars in their wallets or-

"Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot," she hissed back to him, throwing up her arms. "You have people, I'm sure, who can get you what I need."

The way Nate was standing, facing Maya, Mackenzie was out of her line of eyesight. Hoping that would be enough of a distraction, Mackenzie shifted in her seat, slowly. She pulled at her wrists more and more, trying to wiggle at least one of her wrists free. She nearly had it, too. But, as Nate continued on with Maya about making a phone call, she finally turned back to look at Mackenzie.

"Mackenzie, hey," Maya hurried over towards her, pushing her back onto the couch and grabbing the gun from the table. "Just..sit there. Please. Please don't make this worse."

Nate stiffened as this girl pushed Mackenzie, even if it was gentle and just into the couch. He had to figure something out fast or just let this continue to stall until Chuck came inside.

"Give me your phone," Maya stalked back over towards Nate, gun in hand. Her voice shook and her hand trembled as she did. Nate sighed and listened to what she said. He was almost certain this girl was not going to use that gun for anything other than a scare tactic but it wasn't something he felt comfortable taking a chance on.

"Okay. I can make a phone call and get you some cash tonight." Nate took a step back from Maya, his back ending up against the kitchen island. "Will that work? I'm sure a friend of mine can get you at least 50 in cash."

Maya nodded her head aggressively. "Fine. But one phone call, that's it." She held the phone out to him tentatively, waiting for him to agree.

"One phone call." Nate nodded, extending his hand.

"I'm serious!"

"I know you are," Nate replied to her calmly. "We're going to help you, Maya."

"You cannot call the police."

"I won't." Nate put his hands up to try and reassure her he was being honest. His eyes darted over to Mackenzie who was staring between them both. Slowly, Maya's right hand raised and she turned towards Mackenzie, pointing the gun at her.

Both Mackenzie and Nate froze.

"Maya," Mackenzie's eyes were locked on the gun. "Please, just put the gun down. You don't need it. You're not going to shoot me."

"Mack," Nate took a step towards them, holding out a hand. "Stop."

"No, this isn't funny anymore and none of this makes sense. Maya, please."

The young girl shook her head. "Just make that phone call, Nate. This is.."

"Maya, put it down," Mackenzie repeated. "You didn't want to do any of this. Let's just do this in a rational way. Nate will get you the money, we won't say anything to anyone and -

"Stop," Maya looked over at her, hand shaking. "Just stop."

"Maya."

"STOP!" Her hand moved suddenly, pointing the gun towards the window and pulling the trigger. She let out an aggressive scream, eyes squeezed shut as she did it.

The gunshot wasn't as loud as it was startling, as the glass rained down onto the floor.

Mackenzie let out a loud shriek as the moment unfolded, closing her eyes and leaning far back into the couch.

Nate, on the other hand, took this opportunity to charge towards Maya. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and tackled her onto the floor, knocking the gun out of her hand as he did.

Maya cried out from under him, sobbing and apologizing again and again.

If there was ever a time where it felt like the world was moving in slow motion, that was it. Nate remained in contact with Maya while she tried to wrestle her way out from under him. Moments later, the door flew open again. This time, entering the loft was two police officers in tactical gear. Mackenzie shrieked again as they appeared, followed by Chuck who had his phone up to his ear.

As the police officers took over for Nate with Maya, he scrambled to his feet and raced to Mackenzie. She was hyperventilating trying to get her arms free, tears finally falling from her eyes. The sound of the gunshot rang in her ears again and again and again. Nate gently turned her to get her hands out of the tape, pulling hard to find a weak tear in the adhesive.

"Mack, you're okay, you're okay," he said quietly at her side. She yelped as one of her hands was finally free and swung her arms around to wrap around Nate.

"You idiot," she sobbed into his chest. "You don't tackle someone holding a gun. What if something happened?"

"Mack, I'm okay," he whispered into her ear, as he held her tightly. "Your idiot is okay."

* * *

**Sunday, 3:00 AM - Nate's apartment, Upper West Side**

Nate never thought he would take any kind of comfort in helping Mackenzie through a panic attack. But as she laid beside him on his bed, _their bed_ , taking long breaths and counting backwards from ten again and again, he was unusually happy.

She was safe in his arms, at least. That was one of the most important things in the world to him, if not the only thing that truly mattered. She had been sobbing for most of the night, since giving her statement to the police.

They weren't sure what was going to happen next with Maya, what exactly she could be charged with for what had happened, but there was a slight sense of peace that she was in police custody for the time being. Nate was so grateful Chuck hadn't listened to him. It was clear the minute Nate got out of the limo and headed inside that Chuck had made a phone call and prepared for the worst.

This wasn't how their night was supposed to go. But in a way, Nate wanted Mackenzie beside him in bed at the end of the night. So, that was a fucked up silver lining, at least.

"Mackenzie," he cooed into her ear, running his hands up and down her bare back. "You're safe."

"I shouldn't have trusted her," Mackenzie's voice was barely audible to Nate. "I was so stupid."

"Mack, listen to me," Nate moved his hand from her back and gently laid it across her cheek, prompting her to tilt her head to look up at him. Her eyes looked _so_ tired. "You didn't do anything wrong. Maya has a lot of issues she's dealing with and you were just being kind. I love that about you."

"I'm really sorry," she said next, closing her eyes and nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

"Sorry for what?"

"I don't know, trusting her but not trusting you," she muttered out, holding onto his torso tightly. "If I hadn't been so stubborn this last week-

"None of that matters, Mack." He leaned over and pressed a kiss against her forehead. "All that matters right now is this, okay? You and me."

"Me and you," she repeated with a yawn, nuzzling against him again. "Just promise me you won't tackle someone holding a gun ever again, please."

He laughed lightly. She could feel the rumble in his chest. It was especially comforting.

Nate ran his hand against her cheek again, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "I promise."


	21. Chapter 21

When Mackenzie woke up Saturday morning, soft and warm, curled up into Nate's side, she felt at home. She remembered, vaguely, drifting in and out of her dream state all night, chest heaving with memory of a gunshot. There was never a moment where she felt alone, though. It was as if Nate's sleep was tethered to hers and the moment she was awake, so was he.

He rubbed circles on her back until she fell asleep. He kissed her forehead, gently, every time she stirred. It was as if her sleep, _her well being_ , was more important than anything else in those moments.

"Morning," Nate's voice sounded out above Mackenzie. She flicked her eyes upward to look at him. "Did you sleep okay?"

She nodded and closed her eyes again, sighing into his chest. "I assume you didn't. You usually roll me away from you in the middle of the night."

"I couldn't let you go this time," Nate replied with a laugh, tracing his fingers along her shoulders. "I slept well enough."

"What are the chances we can just stay right here all day?" Mackenzie asked, extending her leg over his.

"There's a high probability we can make that work," he said with a smile. "I feel like we have to make up for the last few weeks."

Mackenzie nodded in agreement, tightening her hold on his torso. The last few weeks ramping up to the night before seemed like a dream. But, she knew it was all very real. The fading red marks on her wrist and her swollen crying face was reminder enough. They remained in Nate's bed for a bit longer, wrapped in each other. This was really all Mackenzie needed. Although she knew the real world was waiting for them.

It wasn't long before Nate's phone started to buzz and break them away from the idea of being alone together for the day. As much as Mackenzie wanted him to just turn his phone off and stay in bed with her, she knew he likely had things to deal with. He pressed a kiss against her forehead as he grabbed his phone and slinked off the bed.

She sighed and rolled over onto her back, stretching out her arms and legs. Just as Nate exited the room, a quiet mewl sounded at the end of the bed as Max joined her. As if he was keeping her company while Nate was in the other room. Mackenzie couldn't help but smile at the little creature as he cozied up beside her. She decided for the time being reveling in the little quiet moments was a welcome distraction from the real world.

Nate felt a strange sense of guilt leaving Mackenzie alone, even in his own apartment. They were perfectly safe, she was calm and rested in his bed. Yet he was having a difficult time being apart from her. He shook his head and dropped down onto the living room couch, scanning through all the notifications on his phone. He breezed past a multitude of emails about how wonderful the party had been the night before, a few thank you messages from the team at The Common Pantry, and a missed call from his mother. One text that raised his eyebrows was from Chuck: ' _she somehow made bail. call me.'_

Nate swore under his breath and did just that.

"Chuck, hey," Nate started as Chuck answered his call. He leaned back onto the couch. "What's going on?" Nate had given his contact info to the arresting officers but knew Chuck had his ear to the ground and a few other contacts in the NYPD where he got quick information from.

"Someone paid Maya Peron's bail this morning. They wouldn't tell me who but she's not allowed to leave the state."

"Great," Nate muttered out.

"If you call the precinct, they'll expedite a restraining order." Chuck paused. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Mack slept," Nate replied. "That's more important."

"Well, if I were in your shoes Nathaniel, I'd be calling in my favours with whatever judge your grandfather has up his sleeve to get this all dealt with quickly. Depending on how she pleads, this could all come to a halt. They can likely get the paperwork to you today for the restraining order, at least."

"Thanks Chuck. Really. Without your help, I may -

"No need for the speech, Nate. I know. Keep me updated on what's going on."

Next, Nate called Dan to let him know what had happened at the loft the night before. It wasn't an easy conversation but Nate reassured him that Mackenzie was okay.

"It's just a mess, man," Nate concluded, hearing Dan sigh on the other end. "But it's over, at least."

"I should probably call my dad," Dan replied quietly. "I'm sure Mack won't want that but…"

Nate nodded. "Actually, do you mind if I tell Rufus? I wanted to talk to him about a few things anyway."

"Go for it," Dan replied. "He'd probably appreciate hearing from you. I'll call Jen."

As their call ended, Nate paused. He always had a comfortable relationship with Rufus, save from being kicked out of the Humphrey loft in high school. Although his opinion of the man had really changed in the last few years, he knew reaching out was the right thing to do. It would still be too early to call the west coast, so it was going to have to wait. Nate wrapped up all his phone activities, sending a message to Leo about a meeting on Monday then moved to order some breakfast for himself and Mack.

Then, he would keep his phone at bay for the rest of their Sunday.

He dreaded having to talk to Mackenzie about what happened, about how she was feeling. It crushed him to know she had to go through that entire experience - to feel the broken trust, the fear, the uncertainty. The fact that another psycho with a gun was in her life at all. It wasn't lost on him the parallels that had followed her through life thus far. He wondered if he could just sweep her away for the rest of the month, convince her to try and work remotely from a warm beach in the south. It would mean missing all the holiday plans their families were lining up but if she liked the idea, he would commit. It didn't matter as long as they were together.

By the time he returned to the bedroom, he could hear the shower running in his en-suite. Suddenly, just the act of Mackenzie being in his shower but Nate's mind at ease again. She was okay, she was safe, she was there. Right there.

The past few weeks of tension and fighting and worry and distance didn't need to occupy space in his mind anymore. He smiled to himself as he walked into the steamy bathroom, seeing the outline of Mackenzie's figure through the fogged up glass. Soon enough, this could be every morning they shared together. In fact, if it was up to Nate, Mackenzie was officially moved in now. Even if most of her things were still at the loft, he wasn't going to let her sleep there anymore.

This was his future. Their future.

The heavy scent of her rose water shampoo filled the room and Nate was so lost in thought, caught in his daydream, that he didn't even hear the shower turn off.

"Pass me a towel, please?" Mackenzie's voice broke through his ears as she stuck her head outside of the shower door. Nate turned his head to meet her gaze and he couldn't help but smile. It was nice to see her calm, collected. Relaxed. He gave her a quick nod and grabbed a towel from the open cupboard near the door, taking a few steps towards the shower to meet her with it held open.

She laughed and let him wrap it around her frame tightly, then locking his arms around her in a hug, too.

"I missed you," he spoke quietly into her ear, letting her lean into his chest. "I'm formally requesting never being apart again."

Mackenzie laughed into his shoulder, pulling her head back. "You say that now, but once I'm really moved in you might change your mind. Suddenly my cute quirks may become annoying habits, you know."

"I mean, I already find your hair in the shower and I've never complained," Nate replied with a laugh, squeezing her hips. "And I've noticed you sometimes drool when you're sleeping and-

"Hey now, I didn't ask for a list," Mackenzie tried to pull back from his grip, a fake pout on her lips. "Mean."

"I love every single annoying quirk and habit you have, Mack." Nate's right hand left her hip and came up to cradle the side of her face, which was still dripping wet.

"Yet he still describes me as annoying," she said in return, raising an eyebrow. "Good thing you're so handsome, Archibald."

Nate tilted his head back to laugh for a moment then leaned in to kiss her. It was soft, at first. He reveled in the feeling, trying to engrave these simple moments into his mind. These were the things he took for granted before whether or not he realized it.

Especially when Mackenzie was on the other side of the globe. He knew he had lost two years with her already - that was two years without stolen glances and soft kisses and sparkling laughter. And to have witnessed that put at risk last night, by an erratic young woman and a stolen handgun, he felt he had to immediately make up for last time.

"Are you making us breakfast?" Mackenzie asked as he pulled away.

"It'll be here in about half an hour," Nate replied. "Pastries and fruit from _Betty's._ "

Mackenzie smiled and tried to wiggle away from his hands. "Sounds great. Now, let me get dressed."

A shy smirk grew across Nate's face. "Or..I will get undressed." He wasn't sure if sex would be on the table considering the mess of emotions Mackenzie had gone through in the last 24 hours. But his body couldn't lie. Just gazing at her through the shower had gotten him excited.

They had to make up for lost time.

Mackenzie hesitated for just a brief moment then moved her hands, which had been gripping her towel close. The soft fabric fell from her torso and she pressed herself up against Nate, meeting his lips with an aggressive fervour.

Time and time again, Mackenzie was blown away by Nate. Perhaps it was a case of ' _absence makes the heart grow fonder_ ' but the way he looked at her with such adoration made her feel like floating. And the way his mouth consumed her? Well, that was a whole other feeling. Soon enough, Nate was pulling her into him, dragging her to follow his footsteps back to his room. Their lips stayed locked, only breaking for a breath as Nate's knees hit the back of his bed.

He spun them around quickly, gently pushing Mackenzie back onto the sheets. She shuffled up the bed quickly, propping herself up on her elbows as she watched him shake out of his sweatpants. A throaty whimper left her mouth as he joined her on the bed, now just as naked as she was. His whole body felt so warm as he rested on top of her, hands exploring her body as he lips kissed along her jaw. She leaned her head to the right, exposing her neck to him. A barely audible moan escaped him as he left sloppy kisses along her neck. He bit on her earlobe, smiling as she whimpered his name.

Nate propped himself up on his left hand as his mouth continued to ravage her neck and chest. Meanwhile his right hand traced down her body, teasing and pulling and pinching as he went along. Mackenzie's breath hitched as he pushed her legs apart, letting his fingers take lazy strides across her thighs.

"Nate?" Mackenzie stuttered out his name, gripping her hands behind his neck.

"Yes, love?" His right hand slowed down, tracing circles above her most sensitive area.

"Touch me, please."

Nate just smirked and did as she requested. His fingers moved like he was conducting a beautiful symphony, moving his lips down her body. Soon enough, her legs were over his shoulders.

Mackenzie would always appreciate how in tune with her body Nate was. And how generous he was, too.

God, she was grateful for Nate Archibald.

He brought her to the edge soon enough, laughing at his success as she quivered underneath him. He sat up and gazed down at her catching her breath. A soft smirk grew on his face.

Mackenzie opened her eyes and looked up at him. "You know I hate when you stare."

"Can't help it," Nate replied with a shrug, crawling down to lean on top of her again. "I think you're really nice to look at. Especially when you come undone."

His hands planted on either side of her head and he leaned down to kiss her lips. Her hands grabbed at his hips and she tried to pull him as close as possible.

She bit at his lips. "Fuck me, please."

* * *

Nate practically forced Mackenzie to just sit and relax on the couch for the afternoon. She insisted she wanted to get her laptop and do some things for work but he wouldn't let her even contemplate such a thing.

She conceded, eventually. She put on a few of her old favourite movies and by the end of the afternoon, was napping peacefully under a cashmere blanket. Max rested on the couch above her, as if keeping watch.

Nate took the opportunity to finally call Rufus. He tore his eyes off of Mackenzie on the couch and took a few steps down the hall, slipping into his second room. He sat down on the bed and brought his phone up to his ear.

"Hello?"

Nate glanced at his watch, it was just after 1 on the west coast. "Hey Rufus, it's Nate. Archibald."

Rufus laughed on his end. "I do have you programmed into my phone, Nate. How are you?"

Nate let out a breath. "I'm fine, thanks." He didn't intend to skip past the pleasantries but there was a real purpose to his call. "I'm calling about Mackenzie."

He heard Rufus sigh. "Nate, it's really kind of you to try and mediate what's going on here but -

"No, no. It's not about that." Nate paused. "Something happened at the loft last night with that Maya girl."

There was a heavy pause.

"What happened? Is Mackenzie okay?"

"She's fine today, surprisingly. I wasn't really sure how she'd react after everything." Nate took his time and explained what had happened over the last while with Maya and the details of what happened at the loft. When he was done, he could just hear Rufus' steady breathing on the other end of the line.

"Rufus? Are you there?"

"God, I've been a terrible father."

"Uhm.."

"Sorry, that's not what.." Rufus paused. "Thank you for calling me yourself, Nate. It means a lot. And thank you for taking care of my daughter. You've always been there for her and that means a lot to me."

"Of course. She's everything to me."

"I'm flying home next week. I think it's time for her and I to fix this. Or at least try again.

An apprehensive smile crossed Nate's face. "I just want to be clear. I'm on Mack's team here, Rufus. If she decides she doesn't want to..talk, you can't make her. You know as well as I do how stubborn she can be."

"I know, I know." Rufus let out a heavy sigh. "I'll see you next week, I hope. Thank you again, Nate. You're a good kid." Nate rolled his eyes. "A good man."

Nate felt an incredible sense of relief when their phone call ended. He knew it wasn't his job to repair what was going on with Mackenzie and her dad. But the least he could do now is encourage her to try. She didn't often say it out loud, but he knew she was hurting about this situation with her dad still. Perhaps they would never have a normal relationship, but an opportunity for forgiveness was possible. Maybe some repair.

He had to encourage her to try.

* * *

"Yes, Jen, honestly. I'm fine. I have an appointment with Simone this Friday but seriously, between you and Nate constantly checking in, I'm going to lose it."

Mackenzie went to the office Monday morning, despite Nate's protests that she could just take a day off or work from his apartment. Truthfully, she didn't want to lose the routine and normal feeling in her life because of what happened. Yes, she would admit her anxiety was definitely heightened after what had happened. And it peaked even more when someone delivered paperwork to Nate's for her late Sunday night to expedite a restraining order.

Those things were certainly not being kept at bay.

But continuing to work, especially with their busiest season wrapping up, kept her mind busy and that's all she wanted.

"Will you still help me figure out a Christmas gift for Nate?" Mackenzie sighed into the phone to Jenny. "After work tomorrow maybe?"

Their phone call ended not long after and Mackenzie looked at the clock on her desktop. It was well past lunchtime and she was starving. She bundled up in her long peacoat and headed down the street to grab something to eat. When she stepped outside, she noticed a black town car sitting outside the office building. It wasn't uncommon to see that type of vehicle in the financial district but she had a funny feeling. The moment she crossed in front of the car, the door opened and Nate's driver John stepped out.

"Miss Humphrey," he said, tipping his head. "Where are you headed?"

"Hi John," Mackenzie replied with a smile. "Just gonna walk up to Sweet Green for a salad."

"Mr. Archibald requested I be available for wherever you need to travel," he replied, motioning to the car.

"Well, that's nice but I'm just going to walk. I mean, you get paid either way, right?"

John smiled. "Of course, Miss."

"Then, I suppose you can take me to my meeting at Bass Industries later but for the time being, I could use the fresh air."

As she was waiting in line for her lunch, Mackenzie sent a message to Nate: ' _has John been outside my building all morning? I think that's a bit much'_

On her walk back, after waving at John in the seat of his car, Mackenzie got a reply from her boyfriend.

' _It's a temporary solution until I get a background check completed on a body guard.'_

' _Ha ha. Very funny.'_

' _I'm serious, Mack. We can talk about the details later'_

' _Nate, this is irrational. I don't need a bodyguard.'_

' _We'll talk tonight! Love you'_

Mackenzie spent the rest of the afternoon irritated about the situation. She didn't need a bodyguard. That was a waste of time, money and resources. She tried to rationalize what happened and where Nate was coming from but that didn't stop her annoyed mood from lingering.

Later that afternoon, she was heading into the Bass Industries boardroom. She was a bit early still and took a moment to breathe after she shrugged off her coat. She ran a nervous hand through her hair as it fell over her shoulders and smoothed her hands across her black skirt. The more she thought about Nate's bodyguard comments, the more lost in her thoughts she got.

Was she just taking the situation too lightly? She had a lot of regrets over what had transpired, truly. She hated feeling trusting enough to have let Maya in, she hated that the situation had escalated and played out how it did. But it wasn't like she had a long list of enemies she needed to worry about.

Truthfully, Mackenzie was just tired of the dramatics. She hated the fact that she could end up being a witness in Maya's trial if she plead not-guilty to the criminal charges. She just wanted the entire thing over and done with so she could move on. So everyone could move on.

Come January she knew Nate was going into a very serious _mayoral campaign_ mode. And Mackenzie herself was still supposed to be doing a three week business trip to Australia, though she hadn't covered that topic with Nate yet. She figured that was something they could deal with after the holidays.

The holidays. That made Mackenzie's brain whirl, too. Nate made a halfhearted joke to her Sunday night about going somewhere hot for Christmas, just the two of them. She humoured the idea but knew they couldn't follow through. Christmas was about family and she knew that was important to Nate especially. Even if she wasn't speaking to her dad, Mackenzie hadn't been in New York for the holidays in over three years. And she hadn't really had Christmas with Nate before at all.

So they would stay in the city and hopefully manage their way through the family dinners with no complicated drama.

Slowly the rest of the meeting invitees filtered in, rounded off by Chuck Bass at the head of the table. This was another update meeting about Bass Australia and how they were proceeding after their public relations issue. Mackenzie gave a small, succinct report on the operating plans for the new Bass Foundation charitable organization in Sydney but otherwise found herself distracted for most of the meeting. When it ended, Chuck asked her to stay and chat.

"Please don't ask me how I'm doing," Mackenzie started, raising an eyebrow at Chuck. He laughed and leaned back in his chair, adjusting his tie.

"You can't fault people for making sure you're okay," Chuck said simply.

"I know, I just don't want to talk about it anymore," she replied, propping her elbows up on the table and resting her chin on her hands.

"You're welcome to take some time off from work, if you need it," Chuck continued, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Thank you for that, but I don't need to," Mackenzie replied. "There's lots to be done before the holiday break, especially with this Australia stuff."

Chuck nodded. "I appreciate your work ethic. Just..some advice." He paused. "It's easier to deal with things as they happen, instead of pushing them to that dark filing cabinet of your mind. Take it from me, an expert in repression."

"Listen, it's unfortunate but I've dealt with a lot of shit before this incident. I'm not trying to brush it off or anything, I know it's serious. I just.. I have my own ways of dealing with it. One method is therapy and my doctor is going to get her money's worth this week." Mackenzie sighed. "Thank you for caring, Chuck."

Chuck gave her a soft smile. "Just..go easy on Nathaniel. I think we both know he's going to hover in a bad way for a while."

Mackenzie nodded. "Love is a funny thing, isn't it."

Chuck let out a laugh, then glanced at his phone. "Funny is a word for it."

"Nate is not going to be on board with me going to Australia, you know."

Chuck sighed. "I'm aware. And you know you don't have to go, either. We've been managing remotely."

"We both know it would be better to get the foundation set up in person. Shoes on the ground, get my Australian counterpart familiar with things."

Chucked nodded in agreement. "Of course. But..well, it's not my place to have an opinion on your relationship."

Mackenzie raised an eyebrow at him. "Really?"

His lips curled up into a smirk. "All I will say is you and Nathaniel both are adults and are probably in a better place emotionally, this time around in your relationship. He'll be swamped with election things for the next year, I'm sure you can be on the other side of the globe for a few weeks. He'll survive."

Mackenzie let out a long exhale. Chuck raised some good points. But, she didn't want to unpack a potential argument with Nate right now. They could worry about travel plans in the new year.

"Okay. Let's forget about work talk." Mackenzie pointed down the table at Chuck. "What the hell do I get Nate for Christmas?"

* * *

Nate got to the office early on Monday. John had picked up both he and Mackenzie from his apartment and he was dropped off first. He had a series of meetings that morning, including one with his human resources director.

Despite the calamity of the weekend and drowning himself in Mackenzie on Sunday, he couldn't forget everything that happened at the party. He was determined to figure out how things played out and he knew his biggest challenge was going to be keeping a level head. He just couldn't help but think about how different things would have gone.

If Mackenzie had actually made it upstairs to the party, they could have made up and danced together. She would stay by his side when he was meeting with all the important people he needed. Maybe there could have been a repeat of The Spectator holiday party a few years ago…

Instead he had to save her from a psychopath with a gun at the loft.

Leanna, his HR director, explained what he needed to know about policies, disciplinary action and dismissals, if required. Leanne was stone-faced and honest with Nate - she had been working alongside The Spectator for years and had seen a lot of people come and go.

A while later, she joined them for the debrief meeting about the party with Leo, Taylor and Lindsay.

Leo gave a thorough breakdown of guest feedback and upcoming plans about the press release regarding the final donation totals. Taylor covered the financial details briefly, explaining she was wrapping up all the invoicing that morning.

When everything seemed wrapped up, Nate finally chimed in.

"I want to talk about what happened with our guest list process on Saturday," Nate started. His tone was level as his eyes darted from Leo to Lindsay to Taylor.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I had the final say in who was on the guest list. Isn't that right?"

Leo nodded. "Of course."

"So the final approved guest list I sent to Taylor on Friday afternoon was solid." Nate nodded to himself, shuffling the papers on the desk and displaying a freshly printed copy.

"Meanwhile, this is what Lindsay was using Saturday night," Nate pointed to the leftover list of paper attached to a clipboard. "So what I need to know is who removed a guest from the list without my authorization."

A strange silence fell over the room. Leanna clicked her pen on the boardroom table and looked at all the faces at the table.

Taylor's eyes shot toward Lindsay. The two girls shared a long glance.

"Ladies?" Nate's patience was growing thin quickly.

Lindsay opened her mouth to say something then clamped it shut. She nervously ran a hand through her long brunette ponytail, biting at her lip.

"Okay, let's do this step by step," Nate let out a long breath and closed his eyes for a moment. "I sent the approved list to Taylor. Then what happened?"

"I sent it to Lindsay to print," Taylor answered, folding her hands in her lap. She avoided Nate's eyes.

"I printed it," Lindsay concluded. "But.."

Nate's hands grew into fists as he rested on the tables. "Who scratched Mackenzie's name off the list? You were the only two with access. One of you consciously used a black marker and removed her so who was it?" He took another breath. "Listen, I need some honesty here. This incident unravelled a series of events that should have been avoided but we can't go back in time here. I need to know what caused this communication error and how we can avoid this moving forward."

Lindsay threw her hands up in the air finally. "Can I speak with you alone, Nate?"

* * *

John brought Mackenzie to The Spectator office after her meeting at Bass Industries. She had to admit it was nice having someone _there_ to drive her where she needed to go. A driver was one thing but Nate using the term _bodyguard_ was another. She figured that was a conversation that they needed to have soon.

When she walked through the front doors of the office building, Mackenzie felt a strange sense of deja vu. The area was clear of excited party guests this time but the bitter, irritated feeling crept in. She paused at the desk where Lindsay was sitting, face down staring at her keyboard.

Mackenzie rolled her fingers on the countertop and Lindsay jolted her head up. Her eyes grew wide when she saw Mackenzie standing there.

"I'm here to see Nate," Mackenzie said slowly. "Am I allowed in this time?"

"Mackenzie, of course. Yes. Go ahead." Lindsay motioned towards the elevator to go upstairs.

Mackenzie paused before she walked away, narrowing her eyes at Lindsay. It looked as if she had been crying and suddenly, Mackenzie felt remorse about her tone. She opened her mouth to apologize but instead let out a long exhale. She hardly had the energy. Mackenzie swiftly turned and headed towards the back of the foyer, pressing the button to go upstairs.

She tried to be discreet as she headed through the office, head down. As she approached Nate's office, she noticed Marie's desk was unoccupied. She was grateful, in a way, to not have to even put the effort in to ignore Taylor. But at the same time, she had prepared biting commentary if necessary and now it was going wasted.

Mackenzie knocked on Nate's door and opened it slowly when she heard his voice. Inside she found Nate at his desk, leaning back in his chair. Across from him sat Leo, suit jacket off and tie loose around his neck. They both looked a bit tired. Between them sat a bottle of amber coloured liquid and they were each gripping a few fingers worth in short crystal glasses.

"Hey," Nate beamed when he saw her walk in. He placed his glass on the desk and stood to greet her with a kiss. She smiled back, shrugging off her coat and dropped into the chair beside Leo, saying hello to him, too. She smoothed out her dress and shook her head as Nate offered her a glass.

"Sorry you didn't make it out Saturday," Leo started. He then paused awkwardly, shifting to face her for a moment. "Actually, I can't lie. Jenny told me what happened. Wish you had made it to the party instead, Mackenzie."

Mackenzie shrugged but offered him a soft, grateful smile. "Thanks Leo." She sighed and glanced between the two of them. "Speaking of. I was just pretty rude to Lindsay downstairs and that wasn't fair. I don't know what came over me but…"

Nate sighed and took a large sip of his scotch. That was definitely out of character for Mackenzie but he knew her emotions were pretty out of sort lately. "Lindsay has had a bit of a day."

"At least she stopped crying," Leo offered, his lips drawing into a straight line.

"And at least _she_ didn't try to attack me," Nate replied, raising his glass to Leo with a bitter laugh.

Mackenzie's eyes shot open. "What?"

" _Can I speak with you alone, Nate?"_

_Nate looked at Lindsay, then Leanna, and nodded. Leo stood to leave but Taylor stayed in her seat._

" _Fine. If Lindsay is going to crack under pressure, I'll just be honest. I took the name off the list." Taylor crossed her arms. "And I instructed Lindsay to not let her in."_

_Nate's eyes grew wide and he slammed a hand on the table. "What? Why?"_

_Taylor narrowed her eyes. "Because as your assistant, I knew it was important to keep you free of distractions. Considering the amount of investors and shareholders that were in attendance."_

" _Are you out of your mind? Why the hell would you think to -_

" _Mr. Archibald," Leanna's calm, neutral words broke through. As if to ask him to lower his voice._

" _Your personal life is on the rocks so I thought it would be best to keep that at bay for a few hours."_

_Nate was seething. He took in a sharp breath. "You're both fired."_

It turned out Nate couldn't just _fire_ them. Lindsay stayed in the boardroom and cried to Leanna while Taylor opted to huff and storm out of the office building. When she returned, Leanna intercepted her and explained that due to her negligence, The Spectator would not be renewing her job contract in the New Year. Nate had been standing outside of his office with Leo when he heard the shouting and when Taylor lunged towards Nate, Leo took a side step to stop her.

Lindsay would keep her job.

Taylor left again in a fury, taking a box of her things.

Nate finally felt a weird sense of satisfaction and relief.

When the two men finished retelling the story to Mackenzie, she bit her tongue. She felt strangely sorry for Nate having to deal with all this unnecessary drama at work. She wanted to sing-song about how right she was about Taylor, a smug sort of _I told you so_ but it didn't feel right.

Throughout this entire situation, Nate's wholesome innocence had shone through. He liked to see the best in people and he especially liked giving his staff opportunity. The fact that he had put faith in Taylor, letting her work so closely with him, and then she let him down, was hard. Mackenzie was reminded of Viv's words from a few weeks ago: " _All I'm saying is there is going to be more Taylor Wheelers in your lifetime so you've gotta pick your battles."_

"So..everything is okay?" Mackenzie finally clarified.

_Is this mess finally over?_

Nate leaned forward onto his desk and met her eyes. "I mean, aside from my residual anger, yes."

Mackenzie just smiled. She hated knowing Nate was still reeling from the whole situation but perhaps a good back rub and a hot tub would help him. She let herself daydream for a moment before Leo pulled her back.

"Do you think it's too soon for me to get your sister a Christmas gift?" At least he changed the subject.

Mackenzie turned to scan Leo's curious face. "Are you her boyfriend yet?"

"Not officially. But I've asked a few times," Leo replied with a laugh. "She's surprisingly difficult to pin down. Well, not pin down, really." He winked at Nate who just opened his eyes wide, hands up.

"Was that a sex joke? Dude, that's my sister," Mackenzie jumped in, playfully swatting Leo on the arm. "There is a set of beautifully beaded choker necklaces on display at L Train vintage near Delancey. She has been on the fence about investing in them for weeks."

"You're a doll, Mackenzie. Thanks." Leo stood up and waved to them both as he exited Nate's office.

"That was truly a pair I didn't anticipate," Mackenzie said with a smirk. She stood up from her chair and walked around to the other side of Nate's desk and placed herself down on his lap. Her fingers found his tie and she pressed her lips against his. The taste of scotch remained as she brushed her tongue over her own lips.

She smiled softly. "Hi."

"Is this the part where you tell me what you want for Christmas?" One of Nate's hands moved down her back and the other rested on her knee, swirling circles on her exposed skin.

"You don't have some weird Santa kink, do you?" Mackenzie raised an eyebrow at him. "Because I can work with that but I might need that scotch first."

Nate's head fell back with laughter for a moment before he met her eyes. "God no." He scanned her face quickly. This was..nice. It had been so long since he could just laugh with his girlfriend. God, he loved how she made him laugh with her sassy quips.

"There is nothing I want for Christmas, really." She snaked a hand up behind his neck and ran it through his hair. "Just you by my side. And the willpower to survive the Vanderbilts." She knew Nate likely had some wonderful gift planned for her already. He was so damn good at gift giving, it always left Mackenzie feeling anxious. How could she live up to that? So far, all she could think of getting him was a watch.

And he already had a dozen perfectly good, expensive watches.

That morning she had a great plan. She had called Tripp and practically begged for any SNL tickets between now and the end of the season. He had let her down gently, saying he would try but it was a long shot. What good was his role at NBC if he couldn't pull a few strings for family?

"Listen, considering how you managed to deal with Maya on Saturday, the Vanderbilts are a breeze, Mack."

Mackenzie's smile faded slightly and she tried to hide it.

Nate noticed. His hand pressed against her back. "Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to.."

"No, no." Mackenzie shook her head and cut him off. "I'm okay. I should talk about it, I guess."

Nate was quiet. She hadn't said much about the whole thing since sobbing to him early Sunday morning. He expected her to close up but he didn't anticipate her just ignoring it altogether. The only time he brought it up was when he got an update from the officers handling the case. There would be a trial in January, that may be quick and easy if she pleads guilty. If not, well, then that would be an entirely different situation.

"I just still feel pretty stupid about the whole thing."

"Mack," Nate's hand moved from her leg to cradle her cheek. "You're not stupid. Don't say that. You are trusting and kind and considerate and level-headed. And so brilliant."

_No, no. Trusting and kind meant she was susceptible to being taken advantage of. Considerate meant she could be a pushover, a people pleaser. Level-headed drove her straight to irrational thoughts. And would a brilliant person really try to barter with a gun wielding insane person?_

Nate could see the doubts swirling around in her eyes and he hated it. Mackenzie had worked so hard over the years to have some faith in herself and seeing it start to collapse really broke his heart.

"You know you didn't do anything wrong, right?" Nate's thumb moved gently across her.

"I know." Her voice was barely audible. "I'm sorry, sometimes everything feels perfectly fine then it all just comes back in a weird wave."

"No need to apologize." He soothed circles into her back. "Promise you'll always tell me how you're feeling."

She swallowed and murmured out an _okay_ , leaning her head onto his shoulder for a moment. Nate just held her there, nestled onto his chest.

"Hey." Nate's voice was quiet in Mackenzie's ear. "What do you want to do for dinner?"

"Would you judge me if I _just_ wanted spring rolls from Thai Kitchen?" She felt Nate's laugh rumbling through his chest.

"I expect nothing less from you, Humphrey."

* * *

Tuesday night, Mackenzie was elated that both Jenny and Serena were free to go Christmas shopping. Apparently Serena was struggling to shop for Dan, too.

Truthfully, Mackenzie hadn't seen much of her sister-in-law lately. Now nearing the end of her second trimester, it seemed Serena finally _sort of_ looked pregnant but somehow still managed to dress and look like a supermodel. The effortless glow really suited the tall blonde, though.

"I would like to say I appreciate you both not asking me about my feelings tonight," Mackenzie said, glancing at both girls as they sat with cups of gelato. The shopping trip had been successful - except Mackenzie came up empty handed. The three women were tucked into a table at the front of an Italian cafe on the second floor of Saks.

Jenny rolled her eyes with a smirk. "I couldn't bear you yelling at me again."

"Mack, you've never once treated me like a fragile housewife during this pregnancy so I can't imagine you need hand holding from us to deal with the aftermath of crazy," Serena added, licking off her small ice cream spoon. She gave Mackenzie a grateful smile. "Sorry we couldn't find anything for Nate, though."

"Honestly, I didn't think I'd find it at Saks anyway," Mackenzie revealed, nudging the large brown bags at her feet. "But retail therapy is good for the soul." She was very happy with her own purchases, including silk pajamas and a big LEGO set for Henry's Christmas gift.

After taking one last bite of her gelato, Mackenzie took a deep breath. "Okay so I've been thinking. If dad wants to sell the loft, it might be nice to have one last Christmas morning there."

Serena exchanged an apprehensive look with Jenny. The younger blonde sighed. "Mack, aren't you still not on speaking terms with Dad?"

Mackenzie ran a hand through her hair, pushing it to the side. "Yes. But it's Christmas and well, I'm trying to work on my feelings regarding that. So." She closed her eyes. "It's just an idea I'm trying to put into the universe."

"Well, I know Dan would love that. He's always retelling me stories about the Humphrey Christmas mornings of the past," Serena smiled. "Though I never ask, he loves to explain the Waffle Iron Fire story all the time."

Both Mackenzie and Jenny laughed. "It's a good story though. There is a photo somewhere of dad without his right eyebrow because of that."

Mackenzie sighed. It was strange to think she hadn't talked to her dad in so long. Maybe it was rose coloured glasses looking back, but she even kind of missed him. They had a lot of work to do still, if they were going to attempt to fix their relationship, but maybe she owed it to herself to try again. If anything, this whole situation over the past weekend was just a stark reminder that life could be fleeting.

"Mom is hosting dinner," Serena continued on the Christmas topic. "But I would be happy to do brunch at the loft. It would be nice." She pointed her spoon at Mackenzie. "Aren't you obligated to the Archibalds that day?"

"Just Boxing Day out at the Vanderbilt estate this year. Nate said Christmas Day is for us." Mackenzie turned to her sister. "Are you inviting your non-boyfriend Leo?"

Jenny coughed out a laugh. "He may come to dinner but we're leaving it open ended."

"You seem happy, Jen," Mackenzie commented, tilting her head towards her sister. "However this Christmas plays out, it'll be a far cry from last year."

"But also an upgrade." Jenny laughed in agreement.

Serena's head darted between the two sisters. "What happened last year? I know you both avoided coming home."

"I did not avoid," Mackenzie defended herself. "I just intentionally didn't come to Manhattan so I didn't have to see Nate or my dad."

Truthfully, last December there was no way Mackenzie could have handled being home for Christmas. Not single and heartbroken. Not without their mom. Staying in London was the best thing for her brain at the time.

"Kenzie tried to cook us Cornish hens." Jenny paused. "Let's just say we ended up ordering in Indian food instead."

"Well," Serena held in her laughter as she leaned back in her chair. "I think maybe after all of the dramatics of the last few months, we're all due for a good, old fashioned Van Der Woodsen holiday dinner. With pie a plenty."

Mackenzie nodded in agreement. They all fell into a comfortable conversation, discussing Christmases of the past and laughing. It was a welcome moment, another reminder of the simple things in life. It felt like the last few months had been a whirlwind. It was hard to believe the New Year was approaching and life was going to hit the ground running for everyone.

Dan and Serena were going to be parents.

Nate was gearing up to run for Mayor of New York.

Life was coming quick, regardless of Mackenzie's doubts or fears.

* * *

Sunday morning, with the stress of the week long in the past, there was a gentle snowfall and Mackenzie thought everything felt just perfect. Sometime Saturday, Nate arranged for a beautiful evergreen tree to be set up in his apartment. On the one hand, Mackenzie kind of missed the traditional idea of picking out a tree as a family but it was kind of nice to have it just appear overnight.

Nate had pulled out a box of his Christmas decorations which were incredibly lacking. So Mackenzie had sent him to the loft that morning to retrieve a few boxes from the storage room while she made breakfast.

The sounds of some old Frank Sinatra record flooded through the apartment as Mackenzie mixed pancake batter and sipped a mug of coffee. She was dressed in just leggings, an oversized knit sweater and wool socks. For the first time in years, she felt excited for the holidays. She was especially looking forward to her first real Christmas with Nate.

She did feel a pang of sadness, thinking about her family. Christmas was one of her mom's favourite times of the year. Nate told her he had called Rufus and filled him in on what happened. She was grateful he did. Part of her wanted to reach out and just wave a white flag but she was still having a hard time. Though, if this stupid thing with Maya had taught her anything, it was that life was short. So maybe she needed to just forget being stubborn and try harder.

She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard footsteps in the hallway and when the door opened, more than one pair of feet came in.

"Miss Kenzie?" Henry's small voice called out.

"Hey, boots off first, Henry," Nate laughed at the small boy as they stood in the doorway. The doorman from downstairs followed in and dropped a few boxes near the living room. Mackenzie peaked her head out of the kitchen and smiled when she saw Nate helping Henry out of his coat. When he was free of his gear, the young boy dashed towards the kitchen to greet Mackenzie with a hug.

"Hey Hen," she said with a smile. "You're a nice surprise!" Her eyes darted towards Nate who offered an apologetic smile.

"Henry's parents had a last minute event to go to this morning and his nanny doesn't work Sunday's. So -

"Uncle Nate said I could help decorate the tree," Henry jumped in. His eyes darted from Mackenzie to Nate, a toothy smile bright on his face.

"Well, thank goodness you're here, Henry," Mackenzie replied to him. "You'll have to help Uncle Nate with this stack of pancakes, too."

All three of them sat at Nate's small round kitchen table. To Mackenzie, the addition of Henry to their cozy December morning was just what she needed. The young boy's nonsensical stories and excited energy for Christmas was refreshing. Mackenzie loved to watch Nate interact with his nephew, asking questions during his rambles and laughing at all his little jokes. It made her heart swell up, like a glimpse into the future.

"Is that syrup oh'ganic? That's all momma lets me have," Henry looked at the glass jar of syrup on the table.

Nate couldn't help but laugh. Of course Blair instilled that in her son. "Hen, buddy. Do you know what organic means?"

Henry just shrugged and nodded as Mackenzie poured the maple syrup onto his plate.

"This is the good stuff, pal. We won't tell your mom."

Filling up the four year old boy with sugary syrup may have been a bad choice but his energy was especially helpful when it came to decorating the tree. Well, at least the bottom few feet of the tree. Henry regaled them with his Christmas dreams regarding gifts from Santa and what he wanted to leave for the reindeer. Nate let him put the star on top, holding him firmly at the waist. They all celebrated their accomplishment and eventually, Henry found the opportunity to crash on the couch.

Mackenzie was seated on the floor near the tree, continuing to sort out any extra Christmas decor she thought might be appropriate in Nate's apartment.

She gazed across the room to watch Nate as he looked outside onto his patio, eyes locked on the gentle falling snow outside. Dressed in a navy cable knit sweater and dark jeans, Mackenzie couldn't help but stare. She was so grateful to have Nate and it was in these very moments, the moments that could easily be lost in the fray, that she was reminded of how lucky she was to have him.

"Do you remember that little vintage shop we visited in Amsterdam?" Nate's question pulled Mackenzie away from the box before her. She tilted her head with a smirk.

"Do _you_ remember anything from that trip to Amsterdam?" She joked. That summer in London, on Nate's second visit, they took off to the Netherlands for a few days. It was a whirlwind trip, mainly spent exploring the city center of Amsterdam and Nate exploring his variety of marijuana related experiences.

"Cut me some slack, Humphrey. I wasn't high the entire time." He rolled his eyes with a playful smile. "Coming from the girl who threw up on the first night."

"You didn't tell me you bought edibles, Nate! It hit me too hard." She laughed with him and shook her head. "What about that shop? I think I remember it." They spent four or five days just adventuring around the city center, exploring shops and taking tours. They laughed a lot, that trip. Mainly because of their broken language barrier, though Dutch was a fun language to try and speak. Mackenzie mainly remembered it feeling carefree and disconnected. During those small trips, work and school and _who they were_ didn't matter.

All that mattered was they had each other.

Mackenzie stood up off the floor and walked over to meet Nate at the window. His smile softened as she slid up beside him. His right arm snuck around her back, finding a place to rest on her hip. She leaned into his shoulder.

"I just remember they had this wall of snow globes and for some reason, looking out on this," Nate motioned his arm out his patio doors, to the sticky snow falling, "managed to take me right back there. Somehow it feels like it was so long ago but also like we were just there yesterday."

Mackenzie hummed happily into his shoulder. That summer had been really special. She loved getting to know London, hanging out with Jenny. She had enjoyed her program at school and the miniature vacations with Nate had been the icing on top. It was nice to reminisce about the good things, the nice things, the warm things. Considering how their relationship fell to shreds after that summer.

"It'd be nice to go on a trip again," Nate continued. "God knows when we'll have time for that."

Mackenzie pulled her head back and looked up at him. "I know. Someday." She sighed. It probably wasn't the best time to bring up her potential travel plans but it made sense. "Chuck wants me to go to Australia for a few weeks in the new year."

Nate continued looking ahead and squeezed her waist. "I know. He told me."

"Really?" Mackenzie raised an eyebrow as she scanned over his face. "And you managed to keep your feelings about it to yourself all this time? Colour me shocked, Archibald."

Nate's head tilted back as he let out a chuckle. "We both know I don't want you to go. But I know it'll be important for the foundation. I don't know. I didn't bring it up because I didn't want to start an argument. I've been feeling really protective of you already so I've just been ignoring the prospect of you being on the other side of the globe."

"I don't have to go," Mackenzie replied. She truly wasn't even sure if she wanted to. The idea of being away from Nate for just one night now was daunting. How could she deal with a 16 hour time difference and 30 hour plane ride in between them, too?

"Can we talk about this after Christmas?" Nate shuffled to face her, wrapping both his arms around her back. She brought hers up to his neck and nodded.

"Yes."

Mackenzie leaned up on her toes and planted a kiss on his lips. She could feel him smiling. Before Nate could comment, a small voice came up from the couch.

"Ewwwww." The two adults turned to see Henry had stirred from his nap. The young boy was now shielding his eyes from seeing them kiss.

Nate laughed and pulled away from Mackenzie, moving to crouch beside Henry on the couch. "Oh, give it a rest, Hen." Nate reached out and ran a hand over the boy's hair. "Hey. How about we go check out the snow in the park? I bet Kenzie would love to make a snowman."

Mackenzie nodded with wide eyes. "And then we can team up against Uncle Nate in a snowball fight, too."

Nate glanced at Mackenzie, a fake look of hurt on his face. "Betrayed by my own girlfriend, wow."

Henry pulled himself up to stand on the couch, putting a hand on one of his hips. "It's okay Uncle Nate, we'll go easy on you."

* * *

Mackenzie did eventually take a day off work. Not exactly for her mental health but more so because she was tired of going back to the loft to gather her clothes. While there had been no official celebration or transition, she was suddenly _living_ with Nate. But her wardrobe was still mainly in her closet in Brooklyn.

She hadn't been back to the loft _alone_ since that night with Maya. Nate insisted on going with her every time she needed to drop by so far. It had always been quick ins and outs, she never lingered.

She was a bit anxious about being back there with only her own thoughts but at least it was midday and bright when she walked in. The shattered window had been replaced and aside from a slight colour variation in the trim, looked the same. Really, everything felt the same. It all felt very normal. As if she had never been panic crying on the couch or trying to talk Maya down from the edge.

Her appointment with Simone this week had been a real rollercoaster. It wasn't the first time Mackenzie had sobbed on her couch, of course. But she got a lot of feelings off her chest. The doctor had helped her start to unpack some of the guilt she had been feeling.

" _If you could indulge a theory for me," Simone said with a smile._

_Mackenzie hiccuped then shrugged. "You're the expert here."_

" _You feel bad for Maya still. You always did."_

" _I guess."_

" _It's not a bad thing. In fact, it speaks to a truly kind nature within you, Mackenzie. You're allowed to feel bad for her, of course. But I think you need to accept those feelings, sit with them, then let it all go. This isn't your mess or burden. It doesn't have to be, at least."_

Pulling her hair up into a ponytail and rolling up the sleeves of her sweater, Mackenzie let out a soft sigh and got to work in her bedroom. She had a dozen bins and a clothing rack from a moving company to fill. Before she started to go through her things, she scaled her hands across the shelves of records and picked one out for her afternoon soundtrack. She decided on an rereleased _Oasis_ pressing from the late 90s. Mainly because she was a sucker for Champagne Supernova and singing along always put her in a better mood. For a reason she couldn't quite figure out, this song seemed to be connected to a missing positive memory.

Not that she was in a _bad mood_. She felt pretty okay, most of the time. There was still just an air of uncertainty lingering and she couldn't pinpoint how to fix it. There was an incomplete feeling.

Unsurprisingly, as she started to dig through her closet, she was easily distracted. Tucked in the back was a few boxes from her life in Hudson. It was like a time capsule from high school. A ticket from prom night. An old friendship bracelet. Her yearbook from senior year.

In another box, she found a mess of old photos. A true timeline of the Humphrey family. Her toothless grin posing with a curly headed Dan and an overall clad Jenny. A photo of Allison painting as Mackenzie sat by her side, scribbling in a colouring book. Mackenzie in her team uniform from her days as a high school lacrosse player. Jenny wearing the first dress she had ever sewn. Dan at his high school graduation.

Mackenzie paused when she came across a photo she didn't remember - of her and Rufus. He was holding her at his side, caught in a fit of laughter. She was maybe three or four in the photograph. There was a streak of blue paint on his forehead and the colour matched the stain of Mackenzie's hand. It was a simple, innocent moment. One that Mackenzie didn't remember, of course.

It made her heart tighten.

She tucked it into a pile of things she intended to keep, letting out a long breath. She stood up to stretch and determined she needed a coffee before she tackled the rest of her closet. She padded her way to the kitchen, dragging her sock feet across the floor.

As the coffee maker started to work it's magic, there was a knock at the door. Mackenzie tilted her head in a brief panic, wondering who it might be. Only Nate knew she was spending her afternoon at the loft.

Jenny and Dan had their own codes for the lock.

She took a deep breath, contemplating whether or not opening the door was safe. She knew that was irrational but it was only fair to feel guarded. She exhaled and took a few steps over, slowly pulling the wide door open.

Her jaw dropped open slightly when she realized who it was.

Standing across the threshold of the doorframe was Rufus Humphrey, scarf wrapped around his neck, peacoat unbuttoned, suitcase sitting beside his feet. His skin was tan, his eyes soft. They both remained still for just a moment.

Mackenzie tangled her hands together anxiously, clutching the ring on her finger. "What are you doing here?"

Rufus sighed, reaching to loosen his scarf. "I was hoping we could talk."

Mackenzie hesitated, feeling her chest tighten again. Then, she swung the door open and motioned for him to come in.

* * *

_Looks like the Humphreys are finally putting everything on the table. And Nate and Mackenzie finally get to have Christmas together. It'll be smooth sailing, of course._


	22. Chapter 22

_Wake up the dawn and ask her why_

_A dreamer dreams she never dies_

_Wipe that tear away now from your eye_

* * *

_Standing across the threshold of the doorframe was Rufus Humphrey, scarf wrapped around his neck, peacoat unbuttoned, suitcase sitting beside his feet. His skin was tan, his eyes soft. They both remained still for just a moment._

_Mackenzie tangled her hands together anxiously, clutching the ring on her finger. "What are you doing here?"_

_Rufus sighed, reaching to loosen his scarf. "I was hoping we could talk."_

_Mackenzie hesitated, feeling her chest tighten again. Then, she swung the door open and motioned for him to come in._

"I just put on a pot of coffee," Mackenzie started, immediately heading in a direction away from her father. She opened a cupboard and took out a pair of mugs, hesitating for a moment before filling them. A long exhale escaped her as she turned to see him hanging up his coat, glancing around the space. "Yeah?" She lifted up a mug to him and he nodded.

Rufus watched his daughter closely from across the room. Her body language wasn't hard for him to read - she was guarded, stiff. This was unexpected, of course. He hadn't planned on ambushing her at the loft but when Nate messaged him that she was there packing, he figured this was a 'now or never' situation. And she let him in willingly. So, they had to start somewhere.

He surveyed the space - eyes lingering for just a moment on the replaced window on the far end of the wall. His eyes closed tight, trying to imagine a shattered pane and Mackenzie discussing her trauma with the police. He hated it, all of it. He hated they had let things escalate like this.

It was time to fix it.

He owed it to himself but more than anything, he owed it to Mackenzie.

"Sugar? Milk?" Mackenzie's voice caused him to turn back towards the kitchen. "I think there's a bottle of Irish Cream on the liquor shelf."

Rufus smirked. "Just sugar."

Avery stirred his mug and left it on the island for him, staying in the kitchen as she sipped her own mug. Rufus thanked her and after a quick hesitation, took a seat on one of the stools.

He sipped his coffee and looked at her. "Can I ask you something?"

Mackenzie let out a quiet sigh. "Sure."

"Do you remember that fall when your mom made the trip up here for a few weeks? Thanksgiving then she managed to stay until Christmas, save for a few day trips back to Hudson." Rufus paused, letting out a sigh himself. "Jen would have just been in ninth grade. Dan and Serena had just started to date. You were training for the lacrosse team, I think? Tenth grade?"

Mackenzie swallowed hard, placing her mug down on the counter. She tangled her hands together. "I do remember that, yeah. Mom was flip flopping on moving back for a long time. Even though she had started up _whatever_ with Alex and you guys were already legally separated, Jen really thought you two would get back together. Maybe you and mom thought that for a bit, too."

"Why didn't you come up with her? Not one weekend in that whole mess did you even visit. I know Alison asked you to. Sure, you had school and I know you were not the type to skip any classes to come to the city. But it was just a train ride away on a Friday afternoon."

Mackenzie thought back to those weird few months. She could narrow down chapters of her life between major family milestones. Rufus was describing post-divorce, pre-Alex moving in, post-Mackenzie-restarts-at-a-new-school, pre-paternity-test-revelation. In short, it was a complicated time for the Humphrey family. She had accepted her new life in Hudson, the character home with the red door, her own bedroom safe from the noise of the city. She had friends from school, extracurriculars. She didn't have to think about what her family was doing in the city. She didn't have to worry about what Jenny was up to or how she was surviving, Dan was there for her. She got to just be an only child and spend time with her mother.

But that didn't mean she was avoiding any underlying honest truths.

"Well, like you said, I was training for lacrosse. I didn't want to miss any practices."

"You know I can still tell when you're lying." Rufus smirked at her, rolling his eyes.

"Fine." Mackenzie squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. "I didn't want to come. I never really felt like I fit into this whole thing. Here." She waved her hands around the loft. "This was where you and Dan and Jen had this great thing going for you. It wasn't my home. Or mom's, for that matter." She opened her eyes and met his narrowed gaze. "Plus, if you want me to be completely honest, I knew it wasn't gonna work. There was no way mom was going to stay here. You guys weren't going to sort it out. I couldn't come here and watch you both try to sew our family back together."

Rufus just let out a dry laugh, letting his shoulders slump. "It's nice to know you had no faith in us."

"I'm sorry for being realistic about it. You know how Dan felt about it all. Like we abandoned the family. Jen was in a bit of a fog, I think." Mackenzie ran a hand through her hair, giving her dad a small sympathetic smile. "I was here for Christmas, at least." She paused, shaking her head. "Though I wish I had been here for Thanksgiving - we could have all complained about going to the tree lighting together.."

It used to be one of Mackenzie's favourite traditions - ever since she was a kid she had been so fascinated with the annual tree lighting at Rockefeller center. Though she complained about it just like Dan and Jenny, she had secretly always been so elated that they made the trip into Manhattan as a family.

"Our last Christmas as a family, the five of us," Rufus replied with a sentimental gloss in his eyes. He truly had a lot of regrets about his past - one of them was not fighting hard enough for his family. Even if he and Alison had fallen apart emotionally so many times, hadn't he owed it to his own kids to try and be better? Should he have insisted on more holidays with his estranged daughter? Should he have just swallowed his pride a long time ago?

Mackenzie remembered that Christmas well. Sharing a bed with Jenny, waking Dan up early, fighting over the bathroom. The moments of peace as they opened presents, indulged in waffles together, laughed and smiled and loved.

Until Alison opened a card from Alex and things fell apart.

She just watched as her dad nodded, as if he was trying to figure something out. Like her words were a puzzle to piece together, a game to decipher. "What makes you think about all that right now?"

Rufus stood up and let out another soft laugh. "Well, I've been spending a lot of time trying to figure out exactly where I could have tried harder to fix this." He motioned at the space between himself and Mackenzie. "Your words have been weighing on me a lot." He stood and started to wander around the loft, pausing to flip through some records on the shelving unit. "It's funny. Dan recently pointed out how absurd it was for you to even question your parentage, considering how much of _me_ is in you."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes, smiling at the idea of her brother finally having some common sense and playing both sides of their argument instead of pressuring her to be the one to fix it. "That was Dan's backwards way of telling us that we both might be too stubborn to try and fix this."

"Sure. But you're also very trusting and kind, to a point where you've been hurt by it. You always try to see the best in people, just like me. While I might kick myself for letting you lean into the stubborn thing, I'm proud you got some of my better traits, too." He paused to pull out a record then listened to the faint noise already coming from the record player across the room. "Why'd you pick that one?"

Mackenzie pushed herself away from the kitchen counter and moved to drop on the couch instead. "It reminds me of something warm and happy but it's all kind of a fog in my memory."

Rufus smirked. "Your brother went to a sleep away camp upstate when he was eight or nine. I had to drive him there to drop him off - you came with me. Do you remember that?"

Mackenzie tilted her head as she took in his words. She vaguely remembered some sort of long drive with her dad.

Rufus continued, pausing in front of the record player and moving the needle over to change the tracks. "This record was the only one I had in the tape deck." He laughed to himself.

"Wait. I do remember that. Didn't we have to go back and get him like the next day?" Mackenzie shook her head as the memories seemed to be unlocked. She remembered Rufus going on and on about the guys in Oasis - ' _Noel Gallagher is one of the best guitarists of my time' -_ singing loudly along to Champagne Supernova, placating an embarrassed Daniel with DairyQueen on the drive back to the city.

Rufus smirked, heading back towards the living room. "He said he missed Cedric."

Mackenzie smiled, pulling her legs up to sit cross legged on the couch. "Classic Dan."

Rufus dropped onto the arm chair across from her. He didn't look over towards her as he continued. "I used to think about how lucky Alison was to have you out in Hudson. And how lucky _you_ were to avoid all the drama we found ourselves in for years here. You saw what the Upper East Side did to your sister. At least I knew you were safe from it."

Mackenzie just listened as her dad rambled on. It was funny. She didn't think Rufus thought of her at all while she was away. In fact, she mainly assumed he forgot about her entirely most days. She was starting to realize just how wrong she was.

Rufus ran his hand across his jaw then let out a breath.

"You were right, you know," he started slowly. "At some point I guess I did make some unconscious decision to keep you at bay. But I want to fix this, not drive a wedge further between us."

Mackenzie thought hearing her dad admit his wrongdoings out loud would make her feel better on some level. But in actuality, it made her feel worse. "I also want to fix this." Her voice came out in a quiet mumble. "I should have told you about Maya right away. It was just.. a lot. And considering how things ended up with her, I should have handled a lot of this differently. But her claims just applied pressure to this crack in our foundation and it was easier to explore it than confront you."

Rufus pursed his lips together, swallowing the lump in his throat as her voice quivered.

"I was mad at your mom for a long time. She was mad at me, too, sometimes. I know when I decided to go on tour after Dan was born… she was unhappy. She tried to be supportive but I know that was the beginning of the end already. It led to a lot of resentment, even when I did come home for a few days at a time. And when you were born, after your mom and I had fight after fight about the tour or the guy from her studio or how she was raising you and your brother… I think I projected it onto you. And that's not fair. I guess maybe I thought I was dealing with it internally but I wasn't aware of how my actions or lack thereof might have affected you. And I am deeply, truly sorry Mack."

Rufus paused his speech and leaned forward in his chair, extending a hand out to her. "I'll never forget when you called me about that stupid paternity test. How you cried over the phone. I should have apologized to you during that moment. And a million times since then. I wish you hadn't bottled all this up over the years but I know I didn't help the cause."

Mackenzie took a deep breath and matched his pose, reaching her hand out to grab his across the coffee table. She was struggling to hold back her tears.

"I wish I could go back and do it differently, Mack. I really do." He squeezed her hand. "I have a lot of regrets about how I handled things with Dan and Jenny, too."

Seeing remorse wash across her dad's made Mackenzie feel like she was going to collapse. Hadn't this been exactly what she was waiting for after all this time? She took in a long breath, doing her best to keep her heart rate at an appropriate pace. She always thought her dad played favourites but she was starting to realize the relationship her siblings had with their dad wasn't perfect either. For years, all she could do was hold onto that overwhelming sense of resentment that Rufus cared for Dan and Jenny more than her. Of course, that was never the case. And Mackenzie had to stop being naive to the fact that her siblings struggled with Rufus over the years, too.

She could only control her own relationship with her father. And it was time to start again.

"I'm sorry, too. I wasn't always fair to you. I would sit and analyze all the things I thought you did wrong instead of realizing you did so many things for me." She closed her eyes. "I remember how you stayed beside my bed for days after the shooting, surviving on just coffee and vending machine snacks. I know you'd always ask Jen how I was doing when we lived together. I know you kept all my old report cards."

"That wasn't enough. I know that, Mackenzie."

"It was still a lot." She shook her head. "I was the one who put all the physical distance between us. When I moved to Hudson with mom or jumped across the globe or kept away in Boston for school. I know this is a two way street."

" _But I'm the dad_." There was a heavy pause. "I should have done better. I hope you can forgive me."

Mackenzie finally looked over at him, her hand still grasped in his. He had a few stray tears falling down his cheeks. She sniffled and squeezed his hand harder. "I think we are well on the path to forgiveness."

"Oh, thank God." Rufus released her hand and stood up, a smile wiping across his face. "Come here."

She took a few steps around the table and wrapped her into a hug, planting a kiss on her head.

"I'm just so sorry, Mackenzie."

"Listen, I can't promise I'll never argue with you again."

"Well, a cheetah can't change it's spots, can it?"

She just laughed and pushed away from him, wiping the tears off her cheeks. Maybe they were going to be okay.

"Just be honest with me. I've always appreciated that about you."

Mackenzie just smirked at him, rolling her eyes. "Hey, speaking of honesty. I saw Lily at a luncheon a few weeks ago - she was subtle but she was asking about how you and I were doing. What's that about?"

Rufus just shook his head, an identical smirk on his own face. "We haven't told anyone this yet but I think we're dating again."

"What? Are you serious?" Mackenzie dropped her mouth open in surprise. "What about Lisa?"

"We broke up before Thanksgiving. And William moved to Miami permanently after Lily ended things with him again."

"You know I have to tell Jenny and Eric about this right away."

* * *

Christmas morning brought a gentle snowfall to the city. It was fitting and bright and perfect.

Mackenzie and Nate weren't in a particular hurry to wake up early though they did have to get to the loft for brunch by late morning. But, considering this was the very first time they were going to have Christmas morning together, they both seemed to indulge in the slow, soft feeling of the morning. The night before, Jenny and Leo had been over for eggnog and holiday movies.

_After their guests left, Nate and Mackenzie returned to the couch and just sat together._

_Nate felt an overwhelming sense of peace with Mackenzie as they tangled up on the couch. She was stretched out with her head resting in his lap, tucked under a blanket. Nate extended one hand over the back of the couch, swirling around the remains of a glass of scotch. His other hand was on the crown of Mackenzie's head, slowly running through her hair._

" _Did you have any special Christmas traditions when you were a kid?"_

_Nate was taken back by her question. He hummed as he thought of a response, smiling as Mackenzie shifted to look up towards him. He pushed aside the stray hair that covered her forehead._

" _Christmas was one of the only times my mother went from stiff to slightly..less stiff," Nate finally spoke, finishing his thought with a dull laugh. "Especially in the early morning when it was just the three of us. Before any of the house keepers showed up or whoever my mom managed to retain on staff to cook for us that morning." He paused again, finishing off his drink and leaning to place the glass on a side table. "My dad used to wrap one gift for me and hide it somewhere in the house, leaving just a few clues on my stocking so I would hunt around and find it. I think maybe he just wanted a few minutes alone with my mom but he was always so excited to see me running back to the tree with whatever it was."_

_Mackenzie couldn't help but grin at the idea of a little Nate bounding around his house in striped pajamas and slippers, excitedly tearing open wrapping paper and sitting around the tree with his mom and dad._

" _Oh, and I always got a new video game and I got to play it all morning until we left for my uncle's house," Nate added in, tilting his head with a proud smirk._

" _Oh, right. Rich kid getting a new video game every year while those of us who lived across the bridge had to fight over Rufus' old Super Nintendo."_

" _Hey," Nate laughed at her commentary and moved his hand to sneak under the blanket and squeeze her waist. "If he still has that Nintendo - it's vintage now."_

_Mackenzie giggled and pushed his hand away, sitting up to sit beside him. She ran a hand through her hair and pushed it towards her shoulder, meeting his lips as he leaned towards her._

" _What about the Humphrey family traditions of the past?" Nate asked in return as he pulled away, welcoming Mackenzie to rest under his arm._

" _Well, dad always made breakfast waffles -_

" _Oh, surprising."_

" _Hey! They were Christmas waffles, okay? Specialty. He sprinkled them with icing sugar like snow," Mackenzie laughed, tipping her head back as she thought of her Christmas mornings growing up. "One thing I'll always remember about the holidays was the warmth of it all. One of us kids would pick out a record and then dad would cook and mom would sip her coffee as we all opened our stockings and gifts and it was just.. Together. We were together."_

_Nate squeezed her shoulder and pulled her in towards his chest, pressing kisses on her head. "Together."_

It didn't take much planning or prodding for Mackenzie's wish to come true - though it was in the middle of being packed away, everyone gathered at the loft for a late breakfast. Well, nearly everyone.

Rufus and Lily, Eric and Elliot, Serena and Dan, Mackenzie and Nate, Jenny and Leo.

The invite had been extended further to the Waldorf-Bass clan but Blair hardly hid her lack of interest in feeling sentimental about the Brooklyn loft. They, of course, had their own traditions at home with Henry anyway.

Dan stole off to his old room, sorting through his old piles of books. Lily sat happily at the island, watching Rufus work with love in her eyes. The loft was warm and happy. It was everything Mackenzie had imagined.

"So, how did the gift exchange go this morning?" Eric slid in beside Mackenzie as she was cutting up fruit in the kitchen. He reached over and grabbed a strawberry, popping it into his mouth with a smirk.

"Oh god, Eric. I felt so terrible. The look on his face when he just opened up the box to reveal just a scarf -

"It's vintage Armani! Not _just a scarf_ -

"I know. But.. he looked so disappointed."

"Or confused. It is Nate, after all."

Mackenzie laughed and nudged him in the arm. "Hey. I have had to lie to him more than once to ensure this plan works and I'm so close to breaking and telling him about it. I need your support here."

Eric brought his hand up to her shoulder and squeezed. "Fine. I will not make fun of the scarf. Now, what did he get you?"

Mackenzie dropped her knife and grumbled, turning to look across the room and narrow in on Nate. He was sitting on the couch with Serena, laughing about something or other and her annoyance melted away. He was dressed in a dark green cardigan and jeans, hair styled to look just messy enough. He met her eyes with a playful smile.

"Nate, my love?" Mackenzie matched his playful look as she drew his attention. Rufus, who was standing at the island working on the waffles, glanced between them.

"Why don't you tell the crowd what you got me for Christmas?"

Nate rolled his eyes. "Stop pretending you're mad, Mack." He leaned forward on the couch. "Fine. A new pair of Louboutins, a beautiful Ferragamo satchel she was salivating over, some jewelry, annnd -

"Nate!"

"A pair of tickets for SNL in April." He leaned back on the couch, turning to Serena with a smile. "Chris Evans is hosting but -

Mackenzie let out an excited scream and moved to look at Rufus. "Billy Joel is the musical guest."

"Wow," Rufus cracked a grin at Nate. "You know you didn't need to get her that fancy stuff if you had just led with Billy Joel."

Mackenzie grinned. "Right?"

"I mean, I'm sure he could return the purse, Kenzie," Jenny piped in from the table, where she had been cozied up beside Leo. "Or I could adopt it."

"I'll take the shoes," Serena added in, raising her eyebrows playfully at Mackenzie.

"She's just mad because she had the same idea for me and when she asked Tripp he lied to her about tickets." Nate was really proud of himself. Mackenzie didn't handle surprises well but this had all been worth it.

"Okay people, let's eat!" Rufus clapped his hands in excitement, untying the apron around his waist and motioning over towards the dining table. Many hands moved the stack of waffles, pastries, bacon, fruit, mimosa ingredients and more.

Mackenzie was warm - _so warm -_ partially because of the sheer number of people squeezed around the table but she felt like her heart was glowing as she took in the scene. She could forget about her work and anxieties, her fears and uncertainties, the pain and trauma she was leaving in the past few months and focus now on this: a hopeful future moving forward.

Dan and Jenny traded storytelling as they recalled memories of Christmas past. Serena chided Nate about some silly memory they shared at a holiday party as kids. Rufus and Lily held hands on top of the table throughout it all - smiles wide, cheeks rosy.

"Oh! Since it's Christmas and the time for sharing our feelings," Serena giggled as she took a moment to lean into Dan's side. "Dan is averse to gender reveal parties -

"What is the point? It's so arbitrary to let a colour dictate the direction your child does in. Plus -

Mackenzie held up her hand and pointed towards her brother. "Daniel, let your wife finish."

Serena shot her a sympathetic _thank you_ look. "We wanted you all to know we're having a girl!"

The table erupted in excited cheers. Lily started to cry almost immediately, pulling off her glasses to wipe her eyes.

Much to Mackenzie's dismay, her excitement for Dan and Serena seemed to fizzle out as the baby name discussion came into play. She kept a smile on her face, though didn't contribute as they talked. She felt Nate's hand on her knee, squeezing for a moment then resting there. She didn't need to look at him to know what he was feeling.

She knew exactly what he'd say, too. Explaining how Mackenzie would be a mother one day, a great mom. How they had plenty of time to have a family. He'd make some saucy comment about _getting started right away_ then he'd kiss her neck and make her giggle and everything would feel better.

But there was still a sting.

After they ate, everyone piled into the living room to exchange gifts. Although they would mostly all be seeing each other at the Van Der Woodsen penthouse for dinner that evening. They all unpacked sentimental presents - Serena tearing up at every baby related item. Rufus wrapped everything up with a heartfelt speech about family and the loft and how special it was to be in that moment with his kids and their partners with the future ahead.

* * *

The drive to the Vanderbilt family estate was beautiful and it was something Nate used to always take for granted. The snow decorated the pine trees lining the highway and he couldn't help but smile when he heard Mackenzie humming happily along to the music (her own curated winter playlist).

They had both enjoyed a slow (hungover) morning after an indulgent, joyous Christmas dinner at the Van Der Woodsen's - though Nate knew Mackenzie was still a bundle of nerves about being around _his_ family again. Even though she had managed to survive Thanksgiving, he knew Christmas celebrations always circled back to some dramatic tension with a handful of family members. He could recall many Boxing Day dinners that ended in screaming and fighting, all while his Grandma Cherry tried her best to smooth things over with carols and more wine.

"What's on your mind?" Mackenzie's voice called him away from his memories.

Nate turned his head to look at her for a brief moment before casting his eyes back towards the road. She was sitting with one leg pulled up on the seat, layers of jacket and wool accessories piled in her lap. "You, mostly."

Mackenzie blushed, shaking her head with a laugh. "Aren't you smooth."

"I like watching you with Henry," Nate continued, keeping his left hand on the steering wheel while the other reached over to rest on Mackenzie's leg. "I'm not sure how you make him laugh so much but it just.." Nate trailed off with a shrug, losing himself in the warm thoughts. "I like it."

Mackenzie swallowed her smile, letting out a slow breath. Christmas dinner had been especially light and wonderful - she spent a lot of time with Eric and Elliot, indulging Henry as they all played some nonsense card game over and over again. Henry always seemed to win and he went on and on about all the wonderful gifts Santa had brought him. It was the embodiment of Christmas as he spoke with such excitement and joy. Of course, the food and wine and pecan pie were just the cherry on top of the entire evening, too.

Mostly, the entire day had been a reflection of their whole big, messy weird family. And Mackenzie was grateful most of all for the moments she caught her dad looking so carefree and _happy._ When he snuck a kiss with Lily or sat and asked Nate about The Spectator or lectured Dan about _dad_ things. It felt like making up for lost time. It was funny - those Rufus actions would have annoyed the shit out of her a few months ago but now, it was making her heart and soul melt with contentment.

"You okay?" It was Nate pulling Mackenzie back to the SUV from her daydreams that time.

"I am." Mackenzie said honestly. "A little concerned about spending the day AND night with your family, though. It sounds like the beginning of a New York Times Bestseller thriller. One large mansion, big family, big secrets."

"You should pitch that story idea to your brother," Nate replied with a laugh, rolling his eyes. "We'll survive. I'll be by your side-

"Don't say that," Mackenzie cut him off. "I love you but the last few times you made that promise, it was not kept. May as well just be honest and remind me that your grandfather and uncle and dad are going to steal you away and I will be left with the wolves. I mean, your mother and aunts."

Nate huffed out another laugh. He was always grateful for Mackenzie's honesty. "You know, you should give yourself more credit. You are absolutely wonderful and my family is lucky to get to know you."

Mackenzie's cheeks flushed red and she squeezed Nate's hand as it rested on her leg. "Thank you for that. I will have to remind the voice in my head you said that."

"Maybe avoid getting drunk with my cousin's spouses this time?"

"Nate, us outliers have to stick together."

Nate sighed. "You act like I have a family full of villains, Mack."

Mackenzie pursed her lips together and stopped herself from returning his comment. It wasn't worth an argument especially considering Nate was well aware of the fact that his family had a tendency to be judgemental and difficult. There was no point in fighting during Christmas. They were a team and had to stick together instead.

"I will only go for the hard stuff if your mother gives me a hard time for not being a Kennedy."

Nate sighed but his lips turned into a smile. That statement felt inevitable. "Just.. signal me if you need a break, okay? We're in this together, Humphrey."

After about two hours on the road, they pulled up to an incredibly grand mansion. As they drove up the length of the driveway, Mackenzie's jaw fell when the entire estate came into view. She knew the Vanderbilts were _Old Money_ but this seemed excessive. The house stood bold ahead of them - built of perfectly curated bricks and large windows, stone statues lined the columns and there was beautiful holiday decor strung across the front. Luscious red and green florals draped the doorway and as they came to a stop at the front, Mackenzie nearly gasped when someone hurried to open her door.

Nate had forewarned her there was staff on the grounds to keep things running smoothly but Mackenzie felt perfectly capable of opening her own door.

She stuttered out a thank you to the man and hesitated to grab her bags. She had a feeling this was all going to be very hands off. Nate handed his keys over to another staff member then reached for Mackenzie's hand.

"Nate, this feels like another world," she said quietly, squeezing his hand. Suddenly, not only did she feel underdressed in her leggings and dress, but all of her felt inadequate. Thanksgiving at Nate's uncles townhouse had not prepared her for the magnitude of excess.

Nate turned and smiled at her, pausing as they reached the door. "You'll get used to it. Just remember all these people are paid - so don't feel bad if they refill your drink or take your coat, okay?"

Mackenzie was always so surprised when Nate could so easily read her mind. She nodded and returned his smile, swallowing down all the maddening insecure thoughts waving through her mind.

Nate was so polite and kind to each member of the staff they encountered and Mackenzie did appreciate how they addressed both of them by name. She resolved this was just a normal thing for Nate and she would do her best to try and get used to it, let it be a normal thing for her during these family events too. She knew she had bigger things to worry about than constantly remembering how goddamn wealthy his family was.

As soon as they stepped inside, things felt a bit better as Mackenzie received friendly greetings from Nate's family. Anne Archibald herself even gave Mackenzie a stiff hug, though the smile on the matriarch's face seemed quite forced. Just like she predicted, it didn't take long for Nate to steal away with his grandfather, Tripp and some other family. Mackenzie found a safe comfort with Tripp's girlfriend Monica as they sat in one of the formal living rooms, commenting on the excessively decorated home and snacked on hor d'oeuvres as the staff circled around.

If there was one big takeaway Mackenzie had from getting to know Nate's family it was that she was grateful for her own upbringing and looked forward to her own future family with Nate. She didn't want formal living rooms and fancy carpeting though - she wanted messy and real.

As she wandered through the house, in search of a powder room, she found herself in one of the many studies or dens or whatever extra rooms were called in a mansion. This one was decorated with old family photos, trophies and awards.

The Vanderbilts literally had their own museum and trophy room.

Mackenzie laughed to herself as she padded through the room, narrowing in on a glass display case in the corner.

"Those are my Olympic medals." A voice came from the doorway and Mackenzie turned to see Nate's grandmother walking in.

While Mackenzie had briefly met the woman at Thanksgiving, she didn't know very much about her. Nate had told her a few stories about Cherry and her effervescent attitude, but just seeing the woman dressed to the nines and nursing a small glass of sherry told Mackenzie everything she needed to know. This woman was one-of-a-kind and clearly a saint having committed to spending her life with William Vanderbilt.

And it was evident Anne took after her father, not her mother.

"Mrs. Vanderbilt, hi," Mackenzie started slowly, giving the woman a small smile. "Merry Christmas."

"Cherry, my dear," the older woman waved her hand with a smirk. "How was the drive up? I hope Nathaniel kept to the speed limit."

Mackenzie laughed nervously as Cherry met her at the display case. "It was a casual, safe, speed appropriate drive."

"You're nervous. Don't be nervous, darling!" Cherry laid her hand on Mackenzie's wrist with a laugh. "Out of all the girlfriends that have been brought to our holiday celebrations over the years, you've got nothing to worry about. I've seen how that boy looks at you, by the way." She winked at Mackenzie, grabbing her hand and guiding her to join her on one of the sofas. "I'd love to get to know you better."

The more Mackenzie talked with the family matriarch, the more at ease she managed to feel. Cherry told Mackenzie all about her time as a professional athlete - a distance runner.

"You see, in the 1950s women didn't get to do all the same events as the men. Which is bullshit, might I add. I got a medal in each category I could but never got the big ones."

"You're right, that is bullshit," Mackenzie added in with a laugh.

"Your Nathaniel, out of all my grandkids, was the only one who used to go on runs with me. All summer long, for years, he would wake up early and even though he could quickly outpace me, he stayed by my side." Cherry paused, brushing down the skirt of her dress. "Probably thought I'd keel over and die. But he stayed by my side. He's loyal like that, you know."

Mackenzie smiled at the idea of a young, bright eyed Nate running alongside his grandmother.

"Not sure what happened along the way with all those other block headed boys of mine," Cherry smirked. "I love them all. But I'm damn well not getting to know another one of Bronson's wives."

"Now, my Anne is going to give you a hard time. It's because she's fiercely loyal, too."

Ah. Mackenzie realized now this was a lesson, a warning. While she appreciated the opportunity to get to know Nate's grandmother, she was even more grateful for the advice. They continued to talk - Mackenzie explained her role at the Bass Foundation and how she wanted to shape the future of the company. She spoke positively about Nate's upcoming political career and moving in with him.

"There you are." Nate's voice carried into the room, turning the heads of Mackenzie and Cherry. He had two champagne flutes in his hand, as if he knew Mackenzie likely needed another mimosa. "Two of my favourite people together. How fitting."

"Loyal _and_ charming," Cherry commented, squeezing Mackenzie's knee before they stood.

Nate accepted a hug from his grandmother then extended his arm over Mackenzie's shoulder. "Was she regaling you about her time at the Olympics?"

"I'm telling you, dear. I would have beaten most of those men if they let me compete in their races," Cherry quipped as she led them out of the room.

"I hope your grandfather hasn't completely changed your campaign plans," Mackenzie said quietly as she and Nate paused in the room. "I'm not sure how someone as lovely as Cherry decided to stay with someone like your grandfather."

"I see you aren't holding back your feelings today, Humphrey," Nate replied, raising his eyebrows. "Grandfather and I did have a very serious talk about boundaries. If he starts prodding into our personal lives again without asking, I'm not against cutting him off completely and I'm hoping he understands that now."

Mackenzie leaned into Nate for a moment before he took her hand and guided her back towards the front of the house.

The rest of the day carried on somewhat smoothly. Afternoon drinks turned to some exchanging of gifts which rolled right into the most elegant feast of a Christmas dinner Mackenzie had ever seen. She felt mostly welcome and comfortable as time carried on, although she did realize Anne was keeping her distance. Mackenzie did her best not to worry about it. She resolved that was just how Anne was and in time, they would likely get along more cordially.

Following dinner and dessert, one of the annual family traditions was a hockey game. In the week leading up, a makeshift rink was laid out on the lawn complete with nets, painted lines and overhead outdoor lighting.

It was incredibly _extra_ but something the entire family looked forward to. It was mainly the men who played, though the women were allowed to participate if they so desired. Usually they just acted as spectators, watching from the side of the boards or inside from the back lounge windows.

Mackenzie was happy to bundle up and stand outside with Monica, cheering on their respective boyfriends as they skated along the ice. Most of the older women stayed inside, cracking open more wine as they droned on about their social lives and traded gossip about their friends.

All in all, Mackenzie was surprised with how smoothly the day had gone. Plus, with her intention to surprise Nate with his real Christmas gift before bed, she was feeling especially content and elated. Although, that all floated away when she headed into the house to refill her mug of hot cocoa. Then, things took a turn.

* * *

Nate had absolutely no worries or concerns about his relationship with Mackenzie anymore. Even though the last few months had plenty of up and downs, he knew they were in it for the long haul - whatever his future looked like, it was Mackenzie Lilas Rose Humphrey who would be at his side.

And ever since she had made amends with Rufus, he had noticed a positive shift in her. Not that this resolved her anxiety or worries, it was at least one less thing clouding up her thoughts.

Though there were still a lot of unanswered questions regarding Maya, Nate had enough peace of mind for the time being not to worry about it. He was trying to put his focus and energy into his relationship first, then his mayoral run second. With Leo taking on more responsibility at The Spectator, he knew the next year of his life could be driven towards his political endeavors.

Nate always found himself lost in his memories and reflecting on the past around the holidays. Warm Christmas mornings cut short thanks to his parents arguments, long family dinners where his only relief was stealing off to get rowdy with his cousins, showing off his potential life partners to his judgmental family. He would always be grateful for his opportunities and privilege, but it didn't make up for the strange hole in his heart.

He always felt like something real was missing and would thank whichever God would listen for letting Mackenzie enter his life.

Nate used to wish he had met Mackenzie sooner. It would have been an entirely different ballgame if she had been walking the halls at Constance with her sister, too. It was a laughable daydream though - because he knew damn well that the version of himself that existed in high school would not have been worthy of Mackenzie.

He likely would have dismissed her to continue fighting his feelings for Serena. And really, there was no way Dan would have approved of them dating as teenagers.

All that to say, he would have been an idiot not to fall in love with her if he had known her then.

Perhaps it worked out better this way.

He leaned across the boards of the pop-up hockey rink and pressed a kiss to Mackenzie's pink lips, chuckling as she cheered him on. He glided towards the middle of the ice and stopped beside Tripp, giving his cousin a friendly slap on the back.

"You really helped me nail Mack's Christmas present, man," Nate laughed, pulling on his gloves as his hockey stick leaned against his shoulder.

"It was hard to disappoint her a few weeks ago, I'll tell you that." Tripp flashed Nate a smile. "What did she end up getting you?"

Nate frowned for a brief moment. "Uhm. A scarf?"

Tripp raised an eyebrow, leaning onto his hockey stick. "A scarf?"

"Yeah."

"Just a scarf?"

Nate swallowed. "Yeah."

"I don't get it."

Nate shrugged, eyes wide as another one of his cousins started to call out for teams. "Me either, man."

_Nate had been looking forward to Christmas morning with Mackenzie for so long and it had been everything he imagined. They stayed in bed cuddling for a while then had coffee together under the tree. Mackenzie had even found a small cat stocking filled with toys and catnip for Max._

_She screamed and nearly cried with joy when he surprised her with the SNL tickets but grew incredibly worried when Nate opened his single gift box. That had a scarf in it._

_And nothing else._

_He feigned a positive reaction but was left clueless more than anything. Admittedly, he didn't need a gift from her. But the scarf felt.. weird._

_He wrote it off though - considering how busy their last few weeks had been and he knew Mack found him difficult to shop for. And that was that._

The hockey game went by in a blur. Just as the game was coming to an end - and Nate wasn't sure he could feel his toes anymore - he caught Mackenzie's eye from the side. She smiled and waved, raising up her mug and turning to head inside the house. Everyone left on the ice turned to grabbing beers and drinks from a small cooler nearby and the hockey playing turned to lazy slap shots and laughter. Nate skated to the side and found a place to sit and take off his skates.

"Nate?!"

He looked up to see one of his cousin Grace standing at the back door, shouting his name. "Yeah?" He called back.

"You might want to come in here." Grace paused and turned her head to look back inside. "Fast."

Nate rushed through pulling off his skates and finding his shoes again. He could tell something was wrong based on his cousin's tone but he wasn't sure what he was expecting. Hopefully Mackenzie was okay.

By the time he got to the door and inside the back entrance of the house, he figured it out. It was a familiar sound that was sweeping through the house from the kitchen - his mother's shrill voice trying not to yell.

Nate rushed towards the room, seeing Mackenzie standing on one side of the island with her arms crossed while his mother matched her pose on the other side. Before he could say anything, he was quickly stopped by his grandmother.

"Hold on, dear. Let her handle this one."

His aunts and cousins were crowding the entrance on the far side of the room, too. More than anything he wished they'd turn their attention away for Mackenzie's sake. He had no doubt she could handle what was unfolding but there was no need for the unwanted peanut gallery of family members.

"Anne, I'm not entirely sure why you're so set on making me feel less than because of what my parents do or where I grew up -

"Mackenzie. I have my son's best interests in mind. I have a lot of experience here and I'm not going to sugar coat how I feel. You aren't the right fit for him and I won't apologize for what I said."

"You don't get to decide who is the right fit for him." Mackenzie took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes. "And I don't think it's fair of you to continue comparing me to other people, especially Nate's exes or the Kennedy's."

"I meant it when I said even Serena Van Der Woodsen would make a more appropriate partner. Nate needs someone at his side who will support him and be there for social events, committee meetings, photo ops. I realize you think running a foundation that Chuck Bass handed you brings you some clout and experience, but you're mistaken."

"Do you even talk to your son and know what he wants?"

"I'm his _mother._ Just because he thinks he wants something doesn't mean that is what he needs. He even asked me about the family ring - which is laughable."

Mackenzie huffed. "I don't give a shit about that ring! I think you need to realize he has different priorities than what you've dreamed up. He'd never expect me to be a trophy wife -

Anne rolled her eyes. "You're far from trophy wife material, darling."

Mackenzie swallowed the lump on her throat, taking a few deep breaths. This wasn't the time for her anxiety to kick in yet her heart rate was starting to soar. Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of Nate, who was hidden behind Cherry in the doorway.

Just knowing he was there put her at ease.

"You'll have to forgive me for wanting to be in a loving relationship with your son instead of standing unhappily by his side forever. I'm not going to push my own career or goals aside and Nate supports me, too. Has that worked out for you after all this time?" Mackenzie took a step forward, shaking her head. "Just because I don't have a wealthy family or connected parents or wear a size six.. those things don't make me any less worthy of being a good partner to him."

Anne let out another quiet scream and pointed her finger. "You _broke my son's heart,_ Mackenzie! I don't give a damn about the size of your waist or who your parents are - you hurt him before and you're just going to do it again. So forgive me for having my reservations when I had to see him in pain for months after you left." Anne's eyes grew wide, as if she didn't mean to unload such an emotional response. "I will not watch him suffer like that again." She pursed her lips together, as if trying to undo her emotions. "Excuse me."

Nate could see Mackenzie's reserve faltering as Anne hurried out of the room, pushing beyond the crowd of curious bystanders. Cherry motioned for everyone else to leave the room as Nate hurried in to Mackenzie.

"Mack, I'm right here. Are you okay? What happened?" He wrapped his arms around her as she buried her head into the crook of his shoulder. She wasn't crying, which was probably a good sign but she did let out a long groan.

Mackenzie gripped onto the back of Nate's jacket and sighed. "My intention was just to come in and get a warm drink but everyone was chatting so.. I was asking your aunt Patricia about one of the boards she sits on, since the Foundation had worked with them before. And I don't even understand how it happened but I made a comment about how I didn't have any board experience. And your mother decided to bring up Serena and Lisbeth Kennedy and _Cassandra_ and it sort of just.. escalated. I don't even understand how it happened, honestly." She pulled away to look up at him. "I'm sorry but I told you - she still doesn't like me."

Nate sighed quietly. He didn't want to agree with that sentence but if he did it would feel dishonest. Hearing his mother react like that was a first for him. He had spent a lot of time with her after Mackenzie first left. Though they didn't talk directly about his breakup, Anne was still his mother and had clearly picked up on what he had been going through.

He and Mackenzie had already climbed out of that mess, though. They had shared enough apologies and remorse to last a lifetime and were moving forward together. Nate just never imagined his mother was holding onto some resentment about it, too.

Nate wasn't sure what to say. "I'm sorry for not intervening sooner."

Mackenzie sighed. "No, don't be. It's better your mom let it all out now instead of impaling me with a steak knife or something."

"I'd rather you not be the victim to the thriller that unfolds in this house." A smile grew on Nate's face. "C'mon, let's take a walk."

Hand in hand, Nate and Mackenzie walked through the large garden on the west side of the property down towards the frozen lake. He assured her that the blowout in the kitchen would be soon forgotten and shared stories with her about past fights that had unfolded.

Mackenzie assumed he was trying to make her feel better but it didn't really work.

"Mack." Nate paused to grab her empty hand as they stopped near the dock. "Look at me."

Mackenzie sighed and met his eyes. They were warm. They were Nate.

He squeezed her hands. "She'll come around."

"Whenever I think of our breakup, it's this messy fog of my own emotions. Not that I didn't think about what _you_ were going through but it was easier to just assume I was the only one in pain." Mackenzie shook her head. "I never wanted to hurt you like that."

"I know that, Mack. Trust me when I say I know that. We were both hurting and I'm not sitting here feeling resentful because of it. I'm glad we took this second chance instead and don't have to worry about that." Nate paused and the corners of his lips grew into a grin. "Also, my mom is a terrible example of a loving wife. Considering how often she hurt my dad to save face. When I was in high school, she blamed his drug problem on me because she didn't want to accept the fact that her marriage was in trouble and her reputation was in jeopardy." He huffed out a laugh. "Figured she had grown from that by now."

"I just.." Mackenzie took a deep breath. "I want to stand here and promise I'll never hurt you again. But that might not be possible."

Nate dropped her hands and pulled her into a hug. "Please stop treating yourself like the bad guy. I've hurt you too. I think as long as we both stay honest and open, we'll make it through. So don't take my mother's outburst to heart."

"Cherry did tell me you get your unyielding loyalty from your mother. I guess that can't be a bad thing."

Mackenzie could feel Nate's laughter as it rumbled through his chest. It helped melt away her concerns about Anne Archibald, even for just a few moments. She just sighed into him, holding on a little tighter and wishing their embrace would last forever.

"Were you serious about the ring, though?" Nate asked quietly.

Now it was Mackenzie's turn to laugh. "I love you, Nate. And if you want to propose with that ring one day, I would gladly accept. But it's a bit much for me. The entire time your mom was screeching at me, all I could think about was how much it would hurt if she punched me with that rock on her finger."

Nate tipped his head back as he laughed, shifting to leave one arm around her shoulder as they headed back towards the house. "Good to know, Humphrey."

* * *

Luckily, the rest of the evening went by without any further arguments or yelling. Not from Nate's leg of the family, at least. Nate and Mackenzie crashed in one of the rooms of the guest house - which Mackenzie made a point to note was still bigger than most people's homes - and lingered in bed again.

Mackenzie was mainly avoiding having to see Anne. But, she was equally eager to be awake and finally get to execute the rest of her plan for Nate's Christmas gift.

She propped herself up on one elbow as she watched Nate stir awake. The bright light from the morning sun reflecting off the snow made him look so beautiful, Mackenzie nearly dropped her jaw open when he smiled at her.

"Morning," Nate said slowly, pushing himself up to press a kiss against her lips. "What's got you so awake already?"

Mackenzie clapped her hands together as she sat up, covering her bare legs with the bedsheet. "I just want to make sure we're back in the city by mid afternoon today."

Nate laughed and sat up, leaning against the headboard. "Okay. Sure. Why?"

Mackenzie swallowed her excitement for a moment and narrowed her gaze at him. "Did you like your Christmas gift?"

Nate raised an eyebrow. "The scarf? Yeah. Of course. It's really nice."

"Nate," Mackenzie laughed. "You know you're a bad liar, right?"

"Mack, I'll always love and appreciate any gift you get me." He reached to grab her hand, bringing it up to kiss the back. "I could always use an extra scarf."

"Well, then don't forget it when we're packing this afternoon."

"Packing?" Nate glanced across the bedroom where their shared overnight bag was sitting. "What do you mean?"

Mackenzie grinned. "We fly out of JFK at nine tonight."

"What? Wait. What are you talking about?"

"I cleared your schedule with Leo and Ken and your housekeeper is going to watch Max and -

"What? Where are we going?"

"C'mon. You really think all I got you for Christmas was a scarf? I'm a woman with a plan." She smiled and moved up on the bed to kneel beside him. "This was technically your idea, actually. When we decorated the tree and you brought up that shop in Amsterdam.. well, I rented an apartment there for a week. We'll fly home after New Years."

Nate's face lit up. "Are you serious?"

Mackenzie nodded excitedly. "What do you say, Archibald? Wanna get away with me?"

Nate moves quickly, hands finding Mackenzie's waist and pulling her down to lay flat under him. He kissed her, deeply. When he pulled away, they each had matching smiles on their faces.

"I'll take that as a yes."

* * *

_Well, what kind of beautiful shenanigans can these two get up to in Europe? Something romantic, probably. And the New Year will bring some busy schedules and serious decisions for our golden couple..._


	23. Chapter 23

_Despite his life experience, Nate hadn't been to a lot of funerals. Real funerals._

_He had gone to Chuck's mother's funeral. But Nate was young and didn't really understand it. He knew Chuck was sad and that made Nate sad, too. Then there was the funeral when his own grandpa passed away. Nate sat in a sharp, pressed suit and watched his own father give the eulogy, fighting back tears._

_Then there was Bart Bass' first funeral. Once the disappearing act stopped and the man was alive, though it was short lived, that funeral didn't feel real anymore._

_But the funeral of Alison Humphrey - that hit Nate in an entirely different way. Mostly because it felt very real. Even though everything happened so quickly, Serena had kept Nate updated when Dan was consumed by it. It was a whirlwind - one day Alison was fine and not even two weeks later, they were at her funeral._

_The worst part of it all was the confusing layers of feeling Nate had. Remorse and grief, first. His relationship with Alison hadn't been very complicated or deep, but he did have fond memories of spending time with her during his relationship with Mackenzie._

_Mackenzie.. She had been on his mind constantly, too. The grief he felt turned to guilt when something in his heart rippled when he realized she would be on her way home to say goodbye to her mother. He hadn't seen her since the previous summer and they hadn't talked since their last phone call - the break up phone call._

_It was a day or two after the funeral when Nate let himself deal with some of his feelings. Serena met him for a drink - needing an escape from the loft for an hour or two._

_Nate was already on his third old-fashioned when she showed up._

_Serena looked exhausted. Like, really exhausted. Nate had seen Serena at a lot of different stages of her life but this was different - her tiredness seemed deeper, like it seeped into her bones._

" _I don't know how to do this, Nate." Serena confided her fears and insecurities about her inability to support Dan. She was way out of her league. He had lost a parent - his mother, his lifegiver._

" _You just need to be there for him. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to, Serena." Nate was being honest. But, he was biting back what he really wanted to ask. "How.. how's Mack - Mackenzie? How's she doing?"_

_Serena's lips twitched into a small smile. "You can reach out and ask her that, you know."_

_Nate huffed out a dry laugh, slowly moving his tongue across the rim of his rocks glass. "I don't think I can. She didn't seem very happy to see me at the funeral."_

" _That's because she was at her mom's funeral, Nate. I'm not sure her or Dan or Jenny knew how to react to the receiving line of guests." Serena sighed, rubbing her temples. "It's a lot. Mack is trying to support Rufus from a distance. And Alex. And her brother and sister. But.. she'd probably like to hear from you."_

_Nate's lips pressed into a hard line and he reached into the pocket of his jacket. "I'm not sure what compelled me to ask for this.. My dad was excited. My mom.. Well.." He raised his hand and showed Serena the small velvet box he was clutching. "Mack and I.. we screwed it all up last year. But all I can do is think about.. this."_

Nate hadn't been to Amsterdam in years, since his little trip with Mackenzie a few summers ago. Before that, he had gone once with Chuck during some extended overseas boys weekend. But he had much better memories of his trip with Mackenzie.

Amsterdam in the summer had been hot, hot, hot. They spent a lot of their time hiding out in bars and museums and "coffee shops" during the day and just galavanting around the city once the sun was setting.

Winter in Amsterdam though was a change of pace. It was just as cold as New York City but much more bearable somehow. Perhaps it was the fact that they were across the ocean and plenty distant from their lives back home. Mackenzie had secured them a beautiful apartment rental for the week - a roomy penthouse unit with a kitchenette and balcony that overlooked the river and east docks, just a few minutes from the train station.

The bedroom only had a double bed, which was cozy but the floor to ceiling windows made up for the overlapping limbs while they slept. The first day, they promptly napped then fell asleep hard, waking up to the sprinkling bright lights of the city. It woke Mackenzie right up as she walked out onto the small balcony, filling her lungs with the crisp evening air. There was plenty of snow covering the city scape already and even though it was the middle of the holidays, there was still energy radiating up from the streets below.

As Mackenzie leaned against the balcony railing, she felt a set of hands snake around her waist. The weight of Nate felt warm against her back and she hummed in approval as he rested his head on her shoulder. "Well, Humphrey. What do you say? Wanna go grab a beer?"

Mackenzie couldn't help but let out a quiet giggle as he nuzzled against her. "I can't wait to hear you butcher the Dutch language."

"Hey," Nate replied, a fake offended tone lacing his voice. "Beer is _bier._ And coffeeshop is _coffeeshop._ All I ever needed before was beer and maybe an edible. Oh, and the Red Light District is self explanatory, I think."

Mackenzie twisted in his arms, turning to face him, eyebrows raised. "Let's just start with a beer."

* * *

Their second day was spent museum hopping around the city. Although Nate wasn't crazy about the idea, one pleading pout from his girlfriend convinced him it was the _only_ way he wanted to spend a wintery day. Admittedly, he was trying to remind himself to focus and work on appreciating their time together regardless of location. With the new year approaching, life was going to come at them quicker than they anticipated. So, if he had to listen to Mackenzie ramble on and on about certain art pieces she liked, he decided he would be happy to do so.

Nate stayed a few paces behind her at one of the art museums. He liked to watch her movements - talking to herself about brush strokes or colours, trying to read the Dutch version of the little information tag. Her plum peacoat was damp, snow melting away from her shoulders. She had pulled off her beanie, letting her frizzy and wet hair dry off in the sticky heat inside. Her voice cracked through his daydream, calling his name to join her at one of the paintings ahead.

Nate greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, turning to look at the piece of art she was gazing at. It was a large, vast field of flowers. In soft pink and purple hues under a blue sky. He narrowed his eyes, trying to appreciate the details like she was. "This is nice."

Mackenzie flicked her eyes towards him, lips curling into a smile. "Yes, babe. Most critics would also describe the most famous Dutch landscape artist's work as _nice."_

Nate rolled his eyes and took her hand in his, squeezing hard. "Hey. Why don't you take the time to educate me instead of layering on the sarcasm?"

"Why can't I do both?" Mackenzie quipped back, momentarily leaning her head onto his shoulder. She offered a sincere apology for her sass then dove right into a lesson about Jan Van Goyen - whether or not Nate meant it, she was going to teach him anyway.

Nate didn't mind. In fact, he was mesmerized. Despite the background knowledge that _of course_ Mackenzie must be well versed on a lot of different art styles, considering her mother was an artist, he was almost surprised by the facts she touted. He loved how Mackenzie's brain worked and always commended her passion towards mathematics and financials. But he forgot about the rest of it - this side of her that could help fill in the blanks about her passions. She loved music and art just as much as the other Humphrey family members, though she didn't express it as boldly.

"He notoriously painted on thin pieces of oak," she finished up, pulling Nate along to the next piece of art.

Nate reached his hand out towards the painting and Mackenzie gasped, pulling him back. "Nate, you can't touch 400 year old paintings!" She just laughed at his confused reaction, eyes darting around the room for any staff who might have seen his near indiscretion.

Her giggles carried on as they moved around the rest of the exhibit. With every fact and description Mackenzie shared, Nate followed up with something nonsensical he made up to go along.

"This landscape was inspired by the tulip fields in the winter," she said, pointing towards a wide snowy scene.

"I actually think this is based on the planet Hoth, from Star Wars."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes _a lot_ in that museum.

* * *

Nate really wanted to go skating on the canals. That was his only request for the trip - aside from the obvious freedom of maybe smoking a bit. Now, Mackenzie wasn't going to dissuade him from the idea of skating but she was anxious about it. She didn't trust the ice.

"Mack, we've seen tons of people skating the last few days. It's been very cold so the ice is probably pretty thick." Nate reached over and tugged on her hat, nearly shielding her eyes. He pressed a kiss on her lips and grabbed her hand, heading towards the skate rental shack.

Luckily, they hadn't experienced many language barriers thus far. After butchering some Dutch phrases, they quickly realized most people spoke English well enough to communicate with them.

When Mackenzie spilled out her anxieties about the ice, the kindly older man handing her a pair of skates smiled warmly. "You will be fine, miss. Just hold on tight to your husband." The man winked at her and she stifled her laughter as Nate paid.

She didn't bother correcting him about their relationship status, either.

As they skated down the very frozen, very safe canals, Mackenzie finally relaxed enough to appreciate the moment. Nate was gliding around her in circles, hurrying up ahead and coming back as she moved at her own pace. He took her gloved hand in his eventually and they skated together.

She lost him for a few moments, as they skated around a crowd of people. Mackenzie didn't even realize she was suddenly alone until she felt a set of hands on her waist, causing a loud yelp to escape her lips. She nearly lost her balance but the hands steadied her with Nate's laughter flowing through her ears. She mumbled an irritated response as she slowed, pointing her toes to stop her movement.

"Sorry," Nate said quickly, adjusting to loop his arm around her waist and extend his arm out ahead of them, phone in hand. "I want a picture."

"What? Right now? My face is all red and my hair is a mess and -

"Yeah, right now. I want to remember this exact moment, Mack." Nate's tone implied it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Plus, I think your red nose is adorable."

Mackenzie let out an over dramatic sigh, but leaned in so her face was pressed just closer to his. Nate framed them in his camera lens and snapped a few photos, letting out a surprised laugh as she turned to kiss his cheek for the last one.

"C'mon, let's keep going. We're losing daylight here." Mackenzie squeezed his hand and tugged him along as she started to move again.

Funny. She didn't feel cold at all.

* * *

They slept in on New Year's Eve.

It hadn't been entirely intentional - Mackenzie _wanted_ to check out a few vintage shops across the city and their plan had been to wake up early and rent bikes and venture out after breakfast. But, their evening before had gotten a bit out of hand. Their intention hadn't been to get as inebriated as they had but one extra beer at the pub after dinner turned into three and the walk back to their rental detoured directly through the Red Light District.

Now, Mackenzie certainly didn't consider herself a prude or closed-minded person, but the stark reality of what that area of the city offered was initially a bit jarring. But a friendly teasing tone from Nate led to them buying last minute tickets to a show at the Moulin Rouge. Luckily the tickets came with drink tokens which helped keep Mackenzie's anxiety at bay.

The show was a bit classier than she had imagined going in and she mainly had a good time. When they left it was well after midnight and Nate had insisted they make a stop at a _coffeeshop_ on the way back. Mackenzie opposed any actual weed smoking for herself but Nate opted to purchase a little 'space cake' for them to split instead.

It probably wasn't their brightest decision.

Which is why they were rolling out of bed well into the afternoon. Well, Mackenzie was at least. She dragged her feet and made her way to the small kitchen, turning on the coffee maker and resting against the counter. She felt incredibly groggy and out of it. As she was pouring out two mugs of coffee, she heard another set of footsteps come towards the room.

Nate was incredibly dishevelled yet somehow, in some irritating way, Mackenzie felt he still looked so good. Even after keeping her awake with his nonsense questions into the early morning, she was happy to see him alive and sort-of well.

Nate dropped down onto one of the stools at the kitchen island, letting out a long groan and laying his head down onto the marble countertop. "Am I getting too old for this?"

Mackenzie couldn't help but laugh, sliding one of the mugs across towards him. "Yes, you are, Old Man Archibald." He gratefully accepted the coffee, lifting up his head and running a hand through his messy hair.

"Maybe splitting that entire edible was a bad idea," he said slowly, pulling his lips up into a smirk.

"I mean, that shop keeper did warn us. I think. My brain is a bit fuzzy about it all, honestly." Mackenzie planted herself onto the stool beside him, taking a sip of coffee before leaning her head onto his shoulder. "I suppose this will make for a fun story some day."

Following breakfast, they wound up back in bed, which admittedly, Mackenzie really didn't mind. She argued that they were on vacation and they had every right to spend their day horizontal if that was what they preferred. She didn't mind skipping the vintage shops if it meant an entire day doing nothing with Nate.

She could do nothing with him for the rest of her life and she wouldn't mind.

Although, it really wasn't _nothing._

There was a lot of _something_ going on under the sheets. Despite the groggy feeling they both woke up with, after some coffee they seemed to find a lot of energy. Suddenly, the undersized bed became a soft playground where the only thing that seemed to matter was skin on skin contact. As they took a moment to catch their breath and discuss their plans for the evening - perhaps finding a bar or pub to ring in the New Year - Mackenzie rested her head against Nate's chest.

If there was a moment she could always come back to, it was one like this. Just the two of them against the rest of the world, consumed by their own happiness and good feelings. It felt all consuming and fleeting all at once.

If the last few months had proved anything to both Nate and Mackenzie, it was that this was the most valuable thing: spending time with each other. Growing and learning and being together. That was the most important part, the foundation of their relationship and the ever pressing reminder they needed: this bond was all they needed. If they had each other, they could conquer whatever life decided to throw at them.

* * *

_Mackenzie was crying again. The entire last week it felt like every spare moment she had - she was crying. She supposed that was allowed - she was grieving her dead mother, after all. At least this time, she was sobbing into Nate's chest._

_All she could think about was how in 24 hours she would be back in London and this soft, safe space would be a pleasant, confusing memory._

_It all felt very purposeful - the way Nate laid kisses against her skin when they had sex, as if he wanted to commit her to memory again. And now, as she broke down in his arms in the middle of the night, he cradled her head like he never wanted to let her go._

_She took a few deep breaths and gripped his torso. Maybe sleep would finally find her. She felt Nate press a kiss to the top of her head. "Thank you." It wasn't entirely clear what she was expressing gratitude for - the comfort, the orgasms, the familiarity, the escape._

_Nate didn't respond. Instead, he traced his fingers gently across her back._

_She sighed. "I won't ask you to wait." ...for me. For us. For this._

_Nate stilled and kissed her head once more. "I won't ask you to stay."_

* * *

Despite the fact that they were on vacation and only planning on going to a few bars to celebrate New Years Eve, Mackenzie insisted on dressing up a little bit. Nate didn't bother - he hadn't packed anything more formal than a dress shirt and matching slacks - but did appreciate seeing Mack put together for an evening out.

Dressed in a shimmery black dress and tights, she finished the look off with a black leather blazer and a pair of heeled boots. While the weather wasn't entirely warm, it was mild enough to go without a hat and mitts, at least. She was hopeful that they would be at least a little bit drunk by the end of the evening so the cool walk home wouldn't bother her much.

She fixed her dark red lipstick delicately before brushing her hair over her shoulders. Nate was watching her from the doorway of the small bathroom, leaning on the doorframe with a smirk. "Maybe we should just stay in?"

Mackenzie met his gaze in the mirror and matched his smile. "Nope. I have already talked myself up for going out where the people are, so we are committing, Archibald." She turned on her heel and met him at the door, raising a hand up to caress his cheek. "This is probably our last opportunity for a night out together so we may as well make the most of it." He huffed a quiet laugh in agreement, accepting a kiss on his cheek as she moved towards the door.

Nate was constantly reminded why he loved Mackenzie over the course of their trip. The way she lit up when she was engaged in something exciting, spilling out some passionate response and rambling on about things she wanted to know more about. She was effortlessly curious and kind as they battled a language barrier. Despite her mounting anxiety over crowds and the unknown, she faced those small battles with both trepidation and confidence and always expressed her gratitude to Nate for being _there_.

Normally, he imagined a crowded cocktail bar in the middle of the city, near the very busy Leidseplein Square, was not her cup of tea. But there was something about this relaxed, 'we're on vacation!' version of his girlfriend that was warming his heart. He gripped her palm as they navigated through the bar, snagging a small booth near the far wall. The place was buzzing but not too loud, accented by an ambient background playlist and bright purple accent lighting throughout.

A waitress came by and took their order, quickly returning with a pair of fancy cocktails. Mackenzie and Nate clinked their glasses and simply indulged in each other's company, probably sitting too closely to be appropriate but for some reason it was as if they couldn't get enough of each other.

"What do you think we'd be doing if we were in Manhattan tonight instead?" Mackenzie asked, slowly stirring her glass with the straw. Nate returned a small shrug, stretching an arm out over her shoulder.

"I think Chuck and Blair wanted to have a party tonight," he replied, tilting his head to recall those plans that long ago disappeared.

"Great. So we would have stayed in and watched the fireworks from your balcony, then?" Mackenzie smirked as Nate nodded in agreement. After another drink, they left the bar and headed back out towards the busy square. There was a sea of lit up tents and booths, a variety of buskers and even further away some people were already setting off small fireworks in the street.

They roamed through the big crowd, sometimes stopping to listen to the music or watch an artist work. They split up momentarily, with Nate lining up to grab them some famous Dutch donut treat everyone seemed to be enjoying while Mackenzie stopped by an information booth being led by some tourist groups.

When Nate had acquired the bag of fresh treats, he made his way towards where Mackenzie was. She was in the middle of a conversation with some guy working at the booth and a strange feeling waved through Nate as he watched them. Perhaps he was overthinking it, but based on physical presence alone, the guy was definitely flirting with Mackenzie. It was his body language that bothered Nate the most - he kept moving closer towards her, not breaking eye contact or dropping his smarmy smile even as someone else asked him a question, and at one point he even reached out and touched her arm.

Nate was trying not to overreact or feel like a _stupid, jealous boyfriend_ but he did not appreciate how this guy was acting. As he approached, even the tone of this guy's voice and his choice of language was irritating Nate.

"It's about a 6 kilometer walk but even a few of the sections on the West banks are incredible. It's just a few minutes this way - I could show you, if you'd like."

Nate tried not to roll his eyes when he stopped at Mackenzie's side. The guy didn't even acknowledge Nate's presence.

"Hey," Mackenzie said with a smile to Nate, turning her head to look at him. "Eddie was just telling me about this huge art installation around the city that's on display tonight. It's like a tour of lights."

Nate forced a smile on his face. "That sounds cool. We should check it out."

This Eddie guy reached out and placed his hand on Mackenzie's arm _again_. "If you circle back by midnight, a bunch of us are going to Belushi's to ring in the New Year."

Nate nearly swore out loud. "Cool. Sounds great, Teddy. We'll consider it." Nate was quick to finish off the entire interaction, reaching out his hand to grab Mackenzie's and leading her away from the information booth.

Mackenzie followed along but pulled him to stop a few moments later. "Uhm, Nate. That was rude."

Nate laughed. " _Uhm, Mack._ That dude was hitting on you." He reached into the bag of warm donuts and grabbed one, taking a bite. He offered the bag to her.

Mackenzie just crossed her arms. "He was not hitting on me." She shook her head. "People don't hit on me." She truly wasn't trying to be naive and she knew Nate knew that. Of course Mackenzie knew she was _attractive._ Conventionally, she had great proportions and somewhat appealing features. But between her and Nate, he was certainly the one who garnered more attention. The idea that Nate was so bothered by some guy talking to her was laughable.

Nate nearly choked on his donut. "Mack - have you seen you? Especially in that lipstick.. When you smile or laugh.. Trust me, that guy definitely was flirting."

Mackenzie was holding back her laughter as Nate rambled on. It was especially hard to take him seriously when there was powdered sugar decorating his jaw. She closed in the space between them and reached up to brush the white remnants off his face. "You're cute when you're jealous."

Nate scoffed. "I'm not.." He sighed and relaxed into a smile. There was no point in arguing. He supposed jealousy is what had surged through him.. "I'd like to be the one making you laugh and smile, okay?"

Mackenzie just sighed and reached for the bag of donuts, carefully retrieving one of the treats and taking a bite. "You're cute when you're soft, too."

"Give me a break, Humphrey," Nate rolled his eyes but they were sparkling, somehow. He took her hand and led them out of the busy square. "What direction was that light thing in?"

* * *

" _Nate," she said his name quietly, "Nathaniel Fitzwilliam Archibald." She grabbed her drink and finished it in one quick gulp. She giggled as she said Fitzwilliam._

" _Are you making fun of my name, Humphrey?" He leaned in close to her again. She looked into his eyes. They were so soft, to her._

" _Thank you," she said quietly, still. "For everything you do for me. I'm sorry I'm hard to love."_

_He reached his hands up and cradled her face, "Shhh. No. Macroeconomics is hard. Loving you is the easiest thing, the best thing, I get to do."_

* * *

They got back to the apartment late. Well beyond the exciting turn of midnight and the new year. For the official switch over to January 1, they had been in the middle of strolling down a quiet street. As they crossed over a canal, cheers sounded out everywhere and fireworks rained overhead. They shared a kiss under the glowing sky as bright purples and blues and pinks erupted throughout above them.

By the time they had made it back to their apartment, the fireworks still hadn't ceased. Mackenzie, who was certainly comfortably buzzed thanks to a bottle of champagne they shared after walking through the light tour, walked out onto the balcony, draping a blanket over her shoulders and resting against the ledge.

She couldn't believe it was already past midnight. She couldn't believe their entire trip was almost over. They flew home really early on the second and suddenly the daunting idea of returning to real life was crawling to the front of Mackenzie's mind.

After a long inhale, she closed her eyes and decided it wasn't worth thinking about life back at home just yet. She and Nate deserved to be suspended in time a little bit longer.

Out across the city landscape, the sounds faded away. There was distant cheering and more exploding fireworks but everything felt comfortably dull. The sky was unusually light for how late it was, but Mackenzie didn't mind.

There was something especially beautiful in the quiet of the night. The lights of the city were suddenly far, far away and there was something different in the air.

Mackenzie wasn't quite sure what the feeling was. It wasn't like she was anxious but a surge of anticipation hit her like a strike of lightning. She turned to look back into the apartment, squinting to try and find Nate. He hadn't followed her out onto the balcony, muttering something about using the bathroom.

"Nate?" Her voice wasn't very loud as she called out for him but she heard his footsteps again, at least. When he came into view, Mackenzie relaxed. There was something about just being in his presence that made her feel better.

Not that she felt bad but there was certainly something making her stomach stir. He joined her on the balcony, having changed out of his button up into a t-shirt and cardigan.

"Do you remember our first New Years together?" Nate asked quietly, standing beside her and matching her pose as he looked out towards the city.

"I do," Mackenzie replied with a smirk. "That stupid party with that band my dad was working with. And you finally kissed me in front of everyone and Dan freaked out but it made this very real." She let out a long exhale as Nate draped his arm over her shoulder. "And look how far we've come now."

"I remember punching the stupid singer of that band," Nate added in.

"I do appreciate how you defended my honour that night." Mackenzie laughed. "I think I knew then." Her laughter stopped and she sobered up, turning to look at Nate directly. "I think I knew it had to be you. That you're the person I'm supposed to end up with. I wish I hadn't-

"Hold on." Nate slid his tongue across his lip, a brief look of panic crossing his face. "I need to.." He turned and headed back into the apartment again.

Mackenzie sighed. "It's not like I was about to pour my heart out or anything, Archibald!" She dropped the blanket from her shoulders and turned back towards the city. A crackling of fireworks went off beyond the harbour, littering the sky with falling stars.

The quiet returned.

Mackenzie didn't hear Nate return to the balcony doors. He had stepped carefully and quietly, frozen with anticipation as he watched her. Though she was just standing there, her hair blowing gently in the cool air, he felt overwhelmed.

Mackenzie Humphrey was someone he didn't anticipate. Growing up, his dreams and desires and the picture of his future had changed a lot. What he hoped for now looked very different than before. He didn't regret every single step he had taken before he met Mackenzie, though. Each moment in time, each decision had led him to this very moment.

Behind his back, gripped in the palm of his hand was a ring box. It was velvety underneath his fingers, though the longer he waited the more clammy his hands felt.

"I think I knew before New Years.." Nate started, drawing Mackenzie's attention again. She turned and looked at him, a soft, dopey smile on her face.

"Oh yeah?" Mackenzie countered with a smirk. "Don't tell me - you knew the moment you met me at the loft and scared the shit out of me. Is that what you're going to say? You met Dan's erratic sister and thought 'Wow, she's the one for me'?" She closed her eyes and laughed at the memory.

She lost herself in thought as she recalled that moment. It felt so long ago yet she could picture it like it was yesterday.

"Okay, maybe I didn't know it that very moment but something changed that day," Nate replied quietly. He took a step forward, holding back his smile as he looked at her.

When Mackenzie opened her eyes again, she felt like time slowed down. The entire world paused as she watched Nate bending down onto one knee.

"Nate.." Her voice came out like a whisper when her brain started to catch up to her.

"Mackenzie Lilas R-

"Nate!"

Nate grinned as he looked up at her, carrying on despite the interruptions. She was unravelling but he couldn't stop now. "Mackenzie Lilas Rose Humphrey - I knew a long time ago that it had to be you. _You_ are the one who I'm supposed to be with. I know our relationship has seen some up and downs and distance and we only got back together a few months ago but I've never stopped loving you. Not for one second.." He took a deep breath. "Loving you is the easiest thing - the best thing - I get to do." Though his hand felt like it was shaking, he pressed on, pushing it forward and popping open the hinge of the box. "So, I would love to do it for the rest of our lives. Mack, will you marry me?"

Mackenzie wasn't sure if she could formulate a full sentence as she took in what was unfolding in front of her. She hoped she was nodding or smiling or something! But her brain seemed to be malfunctioning.

_Is Nate really proposing right now? Is this happening? Am I smiling? Am I saying anything? Oh my god, Mackenzie say something. Look at that ring - oh my god that ring. He wants to marry me? And be my husband? Forever? Is this -_

"Mack?"

Finally, she willed herself to move. "Yes! Oh my god, yes." Without even a second thought she propelled herself forward and found herself down on the ground, throwing her arms around him. The entire thing was very ungraceful and potentially dangerous but she didn't care. She could feel Nate laughing underneath her.

She pushed herself up onto her hands and grinned, meeting his lips with hers. "Sorry for tackling you."

"That's okay," he replied, still laughing. "Do you want to see the ring or should I just -

"Oh, right. Yes?" She pulled away and sat between his legs, resting on her knees. Nate adjusted as he sat up, moving his hand to grab the ring from the box. He grabbed Mackenzie's left hand and slid the shining ring onto her ring finger, then pulled her hand up to press a kiss against it.

She gasped as she glanced down, taking in the sparkling diamonds that were shining on her hand. It was simple - just a circle cut diamond, planked by two smaller triangle diamonds finished off on a white gold band. Though she would have accepted anything from Nate - including the stupid family ring - this was better than anything she could have ever imagined.

"It's so beautiful, Nate." She reached to cradle his face, closing in their space to kiss him again. "You really want to marry me? Even though I like to argue and I'm dramatic and anxious and -"

Nate cut her off with another kiss. "Til death do us part, Humphrey."

* * *

Most of Amsterdam was shut down on New Years Day but Nate and Mackenzie didn't mind staying in bed for the day. They found some old sitcom reruns to watch and snacked on whatever food they had left in the apartment. They didn't even really get dressed - Mack was still in a big tshirt and some pajama shorts while Nate was in a pair of sweats and one of his big cardigans.

Mackenzie spent a lot of the day distracted by the new piece of jewelry on her hand. They traded ideas about what a wedding might look like for them, deciding only on the fact that a summer wedding was best. Likely not this upcoming summer, since Nate was going to be in full campaign mode, but next summer instead. Mackenzie considered that left them plenty of time to plan but the entire idea seemed daunting suddenly.

Nate Archibald, Vanderbilt family heir, had a big reputation and she worried their wedding had a lot to live up to.

Mackenzie was sitting up in the bed, resting against the headboard while Nate laid his head against her lap. She ran her fingers through his dishevelled brunette locks, smiling every time he hummed happily at her touch.

"This is such a stupid old fashioned thing but did you ask my dad? About marrying me?" Mackenzie asked quietly. Truthfully, it didn't matter. And it really was an archaic thing. Nate didn't need Rufus' permission to marry his daughter and he knew Mackenzie didn't need her father's approval, either.

Nate rotated and looked up towards her. "Of course I did. I talked to him after Christmas dinner. He had nothing to protest and he even hugged me."

"Rufus has really taken to hugging lately, hasn't he?" Mackenzie laughed along as Nate told her about their conversation.

"I told Jenny and Dan, too. Surprisingly, it was Jenny who seemed the most apprehensive. She gave me a thorough warning about taking care of you and treating you properly."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes but she was still laughing. "And to think I consider myself to be the dramatic sibling."

"Hey, they just care about you. About us. It's nice."

She nodded in agreement. "It is nice." Mackenzie took in a deep breath. "Speaking of nice.. Should we talk about your mother and how she probably feels about this?"

Nate sighed, pulling himself up to sit beside Mackenzie. He took her right hand in his left, squeezing hard. "After what happened at Christmas, I'm sure the Captain sat her down and had a big discussion. She'll come around."

Mackenzie pursed her lips. "I don't think I have anything to apologize to your mother for but it feels like she's going to hold this grudge against me forever. I know people don't get along with their in-laws but the last thing I want is for her to just resent me."

"Mack, please. The ball is in my mother's court here. You didn't do anything wrong - especially to her. She's just being overprotective and frankly I'm embarrassed about the whole thing. She knows how I feel about you and she has known for a long time that you were going to be in my life forever. So she's the one who needs to apologize and figure her shit out, not you."

Mackenzie just offered a complacent smile. Of course Nate was right - it did make her feel a smidge better just knowing he was so certain about the future of her relationship with Anne Archibald. It was overwhelming none-the-less.

Nate noticed she was getting lost in her thoughts. "Hey - where did you just go?"

Mackenzie shook her head, letting a smile grow on her face as she looked over at Nate.

Nate, her fiance.

Nate, her fiance! There would be a time in her future where she would say _husband_ and then maybe even _the father of my children._

"Just trying not to spiral as I think about the future. Our future. But that's not really a bad thing, don't worry." She reached over and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt, pulling him in close towards her and down to lay horizontally on the bed.

Nate shuffled to straddle her waist. "I've been thinking about the future, too. Because after a wedding comes a honeymoon."

"You're thinking about a future vacation while we're on vacation?" Mackenzie giggled as Nate's hands roamed across her body.

"I'm thinking about a private beach under the hot sun, lounging around with my wife.." He said slowly, pausing to shrug out of his sweater. He stretched out his arms then trailed them up her torso underneath her t-shirt.

Mackenzie bit her lip. "Sorry - can you say that last part again? Lounging around with your.."

A coy smile crossed Nate's face and he leaned down, moving his hands further against her skin and hovering just above her lips. " _My wife_."

Mackenzie whimpered into his kiss, lips crashing together like they hadn't just spent the entire morning in bed doing this already. As if they hadn't spent _a lot_ of time horizontal during the last week, either. She didn't mind - not at all. Nate whispered plenty of inappropriate things as he kissed her and explored her and touched her.

This time it felt different though - it felt like more, it felt especially substantial and purposeful. It felt like a promise.

* * *

The plane ride home was certainly bittersweet. Even though they hadn't been planning that vacation for a long time, to see it come and go so quickly left both Mackenzie and Nate feeling a bit deflated.

Mackenzie slept for most of the trip and when she woke up, she watched Nate rapidly typing and scrolling through any emails he may have missed during his break. She had been pretty impressed he let himself be so disconnected though she couldn't fault him for wanting to play catch up now.

"Everything okay?" Mackenzie leaned over and pressed a kiss to Nate's cheek, glancing down at his screen.

"Mostly, yeah," Nate replied with a long sigh. "Leo managed fine without me. There's just.." His lips tightened into a straight line and he leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something."

Mackenzie raised an eyebrow at his change in tone. "What's going on?"

He shifted to look towards her, pausing to look to the chairs ahead and behind them. He lowered his voice as he started to explain. "A few weeks ago, we started a thorough investigation into Richard Peterson."

Mackenzie shook her head. "The Congressman?"

Nate nodded but continued on. He launched into the brief story about how he printed some information about Peterson last year - the big legal mess his grandfather had to bail him out of. Mackenzie did her best to follow but she felt like he wasn't telling her something.

"Nate," she started quietly. "What's really going on?"

He chewed on his lower lip for a brief moment then carried on. "Peterson has a few different businesses under his umbrella and we did some digging into him. Do you remember when that delivery truck crashed into the warehouse? That company has a location out in Red Hook. One of Peterson's brothers owns the property."

"I'm guessing that isn't a coincidence."

Nate huffed out a quiet laugh. "Neither is the fact that the storage and maintenance company that takes care of my company plane operates on the same block, too."

Mackenzie's eyes grew wide. "Nate! Your plane? That's-

"I know, I know." Nate grabbed her hand and rubbed his thumb against her palm. "We've switched our service company and storage to a different location now. It's just becoming more and more clear that Peterson is still mad about what happened and seems to have an issue with The Spectator, too."

"And you think investigating him further is going to stop all that!?"

"I'm hoping it will put him in jail, actually. Vanessa put me in touch with some of his former interns and -

"You trust Vanessa as a source?"

Nate sighed. "Yes. I do. She has nothing to gain from being dishonest with me."

Mackenzie pursed her lips. She so appreciated Nate's moral compass and his integrity. He poured his heart and soul into producing valuable, honest journalism but this entire situation wasn't sitting well. "Nate." She squeezed his hand and shut her eyes. "This just feels risky or dangerous or something." She brushed her tongue across her lips and leaned in closer to look at him. "You'll be safe, right? Through all of this?"

"Yes, of course," Nate responded, tugging her hand closer so he could kiss her hand. "My entire legal team is involved to make sure everything is by the books. I just need to get buy in from the board before we really press forward but this is big. It could really lay the foundation for The Spectator's future as a news resource."

Mackenzie still had a million questions about it but she decided to swallow them down and let him return to his laptop. She had a worrisome feeling in the pit of her stomach and it wasn't going to go away for a long time. Maybe never. This was only one part of Nate's entire career and she knew that jumping into politics was going to be just as complicated and controversial at times.

She laid back in her chair once more and hoped to just sleep for the rest of their trip back to New York. She'd have to face that monster of fear and security another day.

* * *

The minute their plane touched down on the ground in New York, Mackenzie was calling Jenny to tell her about the engagement news, even though it was nearly midnight. Mackenzie was incredibly nervous the news would leak out in some other way so she wanted to make sure at least her sister knew before she heard about it from anyone else.

Then, they collected their luggage, grabbed a taxi and headed home. The time change was going to mean a few days of adjusting and getting back to normal but more than anything, Nate and Mackenzie were both looking forward to crawling into their own bed.

Morning came quickly - mainly because Mackenzie's phone was buzzing again and again and again. She muttered a few profanities as she rolled over in bed. Nate did the same thing and grabbed his own phone, which was also buzzing.

"Oh shit," Nate muttered quickly through his yawn. "Page Six."

Mackenzie let out a low groan as she looked over at her phone. She had been pretty relieved that her disagreements with Nate and the issues at the loft with Maya had been swept under the rug entirely by anyone outside of their circle. Yet, one pause at the luggage carousel in JFK - where it was very clear Mackenzie was displaying a shiny piece of jewelry on her left ring finger - seemed to have been caught by someone and a photo had been shared.

And shared and shared and shared.

"Tell me again why news about our engagement matters to the people of New York?" Mackenzie was very awake now, scrolling through missed text messages on her phone. She felt a pang of guilt when she saw texts from her dad and Dan and Serena and Viv - people she would have preferred delivering the news to in person.

Nate just sighed. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek then climbed out of bed, phone at his ear. "Hey dad.. yes, we had a great trip…" His conversation floated away as he left the bedroom, following a curious Max towards the kitchen for some breakfast.

Mackenzie, meanwhile, continued to stare down at her phone. She fired off a few responses to the texts sitting in front of her, expressing her sheer excitement and gratitude for the support. But her eyes kept going right back to that dumb Page Six photo.

" _...Archibald has only been with Mackenzie Humphrey since September so some might speculate this engagement is a political move leading up to his mayoral campaign. But it would be untrue to say we aren't excited to see what this wedding will look like! Archibald is the Editor In Chief and…"_

Mackenzie had to remind herself this is what she signed up for. Being connected to Nate didn't come without stupid things like this - he was part of an infamous Old Money family and this was only the beginning. She took a deep breath and finally put her phone down, making her way towards the shower to start her day.

When she was finally dressed, she met Nate in the kitchen where he had already poured her a coffee. He had his laptop open on the counter in front of him, clearly starting his work day even before the sun was up.

"My dad wants us to come over for dinner this week," Nate said with a smile. "To celebrate."

"Oh. And what does your mom want?" Mackenzie countered with a laugh, running a hand through her hair before resting her chin on Nate's shoulder. "Dinner sounds great. Uncomfortable, sure. But we may as well try and get past this."

Nate smirked. "Well, aren't you diplomatic."

"Didn't you hear?" She paused to raise her left hand up. "This ring is only weighing my hand down because I want to be First Lady one day."

He rolled his eyes and turned to face her. "Don't believe the garbage on Page Six, Mack." He reached for her hand and held it in his. "I know you're only marrying me for my body, anyway."

She broke into a playful smile and closed in the space between them. "You caught me."

Mackenzie left soon after - she had a long day ahead of catching up on her work emails and sorting things out for her upcoming trip. She was so grateful to have spent so much time with Nate over the holidays but she knew it would be good to get back into a routine. Though she had only been running the Bass Foundation for a few months, she was looking forward to a fresh year with some big fundraising opportunities and a wealth of new events.

In fact, she wanted to look at her entire life with a renewed purpose in the New Year. She was never the type to have resolutions or goals but considering how different her life was now versus a year ago, she had a lot of gratitude and appreciation for what the future could bring.

Working at the foundation was fulfilling - perhaps it wasn't what she thought she might be doing but it did give her a sense of purpose. She often wondered what five years in the future looked like - if she was still going to be running the foundation or perhaps moving on to bigger things. That was something she and Chuck hadn't discussed but she knew he would be understanding if she ever moved on.

The day flew by - between cleaning up her inbox and reviewing year end financials, she hardly came up for air. By the time evening rolled around, she was racing to catch a cab to make it to the Bass Industries building before the board meeting. Mackenzie sat on the board as a representative of the foundation, but had no voting authority. She mainly attended to give an update on their financials and upcoming media opportunities.

Mackenzie hurried into the board room, shrugging off her coat and sliding into a chair near the end of the table. Chuck smiled at her from the other end of the room before he got started. The meeting was pretty uninteresting - mostly a review of their last financial audit and a recent quarterly report, focusing on their growth in the construction sector.

As the meeting wrapped, Mackenzie stayed in her seat and accepted a short glass of whatever Chuck was drinking. He dropped into the seat beside her and raised his glass. "I hear congratulations are in order?"

Mackenzie blushed and clinked her glass, laying her left hand out on the table. "I'm taking your best friend off the market."

Chuck grinned, genuinely. "Good. _The Cut_ can take him off their eligible bachelors list finally." He exhaled sharply and raised an eyebrow. "But I take it there is a reason why you haven't rushed home to your fiancé."

Mackenzie nodded and took a deep breath. "I want to know why you're meeting with The Meadows Group next week." It had been one of the points mentioned in Chuck's pipeline update - some sort of new strategy plan he was trying for acquisitions.

Chuck pursed his lips. "Because Timothy Meadows is majority shareholder at our main equipment processing plant and it makes financial sense to consider purchasing."

"You realize his wife is Carolyn Meadows? Representative on the Republican National Committee and the National Rifle Association?"

"I'm well aware. Why are you repeating her resume to me?" Chuck stood up, trying to hide his annoyance with Mackenzie's questions.

"Chuck." Mackenzie turned and watched as he moved around the room. "Bass Industries should not be in bed with the NRA."

Chuck laughed as he started to collect his things. "C'mon Mackenzie. You realize this is a business I'm trying to run, correct? A financial alignment doesn't mean Bass Industries is _in bed_ with the National Rifle Association." He stilled and narrowed his gaze. "Where is this coming from?"

Mackenzie let out a long exhale. Truthfully, she had been thinking a lot about the unnecessary gun violence she had experienced in her lifetime and she was starting to think better things could be done. It was a conversation she had with Nate already - about gun regulations and reform. She was grateful they were on the same page with their ideals - though she doubted the rest of Nate's right leaning family felt the same way.

_This is coming from being in a school shooting! And from your psycho ex-finance guy holding us at gun point! And being robbed in the middle of the night - at gun point! And facing off with Maya - at gun point!_

She took a deep breath.

Chuck grabbed his folio from the table. "Just trying to dive in and be a worthy politically adjacent wife to Nathaniel?"

Mackenzie scoffed and stood up. "No. That's not fair and you know that. I just think the Bass Industries reputation could always use some strengthening and aligning with strong supporters of the NRA could send a certain message."

"Listen, Mackenzie. I appreciate your opinion - truly. But this is just a preliminary meeting and discussion. I assure you the Bass Industries communications team can direct us with guiding our reputation. It doesn't really involve the Foundation."

Mackenzie bit her tongue and chose her words carefully as she continued. "I just want to make my position here clear. And despite what you think, everything Bass Industries does reflects the foundation. In fact, last year we directly funded nearly fifty thousand dollars to help domestic violence victims. Not to mention one of The Haven's values is to create a safe space and community to keep kids out of street gangs and -

"Mackenzie." Chuck's tone was losing any playfulness as he looked towards her. "I'm fully aware of what _my_ foundation does. I understand your apprehension and like I said, I appreciate your opinion. But for the time being, please leave this alone." He swept across the room and paused in front of her, offering a smile once more. "Congratulations again. I'm sure Blair will want to have you two over soon to celebrate - Henry will be over the moon." He reached for his buzzing phone, face flat. "If you'll excuse me."

Mackenzie sat alone for a few minutes after Chuck left, trying to unpack the unusual sense of anger that he stirred up in her. Maybe that hadn't been the right time for the conversation to occur but she didn't like Chuck's condescending tone. She finally glanced at her own phone and saw a message from Nate explaining he needed to stay late at the office. She wasn't the least bit surprised by that.

She also had a message from Viv inviting her out for drinks. Truthfully, Mackenzie was pretty emotionally wiped and didn't think midweek drinks were the best idea. But she also didn't want to go home to an empty apartment without Nate, either. So she confirmed plans with her friend and headed out.

* * *

Nate's entire day breezed by - not in a good way but in a draining, incredibly productive way. For months now, he kept thinking about how January is when things were going to pick up. Turns out he wasn't wrong - between the Peterson investigation and the normal workload of a political news resource, things were already feeling busier than he anticipated. He was grateful for Leo and his team in Washington who were spearheading most of the grunt work but he knew he was going to be thrown into the thick of it again soon enough.

Plus, Kenneth was starting their weekly meetings again and really starting to mold what the spring and summer were going to look like before his official campaign launch.

It was a lot.

On top of that, planning a wedding. At least that was something enjoyable to think about.

Nate took a sip from his now cold coffee cup on his desk then leaned back in his chair, reaching to loosen his tie. He had so many things to tackle before he could head home yet he was already pretty checked out. A knock at the door proved to be enough of a distraction and he welcomed whomever was on the other side in.

He was surprised to see his grandfather waltz in, shutting the door tightly behind him.

"Nathaniel." William's greeting came out in a less-than-warm manner, smiling just enough to prove himself human as he sat down across from Nate's desk. "I hope you don't mind me popping in."

Nate sighed and shook his head. He gently closed his laptop and leaned forward onto the desk, offering a smile to his grandfather. "Yeah, no problem. Just saying hello?" Nate knew very well his grandfather didn't just _pop in_.

"I wanted to deliver my congratulations in person on your engagement," William responded, extending one leg over the other and crossing his hands in his lap. "I'm so glad to see you with someone who makes you happy."

"Oh, I was under the impression you didn't think Mackenzie was suitable for me." Nate pushed his tongue along his lips, pursing them together and raising an eyebrow.

"Now, I never said that. She made quite the impression on Cherry so I know she must be a good one."

It did warm Nate's heart to know that his grandmother liked Mackenzie. But he knew this visit was not a social call.

"What's this really about?"

William choked out a brief laugh and shook his head. "I had lunch with Mr. Whitehall today and he mentioned something about a story you're working on about a Congressman." Nate sighed as his grandfather continued. "I understand you might have the buy in of Whitefall and the rest of the board but Nathaniel, I think you're making a grave mistake with this investigation."

"I have plenty of reason and evidence that -

"Nathaniel." William shifted and leaned forward, slapping one of his hands onto the top of Nate's desk. "If this story derails, your political future would disappear. You barely have your foot in the door and your numbers with the current voters has you only marginally ahead. You need to think this through."

Nate sighed and shook his head again. "I have thought this through - for a long time. He's the reason why there was damage to our printing house, he's the reason my _plane_ malfunctioned and -

William waved a hand to cut him off. "I understand that. I do. You are treading on very thin ice here. This is the only time I will warn you - you can't just worry about yourself and this publication and website anymore. Your future is at stake and I don't mean just politically. You have your future wife to worry about, too."

Nate muttered a few choice words under his breath as his grandfather finally left. He leaned back in his chair again, twirling a pen between his fingers.

Everything he did he considered Mackenzie and their future together. The future of their relationship, their future children and family. That was always at the forefront. For his grandfather to suggest otherwise left a twisting feeling in the pit of his stomach. Nate firmly believed in his moral compass - he trusted when necessary and did his research when it was most important. This investigation felt like the right thing to do - morally and ethically. He needed to prove that and he knew he was going to.

He reached for his phone, dismissing the notifications that had popped up. Instead, he smiled at the background image on his homescreen - the selfie he had taken with Mackenzie while they were skating down the canal.

That had been a perfect moment, something he wanted to etch into his mind and heart forever.

_You have your future wife to worry about, too._


End file.
